When You're Evil
by Scourge of Europe
Summary: What happens when Angel gets shot and split in two by Toth? Both versions of him come back to Sunnydale of course, not both of them with good intentions. Based on BtVS ep 5x3, crossover with Angel. BA. Complete! Sequel up and coming.
1. SPLIT MINDS

**WHEN YOU'RE EVIL**

_Spoilers: Everything up to the beginning Buffy season 5 and Angel season 2 in this fiction, but I think it's best if you've seen all of season 5 and 2. The story begins after Angel 2x3 and Buffy 5x3, however the Scoobies never met Toth. Let's just say... he decided to take a little trip to Tinseltown first... Giles owns the Magic Box and has it open for customers, Anya is working for him – this happened in 5x5 so it's a little ahead of time, but, well, this I my fiction, so I rule! _

_Summary: What if the last member of the Tothric clan never made it to Sunnydale and Buffy? What if he encountered Angel in LA instead? And what if it wasn't as easy as "let the spell be broken" to put the two entities back together again…Spins away from there. Based on the BtVS episode The Replacement. Crossover with Angel._

_Rating: Probably R-ish – it will be dark at times, there will be murder, character death, maybe a little torture, probably bad language, possibly adult situations. It has Angelus, I think that's saying enough… _

_Pairings: B/A. Some hints of X/A and W/T, Buffy/Angel is in focus and I'm not sure I will take the time to focus on any other pairings. _

_Feedback: Yes, please! This is the first fic that I have actually decided to publish, so feedback is greatly appreciated. _

_A/N: My very first fic, written early 2004 – since then it's been rewritten and edited for the better. It's already done and I'm well in to writing a sequel, but since I'm editing it, I will post as I rewrite. _

_Disclaimer: Let me make it simple. Me not own. Joss co own, but me borrow, so – me glad._

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**CHAPTER 1: SPLIT MINDS**

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"You called yourselves… Nighthawk?" Riley looked at Xander, not sure what to think.

"Well, that was just my nickname," he explained. "The Willow, Cordelia and Oz had other..." he swallowed. "Names that we don't need to talk about." He nodded. "They had their own nicknames." Riley nodded slowly.

The gang – Buffy, Riley, Xander, Anya and Willow were standing around a table at the Bronze. It was late, the live band had left for the night and the music had changed to miscellaneous songs from a CD player, but the dance floor was still pretty crowded.

They were currently discussing the concept of ordinary humans going on patrol. The subject had come up when Buffy had happened to mention that she wouldn't want Riley to patrol on his own unless he had his super power left over from the Initiative, and since then it had spun in a completely different direction. Xander and Willow were telling them stories from the summer 1998, when Buffy was in LA.

Luckily, so far they had avoided, or maybe just happened not to mention why she had left town. Buffy hoped that it would stay that way. She knew that Riley was touchy when it came to the subject of Angel. He had been ever since she first told him about their relationship – even more so after the two had encountered and Angel had proven Riley's physical inferiority. Maybe she was just imagining things, but Buffy was pretty sure the whole thing had become even more sensitive to him since that incident with Dracula a few weeks ago. He didn't say much, but something was wrong, she could tell.

He smiled at her. She smiled back absently, not actually hearing what he said.

"Right, Buffy?" She looked at him.

"What?"

"I just said that even though supernatural assistance on patrol might be most effective, I think that you've found me useful." He grinned slightly. "In more than one way." She smiled a little.

"Oh. Yeah, right." Riley extended his hands and took one of hers between them, massaging it.

"Are you alright? You seem a little out of it tonight."

"I'm fine."

"So, what's Tara doing tonight? Did she stay home?" Xander asked Willow. She nodded.

"Yeah, she's in the dorm room." She smiled. "I mean, _our _dorm room. She just moved the last of her stuff in today; I think she wanted to get everything unpacked as soon as possible. I offered to help, but she thought I should go out with you instead."

"Well, you can just invite her another night."

"Yeah." She turned to Buffy. "So, are you dorming up at all this semester? Or are you staying at home?" Buffy shrugged.

"I would, to save a little cash, but no – with the spazzy younger sibling inhabiting the residence, I'm thinking I'd rather not. I've signed up for a single room this semester. Not cheap, I tell you, but I figure it's worth it. I can't tell you how much I'm NOT in for another Kathy-thing," she grimaced. No, getting another randomly selected roommate definitely wasn't an option. She shook her head.

"No, I'm all solo-Buffy this year." Willow nodded and side glanced at Riley, who suddenly had become very busy fiddling with his drink. She debated whether to say anything but quickly decided against it. If Buffy wanted to live with Riley, she would have told him herself.

"So, what did Giles say on your meeting today?" She asked instead to move on from the housing subject. "Any scaries or big evil a brewin?" Buffy shook her head.

"Nah, seems like we're in a no-evil phase at the moment. Who knows, maybe this will actually be a quiet fall?" Willow nodded enthusiastically.

"For once," she added. "I'd say it's about time for one of those."

"Ladies, do you actually believe that yourselves?" Xander smirked. "These last four years, we've dealt with the average of two impending apocalypses per year, and something tells me that there won't be any shortage in the future, unless of course the Hellmouth declares bankruptcy."

"Two per year?" Riley asked, swallowing. "You haven't told me it was THAT much."

"No?" Buffy said. "Well, you know, there was the Master and his wacky Hellmouth-opening-plans, and, uh, the Judge, and…"

"Angel," Xander supplied, picking up his drink, sipping it. Riley frowned. Buffy had told him that Angel went evil and killed people, but the apocalypse part of it was new.

"And the sisterhood of Jhe," Buffy continued quickly. "Remember them? And the Mayor… And ooh, remember those 'bones of child' demons who wanted to open the Hellmouth, what were they called… um, Valhalla?" Xander snorted with laughter and began to cough as he choked on his drink.

"Vahrall," Willow provided, pounding Xander in the back.

"Yeah," he wheezed, recovering. "But who knows, maybe they were Norsemen? 'Cause, I've heard Swedish people can be pretty scary." Anya scowled and swatted him in the arm.

"Hey!" He winced from her blow.

"Okay – ow. What was that for?" He rubbed his arm.

"I happened to be Swedish before I became a vengeance demon," Anya said in an accusing voice.

"Mmm, and gee, how could I get the idea that Swedes are scary from you?" he grimaced, putting his arm around her and kissing her heartily on the cheek. She smiled, satisfied for the time being.

"Did you also happen to hear the saying 'like a Viking in the sack'?" she whispered huskily. "Which you are, by the way."

"Mm, okay, moving on now," Buffy suggested.

"What? You're just jealous because your boyfriend isn't a Viking in the sack," Anya shot back. Both Buffy and Riley inched uncomfortably.

"There's nothing wrong with my boyfriend," Buffy said stiffly, not comfortable discussing her sex life with Anya. "Of course, I haven't actually ever been with a Viking, so I wouldn't know for sure…" Anya nodded.

"Right. I mean, Riley is an Iowa boy and Angel was more of a… what was he again?"

"Demon," Xander supplied.

"Well, I know that!" she protested. "I meant where he came from."

"Fiery depths of hell?" Xander suggested. "That's where demons come from, right?" Anya scowled and opened her mouth to say something else.

"Ireland," Buffy cut off. "He's Irish."

"Huh. So he's an Irish demon then," Xander replied. He considered that for a moment. "Not to mistake in any aspect with the wee Irish fear demon from last Halloween, one assumes. 'Cause… that just wouldn't… work," he said, realizing too late that maybe he had gone a little too far. Anya studied Buffy, who was blushing, and Riley for a second as both of them stared deeply into their mugs.

"Very unseemly. Too private," she said silently to Xander. He nodded.

"Thank you. Got it."

They were silent for a few moments as a new song started. Old memories hit Buffy when Sophie Zelmani's low-key voice sounded out the first few lines of "I'll remember you":

"Hey, this is a nice song. Wanna dance?" Riley smiled at her and made a move to put his arms around her waist, trying to overcome the uncomfortable tension from before. She grimaced slightly and pulled away.

"You know what? Another time. I – um, it's just that I promised Giles I'd patrol tonight, I wanna do a sweep before it gets too late." Riley nodded.

"You're right. Duty before fun, I'll go with you."

"No, don't!" He was immediately taken aback, lowering his gaze. Buffy winced. Was her nice girlfriend tone of voice on everlasting sabbatical nowadays?

"I just mean, don't," she continued more softly. "I need to cover a lot of ground tonight, and – and I promised my mom I wouldn't be home too late." She put on her jacket. "Talk to you tomorrow, okay?" Riley nodded, trying to hide his disappointment.

"Yeah, maybe if you have time, we could hook up and do something tomorrow?" Buffy nodded quickly.

"Good night," Riley went on. "Be careful out there." He kissed her quickly. She smiled and turned to go.

"That was strange," Anya commented.

"This is an Angel-y song," Willow said as soon as Buffy had disappeared, as if to explain her friend's sudden disappearance. Riley frowned.

"A what?"

"An Angel song. You know," she continued, reminiscing. "They played it here the first time he and Buffy met after she found out that he was a… well, you know."

"Gee, isn't that romantic," Xander said dryly.

"Yeah," Riley replied tonelessly, staring in the direction that Buffy went. "Very." He turned back to the group, trying to shut out the last few lines in the song that suddenly got a completely new meaning.

"_I'll remember you, you will be there in my heart,  
I'll remember you, but that is all that I can do,  
But I'll remember"  
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At the same time about 90 miles or so away, Angel stepped down hard on the gas pedal and let the Plymouth accelerate on the long stretch of empty street before him. Now, while the positive sides of being a vampire were few and far between, this was one of them. Working by night. Not that Los Angeles was ever completely dormant, but the traffic during the night was far from as demanding during his working hours as when the sun was high on the sky.

All too soon, he had to slow down for a sharp right turn, losing precious seconds in the pursuit of the demon he was following. As if that wasn't enough, he heard his cell phone chirp briskly from the back seat. He had banished it there earlier when it had refused to stay still on the instrument panel – a move he now regretted.

Keeping his eyes on the road, he reached and grabbed it, cursing the fact that he had ever let Cordelia talk him into getting one of these in the first place. Well, now that he was putting up with it, he should answer. The call might be important, as Cordelia was forever telling him.

"Hello," he answered. "Cordelia, what is it?" Angel spotted the sign he had been looking for and eased the car into a dingy parking lot full of potholes and rocks, threatening to harm his car seriously if he didn't look out. "I'm at the motel now... What room? Yeah, I'm going in now, hopefully it's still there. I'll let you know. Yes, I know."

Breaking off any further conversation, he flicked the phone off and put it in his pocket. Even during that short call Cordelia had taken the time to point out the fact that it had taken him entirely too long to answer the call. What if she had called with important news? Angel sighed. Cordelia was a good friend, but sometimes she overdid the lectures.

Still, he had to admit that the phone had come in handy during this latest mission. Angel was on the trail of a Bucah beast – a vicious creature that had killed at least four people so far that they knew of, leaving tattered parts and remains behind. Cordelia's latest vision had shown it at this location, at a shabby motel, close only to abandoned industrial parks. Angel was determined to finally catch it this time and stop it from wreaking any more havoc.

Cordelia had given him the room number 13 which was near the end of the row. Not that it mattered really; this place couldn't have many guests. Angel couldn't see any light from room number 13, so with any luck maybe the Bucah was in there sleeping. Not wasting another second, Angel moved into position and kicked down the door, hoping to be able to use the element of surprise to his advantage. That surely would have worked fine; if the room hadn't been empty and abandoned.

"Damn it," he cursed, taking in the smell of the room. At least the demon had been there recently, he could clearly make out its ripe scent above the usual mixture of blood, sweat, food and other various human odors that always existed in motel rooms.

However, seeing as it wasn't there anymore, either he or Cordelia's vision must have been off on the timing. Or maybe the demon had sensed the danger and decided to hit the road as soon as it heard his car from the parking lot?

Frustrated Angel stepped away from the room, considering whether to return to the hotel or try to track the demon. He was tired. He was tired most of the time, nowadays, even though he rested more and hadn't worked very much during the last few weeks. It was the dreaming that sucked the energy out of him.

The dreaming… of her. Darla. The dreams were so vivid that he could swear that he had actually lived them – only he hadn't. He couldn't have, since Darla was dead and he always woke up in his own bed where he fell asleep. Even after he woke up he felt like she was close to him. Her touch, her scent… If this was his punishment for killing his sire, it was clearly delayed. Very delayed – like 3,5 years. It didn't make any sense. He hadn't told Wesley or Cordelia yet, he wasn't comfortable with sharing his problems.

He had almost decided to head back home when he spotted a creature quickly fleeing down the road. Relatively tall and skinny with long finlike arms and short legs – it was definitely the Bucah.

Immediately back into the game, Angel tore off in pursuit. He gained ground quickly on the short legged demon. Probably realizing that it stood no chance against him above ground, the Bucah made a bolt to the street and leaped down an open manhole into the sewer.

Angel wasn't far behind it when he entered the sewer. Underground though, he found himself at a great disadvantage. The demon moved quickly and lightly through the muck, its long arms aiding it, while Angel struggled forward with each step.

He was loosing ground, and even though he probably knew as much of the sewer system as the Bucah, it wouldn't do him much good if he couldn't keep up with it. He gamely flopped forward, refusing to give up so easily, even though his prey was now well ahead of him, disappearing around a corner and out of Angel's sight.

When he finally rounded the corner, Angel stopped in dismay. The tunnel was going two ways, and he had no clue which way the Bucah had gone. Above ground he would be able to track it by scent, but down here, the smell of sewer made it impossible.

He figured he might as well just pick a direction and hope it was right, as standing still and thinking about it wouldn't do any good. He quickly decided on heading left and splashed on. A few minutes of useless hunt later, he was ready to give up when he saw a flash of movement further down the tunnel. Encouraged, he hurried towards it.

After another few steps, the tunnel expanded into a large square-shaped area. Angel heard movement and spun around, expecting to see the Bucah, but instead found himself face to face with a tall, brownish demon armed with a long, rod-like weapon. It didn't look too happy.

Angel held up his hands. "Take it easy, I don't want any trouble here, okay. I'm looking for someone, and I don't think he's here. You just stand there and I'll be going back the way I... then again, maybe I won't."

The Bucah darted into his line of vision again before disappearing down the tunnel Angel had just come from. Forgetting about the other demon, Angel charged forward, hoping to catch the Bucah before loosing it again – and the strange demon fired. A bolt of energy shot out of its weapon and struck Angel in the back. He flew back and slammed into the tunnel wall, hitting his head.

Hurting from the impact and the shot of energy, Angel pushed himself to his feet. Evidently he had a second enemy now, and he couldn't stay on the ground without the risk of being killed where he lay. He hadn't really cared about the second demon originally, but being attacked hadn't exactly made him overly charitable.

As soon as the rod equipped demon saw that Angel had regained his footing, it roared and lunched at him, using the rod as a fighting staff. Pissed off and rather sick of chasing demons through sewers, Angel roared back at him and moved in.

He easily ducked the other demon's moves, snatching the weapon away from it and battering the creature with a series of swift kicks and punches. It took mere seconds before the demon howled and went to the ground motionless.

Angel eyed it suspiciously. That had been easy, far too easy considering that he had been injured and electrified before the fight began. Still, when he cautiously checked, he could confirm that the demon was dead.

No use in brooding over that – it must simply have been much more delicate than it looked. Angel peered out into the tunnel where the Bucah had disappeared. It was long gone now, no use wasting more time on it. With a mental shrug he dismissed it and collected the other demon's body to dispose of it above ground.


	2. THE DEVIL YOU KNOW

**CHAPTER 2: THE DEVIL YOU KNOW**

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A few hours later, down in the area of the sewer where Angel had fought the strange demon, a figure stirred… A figure that looked exactly like the vampire who had left earlier.

Angelus snapped his head up. Now, this was an interesting turn of events. He remembered the demon pointing its weapon at him – or, well, the souled version that was of course, him smacking the wall and then… nothing. It must have been a hard hit.

He felt the back of his head tryingly, and granted it felt pretty sore. The important question was how he had lost his soul through it. If there had been a moment of perfect happiness, he certainly had missed it, unless Angel had a completely fucked up vision of what happiness was. Maybe the self flagellating bastard thought a good blow to the head was side-splitting.

Oh well. Angelus shook himself and stood up. Despite the slight headache, he felt pretty damned good. Calm. Relaxed. Evil. However it had happened, he was sure he had lost the soul completely. He couldn't feel it anywhere, repressed and out of order, like when that stupid actress bitch had fed him Doxymall. No, this was the real deal.

He wasn't stupid, of course. Angelus realized that the demon's weapon must have done something to help him shed the fluffy soul. After all, there hadn't been any horny, innocent little slayers around to do the trick for him this time. He smirked to himself at the memory.

Quickly scanning the area, Angelus found a piece of the demon's rod weapon lying nearby, but the others were lost in the mire of the sewer. He pocketed the single piece for later research and left the same way he had used to get down into the sewers.

He went back to the parking lot where he remembered leaving his car earlier, but it had apparently been stolen. Well, not that it surprised him. Angel was always parking in some shitty part of town. Last time it had been stolen, which was only a few weeks ago, at least it had been Cordelia parking it.

Cordelia. There was a thing or two he would relish in doing to that body. He thought about it for a moment. He had things to follow on in Sunnydale. In fact, he had a whole lot to follow up on there, considering that the last time he had enjoyed torturing the gag inducing small town, his plans had been infuriatingly stopped short by ensouling and hellgoing. The red headed witch would pay for stuffing him full with soul again. And Buffy, dear old Buff. How he would enjoy breaking her.

Since that time the Soul had posed as him once, something he didn't really appreciate. It had given him a few ideas though. Posing as the counterpart could be fun, couldn't it? Now, capturing the girl and tying her up for a little torture was old fashioned, but since when had that stopped him?

That settled it. After a short walk away from the dingy parking lot he quickly decided on a car to steal and brushed away from Los Angeles, heading up the coast. After all, nothing was sweeter than dealing with unfinished business.

* * *

Considering the late hour, it didn't surprise Angelus that the Summers residence was dark and quiet when he steered into the driveway. Not that it was a problem, he could still get to Buffy. The only question was how he should do it. 

How would the measly souled version do? Step inside and wait for her to wake up, he guessed, at least when was her lapdog that was. How would HE do? Hmm, sneak in, paint pictures of her sleeping form and leave before she woke up… Just enough chilling evidence that HE was back to tear her apart completely. But no, he had already done the picture thing, and besides, he was feeling up for a bit of physical torture right now.

Somewhere deep down in his mind, the unpleasant yet nagging thought that just maybe there were important things about this recent soul shedding that he didn't know anything about… He had hit his head hard before, but it hadn't done anything about the conscience status. What had really happened? Something was clearly up, somehow he doubted that the rod bearing creature actually had zapped the soul out of him just like that. If he was really going to turn back, a thought that made him wince with disgust, he wanted to wreak as much havoc during the amount of time that he had on his hands.

So the plan was that he would pose as his stumped alter ego to get Buffy outside without too much struggle. Not that he minded struggle… but he didn't want it here. It would lead to waking up the other whiny Summers women, Senior and Junior, both equally repulsive. If they woke up he would have to kill them as well, and that was just moving a little too quickly. No fun in a mass slaughter unless it was a well estimated mass slaughter.

Why would Angel come to Buffy in the middle of the night without calling or announcing his arrival? Something serious happening. He would be too retarded to take the chance to step inside, even though Angelus was completely convinced that no de-invitation spell had been performed, but he would get as close as possible.

Angelus quickly decided on his action and climbed the tree by Buffy's window and peeked inside. Watching her from his spot at so many times earlier, he could see that she was sleeping soundly. Well, no more of that.

Putting on his best "something killed my puppy and now the world is in peril" face, Angelus tapped the window three times and waited. Buffy only stirred slightly. Angelus frowned. Was she too tired from screwing her farmboy all night maybe? Not that he was there – now, that had been a reason for immediate bloodshed – but he could smell the slight reek of him even from outside the window.

He knocked again. Her eyes twitched. At the sight of him, she suddenly widened her eyes and sat up in bed. Avoiding an imminent smirk in triumph when he saw her confused expression, he turned it to an even deeper scowl to keep up appearance. He could smell all sorts of feelings on her.

She was clearly bewildered, maybe a tad annoyed – if it was because it was him or because he had woken her up, he wasn't sure, and of course, the usual stench of love and attraction. No matter how hard she spoke her words and how stone cold her face was, that never failed. Not even when she knew he was evil. God, that girl was easy.

Hoping that she couldn't actually see the difference in his eyes, he looked sorely at her when she opened the window.

"Angel? What are you doing here?" Her voice was still a little drowsy with sleep. Without further thought Angelus went on with the charade, realizing that it was easier than usual to keep his anger and predator instinct in check. Maybe a little easier than it should be…

"Something's happened…" he began vaguely, hoping that he didn't sound too cheerful. Well, something HAD happened, just not something to sound sullen about.

"What's wrong? What's happened?" She made no move to come outside. Her clearly false unconcerned look flustered him. He could smell worry and care all over the place, why was she trying to hide it from him?

"I, um… I think it's best if you come outside with me," he tried to explain. "I-I don't want to wake up your mother or your sister." Some of the old gag inducing warmth returned to Buffy's eyes. Sweet Angel, always so caring. Pfft.

"I'll be right out."

A few minutes later Buffy came outside. Waiting next to the car, Angelus was sure to pose himself like the Soul. Hanging his head slightly, shoulder slumped, avoiding following her eagerly and hungrily with his piercing hard gazing. Sorrow in his eyes instead of glee…

Still, he didn't find it as hard as usual, which was strange. Now, the usual sense of intoxicating evil and sadism was still there, but it was like something in his mind kept a lid on it. Very similar to how he felt when he had the soul. It wasn't just the presence of a soul that kept Angel from saying "screw redemption" and do whatever he wanted, it was the sickening "holier than thou" self-mastery that he had achieved over the years. Angelus didn't like the feeling.

"Now tell me," Buffy said as soon as she reached him. "What's happened that is so important you have to knock at my window at 5 AM?"

"Why don't we go sit in my car and talk about that?" Angelus gestured towards the stolen vehicle.

Buffy shrugged, obviously not suspecting anything. "All right."

As Buffy turned, Angelus struck, hitting her hard in the back of her head. She slumped to the ground, unconscious. He had hit her just hard enough to knock her out. She'd be fine; she was a slayer after all. He just needed her out of commission long enough to set his plan in motion.

* * *

Angelus was pleased to see that the Crawford Street mansion was still set up with the supplies he needed for the first part of his plan – torture instruments. The same tools he had used on Rupert that time, they were still lined up in the box where he had left them. Apparently his souled ego had never touched them. He left them there for the time being. He wanted to make sure that nothing warned Buffy about his transformation when he woke up. He shackled her to the wall with the chains that were already there and then sat down on the couch maybe six feet or so away from her. 

It didn't take very long for her to stir. Her eyelids fluttered before she woke up completely and she immediately turned her gooey eyed gaze towards Angelus and smiled.

"Angel," she said softly, as if this was a dream she'd had every night since he left her. Come to think of it, being as soft as she was, maybe she had. When he only looked at her, lips twitching with a smirk, she stiffened slightly and pressed herself against the wall, realizing that she was tied up.

"Angel?"

"If that's what you'd like to call me, then sure. After all, you never used my real name the last time around, did you." He kept his expression serious, letting reality slowly sink in. He could hear her heart speed up, her blood run cold with the horrifying realization. It was wonderful.

"No…" she uttered weakly.

"Should we play this scene out again? What do you think, lover?" He got up from his seat and strode towards her. He could se her tremble slightly. "I never properly thanked you, for sending me to hell," he said, quoting Angel's words from when they were playing Faith. "I was thinking where should I start? Card? Fruit basket?" Standing only inches from her, he slammed his hands into the stonewall on either side of her head. "Evisceration?"

"No," she said again, shaking her head. "It can't be." Angelus dredged up a little maniacal chuckle and paced away from her.

"It can always be, Buff. You should know that."

"What are you doing here?" she managed. As if she didn't already know.

"Buffy. I'm hurt! Let's just say I decided to visit some old friends and say thanks for the last time around. I was thinking about going to see Rupert. I never got around to using the chainsaw." Buffy shook her head in disgust and horror.

"I didn't bring this on. Why don't you go stalk and maim the special someone that gave Angel his moment of happiness this time instead." Angelus grinned at her tone. She was hurt. She was even more hurt by the thought of Angel finding happiness again, with someone else, than scared by being held prisoner by him. Now that was nice to know.

"Buffy, what are you saying? As if any other woman could accomplish this. It takes that special innocent rookie style you used to be so good at. I'm not even sure you could pull it off anymore. I mean, so many months of _doing_ the farm boy?" He shook his head and held back a grin. His words definitely hit home. Buffy was cringing - fear, disgust and hatred coming off of her in waves.

"I hate you," she said simply.

"Thank you," he answered lightly.

"So how did it happen?" she spoke, not sure what to think.

"I think that's for me to know, and for you not to find out," Angelus said easily.

Were there other ways for him to loose his soul? Other loop holes in the curse? Buffy remembered Willow sharing what Cordelia had told her during their long talk that spring. Willow had helped her break an encryption on the computer and Cordelia had filled her in on the latest happenings in LA. Apparently Angel had lost his soul briefly, in a way, when he had been fed a drug that simulated bliss. Of course. That must be it.

Although, even if it fit perfectly, something didn't seem right about that. Cordelia had told Willow that Wesley – WESLEY – had stopped the high Angelus from slaughtering all of them by surprising him and knocking him down the elevator shaft. If he had fallen for that, he must have been in pretty bad shape. The Angelus standing in front of her was chillingly calm and moderate. Even more so than before, which was strange. Still, it was the only idea she had.

"I know," she said. "It must have been that drug again. That Proxydox-whatever stuff. Cordelia told us all about it, ant that the effects are only temporary. Angel should be back before sunset."

Angelus smirked. "I don't think so."

"Whatever. Fine, don't tell me. We'll figure it out." She was quiet for a moment. Oh no… If Angelus had come here, did that mean he had left carnage behind in LA? Cordelia and Wesley… "What did you do to them? Cordelia and Wesley…" Neither of them had been her best friends, but that didn't matter. She had understood that they had become close friends with Angel and if his evil alter ego had killed them, it would strike hard against him.

"Nothing," Angelus said calmly. Buffy narrowed her eyes. Was he telling the truth? Angelus used truth and lies to his advantage as he pleased, twisting them into suiting his purpose. "I didn't bother with them. I had more important matters to deal with here, we have unfinished business you and I, Buff," he continued.

Buffy winced at his too-familiar way to say her name. "Are you gonna kill me or just talk me to death?" she retorted to avoid any show of emotions, even though she knew he could sense it already. "Shall we go on with it, you want to drain me, put on your boogie-shoes and dance in my blood?"

Angelus cocked his head. "There's time for that too. You know I'm not much for quick deaths. You know my motto. Never go for the kill if you can go for the hurt…" A short laugh. "Well, in most cases…"

Every time the leering vampire strode past her, Buffy felt anger well up. She thought she was passed the torturous boyfriend stage. After all, that was why she had Riley. He may be a demon hunter, but in all other aspects, he was a normal man. Nice, kind, dull – never psychotic or soulless. What was the point of that if she still had to put up with visits from her stalking megalomaniac of an ex-honey?

Just as Angelus was about to say something else, she decided to take action. She was thrown and confused, but she was still the Slayer. As soon as he had his back turned, she jumped, using the chains to her advantage, and kicked him hard in the back of the head. Even though her position was compromised, it had been hard enough. Angelus slumped to the floor in an unconscious heap.

What now? She yanked her chains, but they didn't budge at all. She looked at the still form of Angelus. How had this happened to him? She suddenly felt a certain hopelessness washing over her. The main reason Angel had left her was out of fear of loosing his soul again. He wanted to protect her. Obviously, it had happened anyway, and no matter how far apart hey were, he wouldn't leave her alone.

Shaking off the uncomfortable feeling, she returned to her plan of escape. Was it too much to hope for Angel to have a cell phone? She reached down as far as the chains would allow her, grabbed him and pulled him up by the collar, feeling his pockets. To her surprise he actually had a phone on him. Things certainly had changed.

No key though, he must have put it somewhere else in case she pulled a trick like this. She could only hope that help would arrive before the surely to be pissed off demon waked up and confronted her.

Not wasting any more time, she dialed Giles' number. The reception wasn't good; she had to try twice just to get a dial tone. She counted several signals before he finally got up. Funny, when he was still working in the library, he would have been out and about for a while now. His "gentleman of leisure" phase obviously had left its mark even though he had just started up his new business.

"Hello?" a drowsy voice answered.

"Giles!" Buffy exclaimed. She saw Angelus shift slightly at her high pitched voice. Ready to strike again if he started to wake up, she went on in a lower tone.

"You have to come to the Crawford Street mansion, now. It's about Angel." She swallowed hard, already knowing how Giles felt about Angelus. "He's Angelus again. I don't know how, but… Giles?"

She stared at the phone. Dead. Great. She could only hope that he had caught enough to understand that he should come for her.

Still watching Angelus carefully, Buffy sighed. She shook the phone and managed to bring it back to life. She should call Angel's people in LA. She figured either Angelus had lied and they were dead, or they were alive – and if they were, knew didn't know about his transformation. She glanced at her watch, it was nearly 6.30. Would they be in the office now? She could only try.

She checked the cell phones address book and luckily found the number to Angel Investigations offices. It didn't take many signals for the other end to pick up.

"Hello?" Buffy froze in shock for a second. It was Angel's voice.

"Angel!" she cried out.

"Buffy?" came the confused answer.

"Angel, what are you… Uh-oh." The conversation was abruptly stopped when Angelus began moving. No doubt he had heard who she was talking to. Yanking the chain again, Buffy managed to kick the still dazed Angelus squarely in the head, making him sink to the floor again with a groan.

"Angel?" she spoke into the phone again. It was dead. Furious, she shook it and tried to turn it on. 'Low battery' the screen informed her. Great. Now she was even more confused, and stuck until Giles came – if he came that was. She glanced at Angelus and hoped that he would hurry up. Banishing the phone to the floor, she began the frustrating work of trying to free herself from her chains.


	3. A MONSTER THAT LIVES IN HER DREAMS

**CHAPTER 3: A MONSTER THAT LIVES IN HER DREAMS  
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Luckily, Giles had been able to catch enough of Buffy's call to learn where she was and that he was in a hurry. It didn't take long for him to arrive. As soon as he stepped inside the mansion, his gaze drifted to Angelus, who still lay unconscious on the floor. Not letting his eyes of the vampire, he hurried up to Buffy.

"Dear lord, Buffy. Are you alright? Did he touch you?" He spoke with his usual caring overtone of fatherly love and worry. Buffy smiled to reassure him.

"I'm okay." She made a motion to the back of her head. "He hit me, but it wasn't too bad as those things go. Otherwise the torment was only of the verbal kind. Think I got him back pretty well too, you know, with the head smacking" she said. Giles forced a thin smile, clearly relieved. When he turned his head back to Angelus, his expression instantly hardened.

"This is certainly something I didn't expect to see again," he said bitterly. "Do you know how it happened?"

"No, but something freaky is definitely going on. When I got to the phone I called LA to see if Cordelia and Wesley were okay. And you know who answered? Angel."

Giles frowned. "Are you sure it wasn't just the answering machine?"

"Positive. He said hello, then I said his name and he answered with my name. Then the damn phone went dead. How do you explain that? Not the phone part."

"Well I-I can't, not without more information," Giles admitted. He stared at Angelus. "Does he have a key on him?" Buffy shook her head.

"I couldn't find one. Figure it's gotta be nearby though."

It didn't take many minutes for Giles to locate the key that was hidden close to the door. He unchained Buffy and together they quickly moved Angelus in position and put him in the shackles instead.

"He was acting weird," Buffy mused, staring at the vampire that hung slumped against the wall. "He- well, I asked him how he lost his soul. He wouldn't tell me. That doesn't make any sense. If the curse was," Buffy hesitated, "you know, broken, he would want to try and hurt me by telling me."

"Yes," Giles agreed. "I must admit, I am rather flummoxed. I think we should call Los Angeles again, perhaps they can straighten matters out over there. Somehow, I doubt Angelus will provide us with any answers."

"Yeah. But like I said, his phone is dead, and I'm pretty sure the phone lines here are long gone. Yet another reason we should all carry cell phones," Buffy sighed.

After checking that Angelus was definitely still out cold Buffy did another check of his pockets and went out to look through his car while Giles guarded him. She found nothing of value. The car was probably not even his, she guessed by the things she found in it. In the glove compartment she found pictures of a young woman, a packet of cigarettes that was half full and a packet of condoms. She really hoped none of those things were Angel's…The locked suitcase in the trunk, labeled with a name she didn't recognize pretty much convinced her that Angelus had jut stolen the car before he drove to Sunnydale.

"Nothing," Buffy reported when she got back inside. "What now, should I go out and use a pay phone?"

Giles shook his head. "I think we should stay together for the time being. He should wake up soon, don't you think?"

"Yeah," Buffy agreed. "I didn't get to kick him that hard, unfortunately. Not from lack if wishing it, I assure you." Buffy sighed. "So I guess we wait."

They didn't have to wait for long; just a few minutes later Angelus started to move. Giles unconsciously back peddled a few steps. Buffy tensed. Soon the vampire felt his head and opened his eyes, glaring at Buffy and Giles.

"Well, how cute," he spat. "Buff and her sugardaddy."

Fear momentarily vanished, Giles took a few menacing steps forward, his hands clenching into fists. Seething with anger towards the demon in front of him, old and new fury could very well have driven him within Angelus' reach if Buffy hadn't been there. She grabbed Giles' arm and stopped him.

"Shut up Angelus," Buffy snapped. "I'm sick of your games. Now I suggest you tell us what you know."

Angelus gave her an amused look. "Or what? You'll kill me?"

"You can be sure we bloody well will," Giles sputtered. Angelus chuckled.

"Wait 'til they drop, Rupert, and try that line again." The smirk disappeared from his face. "Of course you won't. Buff wouldn't do that, not as long as there was a smidge of hope left to get her loved one back."

"You're not my loved one anymore," Buffy said, everything but the voice screaming otherwise. "Don't mistake me for the person I was two years ago."

"Right," Angelus dismissed. "At least agree it's not either of you two that usually do the killing when I'm in town. Isn't that right, Rupert?"

Buffy could see Giles starting to shake from anger. Luckily he kept a lid on his fury, but she didn't know how much of Angelus' taunts he could take. Angelus moved around as much as the chains would allow. He felt the back of his head and winced slightly.

"This has really got to stop happening to me. Getting smashed on the head is just fun that many times."

"Yes, well, if you wish to avoid another beating, perhaps you can explain how it is that you are here, and Angel apparently answered the phone over in Los Angeles," Giles said with a total lack of sympathy.

Angelus sighed. So he had heard correctly before. Pity. Well, this wasn't one of his theories of what could have happened when the demon used its weapon on him. Two of him? If that was right, that couldn't be good – at least not when one of them had the shitty soul to carry around.

"Being evil and all, I don't think I want to share anything with you," Angelus said, cocking his head. Something at the door caught his attention. "Why don't you ask him." Angelus glared at something behind them. Or someone.

Giles and Buffy turned to see Angel standing in the doorway, not exactly looking pleased. In fact, he looked grim enough for anyone who hadn't heard the shackled vampire speak question whether it was really the good version that just walked in the door.

Despite the situation, Buffy's heart made small leaps when she finally knew for sure that there was more to this situation than simply Angel loosing his soul. She was the first to speak. "Angel? How did you know we were here? Are Cordelia and Wesley okay?"

Angel kept his gaze fixed on his chained alter ego as he moved further inside the room. "They're both fine. I came because of your call, I was worried about you. I called your mother, and she didn't know where you were. Giles didn't answer, so I decided to get over here and see what was going on."

Buffy frowned. It was clearly Angel, complete with a soul standing in front of her, but something was wrong. He seemed short tempered and off balance. Then again, maybe it wasn't so strange – he was standing just feet away from his hated alter ego, after all. Not every day you get to stand face to face with everything you hate about yourself. Literally.

"How did you know where I was? I didn't really have the time to say anything on the phone."

"I'm not sure. When I came here, I felt something pulling me in this direction. Maybe him." Angel indicated his leering other self. "I don't know how the hell this happened, but I'm not about to look a gift horse in the mouth. I've been waiting a long time for the opportunity to get rid of him once and for all." Clutching the stake in his pocket he lunched forward.

"No!" Buffy and Giles yelled.

Angel froze mere inches from Angelus who was still as calm as ever. Either someone had fed him sedatives upon arriving in Sunnydale, or he was very sure about the fact that Buffy wouldn't let him get killed.

"What do you mean, no?" Angel asked angrily, stake still raised. "This is the chance we've all been waiting for. Situations like this don't fall in our laps every day."

"That is exactly why we mustn't react too hastily" Giles stressed. "We don't know how you and Angelus came to be separated or what effect harming one of you might have on the other."

Reluctantly Angel relaxed his posture and put the stake back in his pocket. "All right, find out what you need to and then let me stake him.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Angelus addressed his souled version.

"Nothing would make me happier," Angel snarled.

"Well, you better hope it doesn't make you TOO happy then, _Angel_," Angelus said, uttering Angel's name with particular disgust. "Cause, talk about a win-win situation for me."

Angel furrowed his brow into a deep scowl. "That can't be right, can it?" He asked Giles. "He's there – I'm here. Kill him and he's GONE."

"Well, I, um…" Giles didn't exactly know how to answer. He had no idea what had caused the separation and therefore couldn't say much about the conditions. "If it is at all even possible to-to kill only one of you… Well, I'm not sure how it would work out. Technically speaking, he – the demon, is always a part of you."

Angelus tapped Angel on the shoulder.

"Psst, I'll help you out and translate to moron; that means you can never be rid of me." He flashed a smirk. "Got it?"

"We will have to do some research" Giles broke off, avoiding another almost-staking from Angel's side. "Can you tell me anything that might give us an indication of what caused this?"

"I was chasing a demon," Angel said. "In the sewers. I never caught it though, I ran into some other creature. It had a weapon that shot energy

Intrigued, Giles nodded. "What kind of demon?"

"Not sure," Angel answered vaguely. "It was dark, and it wore a cloak. Brownish, kinda tall I guess. Not much to go on."

"Indeed. What happened to it?"

"I killed it, took the body above ground to dispose of." Without even turning to look, Angel smacked Angelus in the face backhandedly, hearing that he was testing his chains. "If he had noticed him there would have been something else to dispose of," he muttered. Angelus glared.

"Very well," Giles said. "Clearly we need a closer look at this demon. You remember where you buried it, don't you Angel? You'll have to get back there and dig it up so we can try to identify the species."

Angel looked away. "I didn't bury it." Giles frowned.

"What was that"

Angel cleared his throat and met Giles' gaze again. "I said, I didn't exactly bury it, I burned the body instead."

"Angel" Buffy called out. "Why would you do that? What were you thinking"

"Definitely not that I would need to save it for identification," he answered. "It was just another demon – one of hundreds that I've killed since I moved to LA. You if anyone should know what a pain it is to bury every single one of them, Buffy. In L.A. it's even harder than it is here, since you'd have to drive outside the city or find a quiet solitary park for burying them. Not to mention the fact that a couple of times, an apparently dead demon has clawed its way out of its grave to cause even more trouble for me. It's more effective to just burn the bodies." Buffy nodded understandingly.

"Yeah, you have a point there. That method could save me a lot of work, too. What do you think, Giles"

"I think that in this case, Angel's disposal method is of harm to us. However, it's not much to do about it now." Giles crossed to the nearest window and pulled aside the curtain to look out. "It's rather sunny outside. Do you think you can come with us for some research at the Magic Box anyway, Angel?"

Angel shrugged. "Sure, I'll just pull the coat over my head. But what about him?" He indicated the captive Angelus.

"He'll be fine here for the day. These chains are magically enhanced and I have the key. We'll need your assistance if we're to get anywhere, Angel."

He hesitated, and then nodded. "I guess you're right. With any luck, our findings will give us the go-ahead to stake our evil friend right out of existence."

"Anya is probably already there, preparing to open the store," Giles mused. "Perhaps we should call the others as well."

"Good idea, we should see if Willow, Xander and Tara can come" Buffy agreed.

"Riley is busy? After all, he knows a few things about demons and weapons," Giles said bluntly.

"I don't want to bother him for this," Buffy said, a little too quickly. Both Angel and Angelus looked at her – something she noticed but refrained from commenting. "He's – it's just, he has other things to do besides hanging with us on patrol and research all the time." That wasn't really true. In fact, Riley had very little to do right now, being out of the Initiative, and he had even suggested that they would get together and do something later during the day, but she wasn't going to tell Giles or Angel that.

"Now, if only we had a phone," she continued quickly.

"You can use mine," Angel offered, handing Buffy his cell phone. Buffy glanced at the non-functioning phone at the floor. It was an exact duplicate. The same one? Well, that wasn't possible... Was it?

"If this thing works as badly as his did, it won't be of much help," she commented.

After checking Angelus' chains carefully, the three of them departed for the Magic Box.

* * *

A few minutes after Angelus had heard Angel's and Giles' car disappear down the hill, Angelus reached into the hidden pocket inside his shirt where he had a spare handcuff key hidden. The do-gooders had been foolish enough to think that he would actually leave the only key in plain sight – well, it was their loss. Buffy had been far to busy with moving overly stiffly, touching him as little as possible when she searched him. 

It was amusing, really. At the same time the very same demon, although reduced to a fluffy kitten by a soul, stood right behind her and in that case, she was unable to even hide her urge to press herself against him. It was all just for the sake of appearances. She wouldn't admit to anyone, maybe especially herself, that the well-drilled Canada goose she was currently bringing to her bed didn't give her real any satisfaction at all – physical or otherwise. There was no danger, no heat. No passion.

She certainly wasn't going to show either Giles or Angel that she was still madly in love with him. Well, technically not HIM, more like Angel, but anyway. Of course, if the soul didn't come with a package complete with blindfold and raging stupidity, Angel knew just as well as him.

It wasn't hard to figure out all the reasons to why Buffy didn't want to call and ask for the farmboy's help. There was the matter of him and Angel hating each other, first of all. She was probably worried that her big-nosed poof would take matters into his own hands and make a fool of himself by confronting either him or Angel. It was quite doubtless that either of them would welcome the chance to kick the unholy shot out of Riley. Angel might not kill him though… Then again, seeing how angry and badly controlled his counterpart had been today, maybe he would. Angelus thought about it. Hmm. Interesting.

Free of his chains, Angelus spent most of the day resting. It wasn't the preferred activity, but there wasn't like he had much choice since he was pretty much stuck in the mansion until sunset. The stinking goodie-two-shoes Angel had asked Giles to drive Angelus' stolen car to the police station. Angelus knew that it wasn't so much about returning the car to its proper owner as making sure there was absolutely no way he could get away from the mansion. Such a nice thing to do…

As soon as the sun disappeared beyond the horizon, Angelus left the mansion.

He was still feeling – well, not less evil than usual in any way, but a little off. Strangely calm, the usual voracious bloodlust and strong predatory instinct slightly smothered. Not that he worried, exactly, but he did wonder if whatever split him from Angel maybe didn't do such a bang-up job after all. All of the soul's precious self-control in him, and bloodlust raging freely in Angel? Now, that was interesting, even though he would prefer to feel like he was used to. Not that it would actually hinder him in what he was going to do, but it was frustrating.

Where to begin? It had been so long since he had time for simple stalking and feeding. It was a simple pleasure, but a vampire's gotta eat. Seeing that the Bronze was closed this evening – which was a pity, it was usually inhabited by a good part of the younger, riper part of Sunnydale – he staked out a group of teenagers that were walking home, laughing and talking.

Dropping off one by one for their homes, Angelus kept following them until there was only a girl left. She would do fine as a meal. Maybe 15 years old, she was a redhead with an alluring, childish innocence to her. Doubtlessly a virgin. So cute. She reminded him a little of Willow, as she had been when he first met her. How he would enjoy their reunion. He followed the girl at just the right distance – close enough for her to feel uncomfortable and pursued, but not so near that she could see him when she threw worried glances over her shoulder.

Angelus had to restrain himself from laughing out loud when he saw that the stupid girl actually took a right turn and entered the Restfield Cemetery in a vain attempt to loose her stalker. Being a town with so many unsolved murders, one would think that they would at least teach the ignorant youth the basic rules in "how you don't turn yourself into a vampire meal". Oh well, all the better for him.

Deciding it was time to turn up the pace, Angelus made himself visible and deliberately stepped on a twig. It snapped audibly and the girl spun around.

Upon seeing the tall, dark figure following her, her heartbeat doubled and she broke into a run. Angelus loved a bit of a chase. Of course the girl, with her fashionable shoes and flapping short skirt, had no chance to outrun him. When she heard him right behind her, she switched tactics.

She threw herself on the ground, held her knees and started to cry. He would have preferred somewhat more abrupt ending to his chase, but then again, there was good things to get out of this as well. Ah, tears. He had missed tears. Tears of desperation, frustration, pain, fear – the simple tears of realizing that death was near.

"Don't worry," he said as softly as he could muster to the girl, helping her to her feet. She continued to sob, stupid human. "Shh, calm down," he soothed, putting on his most charming expression. "It's alright." She finally looked at him, her eyes red and puffy, badly applied make up trickling down her cheeks. He let off a charming smile, one that had made women crumble for centuries. It never failed – immediately the girl calmed down.

"Look at you, you're all muddy," Angelus said sweetly, brushing off the girl. "There. Now, shouldn't you get home to your bed?" Just as expected, the girl took no notice of what he said, just how he said it. She was completely relaxed, oblivious to the fact that she was standing inches from the greatest mass murderer she had ever met. He put his right arm over her shoulder and began leading her through the cemetery.

"Y-you're…"

"Angel." Another smile.

"I-I thought… There was someone following me. I, um, I just thought… someone was gonna hurt me."

"Don't worry about that. This won't hurt – much." His expression hardened. He used his grip to spin the girl around so that he faced him. He let his face change into its demonic appearance. She screamed.

He had missed screaming as well, it was an even bigger chapter than tears. The way a mother would scream when watching her child having its heart ripped out. The hysteric scream that was uttered by someone who had just found their entire family slaughtered. Children's screams were usually the best. So innocent, yet so aware of what was going to happen to them. Angelus savagely ripped the girl's shirt and sank his fangs into her soft, milky skin.

Pure ecstasy. That was the only way to describe the sensation of the sweet and salty blood that filled his mouth. It had been so long...

Unfortunately, the meal ended all too quickly. He let the lifeless body fall to the ground and then he arranged her so that his mark was clearly visible. If Buffy and Angel came looking for him here, they would knew immediately who had robbed the girl of her life. He looked at his work for a second before turning to leave.

"Hold it right there" an unpleasantly familiar voice called from behind him.

Angelus stopped dead in his tracks, wincing from disgust and recognition. He knew that voice very well, and he despised it. The intruder was Buffy's boyfriend, Riley Finn.


	4. THE EXLOVER'S LOVER

_A/N: Glad you seem to like it this far. Well, stay tuned, because we're just getting started…_

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**CHAPTER 4: THE EX-LOVER'S LOVER  
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**While Angelus was roaming free on the other side of town, completely unknown to the gang, Buffy, Angel, Willow, Tara, Xander, Anya and Giles were all gathered at the Magic Box. They had found it difficult to research and discuss while customers ran back and forth between the shelves, but they had done the best they could until it was time to close the shop for the day. They were all in agreement – getting rid of Angelus was the best solution. No matter if what he had told Angel in the mansion was actually true – that he existed in Angel as well, and they wouldn't be rid of him even if they killed him, it would be the easiest way to end the situation. Not to mention how every one of them would love to see him crumble to dust…

So far they had figured out that the demon Angel had encountered was most likely a creature called Toth – the last member of the Tothric clan. The description was right, and it also mentioned his rod like weapon. Unfortunately they had yet to find out exactly what the weapon did – apart from splitting people in two that was – and exactly where it left the two halves. They had worked on that part for hours and still made no progress.

"Forget this. Nothing in here either." With a growl of frustration, Angel slapped his book shut. "What does it take?"

Xander gulped, studying the angry vampire cautiously. He wasn't acting like himself at all. Even though Xander had never liked him, even he could admit that, barring when he was sans soul, he had never acted violently or impatiently like this. This was new, and thoroughly disturbing.

Giles readjusted his glasses and took a deep breath. "Now, Angel, delicate matters like this one very often require an extensive investigation, which unfortunately can take time. I've put in calls to the Watchers' Council and perhaps they can be of assistance…"

"Screw the Council" Angel snapped. "I don't care about them. They didn't provide the smallest bit of help when I was poisoned – I'm not hoping for their assistance today." He grabbed the book he had been reading and flung it across the room. Giles winched when he heard the old spine of it crack as it hit the wall.

"This obviously isn't working," Angel continued. "I say we forget about researching and just go back to the mansion and kill Angelus. Very simple – stake in the heart, the son of a bitch turns to dust. Problem solved."

Xander nudged Buffy in the side. "Are you really sure you brought the right version here with you? 'Cause, well, he's acting pretty Angelus-like to me," he whispered as if Angel wouldn't hear it. At his words Angel's head snapped towards him and he shot him an evil glare. Xander took the hint and stared down at his hands.

"Angel." Buffy spoke to him as softly as possible. "I know it's been a long, hard day and you're tired and frustrated. We all are."

At the sound of her voice, he made an obvious effort to calm down. It pleased Buffy that they evidently still had a connection. Not that she had thought that a year apart would ruin what they'd had…

What was she thinking? Angel hadn't been absent for a little while; he had left her. Started a new life in another city. Gotten other friends. He had moved on. Why wouldn't he? She had. She had a new boyfriend that she… cared for a lot and… yes, she did.

"I'm sorry," Angel apologized sincerely. "That wasn't me," he said, gesturing towards the book. "Not really. I haven't felt right since last night, since Angelus was split from me. I don't like what's going on."

"Yeah, I'm with dead boy on this one" Xander interjected. "Two Angels are definitely worse than one, especially when one is of the psycho variety. Or possibly both, in a way."

"Xander, shut up" Buffy scolded angrily. That was really unnecessary. The last thing she needed was for someone to set Angel off again, and Xander simply lacked a feeling for when it was a good time to keep his comments to himself.

"Why don't we take a break" Willow suggested to everyone's relief. "I think maybe it would be good to get out… cool off and, and stretch our legs. For some of us. All of us! I meant, all of us." She turned a bright shade of pink, hoping she hadn't insulted Angel. He smiled thinly at her, indicating that he wasn't angry. "Besides," Willow continued, encouraged, "maybe Angelus knows more than he says? Talking to him could be worth another shot, right?"

"Right," Buffy agreed. "We should check on him anyway," she said. Her voice may be steady, but at the mere suggestion of seeing Angelus again, she felt a slight nausea coming on. It made her extremely nervous, and she was ashamed of it. Her cheeks flushed bright red and her heart sped up slightly. She hoped no one noticed it; that she still became so affected by him. Angel noticed it though. He locked eyes with her across the table, as if trying to convey how sorry he was about everything that was going on. Well, it wasn't his fault. It had never been his fault – not the first time, and even less this time around.

"Yeah, I guess a change of scenery would be nice," Angel said.

"Then that's settled," Giles said, picking up the harmed book from the floor. "Let's head out as soon as possible."

Anya and Xander volunteered to stay behind in the Magic Box in case the Council phoned back, while the others left for the mansion.

* * *

"How could this happen?" Fifteen minutes later, Buffy stared incredulously at the empty chains that hung on the wall. "How did he break free? Giles, I thought you said those chains were magically enhanced?" 

"He didn't break free," Tara said, holding up the chains. "Look, they're not broken, just unlocked. He must have found a key."

"Impossible, I have the only one on me…" Giles showed them the key from his pocket.

"Do we know for sure that's the only one?" Willow asked.

"I-I suppose not," Giles admitted.

"Where do you think he's gone?" Willow asked, looking at Angel and Buffy. Buffy swallowed hard. Dealing with a cocky, manipulative and big mouthed Angelus in chains was bad enough. Now he was loose in Sunnydale again. Who knew what he might do? Buffy felt a slight weakness in her knees at the thought of having to hunt him down and capture him. Having to fight him. Again.

"He'll want to feed," Angel supplied bitterly. "So I'm thinking the better populated areas, in town. Maybe the Bronze, or cemeteries that are located close to houses and streets."

"The Bronze is closed tonight," Willow said.

"I'd say cemeteries are our best bet, then" Angel said, trying to figure out where he'd go if he was the one out for a meal. "Maybe Restfield and Shady Hill?" Buffy nodded.

"Probably. He likes… I mean, he used to hunt a lot at Restfield."

"I know," Angel replied quietly.

"I'm sorry Angel, I didn't mean…" She grabbed his right hand, trying to comfort him. "We'll catch him. You guys go together to Shady Hill," she said to the gang. "Angel and I will take Restfield." She moved closer too him, almost leaning slightly against his tall frame.

"What if we find him first?" Tara asked, a little nervous. Willow had told her about Angel's evil side and what had happened the last time when Angel had lost his soul.

"Do you have a phone?" Willow patted her pocket.

"I took Xander's before we left, in case we would need to split up."

"Good. Okay, if you see him, call. Don't approach. The conditions aren't the same as last time, but... he won't be less dangerous than usual." Willow nodded.

"Got it."

"Call Xander and Anya," Buffy continued. "Let them know what's what; I don't think they will be a first target, but they deserve to know what goes bump in the night." Willow nodded.

"Come on," Angel said. He and Buffy disappeared out the door. Willow remained staring after them for a moment.

"Did any of you think she was… a little too much with the touchy hands? I mean, she has a boyfriend, and Angel's…"

"Willow, time is a factor," Giles reminded. He definitely did not want to hear anything more. He could only hope that Angel and Buffy would be sensible enough to realize that nothing that broke them apart in the first placed had changed. If they didn't… well, there wasn't much he could do about it.

* * *

Carefully considering his next action, Angelus turned around to face the annoying intruder. This wasn't part of his plane, but it had happened, and now he'd have to deal with it. Kill him. Should he kill him? That annoying wall of self control shot up in front of his instincts, frustrating him. Hmm. No wonder his souled counterpart was so boring. 

Maybe that was why he was always brooding so much, to learn how to control his instincts and wants. "Don't drink pigsblood yet." "Don't kill that stupid idiot." "Behave, be good." "No, no pigsblood yet." "Only hit him, don't twist his head clean off his body." "Okay, time for pigsblood. Drink slowly; it's all you're getting." Well, Angelus clearly remembered all the thoughts from all the years with a soul, but they hadn't made any sense until now. At least it explained a few things. He knew it couldn't have been just the soul that made his souled version such a precautious wimp.

Riley's eyes widened as he saw who he had caught handling a girl that very obviously had just been fed from. He lowered his weapon but let his finger remain on the trigger.

He didn't think he'd ever be completely trusting towards the vampire that was Buffy's ex-boyfriend. Now, he could admit that his actions had been a little hasty the last time he had met Angel, but what was he supposed to think? He had had knocked four soldiers out cold, it was a suspicious situation to say in the least. This one wasn't much better, but Riley had learned his lesson. He would give him a chance to explain himself before he started going on about evil and lost souls. After all, that only happened when he…when he slept with Buffy, and that certainly couldn't have happened now.

"Angel, what are you doing?" he asked the vampire. His face looked bitter, scowled and slightly confused. In other words, just like the last time he'd met him. Wait a minute. Was that blood on his lips?

"Riley. Such a pleasure to finally meet you," Angelus said, stepping forward. Riley narrowed his eyes.

"Angel, we've already met." He looked flustered. "What are you doing in town?"

"Well, you know. I was just here to see the old girlfriend, came in last night…" he let off a slight smirk.

Riley lowered his gaze, hurt. So that was why Buffy had run off so quickly from the Bronze last night and turned down his proposal to see him today. She was too busy seeing Angel. An uncomfortable thought passed through his mind. Possibly not only seeing, but also doing Angel…

Last time, she had assured him that she and Angel was over. Maybe they were broken up officially, but Riley wasn't stupid. Those two hadn't left each other because the love between them had ended, as much as he hated to admit it.

"Oh," he answered simply.

Angelus masked a full blown sardonic grin. Oh, how the mighty had fallen. He could sense immediately that Riley was everything but confident about his relationship with Buffy. It only took for him to drop the hint that they had been spending the day together, and he seemed ready to accuse her of being unfaithful. Well, actually, he HAD been with her all day. Just not this version of him. To twist the truth just enough to hurt people with it, it was a wonderful way to torment someone mentally.

"Yeah," he continued. "She told me a lot about the two of you." Angelus tried to recall something he could use that wasn't only made up. "She said you don't have a lot of time for each other anymore." Riley swallowed.

"She – she did?" Score one for the vamp, Angelus thought. This obviously was something that had been an issue.

"Mmm. She feels very torn, you know. Between you and her duty. You know, that girl lives for her duty. Literally – being the chosen one and all. She doesn't think that it works very well to mix those two." Angelus stepped closer to Riley, stepping over the corpse of the girl on the way. She was dead now; the last few faint heartbeats had faded into nothingness.

"You know," Angelus said. "When she and I were together, we never had that problem."

"Really." The boy was trying to keep up his cool outline, but he failed to fool Angelus. He could practically see the pride of the man inside that vest clad flesh-package drop all his self-esteem and run away to hind behind his mother's legs.

"Yeah. It worked out great. You can say we combined her duty and – mine, it worked very well." Well, it wasn't a lie. HE and Buffy had never been together exactly, but during these six months that he was soulless and fancy-free, whenever they had met there had been slaying duties involved.

"So, how are you nowadays?" Riley swallowed and looked into the vampire's dark eyes. Very dark. Calm. Hard. "Feeling – spiritual, lately?" Angelus grinned.

"Riley, boy, if that's a way to ask me if I've lost my soul recently, points for effort, but I prefer if you just say what you want to know. And, by the way, it is an interesting question…" Without Riley noticing it, Angelus grabbed the rifle of his shot gun and held it tightly.

"Why don't you ask Buffy when you see her? Ask her if last night was as good for her as it was for me," he whispered, staring into Riley's confused eyes. That did it, this HAD to be Angel without a soul. If it wasn't, then Buffy would have to forgive him for his actions when he told her what he had said. He raised his weapon and fired.

Only he didn't. Instead of being able to raise the gun, he found it being ripped from his hands by Angel, who spun around and hit him hard in the side with the handle of the gun. Riley groaned. Before he had time to recover Angel swept away his feet, and Riley tumbled to the ground.

"Now," Angelus said, smirking. "What should I do with you?"

"Riley! Angelus" a voice called from their left before Angelus had the time to consider exactly what he wanted to do to the corn-fed guy who had been claiming Buffy for the last few months. They both turned, Riley still lying flat on his back in the grass. Angel and Buffy came running up the hill.

Angel glared from Angelus to Riley on the ground, as if unsure who he really hated the most. He felt nothing but glee about the fact that his other self had obviously been well on the way of beating him up. That was good; the stout boy needed a good ass kicking as far as Angel was concerned.

But then his gaze drifted to the girl lying a few feet behind Angelus. Slumped in the kind of heap that only a drained body would make, he had seen it thousands of times. He couldn't hear a heartbeat from her – Angelus had killed her. That meant that _he_ had killed her.

Buffy pulled a stake from her pocket, just for showing him that she was willing to fight. "Drop the gun and back away from Riley, Angelus. Now."

"Come on, Buff. I was just having a little talk with your boy Riley, making sure that everything is good and well in your lives. Quiet frankly, I doesn't seem like it is. I'm worried about the two of you."

"Oh really. I'm touched," Buffy hissed between clenched teeth. "Step back." Angelus shrugged, dropped the shotgun on Riley and moved away a few steps.

Riley took the chance to get back to his feet. "What is this? Are they twins?"

"Something like that. It's – um, it's complicated." Buffy replied shortly, not taking her eyes off Angelus.

"Okay," Riley said, not meaning it. There was nothing okay about this situation. He was confused and felt used. Obviously Buffy's past with Angel and this… very strange twin brother was even more complicated than he had realized. "I was on patrol, found Angel's… brother, with the girl over there. She has a bite mark on her neck, but I'm not sure who…"

"Angelus killed her," Angel said bitterly. "That's my… his mark."

"You know me too well, _brother_," Angelus smirked. Angel took a menacing step towards him.

"Riley, can you take the girl to the hospital? Angel and I'll take care of the situation here," Buffy tried to convince him, desperate to get him out of there. She was actually afraid for what might happen to him if he stayed.

If they had to fight Angelus, she would need to make sure that either Angelus or Angel didn't do him any harm. Angel had beat him up pretty badly the last time they met, and this time he was unbalanced, more aggressive than usual. No, if Riley stayed, he would get in the way and it would get him hurt. Even if they got away without a battle, she could see it in Angelus' eyes that he was eager to play even more tricks on Riley's mind, and she didn't need that. The situation would be hard enough to explain anyway.

"I think I'm needed here," Riley said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"No, really, just go. We'll be fine. Right Angel?" He nodded shortly, concentrated on glaring evilly at his counterpart. Angelus took a step forward, ready to attack at any moment.

"Buffy, why are we even discussing this? Why don't you want me to stay?"

"Because don't need you!" she yelled in a tone that came out much harsher than it was intended. Riley looked away, smiling sadly.

"No, I guess you made that pretty clear," he said, defeated. He picked up his weapon, strapped it to his belt, picked up the girl and left. Ashamed of her words, Buffy hurried after him.

"Riley, wait." He stopped briefly and looked at her. "Riley, I didn't mean…"

"Don't, Buffy. Don't. You meant it. Look, we'll meet up later. As usual." He looked at the two black clad men that held their positions, glaring at each other. "You obviously got your hands full here. And I'm sure you will come up with some nice explanation for this later, but… Right now I should get this girl to the morgue. You go deal with her murderer."

With that, he continued his walk down the hill. Buffy stared after him for a second, unhappy with how the scene had played out. Realizing that it wasn't over – they needed to get Angelus with them back to the magic shop. Willingly, or not.

"Okay Angelus," Buffy said. "There are two ways we can to this. There's the easy way – and there's the hard way. You pick. Either way, you're coming back with us." Angelus looked from Buffy to Angel and back. "You're overpowered here, okay?" Buffy continued. "Not just a slayer that has kicked your sorry ass all the way back to hell once; but also yourself. How do you beat a pair like that?"

"How do you know I won't kill him?" Angelus said, grinning at Angel.

"Because you don't know what will happen to you if you do. We haven't found anything that say's you won't die too. And I think we all know that you are too egocentric to actually risk your own existence."

Angelus snorted. Not that he was going to give any signs of defeat, but she was right. He could try to flee the scene – but it wasn't his style. Besides, Angel was looking very much in the bloodhound mode – he would try to track him down. He might as well follow them willingly, play nice. If he did long enough, Buffy would let her guard down, and that would be his opening. He would have to walk away from this battle to win the war.

"Okay," he said simply. Buffy frowned.

"Just like that?"

"I said okay. Figure, if I get away, Soul boy here might be so frustrated that he trips and falls on a pointy picket fence in his desperate want to find me." He dredged up a little chilling laughter. "Now, that would be a funny sight, but if it means I'm dust as well, I'll have to make do with the imagination." Angel still glared at him.

"Okay," Buffy said suspiciously. "Let's go, the guys should still be at Shady Hill."

As they walked, Angelus noticed that Buffy kept between him and Angel as if afraid that they might attack each other if she didn't keep an eye on them. Angelus wasn't about to do something as reckless – Angel on the other side didn't seem very interested in the reasons to why he shouldn't fight himself. He was making no secret of his hatred for his counterpart, shooting him evil glares and occasionally snarling as they walked.

Just as expected, Giles, Willow and Tara were waiting at the gates of the Shady Hill cemetery.

"Is everything okay" Willow asked, looking cautiously at her companions. Even though neither of the vampires where in chains, it wasn't hard to figure out who was who. The one on Buffy's right didn't look quite as calm as he used to, but the one to the left… She couldn't even look at him straightly without her stomach clenching in fear. His stance was cocky, his movement stalking and predator like, and the gaze… it was feral.

Angelus smirked at the frightened little witch. Her fear of him was still a turn-on. He wanted to get right into what he was going to do with her, but he quickly put a lid on those thoughts as Angel snapped his head to the side and glared at him. Willow gulped.

"In that sense, yes. Otherwise, not so much," Buffy grimaced. "We need to figure out what to do here, as in now."

"Back to the Magic Box" Giles ordered stiffly, uncomfortable in the presence of Angelus. "All of us."

Angelus followed silently, pleased that no one had suggested restraining him in any way – though he was pretty sure Angel would want to. Angelus was surprised at how easily he could play the waiting game and avoid ripping Buffy's friends to pieces – it must be Angel's sense of self-control helping him along. He might have had his doubts before, but right now it was a help.

Several minutes later they arrived back at the Magic Box where Anya and Xander were waiting. Angelus could see that Xander must have used the time to tell Anya stories about him, because she looked pretty scared when they stepped inside. Well, she should be.

"Oh good, you found him" Xander exclaimed in relief, pointing a stake at the more aggressive-looking Angel.

"Wrong vampire" Tara informed him, sitting down next to Willow . "That's Angel."

Lowering his stake, Xander studied both of the identical vampires in front of him. "Are you sure? That one is looking more homicidal to me. And Angelus isn't known for his calm disposition, if you know what I mean."

"Maybe I find the thought of being here, planning how I'm going to kill you all horribly soothing," Angelus said calmly, a slight grin on his face. Xander gulped.

"Okay. Now I recognize him."

"Right back at you," Angelus said, taking a step towards Xander. "Still a scared little boy, thinking that he is a hero. Well, I can tell you, few heroes reek of fear the way you..."

"Put a sock in it," Angel said tiredly. Angelus simply gave him a look and let his glance drift to Willow.

He silently observed how the unknown blonde woman next to her squirmed uncomfortably under his piercing glance. She sat very close to Willow for being just a friend, and she practically stank of love and goodness. A lover, he thought. Interesting. It didn't seem like she was very close to anyone except for Willow, though. The way she interacted with the others – they seemed like they hardly knew each other, while Willow gave the impression that she knew her very well. The blonde girl had certain sadness in her eyes, a longing he had seen many times before. A sadness that meant that she had been let down and abandoned by someone she loved. Oh, he would use that. Later on…

"Willow," he said. "Did I ever… thank you properly, for returning my soul that time?" This time Angel grabbed his evil self, spun him around and hit him squarely in the face. Angelus tried to hit back, but Angel was too quick – and too angry, he grabbed him by the collar and shoved him backwards into the wall. Angelus laughed.

"Enough!" Buffy yelled. "We need to do something about this, something that doesn't make it worse."

"Of course," Giles agreed. He turned to Anya and Xander. "Did you find something further while we were out?"

"Well, we found more descriptions of the demon, but nothing new. It doesn't say much about his weapon, except that it splits people into two, which we already knew, and also that you can't kill one half without killing the other."

"Because they are still the same being," Xander filled in. He sighed deeply. "This means that we can't stake Angelus and be rid of his sorry ass…" His expression brightened. "Or we _can_ kill Angelus, if Angel does the right thing and sacrifices himself for the greater good." He made two thumbs up. "Great karma," he tempted.

On rare occasions were the two egos in agreement – but this was one of those times. They both glared at Xander, who realized the danger of sticking his neck out, literally or figuratively, to Angelus and a pissed off Angel. He swallowed hard.

"Well, we'll just re-integrate them, right?" Willow said. "If we can just put him back the way he was, everything will be back to normal, right?" Anya shrugged.

"There's nothing in these texts that indicates how you can do that safely. It must be done correctly. There is a spell that is supposed to simply break the magic holding them apart, but it doesn't always work as it should. The two personalities tend to come back wrong…"

"Which would mean…?" Buffy asked.

"Well, I guess in Angel's case it could mean that Angelus takes over and the souled part of him gets suppressed." Buffy frowned. "I mean, we could try if you want," Anya continued. "But if that happens, I don't know how we will make it right." Buffy shook her head.

"No. Keep looking, there must be a safe way to do it." Angelus smiled. Now, this looked promising.

"The sooner the better," Buffy added, casting a glance at Angelus. "I want this settled as quickly as possible; the sooner Angel is back to normal the better."

"I don't think it's so bad," Angelus informed them.

"Of course not," Angel shot back. "It's all in your favor."

Angelus smirked while figuring out something to say that would upset the gang. As long as he had to suppress his want for physical violence, he would have to make-do with spinning their heads a little. Figuratively, unfortunately…

"You're all really keen on speaking in the terms of Angel and Angelus. The good, the bad. The moron, the demon. Well, to put this in a way you people will understand – your precious Angel is never a part of me. I, however, am always a part of him."

Angel advanced towards Angelus and pinned him roughly against the wall. Angelus just chuckled.

"You're right." Angel said. "The demon is a part of me. Maybe I should show you what it wants to do with you."

Angelus didn't even bother to break free from Angels grip, knowing that he was in no danger whatsoever as long as Buffy was in the room. She'd never risk him getting killed.

"Go ahead," he menaced. "What are you going to do? Stake me, set me on fire, beat me to a bloody pulp? Or, I know! You could snap my neck. Not that it'd kill me of course, but we all know how much you like that. Remember that you told Jenny that, right before you killed her?" Okay – that was a slight lie. He hadn't said until after Jenny was dead, but what the hell. It sounded better, and it wasn't like Angel was going to argue with him about that in front of everyone.

Giles suddenly flushed bright red as a wave of hate and memories washed over him.

"Stop it" Buffy screamed. "Separate corners, you two! Things are confusing enough without your bickering. Angel, you more than anyone should know your…his-whatever, mind games, don't let it get to you. For the evil version, I'm thinking chains until we can figure out what to do. Angelus watched her closely as she went through one of Giles miscellaneous boxes in search of shackles. He would cooperate, for the time being. He would have to, if he wanted his plan to unfold as he wanted. After all, good things come to those who wait…

Angel didn't look very happy with any of it – the situation in general and not being able to stake Angelus and be done with it. Not to mention the steady gaze his evil self was currently keeping on Buffy's back. Still, he turned away. He didn't want to make a fool of himself by acting like the more dangerous of the two, and he was far from sure that he could keep a lid on his anger if he said or did something.

Angelus glanced at Angel. He was cracking up. Withheld anger and frustration was tiring him out. That played in his favor. If Angel was tired and worn, he wouldn't sense his counterpart's feelings and changes in temperament as easily, which was a good thing. Angelus could only imagine the reaction if Angel learned about the piece of the weapon he had held onto. Well, he wasn't stupid. It was in his best interests to keep it secret, probably forever.

"Okay," Xander said when Angelus was chained in his chair, "intimate details of past murders are really the last thing we need. Considering the vibe in here I'm sure I'm not the only one that would vote for locking both of the menacing looking vampires in the training room and let them fight out their differences…" he stopped when said vampires glared at him once more and Buffy looked at him impatiently. "But," he continued "what _can_ we do?"

Buffy spoke. "What would happen if we cursed him? Would he get a soul too?" She didn't address the question to anyone in particular and Xander was, as usual, the first person who spoke.

"Yeah, that's a good idea. Not that I'm really a member of "The more Angels the merrier" club, but at least it's better than having the soulless version running around. Then, if we can't rejoin 'em, both Angels can skulk away and brood together for all eternity."

Willow ignored his comment. "No, I don't think so. When Angel is cursed, it's not just _a_ soul that is summoned from the ether; it's the soul that belonged to Angel when he was human. There is just one, so the curse wouldn't work. My guess is that it either doesn't work at all, or possibly the soul will be summoned from Angel instead of the ether and insert it in Angelus. Which wouldn't really help us…"

"So we need to start looking for something what will rejoin them. Time for full research mode." Buffy didn't ask, she declared.

The phone rang and Giles picked up.

"Yes? Wesley, hello. Yes, we were expecting you to call, I suppose Angel left in a bit of a hurry this morning… Yes, there seems to be a situation here, involving Angel and, uh… Well, it's too much to explain over the phone, really. It would be quite of use to us if you and Cordelia could come up here as soon as possible. Yes, splendid." He hung up. "As you heard, that was Wesley. He's on his way here now, taking Cordelia and some other chap with him. We could use their help."

"You really could," Angelus said calmly, smiling and leaning back in his chair. "Can't imagine how you all survived this long being so retarded."


	5. OLD ACQUAINTANCE

**

* * *

CHAPTER 5: OLD ACQUAINTANCE**

**

* * *

**

Just over two hours later the L.A. gang, Wesley, Cordelia and Gunn arrived in Sunnydale, crammed together in Gunn's truck.

Angelus managed to sit relaxed in his chair even though he was tightly restrained to it – there was just something about him that made him adjust easily to whatever situation he was put in.

Angel paced impatiently around the shop, shooting his evil alter ego angry glares now and then. Angelus had nothing to worry about at the moment – since no one, with the obvious exception for Xander of course, was prepared to loose the precious Angel; he wasn't in the danger area of being staked at random. It didn't seem like there was any immediate risk of being put back together with the soul either.

Judging by the number of times Giles had cleaned his glasses and Buffy's strained look, they hadn't found anything that could rejoin him and Angel yet. Of course he had a plan brewing that would take him out of the chair and into action for real, but there was no point in being tense around Angel. He would only sense it and refuse to let his evil counterpart out of sight.

"Breeze of LA, brushing in your door," Cordelia announced as she, Wesley and Gunn stepped inside the Magic Box.

"This is Gunn," she introduced. "Recently added member to our company, kinda. Don't make fun of his name, 'cause it's got two N's, don't make fun of his axe, cause his demon fighting gang made if for him, and don't expect him to be anything less than brusque and macholike. That about cover it?" The man smiled a little.

"And this is Wesley – well, I guess you know him already, if you can recognize him without the two pounds of hair gel on his head."

"I'll say," Xander said. "Look at him – all suitless!"

The others all agreed – even if they didn't verbally comment on it. Giles was glad he had asked them to come over. He had only expected Wesley to be of any significant help when it came to research, but if he had changed as much on the inside as on the outside, perhaps he would be a useful fighter as well.

"Mm, you know, he actually does a few things besides than scream like a woman these days," Cordelia said. "He even owns a motorcycle."

"A – motorcycle?" Xander tried to see the stiff, stuffy Wesley from a year and a half ago on a motorcycle. The picture in his mind nearly made him laugh out loud – but then he remembered why Cordelia and Wesley were in town. To help them pick up the pieces of another one of their bosses messes. "'Kay, I'm over it now," he assured.

"So, everyone has their limbs attached as far as I can see." Cordelia commented. She took a startled step back when she saw the pacing, very Angelus looking Angel.

"What the hell happened here?" She snapped her head to the side to glare at Buffy. "What did you do to him? You two didn't get groiny again, did you Buffy? Cause I'll tell you, I've already had my Angelus-experience for this year, thank you very much, and it wasn't at all nicer than I remembered."

"Slow down Cordelia. That's not Angelus." Buffy answered but Cordelia interrupted her.

"Good! So what is it, you're just in need of some demon killing help? And Angel is all freaked out about it. Makes sense. We figured that was it when Angel dashed over here earlier… Well, we help the helpless, and judging by that outfit you're really one of them…"

"Cordelia! That's not Angelus. That is."

Buffy pointed towards Angelus and Cordelia looked in that direction for the first time. Not too surprisingly, he smirked. If he could have, he would have paced around the room, making sure everyone was as uncomfortable as possible. But, since he was banished to the chair, the least he could do was leer at them, a gesture he knew would cast chills down both Cordelia and Wesley's spines, reminding them of his last brief visit.

"Two of them? Someone wanna tell me how this happened? And why that one," Cordelia pointed at Angelus, "has gotten kicked out of the Broody Boy-team?"

Angel was the one to answer her.

"I was attacked by some kind of demon when I was chasing the Bucah you saw in your vision. It shot me; it had some kind of device. As you can see, it split me and" – he looked at his smirking, evil version – "him into two separate entities."

Gunn moved closer to Angelus, not taking his eyes off him.

"So what's the problem? I say it's a golden opportunity, we stake his evil ass. Those two told me about your evil self," Gunn said, nodding at Wesley and Cordelia. "Don't see why he should get to live. I mean, you already took out Bonnie yourself, didn't you?" Angel frowned.

"Bonnie…?"

"Bonnie and Clyde," Cordelia said, quirking a brow. "We compared you and Darla to Bonnie and Clyde to give Gunn an idea how pleasant you were. Bonnie and Clyde, you know, if they had fangs and super strength and a hundred and fifty years to get it right… Are you telling me you don't know who Bonnie and Clyde were? How can you not know that? What rock have you been living under?"

"I think generally they call it rock bottom," Angelus smirked.

"Oh shut up," Cordelia retorted cockily. "If he doesn't know, you don't know – cause you're the same man. Vampire. Manpire. So don't get all smartass with me."

"I know who Bonnie and Clyde were!" Angel interrupted. I just…" he fell silent, remembering the time when he had actually met Bonnie and Clyde, and the rest of the Barrow Gang. That spring night in Louisiana 1934... Well, there was no time to think about that now. "...never mind," he muttered. "Anyway, Gunn, if it was that simple it would be over and done with. If he dies, I die. We're still the same being, just… well, not at the moment."

Giles addressed Wesley. "We were hoping for your assistance. I could use your expertise in researching the demon and I think it would be for the best to remove Angelus from the premises for the time being. It will be morning soon. Some volunteers could take him to the mansion and guard him there."

Wesley nodded.

"Of course. Angel, who do you think should…"

"Gunn, do you feel up to it?" Angel asked.

"You mean guarding the bad ass you with the possibility to kick his ass if need be? I'm all for it."

"Exactly what makes you think I'm about to come along willingly?" Angelus said in a dark tone that startled everyone except Angel. It was his own voice after all; he had used it many, many times to scare people. He was afraid of himself, or rather what he was capable of doing, in a way, but not like this.

"Because if you do anything, I won't hesitate a second before driving a stake into my own heart," he declared. There's nothing you can do to shake off your greatest vulnerability – me."

"Hmm. Damn self flagellator." Angelus shrugged. He felt both locked up and tied down – but he couldn't afford a violent outburst. Not here, not now. It wouldn't serve his purpose. Angel glared at him, not at all so convinced that he had given in so easily, but he couldn't do much to prove otherwise.

"So, who's with Gunn?" He asked, turning to the group.

He was interrupted when the bell jingled as the door opened and Spike entered.

"Hello, all. What's going on then?" He looked at Buffy. "Hi, Buffy." Angel frowned and narrowed his eyes, taking a step forward and glaring at the platinum blond vampire.

"Spike?"

"Oh bliss," Spike snorted at the sight of his grandsire. "The big poofter's in town. What of it now, mate? Some kitties need savin', or are you just here to sweep the Slayer of her feet and crush her under your shoe at usual? Is there lurkin' danger a foot?"

A scoffing chuckle was heard from somewhere behind Angel.

"Spike! Just the wheezy little turncoat I wanted to see. Technically we haven't really met since you whacked me over the head with an andiron, have we? What is it now, two years ago? I've just been dying to pay you back for that time."

Spike's eyes widened at the sight of his soulless grandsire.

"What the bloody hell is going on here? What is this, you working on this year's version of chained and chaired vampire?"

"To make a long story less long, Angel was shot with some device that split him and Angelus." Buffy said with a sigh. "You know, into two different bodies. And Spike, I promise you we're having enough of bickering vampire crap here already – so if you're here to fight, just get lost right away. If you don't get the picture, there are several stakehappy people here that would be more than willing to show you." Buffy made a gesture towards Angel, Xander, Cordelia and Wesley, none of them looking too pleased with Spike's presence.

"You're not of any use to us…" Buffy continued. "Unless… We need to get him," she nodded in Angelus' direction, "out of here for now. We need someone to assist Gunn in guarding him." Spike frowned. Angelus did too, as he easily ripped his chains apart and got up from his chair. Angel made a move to stop him, but Buffy held him back. Angelus was surrounded with enemies, and half of an arsenal of medieval weaponry. She couldn't picture him being stupid enough to try anything in here. She was right. He dropped the chains in front of Giles.

"Shoddy craftsmanship," he declared. Spike glared at Angelus.

"You expect me to baby sit him!" Angelus walked up to Spike.

"You expect me to let _him_ guard me? Soulless, Buff, not brainless."

"Let's debate that second part, shall we," Spike spat.

"Sure, Willie," Angelus smirked as he towered over Spike. "We could do that. You try anything, Roller Boy, and I'll kick your _effulgent_ ass all the way back to your wheelchair."

Fascinated, the group watched the manly dominance standoff between the two vampires.

"Great," Buffy said, shaking her head. "Now all we need to make this a complete Vampire Gladiator challenge is you two investigating which one who can pee furthest up that wall." As Spike made a move to actually unzip his pants, Buffy held up a hand.

"No. A thousand gallons of no, I wasn't serious." He shrugged.

Gunn stepped forward. "Hold on a minute. If this guy's a vamp – what stops these two from turning on me and start a nice killing spree around town? Is he a good guy like Angel?"

"I'm nothing like Angel," Spike shot back quickly.

"Thank god," Angel muttered.

"Spike is safe. He's a neutered vampire." Anya explained forwardly. Spike crossed his arms over his chest in an offended posture.

"Hey." He turned to Gunn. "More like – a dog in a muzzle. Yeah. Really _dangerous_ dog in a muzzle."

"Spike, the pet Chihuahua with a choking collar," Angelus snorted.

Buffy spoke quickly to stop the inevitable argument about the correct phrase to use concerning Spikes "inabilities".

"Spike has a chip in his head. It's complicated, but he can't hurt humans, AND he hates Angelus, so it should work out fine. You'll be safe from him." Gunn nodded. Spike snorted.

"And what about Angelus?"

"No one's safe from him," Buffy answered truthfully and simply.

Angelus smirked at the compliment. "Really, this is what's become of the fruit of my fangs. Well, not technically my fangs but you get the idea. William the Bloody, former slayer of Slayers, now housebroken and reduced to something more pathetic than a fluffy puppy – at least they CAN bite." Both Angel and Buffy had to physically grab Spike to stop him from jumping Angelus.

"All right, I'm in. A few hours with him in the mansion and me NOT sitting in that bloody chair could be nice. Maybe we could have a second go at the andiron," he smirked. Buffy rolled her eyes. Oh, this would be fun. Of course she would make sure that no fights between the two could actually be executed. Angelus would definitely be held tightly locked up. She couldn't think of any other reason to his current inactiveness than that he was planning something. Something bad, she'd bet.

Xander closed the book he had been reading and got up from his chair.

"Count me in as well. I know I'm not the biggest muscle around here, but I figure it'd be good to bring someone who's met Angelus before and doesn't have a history of being his sidekick." Spike glared at him.

"I'll have you know, monkeyboy, I was never…"

"Good. Okay." Buffy interrupted. "Bring your cell phone Xander. Just sit tight, we'll call as soon as we find anything. Tie him up, try not to talk too much to him, and don't let him get to you. ANY of you."


	6. WITH A SONG IN HIS HEART

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CHAPTER 6: WITH A SONG IN HIS HEART**

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Late that afternoon, just before sunset, Gunn was bored. Spike was slumped in a chair watching TV, Xander was sleeping on the couch and Angelus was tied up tightly. He hadn't been much trouble so far. Gunn studied him. When he wasn't smirking or making his evil chuckle, he looked very much like Angel. Just like Angel in fact. Gunn hadn't known him long enough to see the difference in his eyes.

He wasn't really sure how to deal with the whole "Angel can go bad" concept he had learned about in the car on the way to Sunnydale. Angel had never told him anything specific about his past, and Gunn had never asked. As far as he knew, he might as well always have been good.

What he got to learn was instead that the so called good guy was actually the most brutal, vicious and evil vamp who'd ever set foot on the earth. Murderer of thousands, more like hundreds of thousands, and cursed with a soul by an angry gypsy tribe. He had been told that there were great knowledge in mindgames and mental torture, a chillingly sadistic side and attempted apocalypses somewhere in the mix as well. Boy, they could make a TV show off of that guy's life.

Apparently, "certain factors", as Wesley had put it, could make Angel return to his old state of mind, and evidently that had happened when he was together with the slayer. Wesley hadn't said exactly what had happened between the two, but Gunn wasn't born yesterday. He could figure it out himself.

The way Gunn could tell, several things seemed to be able to send Angel off his rocker. There was the "certain factors", translated to perfect happiness. There was the occasional actress that wanted him to let his guard down and drugged him into the Angelus-y state of mind, and, apparently, there were demons that could blast him into it. Well, technically not INTO it since Angel was still there but in another body.

Deeply confused, a part of him wondered how that guy over there was capable of so much destruction. He'd seen Angel fight – and sure, he held his own, but that was just methodical demon slaughter. For Gunn it was hard to imagine him as a brutal mass murderer, but apparently it wasn't for Cordelia and the rest of the people that had been around when Angel lost his soul. Maybe it was something that had to be lived to really understand. He needed a walk to process all these thoughts.

"Well, I don't know about y'all, but I'm hungry. I figure there's no food here, so I'm gonna go out and grab something. Are you two okay here?"

Xander mumbled something incomprehensive and Spike didn't even turn to look at him. Gunn turned around and passed Angelus, just a few inches to close… A form of incautiousness he never would have had if he actually had lived through any of Angelus' reign of terror, and would come to regret.

Before Gunn even had time to realize that the still creature chained to the wall had moved, Angelus had lunged forward, twisted his arm with a crack and put the chain around his neck, yanking it. Gunn fell to the floor lifeless. Xander shot up very quickly and advanced towards Angelus.

"What the hell are you doing, you…"

Angelus didn't listen to the inferior boy, the punched him hard in the face, sending him smacking into the stonewall. Xander only distracted Angelus for a few seconds, but it gave Spike time to attack him.

"So this is it? Not really playing nice, just waiting for the perfect moment to take break free and disappearing into the dark with a scary promise to 'kill this girl by working from the inside'. Don't you think it's getting kinda old, eh?"

"Well you know, Spike, I've always liked the classics."

Angelus kicked Spike hard in the stomach, making him groan and bend over. Angelus swept his leg underneath Spike's feet causing him to fall to the ground face first. He then grabbed an andiron, ironically enough – the very same Spike had used a few years back, and hit him several times hard over the back.

"Bloody hell!"

Angelus kicked the bleeding vampire in the ribs, Spike gathered his strength and hit Angelus legs, which made him stumble a little, not for long, but it gave Spike some time to get up. Angelus shook his head, hit Spike again and pinned him against the wall.

"Now, Spike my boy, I'm gonna give you a choice," Angelus hissed. "Either you get your ass out of this town, or I kill you. Is that simple enough for you to understand?"

Spike stopped struggling.

"Yeah, sure, whatever mate."

Angelus eyed him suspiciously, not releasing his grip.

"Really? Just like that? What about your little feelings for dear old Buff, hm? Your little perverted infatuation?" Spike snorted.

"Hell are you talking about, you ninny? I hate the damn bitch! Didn't have this bloody chip in my brain, I'd kill her in a heartbeat."

"No, you wouldn't. Maybe you'd try, but you wouldn't go through with it. Love, Spike. I can smell it on you."

"Think whatever you want," Spike shot back, frustrated that Angelus could feel things that even he wasn't sure of. "I may be love's bitch, but I ain't that stupid. I'm evil, damn it! Like my unlife too much to sacrifice myself, ain't the 'throw himself to the lions' type."

"Then we understand each other." Angelus let Spike go, and turned around to leave the mansion. However, living with Spike for 20 years back in the day and several months in Sunnydale had made him well aware that he should always watch his back when his grandchilde was pissed off.

As Angelus expected, Spike pulled out a stake and attacked him with a roar. Angelus spun around and grabbed the stake, twisted Spikes wrist and slammed the stake into his gut. Hard. It wouldn't kill him of course, but Angelus had no desire to finish off his pesky grandchilde – not right now. He had more interesting plans to fulfill. With a smirk Angelus took advantage of Spike's state of debility, pushed him backwards and smacked the back of his head against the stone wall. Weakened by the recent mauling and the wooden stake in his stomach, Spike groaned and sank to the floor unconscious.

Angelus left the lovely commotion in the mansion behind, whistling Beethoven's "Ode of joy".

* * *

Angel and Buffy hurried along the path leading up to the mansion. Buffy had tried to call Xander several times but he hadn't picked up. She was hoping that there was some simple explanation to why he didn't answer or call her back, maybe the battery was dead, or maybe he'd simply put the phone somewhere in the mansion where he didn't hear it… Spike would probably hear it anyway, but then again, he wasn't always very helpful and could have simply ignored it. However, she had a sinking feeling in her gut that told her that it might not be as simple as that.

"Stand back." Angel moved to the door without a sound, slowly opening it. He looked at Buffy with a worried face. "I smell blood. Human." He swung the door open and revealed the horrible mess inside. Gunn lay closest to the door, a bump on his head, severe bruises around the neck and his right arm twisted in an unnatural position.

"Xander!" Buffy ran to her friend's side and kneeled beside him. She saw that Spike was hurt as well, but it couldnt be too serious - at least he couldn't be dead – or well, technically he was of course, but since a vampire turns to dust when it's killed, he was only unconscious. "I don't think he was hurt so bad," she said, relieved at feeling Xander's strong pulse under her fingertips. "He probably just shoved him out of the way."

He. Buffy didn't say "Angelus", she knew that Angel made no distinction between himself and his alter ego. There was no reason to rub his nose in what had clearly happened here.

"How's Gunn?"

Angel could hear Gunn's pulse, not as strong as it should be, but he would probably be okay.

"He's alive, but bruised pretty badly. His right arm's been broken. I'll call an ambulance."

They never had to raise the topic of what do to with Spike – they couldn't really leave a dead body laying around for the paramedics to find – because Spike soon stirred and started to wake up.

"Oh, bugger this." he mumbled. "This is just bloody brilliant." When Spike had turned around Buffy saw that he had a stake driven deeply into his gut. "Vampire heeling, not always a plus," he said. "The wound's closed up around the stake."

"I can help you with that." Angel left Gunn's side and walked up to Spike, a resolute and angry look on his face. Without hesitation, he grabbed the stake and pulled it out of Spike stomach. Spike growled loudly and raised a fist to hit Angel, but the pain overwhelmed him and he sank to his knees.

"Ow, bloody hell! What the hell are you doing, you git!"

"Taking care of both our problems; your injury and my desire to hurt you," Angel said smugly, then more serious. "Wanna tell us what happened here?"

"What do you think happened, you sod? Your bloody evil version went Chernobyl on us. As you see, I tried to stake the bloody bastard. Oh, don't look at me like that," he addressed Buffy. "Who do you think he's gonna kill now? Don't have to tell you he has a knack for your band of chums."

* * *

Angelus walked down the street, happy as a kid in a candy store. He'd found himself a nice, terrified little blond woman that he'd drain dryer than the Sahara, and now, full and warm, he was looking for a more interesting kill.

He guessed that it was too much to hope that anyone of Buffy's friends would be alone outside at this hour if they knew he was loose - then again, if they still believed that he was chained up in the mansion, they might very well be.

As soon as he reached the Shady Hill cemetery, he heard a strong heartbeat. He disappeared into the shadows to get a look at the person before being discovered. He sniffed. The person, whoever it was, smelled a little like Buffy. Not enough to be her though, more like one of her friends. However, the person was alone – and Angelus didn't think for a moment that Angel and Buffy would let anyone from their little cub scout army hunt him alone if they had discovered the mess at the mansion.Of course, maybe he was lucky and they hadn't made found out that he was gone yet. He heard the footsteps approach…

Riley. Of course. The Iowa boyfriend being a good little puppy dog, he had a stake and was obviously taking care of Buffy's patrolling. Angelus smirked to himself. Perfect. He and Angel didn't agree on many subjects, but they hated Riley equally as much. This would be fun.

He stepped out of the shadows.

Riley looked startled. "Angel! It's you." Riley lowered his stake. "I mean, it is the good you, right?" Buffy called me and explained the situation earlier. She told me that they are holding the bad version safely locked up somewhere."

Angelus smiled his trademark smirk. A gesture that would tip off any other of Buffy's friends, but Riley didn't know him well enough. Come to think of it, he was probably too stupid to figure it out even if he'd known him better.

"Of course it's me. I decided to take a sweep, you know, let off a little steam. After being locked up all day, you know, in the Magic Box, with all the books and research…"

Angelus wasn't entirely sure that his act was convincing – he would never get used to playing the Soul – but Riley still had his "as clueless as a dead cow"-look so apparently, it worked on him.

"Oh, okay. Well, I'm on my way there myself, just heading back to my car right now. Why don't I drive you." Riley was obviously trying hard to be nice. Buffy had probably told him to be a good puppy and be nice to Angel, who after all was under a lot of pressure, having his evil alter ego loose in the world and all. Yada, yada, yada…

"Sure. Or, I could do this." Angelus lunged forward and kicked Riley in the stomach. As he arched forward, Angelus hit him swiftly over the neck, knocking him unconscious. There. That was better. Of course, he could have engaged in another fight with the tin soldier, but frankly, he didn't much care to. No, he had no desire to fight Riley again.

He just wanted to kill him.

* * *

The next two hours Buffy and Angel spent in the hospital – waiting, talking to doctors, and waiting again. Luckily Gunn's wounds weren't quite as severe as it looked like at first. His arm was broken, but apart from that he was simply beaten black and blue. Since he had been hit in the head, they wanted to keep him for observation overnight.

The biggest problem there was for Angel to talk the doctors into giving Gunn a room with a window facing east. Buffy told them that Gunn was a very spiritual person and that the morning sunshine would make him heal better. Of course they couldn't say that the real reason was that they wanted Gunn safe until they were allowed to pick him up. If Angelus wanted to, he would get in even when the sun was up – but direct sunlight in the room would protect him. The doctor didn't seem convinced, but since there was actually a suitable room empty, they got their wish.

Just as expected, Xander had simply been an inconvenience to Angelus – he had shoved him out of the way. He had a mild concussion but was allowed to leave the hospital right away, as long as he promised to take it easy; bed rest and no stress. Yeah, that was very likely to happen…

Meeting up with the gang again they had quickly explained what had happened and after the many "Oh my god" (Willow and Tara), "Oh dear" (Giles and Wesley), "The bastard hurt my Xander" (Anya) and "Smooth Buffy, now we're all on the menu" (Cordelia) they were discussing what to do next.

Buffy stood uncomfortably, shifting, nervous at the thought of Angelus being loose and killing in Sunnydale again. Angel paced back and forth, still not able to completely suppress his anger towards, well, the world in general really, and of course especially his evil counterpart. Xander sat slumped in the couch next to Anya, resting his head and trying hard not to look quiet as queasy and nauseous as he felt. Giles and Wesley were moving around, constantly flipping through books and making notes while the others sat around the large table in the middle of the shop.

"Well, I promised Angel that I'd stake him if it ever came to this," Cordelia said. She glanced at Angel with a confused frown. "Does that apply when you're here too?" Angel made a grimace.

"No. I don't know. If it comes to that, I'll sacrifice myself to stop him…"

"No, you won't." Buffy said firmly. "Now, we have already identified the demon that attacked you, and we know a little about his weapon. So, guys. Please tell me you've figured something more, and useful, about…" she made a grimace, "Totty?"

"Toth" Giles corrected. "Yes, it's a very old demon. The rod device that he used, it's called a ferula-gemina. As we already know, it splits one person in half, thereby distilling personality traits into the different bodies."

"What does that mean exactly? I mean, besides that he's split Angel and Angelus into two bodies, cause, kinda obvious."

"I'm not certain," Giles said, not sure how to go on. "But, seeing Angelus newfangled, er, self-mastery and Angel's – current slight lack of such, Angelus might very well have gotten all the traits that normally make Angel a very hard opponent. There is the demon – exposed, ruthless and centuries old. However, there is also the part of Angel's character that allows him to – control himself, if you will, to – to keep his natural instincts and reactions under restraint."

"And I'm left with my soul and my Angelus-like pigheadedness. My weaknesses," Angel realized. "Yeah, I think you're right."

Buffy nodded. That would explain why Angel had been so shifty these last few days. "So how do you fix it?"

"The book says that you need to make a sort of potion out of some of the demons blood and a piece of his weapon. If you have the potion it's very simple to reintegrate to refracted entities. I have yet to find the exact spell, but since we have neither demon blood nor a piece of the weapon…" Giles held up his hands in a dejected gesture.

"That's – bad, right?" Buffy asked.

"We'll find something, though," Willow assured. "Don't worry." Buffy threw a quick glance at Angel.

"I'll worry alright," she said silently. "But I trust you, all of you." Everyone was silent for a moment, perhaps dwelling on the question how their lives had been cast into such turmoil in just a few days. Three days ago they had all been happy, living their lives as they knew them. It was finally Buffy who broke the silence.

"So, Angel and I go Angelus hunting. This time around, a more serious Angelus hunt. We can tranq him, in the meantime, why don't you guys make some safe arrangements for our evil guest in the training room. We could bring Riley as well." Buffy said.

Angel didn't look very pleased with that suggestion, but he didn't say anything. Strength in numbers, he told himself. Maybe with Riley's help we'll catch him sooner. No, in fact, Angel was pretty sure the opposite was more likely. He could track himself easily, having Riley along would distract him.

"Yeah, that's a great plan! The capable fighters go away and leave us here to be all killed and tortured… Probably both, maybe not in that order. Angel, I won't be able to hold you… him, off with a bottle of fake holy water this time." Angel looked at Cordelia.

"No, you won't…" he answered truthfully. "Buffy, we could always send Riley here," Angel suggested, maybe a little too brightly. "I already know that I, and therefore also Angelus, can take him in combat, but I suppose he'll be good reinforcement here. If you barricade all doors except for the front door and load up on weapons, you should be safe." Angel didn't look anyone in the eyes when he continued. "Besides, I don't think he'll attack you here. Just stay together, armed and inside, you should be alright. It's not artistic enough to just burst in and slaughter everybody."

"Okay, Mr Positive. Thank you for that oh so reassuring statement," Xander said, grimacing and rubbing his head. Angel shrugged. Well, it was true. Buffy let her gaze drift from Angel to Xander and back, deciding not to add any comments of her own.

"Okay, let's go, we can stop by Riley's dorm room. He's probably there by now." Buffy was already on her way to the door. Angel followed.

* * *

"Riley?" Buffy knocked on the door.

"You don't have a key?" Angel asked her. Buffy shook her head.

"No."

"Oh." He couldn't help but being the tiniest bit pleased that Buffy and Riley didn't seem SO close after all. Sure, he wanted a normal life for her – it was a main reason to why he left, but… Well, he was the jealous type. Besides, right now he could always blame those feelings on being split from Angelus, couldn't he?

"Oh, what the hell." Buffy pulled the doorknob hard and it broke. She swung the door open.

Maybe the fact that she had Angel at her side had slowed down Buffy's reactions, her realization that this was ANGELUS she was dealing with. A creature that, last time he was loose, had dedicated his existence to tormenting her. Maybe he was slightly altered since he wasn't soulless because of the curse like last time, but still very much the same vampire. Or maybe she just hadn't expected him to get into the game so quickly and brutally. Either way, the sight that awaited her in Riley's dorm room was the last thing she had expected.

Riley was there.

Riley was dead.

He had been placed very neatly on the bed, his bloody hands clutching two roses, one black, signifying death, and one yellow, implying a promise of a new beginning. Always with the artistry of it, Angel thought bitterly.

The body was badly beaten and a hard blow to the temple was probably what killed him. Buffy just stood there, in shock. Angel walked up to Riley's body, he could tell from a distance that he was dead, probably had been for a few hours, but he wanted to grip the situation somehow, not to mention making sure that the cause of death really was the blow to the head… He carefully turned the head on the dead man to both sides, looking for bite marks.

Angel could see the irony in Buffy's second boyfriend coming back as a vampire, and if he could, Angelus could as well. He hadn't been bitten, though, which was a little odd. Well, at least it was until Angel came close enough to feel the scent of his blood. He was drugged, there was no mistaking it. Strange. He had a lot to say about Riley, but he wouldn't have thought of him as a drug addict.

He tried to analyze the smell. Slightly reminiscent to the smell coming off the guy he had tried to eat outside of the Bronze towards the end of his time as Angelus two years ago. Buffy had told him later that he had been a part of the swim team, which had been fed steroids to achieve better. Angel could definitely picture an organization like the Initiative drugging their soldiers, making them stronger and less sensitive to pain. They were originally just ordinary men after all, not imbued with any special powers. Drugged they would burn out quicker, but they would be of better use for the Initiative.

"Buffy, there's nothing we can do here…" Angel began. Something on the wall caught his attention. Dreading what it might be, Buffy took a few steps forward to see what it was.

"Oh god." On the wall, Angelus had written in Riley's blood.

_NO MORE SCREWING THE DEADBEAT_

All memories of the events two years ago washed over Buffy. She was shocked, horrified and disgusted, all at the same time. Acid was burning in the back of her throat and her fists were clenching into tight balls. Anger, seething hatred and that sinking feeling that made her just want to collapse into a heap on the floor and remain there until all this was over – all emotions fought each other and she wasn't sure what to let out first.

Not again. She couldn't do it all over again.

Angelus was going obviously going for a full-scale attack in all ways imaginable. Mocking her sexually and murdering her boyfriend, all within hours of getting loose. What was to come? Angel knew what she was thinking, because he was thinking it too. He moved closer to her and hugged her. She returned the hug, holding on to him tightly. Taking in his familiar scent, the feel of being in his embrace, his body against hers… she realized how much she had missed him, missed being in his arms. It had been so long time now. The last few times they had met, they hadn't exactly been on the best terms. She had forgotten how everything would just melt away and seem less horrible when she was with him.

"It's okay Buffy. This time, I'm here too. I'm gonna be by your side all the way, and if Angelus needs killing, I'll do it. You're not alone in this."

* * *

_A/N: Yes, I realize that the Toth-thing with Xander was solved with a simple "let the spell be ended", but that's just a little too simple for my taste. _


	7. SPINNING OUT OF CONTROL

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**CHAPTER 7: SPINNING OUT OF CONTROL**

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"Can you do it, or not?" Despite his new, awkward sense of self-control, Angelus was getting impatient. He had more interesting matters to attend to and this sorcerer was taking an awful amount of time to get to the point. Maybe he should just snap him in half and find another one…

"Do not try to hurry me, vampire. I know what you are thinking. I would not try to do it if I were you. I haven't lived on this plane of existence this long because of my psychical strength, but because of my mental strength. Try anything, and I shan't be cooperative - I will demonstrate my powers to you. More correctly, on you."

Angelus glared at him. If it wasn't so hard to find competent sorcerers in Sunnydale, he would just kill this one and be done with it. If this had been another time, a time where he had less in the way of self restraint, he might have anyway. But no, not now, he wouldn't.

"Okay. One more time. A simple yes or no will do it. Can. You. Do. It."

"The deadliest magic's are needed to rob this creature of its soul. But, of course I can do it."

"Well, that's peachy. When?"

* * *

Angel closed the door behind him. After they had discovered Riley's body Angel had taken Buffy home. 

She still had trouble hunting Angelus, though not as serious as two years ago since Angel was with her as well this time. He sighed. She was so tired, having not allowed herself any rest at all during the last few days, so Angel had talked her into going home and try to sleep for a few hours.

He would go to the Magic Box and tell everyone the news about Riley. That should be fun, this night's main event even. Or so he hoped. He was pretty sure at least Xander would be pretty harsh when Buffy wasn't around to glare at him. He got into his car for the drive into town. He kept the top down to be as aware of his surroundings as possible. If he was to see his alter ego on the way, he should make a stop. Unfortunately not to stake the bastard.

Well, at least he hadn't run in to Buffy's mother. He had the feeling that she wouldn't be very happy to see him back in town, especially not coming into her house with his arms around her daughter in the middle of the night. Apparently she had traveled out of town on business overnight, leaving Dawn to stay with a friend.

Angel was brooding. Since this wasn't really the time to skulk away and sit in a dark room and do it, he did it while he was driving to the Magic Box instead. He actually had no idea how to control his evil self. He couldn't kill him without dying himself. Buffy had just lost her boyfriend, how would she react if he disappeared as well? The ride back from Riley's frat house had pretty much convinced Angel that he still meant something to Buffy. The way she had acted towards him… the way she had held on to him when they walked to the car… it was more than taking comfort in him because she was shocked and grieving.

So the question was, what could he do about his evil counterpart? He wasn't sure whether he could hurt him badly – maybe that would affect them both as well. A wounded Angelus might be easier to handle, but not if he was hurt as well.

That left protecting the people Angelus was likely to strike until the gang could rejoin them. However, protecting people from Angelus… from him, was easier said than done. To his advantage, what the evil version said earlier was true – Angelus was always a part of him, which meant, Angelus had no upper hand in the fight against Angel. Well, he had, in a way. He had the privilege of being the one to hunt, not the one to be hunted. Angel would be hindered by the people he had that he had to keep safe, a burden Angelus didn't have.

Angel tried to imagine what he would do, right in this instant, if he didn't have his soul. In other words, what Angelus might be planning right now... Very confusing. To have a chance here, he would have to think like his soulless persona, act and react like him – not exactly something he was eager to do. Buffy was fairly safe for the time being, just like last time he wouldn't go for her first. Well, he would, but not in the straight up killing her style, that was much too simple for his taste. Willow was probably safe right now since the curse couldn't do anything to him… Besides that, there was really no telling what he could be up to.

Angel remembered his thoughts just after he lost his soul two, nearly three years ago. He wanted to give Buffy as much pain and suffering as he possibly could, but he had no real plan, at least not in the beginning. Mocking their night together, and killing the gypsy man, that was planned, but meeting and siring Buffy's classmate Theresa and even coming across Acathla – those were only whims. Angelus could decide on a random kill at any point.

He wasn't even in town yet when he felt the familiar tingle as always when a vampire was nearby. He stopped the car. The feeling was usually stronger when it was a vampire from his line – this time it was even stranger. Well, it wasn't very surprising since the vampire that stepped out of the shadows was himself…

"Well hello there, Angel." Angelus pronounced his name like it was tainted. "My my, don't you look dull and brooding tonight. Did you loose something?" Angel got out of the car and walked closer to Angelus. The expression "you have to face your inner demons" suddenly came to mind, he had used several times himself during the last year while talking sense into troubled clients. Right now it seemed a little too ironic to even be amusing.

"Yeah, but it seems to bounce back again, and again, and again… Why are you here? You can't kill me, even if I reckon you'd like to kill the sickening souled version of yourself, because if you do, you'll die yourself. And please, don't ask how I know you would like to kill me – it's because the feeling's mutual."

Angelus just smirked at him. "You have really embraced the concept of self-criticism, haven't you? Wow, this is a very beautiful moment we're having. I don't need to ask you anything, I know what you're thinking. A hundred plus years, locked beneath the soul. I know everything. I would guess your recent brood session was about – how do you stop me, hm? Or maybe your exact thought was, 'how do I stop me' 'cause, after all, we are one and the same."

Angel just glared at his evil self, a bored look on his face. What was it with soullessness that made him love the sound of his own voice so much?

"Don't you have _anything_ interesting to say? Cause I'm kinda bored here."

"Oh, yeah, there was one other thing. I brought a friend that wants to say a few words."

A robed man stepped out from the shadows.

"This is Mehing," Angelus said cheerfully, clapping his hands together. "He performs spells. His specialty is souls, in particular soul extraction. Yeah, this guy just loves soulless things." Angelus smirked, waiting for Angel to realize what was about to happen.

Angelus' plan struck Angel. Oh no. This he hadn't thought of – even though it made a certain kind of sense. As long as he, Angel with a soul, was out there, Angelus was under the constant threat of being put back together with him, and everything would be as before. If Angel didn't have his soul, on the other hand… That would mean two of Angelus, which was a twin couple destined for destruction, and if the gang put him back with himself, the soul would still be absent.

He couldn't leave Buffy alone fighting against him – both of him, to be more precise. She may be the strongest human being he had ever met, but it would be too much. She would never be able to protect everyone that she loved… It was impossible. The robed man started humming an incantation.

Without another thought, Angel ran up to the man, grabbed him and snapped his neck with a deft twist. The man fell to the ground with a thud, and Angel studied his work. He wasn't sure what to feel. This person may be innocent up until now, but he was about to unleash Angelus – what did that make him? An evil sorcerer, or just someone who was really fond of living, he thought bitterly. His evil self was very – persuasive, when he wanted to. Still, one dead shaman was better than the many, many people that would go if the plan had succeeded. But something bothered Angel. This wasn't his style. He was usually the one to lead people _away_ from all the action, not the other way around.

Angelus looked slightly amused, maybe somewhat impressed by his resolute action. Snapping necks with experienced hands, breaking them like kindling without a second thought. Now that was something he could appreciate in his souled version.

"Nice! Really, wasn't sure you'd kill a non-evil human without brooding about it for hours first. Of course, I'm not so stupid I bring the sorcerer with me and introduce you to him before he takes your soul. I mean, please! No, this was just for the kicks of seeing the look on your face." He smirked. "The real deal is somewhere else, probably performing the spell right now. And no, even if follow my tracks, you won't be fast enough."

Angel shook his head. Great. Not unexpected though, he always had been one to love a little sadism. He quickly decided that the only thing he could possibly do except standing there like a big idiot, was get to the Magic Box – if he made it before the spell had time to kick in, they could contain him and re-curse him as soon as possible. No harm, no foul. He leapt into the car and stepped on the gas, hearing his own mocking laughter in the background.

* * *

"Ianus, abs implore abeo. Expurgo adsero, dissolve adsero. Lutum conscientia, alieno. Exorere, Angelus. Prodi ex loco tuo pass, in hunc mundum vivorum." 

_English translation: Janus, I beseech thee. Cleanse him, release him. Wash away the conscience, let him be free. Arise, Angelus. Come forth from your place of the hidden, into this world of the living._

_

* * *

_

Pressing the car Angel accelerated as he passed the Restfield cemetery on his way into town. He remembered the first time he had been about to loose his soul. After the pain hit him, the only think he could think of was to get away from Buffy until it happened. He hadn't even been completely sure WHAT happened, but his instincts had told him that it wasn't good, and that Buffy would be in trouble if he didn't get away from her. Never before had the road to the Magic Box been so long…

A minute later, the pain hit him with full force. He gasped, struggling to hold the car on the road. The pain was recognizable, in a terrifying way. The fire spread from his chest to his head, making him dizzy and forcing him to stop the car completely and concentrate on getting through it. He held his forehead against the wheel and tried to hold on. The mere effort to draw breath feeling like a thousand daggers plunged into his chest, but he fought it. He could feel his soul being ripped away from his body; feel his demon soaring with life. The pain would pass soon – pass and be forgotten, as soon as the soul was gone from the body. And he couldn't do anything about it.

Angel closed his eyes and inhaled a deep breath. He tried to fight the change, but it was useless. The only thing he could think about Buffy. What would happen now? How much would he hurt her this time? He hoped that she would take the big decision and kill him as soon as possible. If he destroyed her, he didn't want to come back again. With one last moan, Angel let go.

"Buffy…"

* * *

_A/N: This chapter came out a little short, but the next one will be longer. Excuse the Latin above. I've used an English-Latin translator, but I can't guarantee that it's correct. Bear with me.  
_


	8. YOUR TEARS ARE ALL THE PAY I EVER NEED

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CHAPTER 8: YOUR TEARS ARE ALL THE PAY I EVER NEED**

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Tara felt useless. The whole day, not to mention all the days before, she had felt like she was a ghost in the group. She was Willows little Casper – a friendly ghost that everyone was aware of and no one disliked, but also that no one knew very well. The Scooby-group was already working effectively. Mr Giles had a huge knowledge in demonology and was the most effective bookworm among them.

Willow had developed unbelievably well as a witch for the last few months. Her knowledge now extended Tara's in many ways, not to mention her willingness to use magic. Buffy was the muscle in the group and Xander stepped in where he was needed and did his best. Tara felt superfluous and didn't think she had much to bring to the group. Now she actually had an idea that no one had thought of before, and she was determined to go ahead and show it to them.

Willow turned to her. They sat alone together behind a few book shelves – Giles, Wesley, Cordelia, Xander and Anya were in the centre of the shop, taking turns on resting, standing guard until Riley came, and flipping through books.

"Tara?"

"I thought of a book. Um, one that we have at home. The-the Ethrusian compendium. It has a lot of spells about mending and putting things back together. It might be useful."

"Is there a spell about how to put to one ensouled and one soulless vampire back together without problem?" she asked. Tara smiled shyly.

"Well… I, um, I guess I don't know for sure, but I think it's worth a shot. I thought I should go get it. I won't be long." Willow nodded.

"I'll come with you."

"No! No. It's not safe for you out there. I mean, if you were the one that gave Angel his soul back…" She shook her head. "I'm not letting you risk that. Besides, I'll be safer alone. He doesn't know me. Does he even know who I am?" A shadow of guilt passed over Willow's face at the way she said that.

"Well, no… I guess he doesn't." Tara smiled.

"Don't look like that, it's okay. Good even, in this case. I'll take the bus, I shouldn't be long."

"But we could ask Giles, he could drive you…"

"He looks busy. I'm okay, really. I'll be right back."

Willow nodded.

"Okay. Be careful."

"Always." She hugged Willow quickly, took her coat and left.

"You're going out?" Cordelia, the one currently sitting on guard, said. She had a big cross in one had and a crossbow next to her, resting against the door frame.

"Um, yeah. I'm just going to get a book at home." Cordelia nodded simply.

"Sure. Watch out for Mr. Killing Spree out there." Tara nodded and slipped out the door. The others hadn't even noticed her going.

Tara hurried along the street. How often did the bus go this time of day, anyway? She hadn't thought about that. Well, Willow had said that Angelus was likely to strike at Buffy's friends first – and she didn't exactly qualify in that category. Not yet, anyway. They had been introduced, obviously, and she thought Buffy was very nice, but they didn't know much about each other. Tara knew Buffy was the slayer and one of Willow's best friend; plus the recent stuff she had been told about her and Angel of course. Buffy knew that Tara was a witch and Willow's girlfriend, which was about it.

Tara's head snapped to the left. Was there someone over there? She was sure she heard a sound. Not that it was unexpected – Sunnydale was always filled with scary things, both human and demonic. Not to mention the run of the mill fox or racoon that would search through garbage, just like in any other town… Still, she had a bad feeling and figured she might as well take the other way to the bus station. Still staring hard into the dark alley across the street to her left, she turned right, not even noticing the tall, black clad man standing there. She bit back a shriek and looked up. Angel. Or was it…?

"Tara," he said, smiling charmingly. Tara couldn't help but to smile back. So he knew her name after all.

"Uh, hi Angel." She almost unconsciously looked down. Willow had told her to look for evil grins and leather pants to distinguish Angel from Angelus. That sounded a little peculiar, but it seemed right. The tall man before her wore black jeans and returned to a stern face as soon as had stopped smiling.

"Where are you going? He asked. "You shouldn't be out alone."

"I-I'm going over to my place. Willow's and my place. To get a book."

"Oh, you think you've found something useful?" Tara nodded.

"I, um, I hope so. I think so. I guess I should be going, I promised Willow… them, that I'd be back soon."

"Well, it's a long way to the college." Did he know that they lived there? Maybe it was a fairly educated guess; after all Buffy and Willow had lived there last year and he knew that, but still… No. It was just her being silly. Why wouldn't he assume that she and Willow lived on the campus?

"I guess you're not going to walk, and the bus isn't really safe. Not with Angelus out." Tara nodded quickly. It would be nice not having to go by herself. And besides she felt safe with Angel. Maybe it was because he had been an outsider in the Scooby group as well when he lived in Sunnydale. He was just starting to become a useful member when he lost his soul. After that there was just too much tension, mainly caused by Xander and Giles, according to Willow.

"O-okay. You know the way to the campus?"

"Yeah. I've been there a few times. Come on."

Angel didn't say much during the short ride to the campus of UC Sunnydale. He asked how the research was going and she'd told him that it was nowhere so far, but that she was almost sure that she would find a useful spell in the book she was getting. She added that the spell might be a little dark for her to perform, but that Willow definitely would be able to handle it. He had glanced at her and asked if Willow had come far with her knowledge in witchcraft. Tara ensured him that she had. After that they had been quiet for a while, before Tara decided to take the opportunity to tell him something that she had thought about since the first time Willow told her about his and Buffy's tragic love.

"Angel, I, I've… There's a thing that I've looked up."

"A thing?"

"A, um, a spell. Willow told me – about your curse. I guess I don't know if you're interested, but I'm pretty sure that I would be able to get a spell that will bind the gypsy magic. So that the curse keeps up, you know, no matter what."

"Really."

He didn't sound happy. Had she stepped out of line? Maybe he didn't want her interfering – they didn't know each other after all. Besides, maybe he didn't even want to get his soul permanent – as far as she knew the curse had only been endangered with Buffy, and they weren't together anymore. She felt her face flush.

"I mean, I guess that, um Buffy has Riley now, but…" Angel turned his head and looked at her as he parked his car outside her frat house.

"Sorry Tara, I guess I'm just a little distracted – with Angelus running around and all." She nodded eagerly.

"I understand."

"But of course I would be interested." He considered his words. "I mean, as long as the spell I safe for you…"

"Oh yeah, that's not a problem." They started walking into the frat house. "It's not a very hard spell, it's just, um, unusual. It's Romany magic too, and there aren't a lot of those books left." He nodded.

"Hmm. Do you have it here?"

"Yeah." She unlocked her door and went inside. Angelus walked all the way up to the door and felt the barrier.

"Do you want me to help you look?" he asked in an attempt you get an invitation.

"Oh, it shouldn't be very hard to find." He sighed silently. Either she just hadn't noticed that he couldn't come in without her invitation, or maybe Willow had told her to be careful.

Two minutes later Tara looked up from the piles of books, her face bright red.

"I-I guess this is taking longer than I thought. Why don't you come in and wait."

Yeah, why don't I do that, he thought, smothering a smirk in triumph and closing the door behind him. Just like he thought, Tara was too inexperienced in dealing with vampires; she didn't realize that inviting "Angel", even if he had been the Soul, would also mean inviting Angelus. Well, he wasn't going to warn her. He stood silently until she had found both books.

"Here they are. Guess we should head back?" Tara gestured towards the door and walked past Angelus.

"What did Willow tell you about me?" he asked. She stopped and turned.

"About you? Um… She never told me much about you… I mean specifically. Just a little about the curse, and Buffy, and, uh, Angelus."

"Angelus. Yeah. So what did she tell you about – him?" Tara inched uncomfortably towards the door. He loved this moment – just when the feeling of uncertainty, the presentiment that she might be threatened crept through her body, but before she really knew.

"S-s-she said…" Angelus took a step closed to her, piercing her with his hard gaze. The truth slowly dawned on Tara.

"She what?" Angelus asked, smiling as he felt the scent of fear and surprise.

Her mind raced. All her instincts told her one thing – run. Run for your life, you don't have anything to fight him with. She may have her magic, but it wasn't strong enough to save her from Angelus. "S-she said that… if I'd ever see him, I should..."

Not even finishing her sentence Tara made a desperate attempt to flee. She threw herself at the door and made it all the way there, extending her shaking hand to turn the knob, when he stepped in front of her.

"So she told you to run, did she?" he laughed. "Now, why would she do that, hm? She knows I love a bit of a chase. "Oh, Tara… tsk, tsk, tsk." He shook his head. "Do you really think you will get away from me? I've been doing this for hundreds of years – and you're a sluttish little witch who thinks you can beat me? Hmm?"

"N-n-no, I'm-m-m…." Tara's hardly ever stammered badly anymore, only when she as nervous or under great pressure.

"N-n-o what?" Angelus mocked. He grabbed her shoulders and shoved her roughly backwards. She stumbled and fell onto the bed. "You know," he said, "I was actually going to let you live, for the time being. Just cut you apart a little, as a token of my affection for your little bitch."

He bent over her and stroke her face softly, just to scare her. Her body tensed and trembled, not knowing when the mild touch would turn into something violent and possibly lethal. "Maybe even show you what it is you've been missing out on by forsaking men," he menaced. She whimpered.

"Of course, since you went to all this trouble to find a spell for them to use, I can't let you go. See, I don't really want them to reassemble me just yet. Not until I'm sure that they can't shove the soul back where they want it. Look at it from the bright side. I'm doing you a favour here. The only one in this world that really cares for you is Willow, and she will be dead soon too. No one else wants you, isn't that right? The others don't understand you. You could never fill up the space that Oz made when he up and left, like any sane person would. And your family, they don't want you either, do they?"

How did he know? Tara shuddered at the thought of her family – they were a big reason to why she left to attend UC Sunnydale in the first place… Willow had told her that a big part of the danger with Angelus was his feel for mental torture. It seemed like she hadn't exaggerated at all. The story about Willow's fish suddenly came to mind. A small act in the bigger picture, maybe, but still, it told of how much trouble Angelus was prepared to go to just to scare and torment his victims. Angelus smiled when he could tell by Tara's expression that he had hit the mark with his educated guess.

"It shows," Angelus continued. "There is a certain look to a person with a family that hated them… or was disappointed in them. Or simply thought they were an unnecessary shit that should never have been more than a stain on the sheets." He laughed cruelly.

"P-please…" Tara begged. He laughed at her. She tried to find something to hit him with, but there weren't many useful things that she could reach with her powers from the position she was in. He grabbed her by the hair and pulled her into standing position.

"Gee, let me think. Uh – no." He grabbed her shirt and pulled it down enough to bare her neck.

"Don't worry, your girlfriend won't be long," he whispered in a low, dangerous voice. Maybe it was the survival instinct that gave Tara powers she didn't knew she had, or maybe it was just pure luck. The screws in a shelf right behind Angelus came away under her eyes, and just as he prepared to bite down, it flung from the wall and hit him with almost comical accuracy in the back of the head. He staggered for a second and she tried to get away, but without luck. He had a hold of her right wrist that was hard enough to crush the bone if she struggled too much. Angelus snarled, eyeing the blonde witch.

She had some nice tricks to her, this one. He was sure would make an interesting vampire, the shy ones always did. Still, he didn't have time for a fledgling now. And Tara was a minor part of the group, not close to interesting enough to spend time on. Well, now he'd even lost his interest in eating her. The more self-controlled Angelus might have found the struggle daring and interesting, but this one was angry and hungry for a kill.

"End of the line for you, witch," Angelus hissed and flung her at the wall, avoiding another cocky little demonstration of her powers. She whimpered as she hit the wall with a thud, a hard blow to her head making her dizzy and disoriented. She knew that there was nothing she could do this time, she was barely able to hold herself upright – fighting Angelus with magic was out of the question.

The last thing she was aware of was Angelus grabbing her head, a loud crack, and then nothing more seemed real. She was dully aware that she fell to the floor, her body limp and useless, before her head hit the carpet and Tara knew no more.

* * *

The bell jingled as Buffy entered the Magic Box. She hadn't been able to sleep at all and after just an hour or so she decided to join the gang instead. They were probably scared now that they knew for sure that Angelus was going to target her friends this time as well. She didn't blame them. Deep down, there was nothing she'd rather do than take Angel, her friends and family with her and hide somewhere, not to come out until Angelus was gone. Let him play with the world as long as he wanted to, just as long as he didn't get to the people close to her… Of course it was a reckless thought and something that she wouldn't do even if she could, but it would be nice. 

At least she wasn't completely alone this time; she would have Angel at her side. It was a comforting thought. Dealing with Angelus didn't seem quite so frightening when the souled version was there to help her deal.

The whole situation was confusing her deeply. It wasn't exactly everyday both alter egos of your ex in two separate bodies showed up on your doorstep. One wanting to kill you and one… well, what Angel wanted, she couldn't really say, could she? Not kill her though, she was pretty sure.

It didn't make her less confused that she still found herself having fuzzy feelings for him. Even though they had made it perfectly clear that they were over and should move on with their lives… even though all the harsh things that had been said during the encounters they'd had during the year they were apart, she couldn't help herself.

She wondered what he would think if, some day, when all this was over, she would tell him that she still had feelings for him. Did he? Well, okay, that was pretty much a 'duh'-question. She knew that he did, he had never tried to hide that.

She shook herself. She couldn't be rushing into things like this. The evil version of Angel had just murdered her boyfriend, what was she thinking? Unbelievable, the first thing she did was dream of reviving her relationship with Angel. As far as she knew, he didn't want that. Why would he? He had left for a reason, and his evil alter ego killing Riley didn't exactly qualify as proof of the suitability of the two of them being together.

Tonight, or well, what was left of the night – it would be dawn in a few hours, she could come and go as she wanted, but tomorrow when her mother got back, she would have to make sure that her house was guarded. Since a de-invitation spell would affect both Angel and Angelus, it wasn't an option this time. However, she had told them what was going on, well, the short version of it anyway, and told them to be very careful if Angel showed up, preferably not let him in at all if she wasn't around. It would probably not be so hard for her mother to see the distinction, but then again, Angelus could put on a very convincing Angel act if he wanted to.

Giles shot up from his chair as soon as she stepped inside.

"Buffy! Thank god you're all right, we were worried when Riley didn't show up."

Buffy frowned slightly.

"Didn't Angel tell you…?" Immediately worry stirred up in her stomach. It shouldn't have taken him so long to get from her house to the shop, where was he? Angel wasn't the type that would go ahead and do something else instead. He would want to update everyone and make sure that they were safe.

"Angel? We thought for sure he was with you." Wesley was the one who answered.

"Yeah, he was, but… Okay, so you don't know." She swallowed. There was no easy way to tell them that the monster they hated and feared once again had killed one of their friends. "He killed him." Incomprehension and confusion were all over their faces. She wanted to scream out loud. Hello, wake up, this is happening! He's not just some evil ghost of years passed, he's here, he's real, and he wants to kill us all.

"He killed Riley," she said quietly. The confusion turned to shock, fear, disgust, hatred. She could see it all. Giles face was a shade of ash gray. Xander shook his head, his expression saying it all. Wesley closed his eyes for a second, as if wanting to shut out the reality in which his boss and friend – at least a part of him – had murdered someone close to Buffy. He wasn't alone about that.

"Oh dear." Giles furrowed his brow and Cordelia shook her head in a 'here we go again' gesture. Xander looked shocked and disgusted. Willow got up and pulled Buffy into a tight hug.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered in her ear. Buffy nodded silently in response. She was always such a caring friend.

"Are you alright?" she asked. "Is that a dumb question? Of course it is, Buffy, I'm really sorry."

"It's okay, Will. You haven't done anything wrong. I should have made sure he was safe. He doesn't know Angel well enough to tell…" She faltered. "I just mean I should have told him more. Made him come here and be with is from the beginning. I took it too lightly… and now he's dead."

"You mustn't blame yourself, Buffy. You didn't kill him, that was Angelus," Giles reminded her. Buffy shrugged, not agreeing with him. She was the slayer. She was the one that was supposed to protect the world from demons, even if they wore the face of her ex-boyfriend. She had taken this too lightly, and it had gotten several people killed already, and Riley was one of them.

"Angel followed me home and said he'd come over here and tell you before patrolling. He didn't show?" Willow shook her head.

"We haven't seen either of the Angel's. Angel or Angelus, I mean."

Buffy immediately started pacing, worry clawing at her.

"Then where is he? I have to get out there and find him. Maybe Angelus did something to him." A horrible thought struck her. "Or maybe, oh god, what if he killed himself to stop Angelus?"

No one got a chance to speculate over where Angel might be, because in that instant, he stepped in the front door.

"Hey guys." He hugged Buffy quickly. "No Angelus-action?"

Buffy returned the hug, somewhat surprised by such an open show of emotion from him, especially now, and then pried away from him. She supposed he may just want to show her his support, after the Riley thing.

"Where have you been? You said you'd go straight over here, since when does that drive take almost two hours? It shouldn't take more than a few minutes." Angel avoided looking at Buffy.

"I met Angelus. We fought; apparently he really wants to hurt me even if he can't kill me. I tried to track him, but I lost him at the Restfield cemetery and then I came over here." Angel looked at them with concern. "You're okay, right?"

"Sure…" Buffy sighed. "I just… I guess we're all a little jumpy, what with fifty percent evil version running around and all."

"Yeah. Figures." Buffy looked at him, somewhat suspicious. Angel usually didn't answer so casually on the subject of Angelus, especially not in the company of her friends. He was still ashamed of what he did to them two years ago – now, however, he didn't seem very guilt stricken at all. His features softened and he looked at her, caressing her cheek softly with his right hand. No, it wasn't the evil version. He was probably very tense himself. Plus, the whole split from Angelus deal had made him unbalanced, which wasn't strange. It wasn't very surprising that he wasn't totally his usual calm self.

"You know," Angel stopped caressing Buffy, "I should get back out there. There are still a few hours till dawn, I want to keep carnage down to a minimum, if you know what I mean. I'm thinking about going to the mansion and check it out. I don't think he's still there, and if he isn't, I have a place to rest for a few hours, in-between research and tracking him down."

"You want to stay there?" Buffy asked, surprising herself with how disappointed she felt. She had hoped that maybe, he'd like to stay at her place… To protect her from his bad self, and maybe talk a little… She scolded herself for the thought. Just here because of the evil alter ego, she reminded herself. Will be going back to his life when this is all over. Having nothing to say to her other than "sorry about the evil, now let's get on with the forgetting thing".

"I have stayed there before, remember," he reminded her, quirking a small smile. She nodded quickly, eager to break off the train of thoughts.

"Sure. Do you want me to come and be with you?" Everyone stared at Buffy. It took a few moments before she realized how that sounded.

"I mean, on patrol! Come and be with… _accompany_ you, on patrol, is what I meant." Angel smiled.

"It's alright. I'll go by myself. You rest." Without another word he disappeared into the night, Buffy gazing after him.

"And what was _that_ about?" Cordelia commented.

"I'm seconding that," Xander spoke up in a slightly raspy voice.

"What?"

"Touching! Hugging and patting and – googly eyes." She turned to Wesley. "Did you see the googly eyes? I saw the googly eyes. There were definite googly eyes." Buffy looked her, frowning.

"Is that – any of your business?" She slapped herself mentally. That hadn't been what she meant to say. What she had meant to say was that she had no idea what Cordelia was talking about.

"It's very much of my business! As soon as we've cleared up this thing, we're dragging the boss with us back to LA, you can be sure of it. We don't want him more brooding than usual. 'Buffy brood equals a table without food' as I say." Buffy frowned. Had he been brooding about her much before? Apparently. When all this was cleared up, she wanted to talk with Angel. Really talk, something he wasn't very good at. She looked at the door where Angel had left a minute ago.

"Did he… behave a little weird to you?" she asked the gang, not addressing anyone in particular.

"Jeez Buffy. Wouldn't you be a little weird if you had your evil alter ego threatening your friends and killing your ex-lovers lover? Forget I said that – you always behave a little weird. Anyway, evil Angel never would have worn those pants." Cordelia answered confidently.

"I guess," Buffy answered uncertainly. She wasn't completely able to shake off the little warning sign blinking in her head. Call it her overly active slayer sense, but something was off.

"Look guys," she said. "What do you say we stay here until the sun rises, then everyone can head home safely. Rest for a few hours, sleep, you'll need your strength. We don't know what awaits us."

"Actually Buff, isn't that just it? We do know what awaits us," Xander said simply.

Buffy snapped her head up and looked at Xander, a hurt look in her eyes. It wasn't until she met his gaze that she realized that there wasn't anything smart or scoffing in his words. He was tired and hurting, just like all of them. And he was right.

"However you want to see it," she said shortly.

"At least I may have some good news," Willow supplied. "Tara said she remembered a spell that is supposed to put back together what has been disrupted or parted. She went to get her book earlier."

* * *

_A/N: Yes. I killed Tara, which might very well make me a particularly brutal bastard by all accounts, but quite frankly, just as Angelus I didn't see this working with her alive. She's a very powerful witch – Willow's a very powerful witch, together they would be too dangerous to have around. And oh yeah, surely there will be B/A-action down the line even though it might be a while, you know, 'cause of the bucket loads of evil… _


	9. VENGEANCE IS A LIVING THING

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**CHAPTER 9: VENGEANCE IS A LIVING THING**

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Angelus hurried away from the Magic Box. It was really hard to keep up the soul façade, even for a few minutes, but he wa pretty sure they all had thought he was Angel. Well, after all he had picked up a few tricks being locked inside the ensouled body for a hundred years. Angelus chuckled to himself. He couldn't wait to see how the coming day would unfold. Too bad he wouldn't be there to see it when Willow found the… as Spike would put it, gag-gift, in her bed. Now he was heading out to find himself. Okay – the other him. It wasn't very hard, as soon as he concentrated he was able to sense his way to him.

When the first Angelus saw him coming, he stepped out of the shadows, studying his other self carefully. It had worked, it had most definitely worked. He smirked.

"I see that the spell worked. No side effects?" Angelus the second grinned broadly.

"Had a soul, now I'm free. You know the drill."

"Sure do. Did you grab something to eat? You'll want to wash that foul swine blood out of your system."

"Didn't get the chance to, I was gonna, but I ran into the blonde witch instead… Tara." He flashed a satisfied grin at the memory of the sound of her neck snapping. "She's currently – resting in her girlfriend's bed."

Angelus pounded him heartily on the back.

"Great beginning! Did you reveal yourself to Buff and her little retards?" Angelus shook his head.

"Fooled them I was Angel. They bought it, but damn, that's hard work. Couldn't stop thinking about what I'm gonna go to them, if you know what I mean." Angelus nodded.

"Now, why don't you tell me why I'm here?" the second one went on. "Not that I'm complaining, but I-we are the jealous type, isn't it more fun to be the one and only? I know I think so."

Angelus shrugged.

"Had to be sure the soul wasn't consumed by guilt and staked himself – you know, he's really the throw himself on the sword type. Besides, it'll take a while before they figure this out. We'll have some fun until they do, and when they rejoin us – nothing has changed." The second nodded appreciatively.

"I like it. As far as I know, they're not anywhere near reintegrating us, though. Apparently they need blood from the demon and a piece of its weapon."

Angelus grinned.

"It just so happens… I have the only piece of the weapon available." He patted his pocket. The other one nodded.

"Good. Let's get outta here. I have to get someone to eat before sunup. And some decent pants."

The two almost identical versions of the Scourge of Europe walked off, leaving the cemetery for a little macabre fun before dawn.

What they didn't know was that a certain platinum blond vampire had been watching the whole scene closely from the shadows. The figure chuckled softly and disappeared into the darkness.

* * *

At the break of dawn, Willow excused herself as quickly as possible and half ran away from the Magic Box to grab the first bus back to the UC Sunnydale campus. She was worried. In fact, she was very worried – why hadn't Tara come back? What if she had run in to Angelus? How could she be stupid enough to let her go on her own?

She knew that she was probably overreacting. It had been late when Tara went home; maybe she simply decided to wait for her at home instead of coming back. It was a possibility. Still, Willow had a nagging feeling that the reason to her absence was more serious than that. She would have called if she decided to stay at home, wouldn't she?

IF something had actually happened, she would have to blame herself for it. She had been foolish enough to think that Angelus wouldn't even consider targeting Tara, who of all people she was the one he knew least. It didn't make any sense, why would he hurt her?

Of course, it did make some sense, she thought, swallowing against the large lump in her throat. She had been the one to return his soul the last time; he would want her to suffer. Besides, Tara was a powerful witch, and it wouldn't exactly serve Angelus' purpose to have another one of those around.

Nervously fidgeting with the strings in her sweater, Willow tried to convince herself that it wasn't any danger, that everything was okay. Tara had gone to the bus, rid with it straight home where Angelus didn't have an invitation, and for one reason or another, she had decided to stay there for the rest of the night. Maybe the phone was out – it happened sometimes. Maybe they had even forgotten to pay the bill; it was theoretically possible, wasn't it?

She practically ran as she stepped off the bus, eager to get home. The closer she came to her room, the more uncomfortable she got. Maybe she should have told Giles and Buffy? Xander and Anya had gone home and Cordelia and Wesley had been off to find a suitable motel room, but Buffy and Giles had still been in the shop when she left – and right now she didn't feel much like going into her room alone. She considered calling them – though that would mean searching for a phone, explaining her not exactly well grounded concerns and wait for them to come and meet her. No, she had to do this.

Her hand slightly shaking, she turned the key. She could almost see it already, Tara sitting inside – maybe she was still asleep, smiling at her, greeting her and telling her how sorry she was for bailing on her, Miss Kitty Fantastico jumping down from the bed, greeting her…

Two steps into the room, Willow stopped dead in her tracks.

Even though she had feared that something might have happened, nothing could reduce the stabbing, jolting shock that hit her when she saw her.

Her lover, her girlfriend – her soul mate lying dead in her bed, dead, glassy eyes staring at her. When Willow tried to take a step forward, she felt her knees buckle. Almost passing out, she fell to the floor. She managed to stay conscious, struggling to the bed, to be at Tara's side. She dragged herself on to the bed, arms shaking.

"Tara…"

Her voice was only a pained whisper. Her throat was a large lump that threatened to explode in a flurry of hysterical sobs once she truly realized what had happened here. Tara was dead, as in gone, never coming back. Killed by Angel. Angelus.

Biting her lip, unable to stop the flow of hot tears rolling down her cheeks, she pulled Tara into her lap. Her head fell backwards unnaturally. There was no mistaking what had happened here. Angelus' twisted, sadistic sense of humor had resulted in Tara's death. Oh, how she could remember the pain only of hearing the news of Jenny's similar death. The feeling here was the same – only about a hundred times worse.

"No… Tara, no, no…" Willow collapsed over Tara's chest, breaking down in into an uncontrollable fit of sobs. Nothing seemed real or important, except for the fact that she had let this happen. How could she be so stupid that she let her go by herself! She should have been there! Together they had fought the Gentlemen – they could have held Angelus at bay too. She shouldn't have left Tara all alone to get killed.

Several minutes later she finally moved Tara off of her lap, putting a pillow under her head and closing her eyelids. Trying to wipe her own tears away, she brushed Tara off and put a blanket over her. Her light green shirt was wet from her tears. Willow carefully pulled the blanket far enough over her to cover it. It almost looked like she was sleeping.

Willow backed away a few steps, reaching for the phone. Suddenly a strange smell caught her attention. The smell of…. It was metallic and definitely not something she associated with anything good.

Blood.

Instinctively she looked at her own hands and Tara's neck, but it was nothing there. Turning around, looking for the source of the smell, it didn't take long before she found it.

Her gaze drifted to the closed door, on which Miss Kitty Fantastico, Tara's cat was hung up for display. Carefully Willow went closer, recoiling in horror when she saw what he had done to her. The small cat was threaded on a piece of rope which had been nailed to the door. Willow felt nauseous. Whatever Angelus had used to get the rope through the cat… oh, dear God how she must have suffered. She put her hand over her mouth to avoid throwing up. This was a savage and disgusting remake of what he had done to her fish a few years ago. She could see how a twisted mind like Angelus would find that amusing. But this… it was appalling.

She stumbled away from the savaged animal and gripped the phone, ripping the receiver from its cradle. Hoping that someone would still be there, she dialed the number to the Magic Box. Her hands were shaking so much that she had to dial three times to get it right. As she waited for an answer and watched the horrible destruction before her, Willow's disgust, grief and sadness turned to seething rage and hatred. When Giles finally answered she was holding on to the phone so tightly that her knuckles whitened.

"Hello?"

"Giles. He killed her." Her voice wasn't even unsteady, but cold and hard. Determined.

"Willow? Is that you?" Giles sounded bewildered, as if not even sure if it was really Willow he was talking to.

"He killed Tara."

Giles didn't say anything, but Willow could hear a scraping sound and muffled voices in the background. It was probably Giles covering the receiver with his hand as he spoke to Buffy.

"Willow, are you alright? What's happened?" Buffy's voice.

"He killed her." A short pause.

"Just stay there, I'm coming." Willow barely heard what she said, and she didn't care.

"No. He killed Tara… And now he will pay." She could hear Buffy protest as she ended the call by slamming the phone into its cradle so hard that she nearly broke it.

Wasting no time she opened the closet, moved away a few boxes and some clothes and unloaded three books she had "borrowed" from Giles when she was sure he wasn't looking. She briefly caressed the covering before she opened the books. They were all really powerful, and she could imagine Giles' reaction if he found out that she had them.

Quickly she eyed through and memorized several spells while she filled a big with all the weapons she could find in the room. Finally she looked up and performed a location spell which would show her where Angelus was and take her there.

The mansion. If Willow hadn't been blinded by fury and grief, maybe she would have remembered that Angel said that he would be staying at the mansion – but she didn't. All that was important was that it was that Tara's murderer was the one placed in the mansion by the location spell. Grabbing her bag, she disappeared out the door.

* * *

"WILLOW! Damn it, she hung up." Buffy turned to Giles, who was standing next to her, looking at her sternly, his eyes worried and sad.

"What happened? Did she tell you anything further?" Buffy shook her head.

"Angelus killed Tara," she said shortly. "That's all. God, I have to get to Willow, who knows what she'll do?" Giles mouth was pulled into a thin line. He removed his glasses and began cleaning them with a handkerchief. He looked at Buffy.

"By the way she sounded, I don't think it's very hard to figure out what she has her mind set on. I trust you remember… my reaction, after Jenny." His gaze darkened at the memory. This was hard for him to speak about. Buffy nodded silently.

"She's in for revenge," she said simply. "I have to stop her. She-she's not match for him. He'll kill her. God. I don't even know where he is, how am I gonna make it in time!"

"Take it easy, Buffy. I'll drive you to her dorm, hopefully there will be some clues there. If she already knows Angelus' whereabouts, she must have done a locator spell of some kind."

"You're right. Come on, we have to hurry."

* * *

Angelus the first was alone in the mansion's main room. His other half was currently downstairs in the basement, sleeping. They had come back from their very short killing spree just before sunup. While he was killing a homeless woman, his other half had broke into a leather store to upgrade his wardrobe.

And at the moment, he – well, they, were planning what to do after nightfall. He had all sorts of interesting ideas He – the other him, had done a good job taking out Willows girlfriend little girlfriend. The spell books he had taken after he killed her held secrets that they really didn't want Buffy and her pals to get their hands on – they had burned immediately. The question was what was up next? Maybe the other witch should go to. She was by far the biggest threat with her knowledge in the black arts. Besides, she probably wouldn't be too happy when she found her lover dead in her bed.

Then again, Giles was the backbone of the operation, being the oldest and Buffy's mentor and father figure. The levelheaded, stuffy ex-librarian might not be much of a threat himself, but he could bet that killing him would be like killing the spider in the web. Maybe he should turn him? Angelus chuckled to himself. He pictured Giles as a vampire. That, THAT would be priceless. All that stuffiness, turned into a demon. And Buffy would have to stake her own watcher. Yep, that was definitely something to consider.

His other half had told him that both Gunn and Xander were alive since his little attack, and that Gunn was still in the hospital. Not that he-they, cared very much about that. First of all, by the time the fatal sunlight had moved from his room he would be released, and besides, he wasn't their priority.

Angelus didn't have time for any further fantasies and planning of coming murders before the front doors to the mansion flung open with a crash, allowing blistering sunlight to flow freely into the room. It was only Angelus' good reflexes that saved him from being deeply fried, as he quickly leapt over the couch took cover behind it. He grabbed his coat and put it on to get as well protected from the sun as possible.

"What the hell…?" he hissed at the intruder. Who would…? Of course.

It was Willow by the door, floating several inches above ground. Her eyes were completely black. Now that was a new look for her. Evidently the lover hadn't lied about her growing powers. Well, screw that. She was, after all, still just a little girl.

"Kali, Hera, Kronos, Tonic." Willow spoke. "Air like nectar, thick as onyx, cassiel by your second star," she continued chanting. Angelus smirked at her, not letting his confident stance slip for a second. It wasn't like he hadn't experienced this before – the vengeful lover or family member that would come after him in a vain attempt to make him pay for what he'd done. He actually enjoyed it. It was only proof that his work had been successful. That he had managed to royally piss off a gentle soul like Willow was a great reward.

Besides, if he didn't want the mightily pissed off witch to take out her grief on him, what should he tell her? 'I didn't do it'? Well, actually he didn't, but…

"If it isn't Tara's bitch," Angelus scoffed. "How cute."

"Hold mine victim as in tar," she finished her incantation. The air around Angelus started to shimmer and he couldn't move forward. How nifty. Willow stared at Angelus, her eyes still black.

"I – OWE – YOU – PAIN!" she shouted as the first spell wore off. Angelus felt like he was being stabbed with a hundred knives at once. Okay – so that was less nice. Willow extended her hand, holding the spell for as long as she could. Angelus gasped in pain and fell to his knees.

"Someone needs to bring ordinary stakes into the game," he commented as cockily as he could muster.

"They don't hurt enough," Willow replied coldly. That was just it. Mmm, he liked her. Even in a moment of blind grief and passionate vengeance, she had taken the time to consider what would hurt him the most. No wonder that vampire self of hers from an alternate reality had been a peach.

"Shatter!" Willow yelled. All the windows in the room exploded and the glass seemed to explode inwards. Luckily the heavy black curtains took care of most of it. Some of it his Angelus, slicing him, but he didn't get badly wounded. He chuckled as he got to his feet.

"This is it, hm? This is the revenge of the wicked witch?" he taunted her. Not answering or letting him go with her gaze for a second, she floated a black leather bag in front of her that she opened.

"And what's this? Bag of tricks?" Angelus sounded amused. She stared at him.

"Bag of knives." Several daggers and a small ax flew aimed straightly at Angelus, but he was too quick and batted them all except one aside. The single dagger that hit its mark caught him in the chest, but he simply pulled it out, too angry to feel the pain. Willow looked unaffected.

"Tree, come undone. Pierce this demon, have the crust, go in this direction and turn my enemy to dust." For about two seconds Angelus had the time to consider what that might mean, then he heard a creaking from outside, sounding very much like wood breaking. He glanced passed Willow. Outside a small tree was bending and breaking, forming a large and dangerous stake like weapon. A grim look on her face, Willow moved her hand forward as if to give the weapon coordinates.

"Oh hell," Angelus muttered as the tree came flying in his direction. Having no time to get out of the way without possibly getting smacked into the sunlight by the branches on the tree he braced himself for the impact.

And what an impact it was. He shielded himself as well as he could, stopping the tree partly with his hands as the sharp end hit him in the chest, the force sending him flying back into the stonewall. The surging pain and smell of his own blood told him pretty quickly that he had been impaled. Again. What was it about his torso and sharp objects sticking out of it?

The tree had hit him a few inches below the breastbone, leaving him hurt but not fatally wounded. Groaning and bleeding profusely he tried to get the tree out of his chest as Willow began to speak a new incantation.

"Spirit of serpents, now appear," she said coldly, studying Angelus as he got away from the tree and pushed it aside. Staggering from the pain he picked up a small table and threw it at her. As it hit her, she descended to the floor, reeling for a moment, but was able to rise again. So her powers were fading, Angelus thought. The tree spell must have taken it out of her. Good to know.

"Hissing, writhing, striking near," she said, her voice almost faltering.

A snake emerged from the stone floor just where Angelus was standing a bit shakily.

"Ooh, a worm, scary," he said as cockily as he could muster, shaking his head and crushing it with his boot. It died and disappeared in a puff of smoke. That seemed to drain Willow even further. She fell to the floor and was now partly covered in shadow. Seeing his opening Angelus didn't hesitate a moment before he moved forward and grabbed her by the throat.

"Now, that was fun," he snarled, tightening his grip around her throat. "But I think it's time we move on to the main event." Just as he was about to crush her windpipe, something kicked him from behind. He was forced to let go of Willow and stumbled forward. He turned around and glared angrily at his attacker.

"It really is," she said. Buffy. Of course. He could see Rupert standing in the door to the atrium, pointing a crossbow at him, looking at him with a grim expression.

"Well. Hello lover," he smirked at Buffy, heartily aware what she felt about that title. Especially now, when the body of her dead ex was barely cold.

Without another word, she attacked him, kicking his wounded chest and hitting him in the face. When she struck out again, he grabbed her leg and flipped her to the ground. He barely dodged an arrow from Giles and before he knew it, Buffy was back on her feet, sending him to the ground, only inches from the fatal patch of sunlight.

He shoved her away, quickly deciding that this wasn't the time and place for a fight to the death. He preferred it when she didn't have the advantage of a pissed of ex-watcher and a lot of sunlight working for her. And when he wasn't recently impaled - his reactions wasn't what they should be.

As he retreated well into the shadow, Buffy grabbed Willow and dragger her outside, Giles following them, never letting his eyes off Angelus or his finger off the trigger on crossbow.

* * *

As soon as they came outside, well into the sunlight where they knew that Angelus couldn't follow even if he was foolish enough to try, Willow broke free from Buffy grip. Giles remained standing at a distance, not wanting to interfere with the scene that played out before him. When he saw the books that Willow had been using – his books, that she had stolen, he had been angry and disappointed, but this wasn't the time for a lecture. She was deeply grieving and had been prepared to die in there, as she executed vengeance upon Angelus. He had been too – going alone into the stronghold of Angelus, Drusilla and Spike, setting the place on fire and attacking the Scourge of Europe himself with a baseball bat hadn't exactly been the most carefully laid out plan of the century.

"What are you doing here? It wasn't your choice Buffy!" Willow yelled, attacking Buffy, taking out her frustration and grief by hitting and kicking her. Buffy shoved her away, making her stumble and fall to the ground.

"Don't you understand? He would have _killed_ you!" Buffy yelled, panicked at the thought of how close it had been, what would have happened if she and Giles hadn't found the location spell in Willow's dorm room and come straight to the mansion. Willow looked so lost where she sat, tears trailing down her cheeks, so much pain in her eyes. Buffy kneeled down beside her and put her arms around her, hugging her tightly.

"You're my best friend Willow." Buffy's voice was shaking as she had a hard time holding back her own tears as well. "I love you. I can't loose you to him."

Willow broke down into a fit painful, heart wrenching sobs again. Nothing could take away this pain. Tara had been brutally murdered, and she couldn't even avenge her death. She was helpless and hurting… and the person she had felt strongest connected to in her whole life wasn't there to comfort her. She wouldn't ever be again.

"Tara's gone… She's really gone."


	10. BEWARE OF THE WICKED WITCH

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**CHAPTER 10: BEWARE OF THE WICKED WITCH**

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Carefully watching the mess before him, Angelus the second emerged from the basement, shaking his head and rubbing his aching chest. So - serious wounds did rub off on both of the versions. Good to know.

"What was THAT all about?" The other half, who was picking splintered glass out of his shoulder, glared angrily at his twin.

"That was me paying for what you did to the witch yesterday," he hissed. Maybe this being split in two business wasn't such a great idea after all. The second twin smirked, his pain momentarily forgotten.

"Aw, don't be like that. After all, you and I are one. I got a piece of the action too. Not bleeding as much though, you might want to take care of that. Bleeding holes in the chest are just so passé," he mocked. His other half shot him an evil glare. "You just be glad I remembered to park the car in the garage; if it had been outside our cover had been blown." Angelus the second shrugged.

"I suppose this isn't the best time to present the Scooby gang with the fact that the fluffy soul has left the building," he said as he aimed and threw the bloody pieces of glass out the broken window. "After sunset you should continue to investigate how far they've come in their research on reintegrating us. Preferably, without revealing your identity. There's a good risk they'll just stake you – me – whatever, on sight now, when one of their close friends is dead."

* * *

The atmosphere in the Magic Box was troubled and strained that evening. Willow didn't want to face the whole gang, so Buffy was keeping her company in the training room. Giles was spending a lot of time cleaning his glasses, remembering the events of Jenny's similar death and worrying about possible repercussions of Willow's use of black magic.

Cordelia, Wesley and Gunn, who had been released from the hospital earlier that day, were staying in the background, feeling like outsiders when Angel wasn't with them. Even Anya was unusually quiet. Xander sat with her, not sure what to say or think. They all dealt with the fact that Angelus once again was loose and killing in Sunnydale – and once again, he had targeted Buffy and her nearest and dearest. Everyone was silent; concentrating on the futile tasks that they pretended kept them occupied.

The police had no idea how to handle Tara's death – as so often in Sunnydale. Countless murder victims went to their graves without there ever being any arrests made or even any good leads on who had killed them. That was life on a Hellmouth. It didn't look like Tara's death would be any different. They had no solid clues to work with – the only sign of struggle they had found was a bookshelf on the floor and the only set of fingerprints that didn't match either of Tara's friends they couldn't track down, the person wasn't in their database.

The gang had spent a few hours in the police station during the afternoon, all answering questions. The police had been particular interested in Buffy because of her earlier record, not to mention the fact that Riley had just been murdered and left in his dorm room as well. What could she say? Just like the others, she swore that all of them had been together at the time of the murders and that she had no idea who the perpetrator could be. No, she didn't know anyone who might do it, she hadn't been threatened or involved with anyone that might want to get back at her for some reason. The bloody message on the wall indicated that Riley's murderer would be someone that objected to his and Buffy's relationship. Did she have any ex boyfriends that might be jealous? She lied coldly to all of their questions, as did everyone else.

What bothered Buffy most about the situation, though, was the fact that Angel hadn't checked in all day. He had said it before – he lurked, shouldn't he have found out? Of course, he obviously hadn't been able to stay in the mansion after all. Angelus was there instead. Maybe he was held up in a crypt somewhere, if so he wouldn't have been able to get out at all until now.

A few minutes later the bell jingled. Angel stepped in.

Giles immediately got to his feet, Xander grabbed a cross and Cordelia reached for the stake that she always kept in her purse.

Angel looked at them, neutrally, not evilly, sadistically or gleefully that Angelus might.

"It's just me." He closed the door. "What's happened here?"

Anya finally spoke out in her usual straightforward way.

"Didn't you know? You killed Willow's girlfriend last night." Cordelia glared at her. Anya smiled a little. "Oh. Not you as in, YOU, but your evil persona. Since you are two exact copies of the same body and demon, though not soul since Angelus lacks one of those, I don't think it's a terrible mistake to not separate you verbally. I know if I had an extra version of me walking around, that was a vengeance demon, which I was before, I would call her me, since she would be me. Then again, I guess your horrible guilt complex stops you from…"

"Anya!" Xander looked at her tiredly. "Stop it, honey."

As soon as Anya had stopped talking, they all turned to Angel, to see his reaction to the news. Strangely, he looked slightly amused by Anya's ramble, and when they all looked at him expectantly, the seemed to remember that he should say something.

"Oh. Oh, god. Did Angelus kill her?"

Giles looked sternly at the vampire, crossing his arms over his chest. "I believe we already covered that, yes."

Angel sat down at the table in the center of the shop, right opposite Giles. He didn't meet the former watcher's eyes. Giles didn't think about it much, he assumed Angel was simply ashamed and didn't want to face him. Of course he didn't know that the reason Angel was avoiding eye contact with everyone who knew him was because he didn't want any one of them to figure out that his current status was soulless and fancy free.

"How did he…"

"He broke her neck," Giles cut off bitterly. "And left her for Willow to find."

Angel blinked several times and swallowed, presumably in shock. The gang didn't know that he fought hard to avoid throwing his head back and laugh at them. Hard. Humans were so pathetic. Take away an outsider like Tara, who none of them except for Willow really knew, and they were broken, completely unable to act in a sensible manner. How would they feel when he killed someone closer to them? He couldn't wait to find out.

"Where's Buffy?"

There was something about the way Angel said those words that made Xander's spider sense tingle. He had something of a déjà vu, he remembered himself on Valentines Day 1998, Angelus pulled him out Buffy's bedroom window, and he'd asked him where Buffy was before throwing him of the roof. That was a while ago, but not exactly something he would forget for a long time. More like – ever. He didn't get the chance to expand on those thought though, because as soon as Giles told Angel that Buffy and Willow were in the training room, he was off to see them.

* * *

Willow sat quiet in the dark, her back turned at Buffy. She hadn't said much. Actually, she hadn't said anything at all for hours, but Buffy didn't want to leave anyway. She wanted Willow to know that she was there for her, all the way. Apparently Willow blamed herself for letting Tara go to the dorm alone.

If Willow felt guilty, what should _she_ do, Buffy thought darkly. Ultimately SHE and no one else was the cause of all this. Angelus hurt her friends to get to her. Tara and Riley were dead because of his sick obsession with _her_.

Riley had been killed because he was her boyfriend and Willow because she was a skilled witch and her best friend. It suddenly occurred to Buffy why most Slayers had been lonely fighters without friends or family that knew about their calling. Buffy's friends might have saved her from an inevitable early death on more than one occasion, but the cost had been high. So high. The fact that innocent people that she cared about had died when trying to fight the battles SHE was destined for didn't exactly make her feels like the goddess of everything righteous.

She turned her head as she heard the door open.

"Buffy…?"

Angel's voice. Finally he came to see them. Buffy wasn't sure how Willow would react to the alter ego of Tara's murderer, so she got up to meet him at the door.

"Hi Angel." she said, rather tonelessly. It was hard not to view him as Angelus now, now that she knew that an exact copy of the same demon and body was walking around out there… those hands brutally grasping some poor innocent kid heading home… those fangs splitting open a throat…

He looked concerned. "You heard?" Angel nodded and looked in Willow's direction.

"How is she?"

"Bad. Still beyond bad. She's like Giles was when… uhm… But worse, Giles hid his feeling better. I don't think the black magic really helped…" Angel looked interested.

"Magic?"

"Yeah. She went after Angelus, juiced with dark spells from books that she stole from Giles." She looked at Willow's turned back and lowered her voice. "He's worried what it might have done to her, I mean, she's powerful, but she's not ready for that kind of magic. She wasn't able to hold it up very long. Angelus had her at the throat when I came in, he would have killed her if I hadn't showed up."

Angel nodded. "Probably, yeah." Buffy furrowed her brow. That was a weird answer.

"Buffy?" Willow approached them. "Who are you…" She stiffened as she saw Angel.

"You." Not noticing it herself, Buffy moved herself so she stood between Angel and Willow.

"Willow, take it easy. This is Angel, not Angelus." She put her hand on Willow's shoulder. "I know you're upset. So am I. With the demon that did this. Not Angel."

Willow shook her hand off.

"No…" She stared intensively at Angelus, who was a little uncomfortable with her penetrating look. Damn witch. If she could sense his lack of soul only by looking at him, she was more powerful than Buffy and Giles gave her credit for.

She moved closer to him, practically forcing him to look her in the eyes. He knew that if he didn't do anything it probably wouldn't take long before she revealed his true identity, but what could he do? The only way to stop her from doing – whatever she it was that she did – would be to turn and run or inflict some kind of physical pain.

His first instinct was to shove her away, preferably so hard that she hit the wall right across the room and broke at least a two digit number of bones in her body. He COULD do that of course, it wasn't even a question whether he had the physical strength… But then, his cover would be blown and with an upset Buffy standing only feet away, it was quite possible that he would be dust before he had time to utter a sneering "Hello, lover". No. Bad plan. Instead, he did his best to keep his eyes mild and sorrow filled. Hard work.

Which failed.

Willow roared and hit him hard, obviously using magic. He flew backwards, through the door, crashing it, into the shop. The six people sitting there were staring at him.

"Willow!" Buffy's voice. Before Angelus could get up Willow spoke her irritating incantation once more.

"Kali, Hera, Kronos, Tonic. Air like nectar, thick as onyx, cassiel by your second star. Hold mine victim as in tar."

He couldn't move. Great.

"Willow, what are you doing!" Buffy grabbed her friend.

"This isn't Angel," she answered coldly without taking her eyes of Angelus. "It's Angelus."

Giles, Cordelia, Gunn, Wesley, Xander and Anya immediately got to their feet, grabbing various weapons. As Willows spell collapsed, Angelus jumped to his feet in gameface, hissing at his attackers. Giles hit him with a large cross but Angelus answered quickly by kicking it out of his hand.

Xander and Anya threw holy water at him while Willow chanted a spell that, judging by the heat under his feet… Consecrated the ground under him! Damn it! While he had to concentrate on moving constantly to avoid the consecrated part of the floor, Wesley managed to shoot him in the shoulder with a crossbow and Cordelia raised her tranquilizer gun and shot him with one dart. He jumped and kicked them both, sending them flying backwards.

Xander hurried up to Angelus and kneed him in the crotch, but he wasn't even fazed. Angelus grabbed him and flipped him over, sending him headlong to the floor. As he struggled to get up Angelus grabbed the thing closest to him on one of the shelves, a weeping Buddha, and hit Xander's already concussed head with it, which knocked him unconscious.

While he was busy with this, Anya had picked up Cordelia's gun and she shot him with three more darts. Dazed, Angelus turned to Buffy, who overloaded him with a series of punches and kicks. Angelus struggled against the affect of the tranquillizers, but he couldn't do much. With a loud thud, he fell to the floor, unconscious.


	11. CAUGHT IN THE CROSSFIRE

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**CHAPTER 11: CAUGHT IN THE CROSSFIRE**

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"What do you think we should do with him?" Willow said weakly, still drained from the second thicken-spell. Giles shot her a look of concern. While her spell might very well have tipped the scales and allowed them to bring Angelus down, it had definitely not been a very sensible thing of her to do. He didn't like the fact that Willow more and more often turned to magic's to solve problems, and especially not dark ones.

"I say we kill him!" Xander stated, rubbing his head. "Stakings all around for people that enjoy smacking my head several times in a few days."

"No! Of course we don't kill him. Angel is still out there, God knows what Angelus has done to him since he hasn't come to see us. At least we know he isn't dead." Buffy said, eying the unconscious vampire before her. He'd fooled her. She should have recognized him, shouldn't she? And still, he had fooled her during those minutes in the training room. Nothing had told her that the vampire might be the evil alter ego instead of the caring, soulful Angel from last night.

"Buffy… when I attacked him before, the splintered glass from the windows hit him in the shoulder. He doesn't have any wounds."

"He's a vampire Will – super healing abilities and all."

"Yeah, I know, but I mean, his coat. The glass, it sliced his coat. It's not torn now."

"So, he's a very evil vampire with super tailor abilities as well! Or maybe he stole Angel's coat," Xander said, upset. "You never know with those wacky vain vampires. Could we please concentrate on what to do before he wakes up!"

They didn't get the time to do that; it didn't take more than another minute or so before Angelus started to stir. He realized immediately that he was tightly chained to the wall. He was only slightly sore from the fight though, it wasn't Buffy's punches that knocked him out; merely the tranquilizers. As he opened his eyes, he was staring at large wooden cross that Cordelia held up. He growled.

"Angelus." Buffy stepped forward, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Buff," he acknowledged, grinning a little. "How – pleasant to see you again. What do you say you let me out of these chains and we sort things the hands on sort of way, without the sidekicks interfering." Buffy didn't lower her gaze for a second – didn't flinch, didn't budge. She just stared into his dark eyes. This demon before her had beaten her boyfriend to death, snapped Tara's neck and doubtlessly drunk and killed a few innocents in the last few days. Oh, how she hated him.

"Where is he? What did you do to Angel?" she asked between clenched teeth.

She was obviously working really hard to keep up the "unaffected stiff-upper-lip slayer"-look. It didn't fool Angelus.

"Angel? Oh, you mean the whimpering, pathetic and souled version of myself. Well, he's gone."

Buffy frowned slightly, and then stepped even closer to Angelus, who watched her closely, predator instinct gleaming in his eyes. It frustrated her that in this situation, he wasn't only confident that no harm would come to him, it even intrigued him. It was all part of the game. _They_ were all a part of the game. Even her feelings amused him.

He yanked his chains as Buffy came at him, but they didn't give at all. Angelus assumed that Willow had bound them magically. Pesky bitch.

"Where. Is. Angel." Buffy stood very close to him, much closer than she would let anybody else, when she spoke to him. Her stared back at her, rejoicing when he saw her stiff stance crumble under his dark gaze.

"Is that your great plan, keep Angel prisoner so you can roam free without any risk of being staked?" she continued. Angelus chuckled.

"Gosh, Buff, that's actually a good plan. Why didn't I think of that? But no, I guarantee you that I tell the truth when I say that _Angel_ doesn't exist in this world any more."

Buffy bit her lip. Could Angelus have found a way to kill Angel without dying himself? If he had, why would he want to KILL Angel? That would make him vulnerable since it would mean that they could simply curse him and get Angel back. No, Angelus was smarter than that. Even if Angel's death would shock and horrify her, she wouldn't be so powerless to act that she simply forgot that fact and let Angelus roam free, and he must know that.

Buffy shook her head. "I don't believe you." She turned away from him. "Willow, is there any way you could do a locator spell on Angel?" Willow looked uncertain.

"Well, I could use the spell from this morning again…" Giles gave her a dark look. She lowered her gaze and stared down at her hands.

"But maybe there's another way," she added silently.

"Wait a minute," Cordelia said. "Couldn't you, like, do your usual demon locator spell but only on Angel?" Willow shrugged.

"Maybe. I mean, it might work if I had a little blood from the person, or vampire, I was looking for." She glanced at Angelus. Buffy nodded sternly, still not moving her gaze from Angelus.

"Great. I'll get a knife," she said coldly.

Xander patted Giles on the back.

"It's really great to see that this shop is keeping its traditions," he said. "There's fighting, evil fiends, bloodshed. And you just opened this place!"

Angelus smirked. Well, he and his other self certainly would make sure that this store saw significantly more of that in the near future…

* * *

"Okay," Willow said, unfolding the Sunnydale map on the table. "We conjure the goddess Thespia to locate demonic energy in the area." She held up a cup. "This potion includes Angelus' blood, which should limit the magic to locating only Angel and Angelus. When I scatter the potion over the map, it should turn into small lights there the object, or objects, are – if this works the way it should." She looked uncertain. "I-I mean, that's the theory, anyway." Angelus snickered from his position by the wall.

"Why so tentative, Willow? Do you think you might just not be able to handle it without your _girlfriend_ here to help you?"

"Will, ignore him," Buffy said sternly without even looking at the vampire.

"Yeah," he agreed. "Ignore the truth. After all, t's more convenient that way, isn't it?"

"Don't listen to him. He's not even here," Buffy said, not even sure if she said it for Willow's sake or her own.

"Of course I'm here, lover," Angelus laughed. "I'm always here, always ready to come after you. Even if you ever manage to bring your beloved Angel back, what do you think will happen after that, hm? Sooner or later the pesky soul will take another sabbatical, and trust me. When it does – I'll be there."

"Are there any other volunteers for pounding the loud-mouth over there?" Xander asked, raising his hand.

"Bring it on," Angelus hissed menacingly. Buffy turned around and faced him.

"Shut up." He smiled.

"Deep down you know it," he said calmly. "That _he_ is gone. He gave up, did you know that? That lack of self preservation, that little smidge of darkness that remained in him when he was split from his better half… he surrendered all by himself. And now, I'm all that's left."

Buffy clenched her teeth hard, desperately trying to avoid smacking Angelus over the head. Not that anyone would object, of course. Especially not Angel, if – WHEN they found him. No, she just refused to give Angelus the pleasure of any sign that his words had hit home.

"Willow. Do the spell," she said tonelessly, still staring at Angelus. He stared back at her, not moving his gaze for an instant. While the mental smack down between the Slayer and the vampire took place, Willow began her spell.

"Thespia, we walk in shadow, walk in blindness," she spoke. "You are the protector of the night. Thespia, goddess, ruler of all darkness, we implore you; open a window to the world of the underbeing. With your knowledge may we go in safety. With your grace may we speak of your benevolence."

Willow threw the potion over the map. At first, it simply looked like any other dark liquid that had been spilled over the map, but soon it began to change. The potion seemed to be swallowed up by the map and two small lights began to appear, first small and faint, but growing stronger.

"Score one for the Willster," Xander said, half hugging her shoulder.

"Yes, certainly good work," Wesley agreed.

"Look," Willow said. "That's the Magic Box, so that's Angelus."

"Where's the other one? Where's Angel? Buffy scanned the map. "Oh."

The other light was moving, eliminating the possibility of Angel being held prisoner somewhere. To be more precise, it was moving around the Bronze.

"The Bronze?" Cordelia furrowed her brow. "Why would Angel be at the Bronze now?"

"The Bronze?" Gunn asked in a raspy voice, holding a hand to his sore throat and swallowing against the pain before he spoke again. "What's that, a nightclub?" he asked, trying to imagine Angel in a nightclub. It came out as a fairly comical image in his head. Cordelia nodded.

"Yeah, kinda. Our old haunt."

"Maybe he's looking for Buffy," Willow suggested.

"Yeah, that's probably it," Buffy agreed. "I should go talk to him. I'll take the map with me. You stay here and guard him," she said, shooting Angelus a look.

"Why do we always get stuck on Assfacelus watching duty?" Xander groaned. "Is it too much to ask to get to be the one that doesn't get beaten and knocked unconcious?"

"Talk to Giles about that," Buffy retorted. "He'll understand your pain. Anyway I move quicker on my own. Angel and I will be back in a little while."

* * *

Angelus moved away from the Bronze. He had found himself a nice victim, young, blonde and small. He was bored, though. Simply feeding wasn't nearly fun enough for him. Maybe he should lurk passed the Magic Box and see how his other self was doing keeping up the façade of their eunuch of a ensouled alterego. Or maybe he could take a stroll and visit Revello Drive… He still had a standing invitation there, courtesy of Buffy. He grinned. Dear old Joyce. He would enjoy playing with her head again. If the time was right, maybe he could do it literary this time.

He'd have to walk though, since his other half had his – well, their, car. He wasn't sure this being split in two was such a good idea after all, he didn't like sharing things with anyone, not even himself. However, it was just a temporary solution. Well, as long as things were as they were, he would do the best he could out of it. Next stop, Revello Drive.

When he was lurking across the street a few blocks from the Summers residence, he stopped abruptly at the sound of a familiar voice around the next corner. It was Dawn, Buffy's whiny, self-absorbed sister. He smirked. Now, this was too good to be true. Surprising – he hadn't expected Buff to slip up quite badly enough to let her sis roam free all alone after dark. Not yet, anyway. Even the strongest people usually forgot important things when he had broken them enough, but he had barely started with Buffy. Well, all the better for him.

Angel had cared a lot for the perky girl. She had liked him as well even if she hadn't always gotten along with him – he had hurt Buffy too much. Angelus guessed it was some sister thing.

Dawn reminded him, his ensouled version anyway, much of his own sister, Kathy. Sweet, innocent – about the same age as Dawn when he killed her. Well, she had been sweet alright, his sister. Her blood had been deliciously sweet and rich, filled with so many emotions. Love and joy, stopped short by surprise and shock. Never fear or hate. Oh no. She had thought her beloved brother had gotten to come back to her as an angel because he loved her so much. Angelus wasn't even sure she had understood that it wasn't the fact even as he drained the life out of her.

Oh well. Kathy had been naïve and inexperienced. Since the slayer's sister had a lot more experience in dealing with vampires and evil fiends… Angelus was pretty sure Dawn's reaction wouldn't be quite the same…

"Bye Janice!" Dawn watched as her friend closed her door. Time to go home. What fun. She didn't have a watch, but she was pretty sure her mother wouldn't be home for a while yet, she had gone straight to work after she came back from her overnight trip to… wherever. Her own mother didn't have time for her either. No one had.

She knew that Buffy would _kill_ her if she knew that she was walking alone at night, with Angelus being back and all. Yeah, Buffy had called her earlier and told her that he was back. Called her – she didn't even take the time to come and tell her personally. She hadn't given her any details of course – details were reserved for her and her gang, not for her family that repeatedly got caught in the crossfire when she was out fighting demons.

No, she had only said that she shouldn't go home from Janice herself if it was dark outside, that she should wait for Mom to pick her up. Buffy would call her as well, she'd said, and make sure she knew what was going on. When Dawn had asked her what really _was_ going on, she had snapped something about Angel being back and potentially dangerous, that she was tired and had other things to do than explain everything to her twice. Then she'd hung up. Well, Dawn wasn't going to wait for her Mom like some little kid. It wasn't many blocks home, she could take care of herself.

She hadn't even seen him yet. She sighed. Why would he care about her – no one else did after all. No, he didn't even care enough about her to stalk her a little. Dawn bet that would open Buffy's eyes, if she had to save her from Angelus. Make her appreciate her sister more. She shoved her hands in her pockets and started to walk faster. She didn't even notice the tall man until she ran into him.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I'm such a klutz… Are you…" She looked up and gasped when she realized who it was, suddenly forgetting the cocky thoughts from just a minute ago.

"Hi, Dawnie," he said, grinning evilly.

* * *

Buffy moved quickly along the streets of Sunnydale. It seemed logical that Angel was looking for her. He had been at the Bronze, moved through a cemetery and now appeared to be moving her home. She couldn't shake the nagging feeling that something was wrong – why didn't he come to the Magic Box instead of looking all over town for her? – but she decided to push it away for the moment. Just as she prepared to cross the street, a familiar, blond vampire stepped out.

"Hi, luv. Looking for me?"

"Spike. Yeah, sure I'm looking for you. Why should I?" she barked without breaking stride. Somewhere she blamed Spike for letting this happen in the first place. She knew it was silly – after all, she shouldn't have trusted him to guard Angelus, but still, she had hoped that the loathing he had for his grandsire would drive him to make sure that he stayed in his restraints. No such luck.

"No need to be harsh, pet. Looking for Angelus then, are we? Search party on going?"

Buffy realized she wouldn't be able to shake Spike, so she stopped. She was after all looking for Angel, not Angelus, so she wasn't in that much of a hurry.

"No, I'm looking for Angel. We have Angelus chained up at the Magic Box."

Spike smiled smugly, like a child with a big secret. Buffy sighed.

"What is it? No one has time for this, William."

"Just wonderin' how you can have Angelus chained up when he's very much roaming Sunnydale. Saw him kill a girl just minutes ago."

Buffy froze. Without waiting for Spike to say anything else, she picked up her, well, actually Xander's cell phone that she had borrowed again, and called the Magic Box. One, two, three, four signals… Oh, god. He'd done it before. Lured her away to… the thought was simply too horrifying. Would she never learn? The train of unpleasant thoughts was cut short when Giles picked up.

"Hello?"

"Giles! Thank god, are you all okay?"

"Of course. Have you found Angel?" Giles sounded confused. What was she talking about?

"Uh… Not yet. I will soon though. Just had a bad feeling. Bye."

Buffy looked at Spike.

"That was cheap, even for you Spike. I know you're lying, Angelus is safely locked up."

Spike smirked.

"Not THAT Angelus. I mean the other one. You do know that both of them are all sans soul nowadays, right?"

Buffy grabbed Spike by the shoulders and slammed him into a tree.

"WHAT are you talking about?"

"Take it easy, slayer." Spike tried to wriggle free, but Buffy held him firmly in place. "Not a difficult concept, love. Two of Angelus, none of Angel. Get it?"

"Are you sure? Because, if you're lying about this I SWEAR I'm gonna…" She hardened her grip.

"Get off me! Yeah, I'm sure. Saw them being all chummy before. Now, if I were you pet, I'd do something about it instead of standing here, playing 'menace the Spike', wasting your time."

Buffy let him go, shooting him an angry glare as she called Giles again.

"Giles? Don't ask, just listen. Tranq Angelus and bring him with you to the north end of the Restfield cemetery. Take the guys with you. Hurry!"

* * *

Just over ten minutes later, two cars came down the street. Angelus was sitting propped up and chained in the back of Giles' red convertible and the rest of the gang rode with Gunn in his car, except for Wesley who sat, somewhat uncomfortably, next to Angelus, ready to shoot him again if he so much as stirred. Buffy sat down next to Giles.

"Buffy, what's the matter?"

"Just drive, I'll explain on the way. He's moving towards my house. And he still has an invitation." Giles started the engine and began to drive, glancing at Buffy, not comprehending.

"Yes? Buffy, it is Angel we're looking for. Surely he wouldn't be of any harm to your mother or Dawn."

"No, but Angelus would," Buffy said tonelessly. She looked up at Giles, almost dreading the expression she would see on his face. Blame, disgust, disappointment? All feeling she felt for herself at the moment. Of course, as usual she underestimated him. His face held nothing but support and worry.

"Oh, dear… But, how? Are you sure?"

"I don't know. No, I'm not sure! God, I have no idea if Spike was lying. But if it is, I'm gonna have to show Angelus that I have… the other him. Maybe I can control him."

They drove in silence until they got almost all the way to the point where Angel…us was, according to the map.

"Stop the car."

The gang got out of the cars. Wesley, Cordelia and Giles carried the still unconscious out of the car and propped him up between them to be ready if Angel, or well, the other Angelus, showed up. Xander held Anya's hand – he didn't have to help them carry because of his head. It was bad enough to be smacked with a hard statue just a day after being concussed.

Buffy looked at Angelus' lifeless form. Since he wasn't breathing, he could as well be dead. Well, more dead…

"How many times did you shoot him? Vampires recover fast from tranquillizers."

"Well, we wanted to be on the safe side," Wesley began.

"Ten darts," Cordelia supplied. "Better safe than cocktails!" They said it with such ease; Buffy wondered how much of Angel's darker sides Cordelia and Wesley had actually seen during the last year. They both seemed considerably more experienced than they had been in Sunnydale.

The group moved quietly down the street. Buffy took point, studying the map. Gunn walked a few feet behind Cordelia, Giles and Wesley, pointing a crossbow at Angelus with his healthy arm. Buffy was beginning to think that the locator spell had stopped working since Angelus-Angel wasn't moving, when she spotted him further down the street.

"There he is! He's with someone…"

Buffy went cold. Oh no. She could see that Angelus was in vampire face, readying himself to bite the girl he was with…

And it was Dawn.

No. Not her sister. Not Dawn. Dropping the map she ran faster than she thought possible.

"No!" Buffy bellowed as she ran towards them. Angelus heard her. He snapped his head up and leered at her before he plunged his fangs into her sister's throat, drinking fast. When Buffy was about 15 feet away, he stopped drinking, bit his own wrist and held it in front if Dawn's mouth.

"That's close enough!" he said decidedly. "One more step and your precious brat of a sister is the next one sired from my line." Buffy came to a dead stop, not for a moment doubting his words. She stood still, not sure what to do or how to act. Giles, Cordelia, Wesley and Gunn with Angelus came up behind her and stopped.

"Let Dawn go… Or we stake you." Buffy said, trying and failing miserably to sound menacing. She couldn't keep her voice steady and Angelus laughed at her.

"So you found out there's two of us," he said, indicating his unconscious self. Thought you would. Do you know how hard it is to keep up that soul façade? Figured he would fail."

"Like I said," Buffy said firmly, holding it together. "Let her go NOW, or you'll fit inside a vacuum cleaner." Somewhere she really meant it. What was she doing? What kind of a person was she if she was ready to sacrifice her own sister for Angelus? Not even Angel – this was Angelus, Scourge of Europe and murderer of so many innocent people. So many of her friends. If killing him was what it took to save her sister… there shouldn't even be a doubt.

Buffy turned around, clearly conflicted. Gunn still held the crossbow aimed at the unconscious Angelus chest. If she gave him the order, he would do it, in a heartbeat.

"You won't do it, you know," she heard Angelus voice again. Not mocking this time – but dead serious. "Even if you decide that you're ready to give up every chance to bring back the 'love of your life', you won't do it."

"And why is that?" Buffy asked bitterly. She looked at her sister's unconscious form. She was ready to do it, if it was what she had to do to save her.

"Because you know me," Angelus answered simply. "You give the order to the street muscle over there, and I'll snap her neck in half the time it takes him to pull the trigger." Buffy swallowed. He was right. He had the perfect grip on her sister's neck. It wouldn't take more than a little squeeze.

"It's your choice here," he said. "Feel free to order me killed, but remember, I go down, I'll take the sis with me. And you know I'm not kidding."

Buffy was furious, but still she felt unable to take action. How did he manage? Not only had he turned the situation around so that he controlled it, he'd forced her to give the order of letting Angelus go, in that handing over the blame for all the people he would kill after this to her. She had the open chance to rid the world of Angelus. And she couldn't use it.

"Let him go," she called to Giles, Cordelia, Gunn and Wesley without looking at them.

"Buffy!" she heard Xander's voice from somewhere further behind her.

"Let him go!" she yelled louder this time, leaving no option for discussion. The matter was finished. There was only one thing that was more impossible than ordering Angelus released. That was ordering her sister murdered. And Angelus knew it…

Hesitantly Giles, Wesley and Cordelia dragged the now stirring Angelus up to where Buffy was standing and let him go. He hit the ground unceremoniously and groaned in pain.

"Good girl, Buff," Angelus said and shoved the profusely bleeding Dawn away. Buffy was at her side in a second and Giles came to her aid. They didn't even see when Angelus helped his other half to his feet and left.


	12. THROUGH YOUR FAMILY

**

* * *

**

**CHAPTER 12: THROUGH YOUR FAMILY**

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* * *

**

An hour or so later, Buffy came out from Dawn's room in the intensive care unit. She had just finished speaking to the doctor. All her friends had been sitting in the waiting room, eagerly waiting for word of how she was doing. As soon as they spotted her coming down the hall, they got up and flocked around her.

"How is she?"

"Will she be okay?"

"God Buffy, just let us know if there is anything we can do…"

"The doctors say that… She could be okay, but there's no telling before she wakes up. With the major blood loss there could be brain damage… If she wakes up at all, that is." Buffy sat down and held her head in her hands, clearly deeply distressed. As soon as she had sat down, she shot up again. "Oh god! My mother, she doesn't know. I have to call her, I…" Giles stopped from running to the pay phone by putting his hand gently on her shoulder.

"I've already called Joyce, Buffy. She's on her way here right now."

Buffy looked worried. Depending on how well Giles had chosen his words, maybe she would have preferred being the one to make the call after all.

"What did you tell her?" she asked nervously, holding her breath. If he had said anything about Angel, things would be ten times worse than they already were. If her mom tried to get back at Angelus in any way, she would stand no chance of keeping her safe.

"I told her that Dawn has been, er, seriously wounded and that she is in the intensive care unit. I left out the part about how she was hurt. I didn't know if you wanted her to know."

Buffy nodded thankfully. She should have known that she could trust Giles. She closed her eyes and massaged her temples with her fingertips. There was still the matter of what to tell her mother when she arrived at the hospital. Frankly, she had no idea what to say. The cut and dry truth was eliminated for obvious reasons.

She couldn't try to pull the story about an attack by a wild dog, or her sister falling on a barbeque fork though – Joyce would see through it instantly. Buffy's hopes of having a few minutes to sit down and think about it were shattered when her mother burst through the doors. It didn't take more than a moment for her to locate Buffy and her friends in the crowded waiting room, and she ran up to her older daughter.

"Buffy? What in God's name has happened, where is Dawn? How is she? What happened?" Buffy didn't know if she should feel jealous and bitter because her mother didn't even include "are you okay" in her hazard of questions. No, of course she shouldn't. Dawn was the baby sister – she was the slayer. Dawn was to be coddled; and she was to stop the world from ending, incessantly.

"She's um… She's in her room. They are taking care of her. Giles, could you see if you could find the doctor?"

"Of course." He nodded and disappeared.

"Buffy!" Joyce demanded. Buffy winced at her harsh tone. If her mother just knew what was going on around them. "Tell me what happened. Now."

"We… we were out patrolling for Angel, and we found her, not long from the house, she'd been bitten by a vampire." Joyce's eyes widened, she put her hands on her hips and seemed to grow at least four inches when she uttered his name.

"Angel. ANGEL did this!"

Buffy knew she shouldn't even have mentioned his name. "We were tracking a demon" would have worked just fine. On the other hand, if she had ever felt any sting of guilt over considering not mentioning that the vampire that bit Dawn was Angelus, it was completely vanished. If that was her reaction to hearing his name, what would she possibly do if she knew the truth? Buffy shuddered to think. Besides, since Angel never would harm Dawn – only when he was Angelus, she didn't exactly lie when she answered.

"No, no, it wasn't Angel." She shook her head violently.

"Are you sure?" Joyce narrowed her eyes, trying to discern whether Buffy could be lying to her. The memory of the clearly psychotic and labile vampire that she had met outside her house a few years ago had never faded.

He had practically held on to Buffy like a madman, and she had never liked the way he had looked at Dawn. Not to mention the mysterious death of that teacher that Buffy had been so sad about just around the time when he had stepped up his harassment of her – Joyce was certain that it was much she didn't know about that man.

Even after that event that was popularly referred to as "when he changed", she hadn't liked him. If he had been the one to harm a hair on her little girl's head… she would do anything in her power to have him destroyed.

"Yes, I'm sure," Buffy assured, and in fact, she did look honest. "And Dawn is alive; the vampire that did this was most probably a fledgling, too inexperienced to bother to drain her completely." Buffy tried to read her mothers expression. "Thank god for stupid vampires," she added.

Joyce seemed to buy the explanation. At least she shrugged and turned away without asking any more questions. Maybe she would have, but luckily Buffy was saved by the bell – Giles arrived with the doctor.

"Mrs. Summers, I'm Dr Jensen. Shall we step into your daughter's room and talk?"

As Joyce and the doctor left, Buffy turned back to the gang. If she hadn't been exhausted before, dealing with her mother had truly drained the last of her energy. Her legs felt weak and wobbly and head hurt with the desire to rest.

"What do we do now, Buff?" Xander asked, tiredly. Buffy looked at the gang. They were all tired. So very tired – and even more so as they knew that this was far from over. No matter what they wanted, they were forced to stick together, work hard around the clock and never let their guard down. Not until Angelus was brought down, one way or another.

"Go home. Sleep. It'll be light soon and we'll need to rest. I propose all of us revoke Angel's invitation before nightfall." She swallowed. "Then we have to get on with stopping Angelus."

"Thank God you're finally realizing that he needs to be staked!" Xander said loudly.

Buffy didn't meet his gaze.

"'Cause… You DO realize that he needs to die, right Buff?" Xander swallowed hard. Deep down he knew the answer, but he needed to hear it from her, how she was still making excuses for her psycho-ex. Even after he had almost killed her sister.

"Angelus, yes, but since that also means killing Angel, no, we can't destroy him. We need to reintegrate them, and then perform the curse. Again." Buffy was glad that Xander was too tired for a heated discussion concerning Angel's blame and right to live. She certainly was. Buffy turned to Willow. "Will, can you do it?"

She nodded. "I think I have an idea how to reintegrate them. I'll, um, I'll have to look it up to be sure, though. The soul isn't a problem, but I'll need another orb of Thesulah. I–I don't think there are any more in Sunnydale." Buffy nodded.

"So order it, and do it fast. It's a matter of life and death here."

Willow looked angrily at Buffy, a wave of pain washing over her face.

"I KNOW that Buffy. God, I know that!"

Buffy realized how she sounded. Here she stood, acting like she could lecture everyone and order them around. She was the only one fated to do all this – she should be thankful that the others had devoted their lives to hunting demons as well. If they hadn't, she would be long dead. And she definitely shouldn't speak to Willow, her best friend and only person on record that had the power to re-ensoul Angel, as if she diminished the fact that her own girlfriend had been murdered just 24 hours ago.

"Sorry Will. I'm just tired…"

"We all are," Wesley cut in. "Let's end this discussion and get some rest."

* * *

The next day, or more accurately, later that day, the gang gathered back at the Magic Box. After a few hours of rest, they had all performed the spell to revoke Angel's invitation. An orb of Thesulah had been ordered and was to be express delivered some time during the evening. Willow had presented an idea on how to reintegrate the Angelus's, which meant that, if things ran smoothly, they might have Angel back in one piece and re-ensouled in less than twelve hours.

But how often did things run smoothly? The biggest worry so far was the fact that the spell wasn't exactly calling on the goddess of love… it was a dark spell, calling upon powerful and evil gods. Willow was very determined – she could do it, and she would do it. However, Giles wasn't the only one standing against her in the matter.

"No, Willow. Don't you realize how dangerous it is?" Xander said, upset. He couldn't fathom how everyone was so willing to take risks, possibly die for Angel's sake.

"I agree. Will, I don't want to put you in any danger," Buffy said. She wouldn't risk her best friend – if the spell she was purposing they would use wasn't safe, she couldn't allow it.

"Buffy, we're all in danger right now. Even if we stay together and surround us with an arsenal of weapons, there are always times when Angelus can get to us. Especially now, when there's two! Now, the orb of Thesulah is arriving from Cleveland tomorrow. That's plenty of hours for either of the Angelus's to make a move. If I can reintegrate them before that, at least there's only one to worry about, and we can get on with the curse right away."

"Willow, channeling such potent magic's through your body is quite the risk. You may open a door that you cannot close again." Giles was cleaning his glasses – as usual when he was worried, angry, upset or simply didn't want to see the world around him clearly for a while. Right now the reason was probably all of the above.

"I know, Giles. You've told me that before, remember? The thing is, I think… No, I KNOW, that I am able to do this. Guys, I've come a long way with my magic since I cured Angel the first time. I can do it."

Cordelia spoke. "Willow's not a child. We really need to rejoin them as soon as possible, and if she thinks she can handle it, who are any of you to tell her that she can't?" Wesley nodded.

"Actually, I think I'll have to agree with Cordelia here. It's better that she does this spell under our supervision, rather than we dismiss her and therefore drive her to try anything completely by herself."

"Easy for you two to say – you don't loose your best friend if it fails," Xander shot back, glaring at Cordelia and Wesley. Cordelia glared angrily at him, crossing her arms over her chest.

"_Yes_, I do. Angel is my best friend, so if Willow screws up her spell I'm loosing just as much as you. Jeez, Xander! Just because you're so hard headed that you refuse to change tour opinion of Angel, it doesn't mean everybody that was with you on your bandwagon three years ago still agrees with you. Angel is my friend. He's saved my live more times than I can count this last year. So, shut up! Besides, Willow is our friend too, even if we haven't lived here for a year. Maybe we just have another perspective than you have; which is the perspective of an air head."

Wesley couldn't avoid a slight smile. It took only days in Sunnydale and the presence of Xander Harris for Cordelia to revert to her old self. Not that they never saw that side if her in Los Angeles – they certainly did, but she had matured a lot.

Buffy wasn't sure if she should be glad that Angel had a friend that evidently cherished him greatly, of if she should be envious at Cordelia because she had gotten to be with Angel this past year. So much had happened, and he had obviously changed a lot. It was almost like – like Cordelia had grown closer to him during a shorter amount of time than she had during three years. It definitely pained her. Still, she was glad that Cordelia stood up for him, though.

Willow looked at Cordelia and Wesley thankfully.

"Thank you for your support guys. Now, I have already found the spell. It's very simple, really, it's just, it calls on some really dark gods. Basically, what you need to do is getting the Angelus's next to each other, keep them still for a few seconds, which gives the spell time to reintegrate them. The only thing is, they can't be restrained or drugged when I do the spell."

"Whoah." Xander jumped up from the couch. "Let's apply the brakes and check the rear- and side-view mirrors here. Very simple? We're talking about being close to TWO of Angelus, keeping them still and close together, without loss of our own limbs. The only way I see that scenario play out happily is by giving them the big sleepy dart and holding them together with large and heavy chains."

"It's not an option. Apparently, if they are put under, the spell can mess up so the one body doesn't awaken at all when reintegrated. If they are bound together the one entity can be some hideous monster with chain growing out of its arms. Not pretty."

"Yeah, that would be sad," Xander muttered under his breath.

"Could you use that 'thicken' spell again?" Buffy asked Willow, not taking notice of Xander's comment. When he came to the subject of Angel, he could be a pain. She had learned to live with that a long time ago.

Willow nodded. "Yeah, that was the plan. It we get them close to each other, using force is okay to do that, I can do the that spell and then the reintegration spell. Should work out fine."

Giles looked seriously at Buffy. "There's one more thing we should decide. When the reintegration spell is done – assuming that it does indeed work – what do we do with Angelus?"

"I think it's to big a risk to try to capture him there." She looked at Willow. "You know the most about this spell Willow, what do you think?"

"Yeah, I agree. This spell will rejoin their bodies, which should be an easy thing in itself since they belong together. It's simply Toth's spell that's forcing them to be apart. However, when the bodies are recombined, everything the separate entities have done is sort of meshed. For Angelus, I guess it should be a similar experience to getting his soul back, maybe without the temporary memory loss though."

Xander spoke. "That's bad? I think that sounds like a great opening for capturing Sir Smirks-A-Lot, yah?"

"Well, yeah," Willow agreed. "But, Angelus is very strong and very smart. He'll be very dangerous even if he's confused. I'd bet." Willow glanced towards Buffy, encouraging her to take it from there. She nodded slowly.

"Yeah. That time, uh, when we fought, um, in the mansion… I only barely beat him, even though Spike had smacked him massively just before, AND he was about to get his soul back."

The gang looked a little discouraged. Well, it wouldn't do them any good to even for a moment give them the impression that Angelus was an easy opponent, confused or otherwise. He really wasn't. To be honest, that time in the mansion, Angelus had defeated her. It was only his unnecessary cockiness when he told her that she had nothing left that had given her a chance to gather herself enough to catch his sword. If he had wanted to go straight for the kill… he could have.

"So, were all agreed then. Stand back when the spell is finished. That should keep carnage down to a minimum – with any luck Angelus will flee the scene if he can. Besides we don't _need _to capture him, we just go back here and curse him again as soon as possible."

"Good." Buffy looked at everyone in the room. "Tonight, we go Angelus hunting."


	13. TRIAL AND ERROR

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**CHAPTER 13: TRIAL AND ERROR**

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"Does anybody else feel like an arsenal?" Xander carried a crossbow in one hand and a stake in the other, had two small bottles of holy water in his pockets and a large wooden cross around his neck. The others had similar equipment. Wesley carried a small battle axe and Cordelia the tranqualizer gun, Giles had a baseball bat and a crossbow and Anya had a cross and holy water. Buffy simply held a stake in one hand. Not that she intended to use it though… It would only come in handy for her threatening stance.

"I mean," Xander continued nervously. "Since we're so many we could almost be the soccer team Arsenal, I was however more referring to our stockpile of weapons."

"Oh joy," Cordelia said. "Witty Xander makes his dumb jokes again. We were all hoping the multiple concussions had cured you."

No one disagreed with Cordelia. Suddenly, Buffy stopped.

"What is it Buff? Is he close?" Buffy felt something, but it wasn't Angelus. More like some other vampire. She didn't have to think about it long; soon Spike emerged from the shadows.

"Hello there, pet. Seem to be meeting you a lot like this nowadays. Looking for me today then?"

"Yeah, sure, were looking for the evil dead that can't hurt a living thing." Xander answered for Buffy. He considered what he'd just said. "Hey, does that mean you can't kill mosquitoes or stomp flowers?" Spike just glared at him.

"So, Spike." Buffy said. "You're stepping out of the shadows once again. Are you just coming to leave another cryptic message or do you have anything useful to say?"

"Actually, I have something to say. I overheard both of Angelus talking about the spell to rejoin them. You need a piece of the weapon and demon blood, they said." He smirked. "I just happen to know where to procure one of those little knick-knacks." No one looked impressed.

"That's splendid, but it will do no good without the demons blood. Since it was Angel who killed it in a sewer in L.A. and burned its body, it's next to impossible to acquire." Wesley said.

"Besides," Buffy said, eyeing Spike suspiciously. "Why would you want to help us?

Spike puffed his cigarette and looked away. "Bloody wanker hurt the little Bit," he muttered as an explanation.

Buffy looked at him. Well, no matter what she thought about it, Spike had something of a soft spot for her sister. She didn't like it, she had never liked it; Spike was soulless after all and therefore unreliable, but if his feelings for her drove him to actually helping them with Angelus… Well, any port in a killing spree, right?

"Do you know where he is?" she asked.

"Nah luv, I think I've had my share of the angelic killing marvel for this time. I bloody well hope." He looked at the others, patting his stomach. "Bugger gave me a rather nasty gut wound, you see, when I tried to stake him. So no, I'll just keep out of the line of fire."

Buffy felt the familiar tingle as always when he was near. She blinked and swallowed. She wasn't comfortable with her body reacting like this to Angelus, but she had to admit, when searching for him, it was a handy skill.

"Well, Spike. If you want to run, this would be the time." she said, staring into the darkness, concentrating hard on seeing him.

"Oh, bloody brilliant." Spike threw away his cigarette butt, knowing what was coming. Well, he couldn't run away now. It would hurt his manliness. He glanced at Xander. Maybe he could use the milksop as a flesh made shield if Angelus decided to aim something sharp at him.

Angelus – well, one of them, stepped forward, leering. He looked completely relaxed, holding his hands in his pockets, looking and grinning at them. He had no fear whatsoever, even though he was technically facing an angry mob with a disturbing number of weapons. Well. He knew that the leader of this mob wouldn't let anything happen to him just like that.

"Hello, lover. And everybody else. It's so nice to meet old friends like this."

"You don't have any friends here, Angelus," Buffy said sternly, trying to look menacing.

"Oh, I know. I don't really have any friends at all, it's kinda the thing when you're evil. Well, it's time for another big fight scene, is it?" Angelus indicated all the weapons they were packing.

"Something like that." Buffy answered, glancing around. Where was the other one? She had to stall until he showed, or else Willow couldn't do the spell.

Angelus looked straight at her, practically piercing her with his gaze. "What is it Buffy? Waiting for something?"

Damn it, he was good. He simply knew her every thought, how did he do it? Well, if he sensed her as well as she sensed him, plus having extra vampire senses, it wasn't very strange of course. Very disturbing though, not to mention to her disadvantage right now.

"Look, we're fed up with you, we're angry, and we're armed," she said cockily. "So don't try anything, if you know what's good for you."

Angelus smiled slightly as he stepped closer to Buffy. He practically leaned against the stake she held up. He looked at her with those at the moment soft, brown eyes… God, he was so much like Angel. Buffy shook her head. NO, he wasn't anything like him. Angel was a good man – okay, vampire, but with a human soul. This creature was a vicious animal. It frustrated Buffy that the Scourge of Europe that had done so many horrible things to her, her friends, family and the world, could make her go soft when he looked at her like that. And he knew it.

Buffy braced herself and pushed the stake forward a bit. It didn't even penetrate Angelus' skin, it was simply a warning.

"Back off," she snapped. He just chuckled.

"So. How's the family unit? Guess I know how little sis is doing. What about your mother, hm? Joyce. Isn't she a nice lady? Well, except when she is all coldhearted and runs inside when her daughter's true love is expressing his feelings, of course." Angelus leered. He enjoyed every bit of this.

"What do you think, hm? I was actually thinking about going to meet Joyce, but then, I was so busy. I think we all have the feeling sometime – what if I could be in two places at once? You would be able to do twice as many things, you know."

What Angelus was saying was starting to dawn on Buffy. Oh no… Her mother. Where was her mother?

* * *

Joyce was driving home from the hospital Things were looking up. Dawn was still in a coma, but all her vitals were stable and the doctors had good hope. Unless there were any complications, she should wake up within the next few days.

She looked hard at her driveway. Was there a man standing there, on her front lawn? Yes there was, she became certain as the got closer. A tall, black clad man… She drove up and parked the car. The figure standing there had black leather pants…she could see that, but he wasn't totally visible in the dark. When she opened the car door, he stepped forward.

Oh dear. Angel. She remembered the last time he'd been waiting for her like this. She felt her face flush in anger. So here he was. Buffy had told her what was going on – well, not very much, but enough for Joyce to understand that Angel was back, in the really bad sense. Buffy had said something about a split personality, or was it split entity… She couldn't quite remember, she had been in a hurry when she spoke to her. The important thing was that sometimes he would be dangerous, like he had been before, and that she had to be careful if she saw him.

So what now? She should just simply step out of the car calmly, see if this was the balanced or less stable version – God, what did her daughter see in that thing – and if she had any bad feelings, get inside and call Buffy.

"Joyce."

"Angel." She looked at him, bitterly. He didn't look that crazy, really, but as she remembered, it was usually the dangerous one that called her "Joyce".

"Joyce, I…"

"Actually Angel, I would prefer if you called me Mrs. Summers. Even if you are… old, you have been dating my daughter. To me, you are her ex boyfriend, that's all. Besides, have you forgotten the talk we hade before you left for Los Angeles? I thought we agreed that it was best for Buffy it you stayed out of her way. Quiet frankly, I don't see what business you could have here."

Angel smirked at her, and his smile did indeed send cold chills down Joyce's spine. Even though she had technically not seen much of the smirk of Angelus, there was something about that smile that made her blood run cold, her heart skip a beat and her body shudder involuntary. All her senses screamed DANGER. Angelus knew it. He could hear her heart rate speed up, smell fear and tension on her. She, and thousands before her, had reacted like that to his smirk after all.

The question was, how would she maneuver herself past him to get inside?

"Joyce… I don't think that's fair. Seeing the fact that I've had close relationships with both your daughters, you could show a little respect."

What was he talking about?

"Oh, you didn't know? Let's just say, I have the most… intimate details on how your youngest ended up in hospital just recently."

He moved closer to her. His voice was low pitched and dangerous. When she saw him up close, there was no question whether he had a soul or not. His dark, cold eyes seemed to penetrate her, she felt most uncomfortable. She felt shots of fear surge through her body and it seemed harder to breathe properly. He leaned even closer.

"Would you want me to tell you those details, Joyce?"

* * *

Buffy ran as fast as she could. She was almost at Revello Drive. God, how could she be so stupid! This wasn't the first time Angelus had struck against those she at the moment didn't watch. She should have made sure that her mother was safely inside when they were all gathered to approach Angelus.

She had told the gang to try to keep Angelus at bay while she was gone. They needed to do the reintegration spell now. She knew in the back of her mind that if he didn't want to stay, they didn't stand any chance of stopping him… and if he wanted to use the situation and attack all of them, it would be hard for them to protect themselves, even with all their weapons. Still, it was a risk she had to take. She had to know that her mother was safe.

She stopped outside her house. It was completely dark, and her mother's car wasn't there. She obviously hadn't even come home yet. She picked up Xander's cell phone and called her mother. No answer… Then again, that didn't really mean anything, did it? Maybe she was still alt work – or visiting Dawn, she said she'd do that on the way home. That was probably it, cell phones weren't allowed in the hospital. Buffy was about to slip the phone in her pocket when it rang loudly. A wave of relief washed over her.

"Mom?"

"Buffy?" It wasn't Joyce's voice on the other end, it was Giles. "Buffy, Angelus has started moving, and we can't follow him too long before he turns on us, I suspect. Should we leave it?"

Buffy sighed. She didn't want to let him go, but if she couldn't find the other one, it was of no use risking life and limb by trying to keep Angelus still. "I guess."

Suddenly, she saw a well known, black clad figure walking down the street toward her. "On second thought, keep him there! I see the other one, maybe I can draw him to you." She hung up without waiting for Giles' answer. Buffy approached Angelus slowly. When he saw her, he stopped and smiled.

"Hello there, Buff. Lovely evening, don't you think?"

"Well, it was, then I met you," she snapped. He nodded with a smile, not really a smirk this time.

"That's hilarious, Buffy, really. Funny thing though, I can see in your eyes that you don't mean it. Why else would you reek of love and lust as soon as you see me? I can smell it, you know. It's interesting, really. The righteous vampire slayer, protector of all that's good and pure – turned on by the greatest mass murderer known to man. You gotta love the irony."

Buffy looked at him, disgusted at his words. No, it wasn't mostly at his words. She was more disgusted and pissed that Angelus was right on spot as usual, rather than about what he said to her.

"I think you've misunderstood, Angelus." She pronounced the end of his name with force, like she wanted to convince him that she made a distinction between him and Angel.

"Hmm." He looked at her with amusement.

"You're nobody. Just a disease," she continued. "If you're implying that I love YOU, you're dead wrong. I love Angel. And you are NOT Angel."

For once, Angelus didn't smirk or smile smugly at her, he simply leaned closer to her when he answered.

"You really think it's that cut and dry, don't you?" he asked coldly. "You actually think that, if I get my soul back, everything that I am is gone?" Angelus smiled a little. "No, Buffy. I'm always here." He patted his chest. "Deep in." Buffy shook her head.

"You're lying."

"Dear Buffy," he said, uttering her name just as Angel would, "so cute, so stupid. Tell me, how do you think your precious boy toy played the part of me so good that time, hm? When you fooled Faith. Let me give you a hint. Wasn't just because he… or should I say – I, have the memories from when I'm soulless. Come on. Drop the innocent act, we both know that's not exactly anything you have anymore."

"You know what, Angelus?" Buffy moved very close to him and quietly moved her hand into her pocket. "GO TO HELL!" Buffy pulled a tazer out of her pocket and hit Angelus in the chest with it. He didn't have time to react before he flew backwards and hit the pavement, hard.

* * *

Angelus the first and the gang – except for Spike, who obviously had split – were just around the corner. Buffy panted from the effort of dragging the knocked out vampire from her house to their current position. Right now, Angelus was about to wake up after being hit with the tazer. Buffy's plan was to wait until he was at least semi-awake, and in some way – probably violent, bring him close to his other half.

She could only hope that the other one would be somewhat cooperative. This wouldn't work if he wasn't okay with being put back together with himself, and she knew it. Her success depended on how tired he was of having an identical twin running around… she was playing on his ego here, which she hoped would be successful.

She leaned forward and hit him in the face two times. The third time, his left hand flew up and caught her fist. He opened his eyes.

"Very nice," he hissed. "Now, let's do this fair."

"Oh, I'm all for it. Fair ass-kicking's makes me feel all righteous."

Angelus hit Buffy hard across the face and shoved her backwards. She stumbled and while she recovered he got to his feet, taking another swing at her. She dodged and kicked him in the side. Before he could get at her again she spun around, jumped and kicked him with both legs in the chest, sending him backwards reeling around the corner. The gang, and Angelus, could now see them. She caught a glimpse of Angelus the first smiling, enjoying the show.

Angelus grabbed Buffy's coat and flipped her over, she fell but was on her feet again fast. He got a hold of her again fast and slammed her into a nearby tree. She kneed him in the crotch which took his edge of for a second, she wriggled free from his grip and shoved him forward, working on taking the fight all the way to the other Angelus, who stood his ground and watched. Hopefully that indicated that she had been right, that he knew what they were doing and welcomed it. After all, even if being split in two came with some advantages, he might very well be tired of sharing his unlife with a demanding identical twin.

When she was about to hit Angelus, he caught her arm and yanked it backwards. She gasped in pain and head butted him, getting free. She quickly attacked him with another series of kicks and punches which made him bend over for a minute. When he got up again, he was in vamp face. He growled viciously and kicked her hard. She almost fell but caught herself. They were close to the other Angelus now.

Willow was ready. Buffy grabbed him by the arm, spun around and let go. He reeled and almost crashed into his other self.

"NOW!" Buffy yelled. Immediately, Willow held up her hand and performed the spell that immobilized both of Angelus. She quickly started to chant the rejoining spell.

"Ab imploro abeo acerbus divinus."  
_I implore you dark gods_

"Recursus qualis seiugatus."  
_Return what was separated_

"Abicio iectum alteruter."  
_Get rid of one of the two_

"Antiquoare!"  
_Leave it in its former state!_

The thicken spell wore of, but the Angelus's couldn't – or was it wouldn't? – do much about the reintegration spell at this point. A bright, yellow light appeared around them and they started to combine. Buffy could hardly see them for a while.

When the light disappeared only one of them was left. At first he looked bewildered, but soon he seemed to accustom to the new state. He got to his feet, growled, and disappeared.

As soon as the immediate danger and tension wore off, Buffy felt how tired she was. Oh, how she wanted this to be over right now. But no. They still had a re-ensouling to perform.

* * *

Thirty minutes later, Buffy, Willow, Cordelia, Giles, Anya, Wesley, Gunn and Xander all poured into the Magic Box. It served as their headquarter – the only bad thing about it was that it was a public accommodation, which meant that Angelus could get in, but no one had a suitable home to be in. It didn't matter, after all Angel would soon be re-ensouled again and the danger would be eliminated. The gang, all tired didn't say much. They simply sat down where they could find space.

"So." Willow said tiredly. She was exhausted after the spell. She knew that calling on dark gods was tiring on a witch that wasn't completely ready for it, but she would never admit that to anyone.

"So." Xander echoed. "What do we do now? Anyone who answers better include words such as 'rest your smashed head' or 'sleep'."

Buffy sighed. "I'm sorry to be a spoilsport, but we're not done yet. We still need to curse Angelus. The orb of Thesulah should arrive soon, right Will?"

She simply nodded. Buffy looked at her.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, fine. I'm just a little drained from the spell, is all."

Buffy looked at the worn group. "You should all get some rest." Xander mouthed a thank you. "I'm gonna call the hospital and see how Dawn is doing… and, um, check on my mom. Apart from that, I don't think there's much we can do before the orb arrives."

* * *

They didn't have to wait long, only just under two hours later the orb arrived. Angelus hadn't made any appearances. Was it possible that he didn't know that they would try to re-curse him as soon as possible, or was he still recovering from his recent reintegration? Buffy guarded the front door just in case. She didn't trust him not to show up.

She was worried. The last hour Buffy had spent trying to get a hold of her mother, but she wasn't anywhere to be found – she had left work during the afternoon, visited Dawn, but she hadn't arrived home. She didn't answer on her cell phone.

Buffy could only hope that the reason for her mother's absence was something natural, though she feared that it wasn't. She wanted to panic – she desperately wanted to be able to act like anyone else would if their mother was missing while a sadistic monster was loose looking to hurt her in all ways imaginable, but she couldn't. She had to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders, again. With a sigh and a last worried look outside, she went inside where Willow and the others had set up everything to perform the curse.

"Okay." Willow nodded. "We're ready."

"Yep, stinky herbs are go," Cordelia said. A beat before she continued. "Oh. Déjà vu. Feels like I've said that before."

"You have," Willow reminded her. "Giles?" With a stern look, Giles opened the book he was holding and spoke the first few words of the curse.

"Quod perditum est, invenietur."

Unpleasant memories from almost three years ago stirred up. The last time he did this, he was only days away from loosing Buffy, if only temporary. Only hours away from being tortured by Angelus. Only minutes away from realizing that the cunning vampire had fooled them and the horror of possibly waking up to a world where he found that all his protégés had been killed.

"Not dead nor not of the living. Spirits of the interregnum I call," Willow chanted slowly. "Let him know the pain of humanity, gods. Reach your wizened hands to me. Give me the sword. Gods, bind him. Cast his heart from the evil realm. I call on you gods…"

Just like last time, Willow's head snapped back and she continued chanting, now in Romanian instead of English.

"Te implor, Doamne, nu ignora aceasta rugaminte. Nici mort, nici de-al fiintei, Te invoc, spirit al trecerii. Reda trupului ce separa omul de animal!"

The orb started to glow bright. Everyone was watching tensely. Everything was going all right. Nothing could possibly go wrong at this point, could it? Soon they would have Angel back and everything would be normal.

"Lasa orbita sa fie vasul care-i va transporta, sufletul la el. Utrespur aceastui."

It looked like the soul prepared to leave the orb, just like it was supposed to.

"Asa sa fie! Asa sa fie! Acum!"

But instead of glowing and disappearing, the orb continued to glow, brighter and brighter. After a few seconds, it exploded into hundreds of pieces and a lot of dust. Willow who sat very close to it, shrieked and jumped back.

Buffy frowned. "Okay… so, it worked, right? I mean, that what happens when Angel's soul leaves the orb?"

Cordelia shook her head. "I remember the last time. The orb did the glow thing, and when Willow said that… last thing, it disappeared. I don't think it worked." Buffy stared at her, terror and anger in her eyes.

"What? But… how?"

"So what we're saying here is that Angel is still all psychopath-y out there? Very nice!" Xander said, throwing his hands in the air in a frustrated gesture.

"Calm down," Wesley said to no one in particular. "Just stay calm. Let's think, what could possibly stop the curse from working?"

Giles cleared his throat. "Well, there's one thing in all this that no one has mentioned." He raised his gaze and looked warily at Buffy. She frowned and glared back at him demandingly.

"How did Angel loose his soul this time?"

"Well I…" God, how could she be so stupid. She hadn't given it one thought. "I don't know."

Wesley spoke again. "Well, at least I think it's fair to say that he didn't loose it through a moment of true happiness. We're also sure that it wasn't Doximall that made Angelus surface this time, since the effects would have worn of long ago. The question is, what did it?"


	14. TERMINAL DECISION

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**CHAPTER 14: TERMINAL DECISION**

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Buffy slammed Spike, face first, against the wall in his crypt.

"Ow! Bloody hell, woman." He struggled to get loose, but she held him firmly in place.

"One more time, Spike. Do – you – know – how Angel lost his soul?" Spike chuckled as Buffy turned him around and held him with his back pinned against the wall.

"I thought that was your area of expertise, love." Buffy raised her fist and hit Spike across the face. He wiped his bloody lip with the back of his hand. "Okay, not the best time to crack jokes, suppose. No, I don't know. But if you're not going to pummel me all night, I could see if anyone's heard anything."

"About what?"

"What do you think? About black arts, powerful shamans and such. Something tells me that the bloody sod didn't draw the soul out with promises of furry puppies and cotton candy, if you know what I'm saying. Could look around for you." He smiled smugly. "You know, for the right money." Buffy scowled.

"Don't forget that I'm evil, pet," Spike continued before she could protest. "Cash just might encourage me to look just a little bit more carefully." Buffy sighed, releasing her grip on him.

"Fine, fine. You'll get paid, WHEN you bring us something useful." Spike opened his mouth to say something.

"Don't forget that _I'm_ the slayer, Spike. I don't run a social welfare's offices for harmless, big mouthed vampires."

"Oh, you don't? Musta gotten mistaken, what with you shagging and being all gaga about _some_ of us that fit into that category." She tightened her grip around his collar.

"Said 'some of us'. Hit a nerve, love?" he smirked. Buffy stared coldly at him, not even bothering to humor him by responding to his comments.

"You find something; you bring it to me; you get your money. That's the only way this deal works." With that Buffy spun around and left the crypt without looking back.

* * *

Angelus slowly opened the door to the sorcerer's home. He'd already been invited, so that wasn't a problem. The sorcerer had called him to his home for some reason, he had no idea if it was a trap, a problem with the soul extraction spell – of if the old wretch simply wanted to talk to someone. Angelus snorted. Well, if it was the last, the old man would get to experience his wrath… that was for sure.

Things were going well so far. When he was done with Joyce, he had driven the car away from the house, making sure Buffy wouldn't suspect that she had in fact already gotten home. He would have to se how those things would unfold later… At least he was happy about only being one separate entity again. There was no need for two Angelus-es in the world - he was evil enough to do well with only one entity. Sharing life and town with another one of him was demanding.

Now, of course the next problem was how to stop Buffy and the red headed witch from cursing him again. He was sure they would as soon as they got a hold of everything they needed… Maybe that was why the sorcerer had told him to come here tonight.

"Come in, vampire."

The hoarse voice was heard from the living room, where the sorcerer had his shrine, all his books and stinky herbs. A few of them was clearly there to repel demons and vampires, but they didn't bother Angelus. His generous use of garlic was however a different story… The strings cloves that hung across the walls made sure that he would want to cut his visit as short as possible. Angelus stepped inside the living room. The man sat cross legged on the floor, incense burning and a book spread out before him.

Angelus crossed his arms over his chest and looked coldly at the man.

"What do you want?" The man looked back at him, gesturing at the floor in front of where he sat.

"Sit down, young fellow."

"Thanks, but I'm very comfortable standing," Angelus scoffed, not considering for a minute to sit down so close to the sorcerer. He didn't trust him. What would the next thing be, the old man offering him tea and asking him 20 questions about his future and goals in life? Now that would be priceless. "You wanted something?" he demanded.

"Yes. I thought you should know, that the powers of Kalderash speak again." Angelus narrowed his eyes. Like he thought, then.

"You mean that the redheaded witch is going to try to curse me again. Right, thanks for the heads-up, I'll be off to take care of that."

The old man laughed a little, causing him to start coughing.

"Foolish creature," he said, recovering. "The powers of Kalderash has already spoken, and failed. My magic prevents the essence from being released into the ether." A grin slowly spread across Angelus' features as he understood the meaning of the man's words.

"Really. So what's the downside to this confirmation of my infinite liberation?"

A flash of menace appeared in the old mans eyes. "Well, I don't really think you've been appreciative towards me, vampire. I did not agree to use my magic's on you out of amiability. Perhaps I should just tell these warriors how to return your conscience."

Angelus winched slightly. "No, I really don't think you should do that."

"Then you will agree to my conditions. You will, from here on out, work for me. You will…"

"And already, I'm bored." Angelus rolled his eyes. "No, no and no. I _will_ not do anything." He walked up to the man, grabbed him by the throat, lifted him up and left him dangling inches above the floor, squeezing his throat. He enjoyed the strained sounds as the old man tried to breathe.

"Idiot. Do you think I'm this easy to kill?" he gasped. "My body might be aged and frail, but generations of power are in my blood, coursing through my veins. Do you really think…" Too late the sorcerer realized he'd made a mistake.

"Your power's in your blood, huh?" Angelus morphed into vamp face. "Thanks for the tip." He sank his fangs in to the old mans jugular, drinking deeply and enjoying the power he could feel in the blood – even though it was tinged by the bitter taste of old shaman that surely took potions meant to hinder demons from feeding on him. The meal was refreshing, but it didn't last very long. Angelus let go of the limp body and it fell to the floor with a satisfying smack. "It's been fun," he smirked as he turned his back and left the sorcerers house.

* * *

A few hours after his meeting with Buffy, Spike arrived back at the Magic Box. Xander, Anya, Wesley and Cordelia were scattered over the shop. Wesley and Cordelia were reading through volumes on Romany curses. They didn't really expect to find Angel's curse in it, since it was written by the Kalderash people specific for Angelus, but at least it kept them busy. Xander sat with Anya on the couch, speaking quietly to her.

"Hello all." No one even looked at Spike. He frowned. "So, what's with the gloom and doom?"

"Do you really wanna know, Spike?" Xander released himself from Anya's grip and sat up straight. "We have evil Angel roaming around town. His cure failed. Willow has locked herself in the bathroom with a book that's called 'very bad magic's or something."

"'Mehrenstadth's dark compendium'" Anya corrected. "It's an expensive book, I told her she will have to pay for it if she wants to take it home." A beat of silence. "That was when she went into the bathroom."

Xander ignored her. "Buffy and Giles went off into the training room to have a 'serious talk', everyone is sad, two of our friends has been murdered during the past days – and Buffy's mom is missing. AND, possibly the worst thing in all this – Buffy tells us that at the moment, YOU are our biggest hope."

Spike smirked. "She's bloody right." He frowned. "Did you say Joyce is missing?" He shook his head. "Lady made a nice cuppa."

"Raise your hand if 'ew'" Xander said, imagining Buffy's mom serving Spike warm 0-pos with marshmallows.

"Not blood, you stupid sod," Spike rolled his eyes. "Hot chocolate. Not all vampires go strictly on the red stuff, you see."

Before Xander could respond to that, they were interrupted by Buffy and Giles who came out of the training room. Buffy looked upset. She barely spared Spike a glance before she slumped down into a chair, biting her lip. She was clearly worried and very tired, and who wouldn't be? Her sister was possibly on her deathbed, her mother was gone and might very well be dead and they had no idea how to stop Angelus. Seeing that Buffy wasn't up for a rousing speech of any degree, Giles took over.

"Buffy and I have been, er… discussing the ways that Angel could possibly have lost his soul this time. So far we've ruled out true happiness…"

"Why?" Spike interrupted. "The ninny always did have a weird sense of humor." Giles sighed.

"Because the curse didn't work. I have presented other alternatives to Buffy…" He looked at her, but she just stared at the floor.

"Unfortunately, the news isn't good. There are three big possibilities, as far as I can tell. The first one is a soul stealing demon. Angelus could have sent one after Angel. That's not good, because if you destroy such a demon after it has, er… Ingested a soul, the soul is consumed and gone for good. However, it could be resolved if we found the demon alive. Another possibility is a shaman, sorcerer or witch. A powerful one might be able to extract a soul. The problem is, that can be done from a distance, which means that Angelus in theory could have hired a shaman in China, and we'd need to find the specific shaman to make him release the soul into the ether. The third possibility… is a spell that destroys souls. It's called the Maldad Ritual."

"The Maldad Ritual?" Wesley frowned? "I don't think I've ever heard of that."

"Well, it's a very rare and dangerous ritual, but I suspect it could be done," Giles went on. "I could even imagine one or two magicians here in Sunnydale that would be willing to try. If a soul is destroyed by this spell, there's no going back."

Buffy collected herself and looked at Spike.

"Spike, what can you tell us?"

"Uh, I… Not much. But I found a Slug demon that says he saw something." Spike opened the door and shouted into the darkness. "Blenny, you can come in now!"

A short, greenish creature with stubby legs walked into the shop. When it turned its back against the group, they could see that it had an eye in the back of its head. A puke green eye staring at them.

"Remember Spike, when we're done, you owe me five fresh kittens."

"Yes," Spike said loudly and laughed nervously. "I'll give you your _money_ when you've told us what you know."

"Did he just say 'kittens'?" Xander asked and pictured what a slug demon could possibly do with a bunch of kittens. "Scratch that question, I don't even wanna know."

Buffy walked up to the slug. "Tell us what you know. Now."

"Slayer! It's an honor…" the slug laughed uneasily, gesturing with its hands.

"Tell us what you know," Buffy repeated, not allowing the creature any more time for groveling.

"Well, you see, the other night I was out looking for stray cats. I know, strange thing to do for a demon you might think, but cats happen to have small kittens in their bellies pretty often." The slug licked its lips. Buffy crossed her arms over her chest.

"So anyway, I see this mean looking bloodsucker standing behind a crypt. By the way, I could tell right away that Spike was from his line. What is it with the males from that kinship and their hair? I find it funny that two of the baddest vampires in history are using so much product." The slug shook its head, which made a bit of slime drip from its face.

Spike glared at him. Being compared to his grandsire_ and_ mocked because of his hair all at the same time. Maybe bringing Blenny wasn't such a good idea...

"So he was standing there, and he had a human in a robe with him, and suddenly another one just like him came walking down the street. They were talking. More like, insulting one another. So suddenly, the first bloodsucker makes the robed guy show himself. He says something about a soul and excretion… or maybe it was extraction. Probably, yes." The slug added at their looks. "The robed guy started with this spell and the other bloodsucker just leaped up to him and snapped his neck. Crack!" The gang winced. Spike smirked.

"So, what does that mean? Which one of them was Angelus?" Xander said, clearly confused. The slug continued.

"So the first guy says something about not thinking the second guy would kill a good guy without brollying about it first." A beat of silence. "Now that part I don't get. Maybe I heard wrong."

"Maybe you did," Buffy said dryly. "Go on."

"Anyway, then he said the real sorcerer wasn't actually nearby, and then something I didn't hear. Then the other guy ran away. That's all I've got." Buffy nodded shortly.

"Good. Spike, you can escort the… slug-thing out of here and… pay him or whatever."

"Whatever. Don't forget you own me money, slayer," Spike reminded her before he disappeared out the door, presumably to pay the Slug his kittens.

"So." Buffy looked pleadingly at Giles. "Is this good news?"

"I suspect so, yes." Giles smiled a little. "It would mean that Angel's soul most probably hasn't been destroyed. The problem is that we need to find the sorcerer, and even if he actually resides in Sunnydale, I don't know how, to be quite honest."

"I do." The all turned and saw Willow coming from the bathroom. She opened the book with dark spells and pointed. "There, I can do a locator spell that will show me where dark magic's have been performed in the last few days."

Giles opened his mouth to say something. "Don't say it, Giles," Willow cut off, looking firmly at him. "I'm going to do this, and we don't have time for an 'it's very dangerous'-speech. I already know that." Giles remained quiet.

* * *

It didn't take long for Willow to complete the locator spell. It showed them that dark magic's had been performed on four locations in Sunnydale during the last few days – the Magic Box, that was when Willow threw Angelus through the door when she revealed who he truly was – though not the attempted curse, since it was considered good magic, Willow's dorm room where she had performed the location spell on Angelus, the mansion, which was Willow's attack on Angelus, and a fourth place. A house.

As soon as they had pin-pointed the exact address, Buffy, Giles and Wesley took off to go and meet him, well aware that their time was limited. If Angelus had targeted the person living in that house, chances were that they were already too late.

The others stayed behind. Willow was working on a protection spell that might be able to keep Angelus out of the Magic Box.

"So, this is it." Buffy knocked on the door. The two ex watchers stood just behind her.

No one answered the door. Buffy swallowed hard. Did that mean… Did it mean anything? Of course it didn't. It was late, for all they knew the person inside might be asleep. Right? She extended her hand and grabbed the doorknob. Did she want it to be locked or open? What would locked mean? Nothing probably; Angelus still could have been there. She turned it and pushed the door… and it opened.

"It's open," she said with some disappointment. It didn't mean much either really, did it? The inhabitant if this house supposedly was someone powerful enough to extract Angel's soul from a distance, maybe he could rely on protecting the premises with only his magic.

The three entered. The house was dark and smelled of burning incense. It didn't seem to have any artificial light, only candles, and lot's of them. Not to mention smelling herbs, garlic and something else that Buffy didn't know exactly what it was – but it smelled strange. At least there was no question whether they had come to the right house…

"Hello?" Wesley said loudly.

"Maybe he's just… out. Or sleeping. People sleep at this hour, right?" Buffy suggested. They moved further into the building. Buffy took point, peeking into every room, disappointed yet relieved when she found them empty.

"Here's the living room," Buffy said. "If he's not in there, I think we can assume he's not in at the moment." The three of them stepped in there. Buffy's heart sank when she saw the body.

"Or not," she whispered. Giles kneeled beside the still form of the old man.

"He's dead. And has been so for at least a few hours." He rolled the body onto its back. "Vampire attack," he noted, indicating the bite mark on the man's neck.

"So Angelus was here first, I suspect," Wesley said, smothering a sigh. Well, what had they expected, really? They were dealing with the Scourge of Europe, not some simple vampire lackey. Angelus hadn't earned his title and reputation as a cunning mastermind through missing important loose ends and leaving openings for his adversaries.

"What does that mean?" Buffy inquired. "Does the magic break when they die?" Giles shook his head.

"No, I don't think it works that way. Angelus probably killed him because he knew that the only way the sorcerer could hurt him was by putting the soul back himself, or release it so we would be able to do it. I'm very sorry Buffy. I have no idea what to do now. Even if there is some ritual somewhere that can break the sorcerer's magic, and I doubt that there is, neither of us have the power to perform it."

Giles looked at her sorrowfully. He could only hope that Buffy would see what she had to do if there was no reasonable chance to bring Angel back. It was a conclusion he couldn't push her to, she had to figure it out herself. And something in her eyes told him that she was doing just that in the very instant.

And once again Buffy's world came crashing down on her – it wasn't the first, or even second or third time during the last few days. Angelus was free, he had the advantage and he had made clear that he was going to use it. Her mother was gone, and might very well be dead already – if she wasn't; it was probably because Angelus had thought of some delightful way to kill her to make Buffy suffer as much as possible from it. She had a duty – to all her friends, to her family and to the world. As a friend, daughter, sister and the Slayer. And she had a duty to the man she loved – because no matter how much she tried to deny it she still loved Angel deeply, and she knew he wouldn't ever want her to let his demon kill and destroy again.

If there was no way to bring him back… Then it was very clear what she had to do. She didn't want to do it – she couldn't think of anything that she wanted to do less, but it was her responsibility. She was the one that had to end this.

The whole situation was absurd. If someone had told her this a week ago… that she was about to be thrown into a chaotic scene where she would be forced to take the decision to kill Angel once and for all, she would have told them that they were insane. Possibly laughed at them even. Well, life truly takes some funny turns sometimes. Somehow she managed to keep her voice steady when she uttered the words.

"Don't worry about it Giles. This has gone too far, and if there's no chance that we can get Angel back, I already know what I have to do." She looked first at Wesley, then at Giles, both of them glancing back at her with deep compassion. She knew what she was going to say next. They knew what she was going to say next. Then how come the words still got stuck in her throat? At last she turned away from them to look at the sorcerer's dead body – and hide the tears that welled up.

"I have to kill Angelus."


	15. ONE GIRL IN ALL THE WORLD

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* * *

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**CHAPTER 15: ONE GIRL IN ALL THE WORLD**

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* * *

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Willow sat in the training room alone with the book about the Kalderash history and curses. Jenny, Buffy and Giles had found this book in Jenny's uncle Enyos motel room after Angelus murdered him. Wesley had already looked through it, however, Willow was pretty sure he hadn't read the part about dark magic's, which was what she was currently reading thoroughly. The book was completely in Romanian, but she had learned some over the years and she had a dictionary to her aid. She read an entry that the elder woman in 1898 had written.

"Gregor is preparing to do the spell to give the monster its conscience back. He's fuelled by grief and therefore, the spell should work, but I will not let him. This spell, powerful enough to cut through spirit and life, will allow the monster to live and love as any human – albeit, in eternity, since he is still a Vampyre. Gregor has told me that it is all right, that he is prepared to die for the vengeance, but that is not the matter here. Of course he would die for the vengeance. I would die for the vengeance as well, as would any member of our clan. But, this ritual of restoration is only to make the vile animal suffer for his deeds for all eternity. Tomorrow, I will use orb of Thesulah to punish Angelus."

Willow was fascinated. If these texts were right, there was a spell that would give Angel his soul, but without the happiness clause. That had to be it. And it could only be performed if the person that did it was grieving, which wasn't exactly a problem here. And it was powerful enough to break through "spirit and life" which should mean that it didn't matter if a sorcerer had Angel's sou, bound by his magic.

She could do it. She could save Angel.

* * *

Buffy was in a vacuum. She sat in the passenger seat next to Giles in his car, Wesley sat right behind her, and they were on their way back to the Magic Box. Wesley and Giles were talking, but all she heard was muffled voices.

She had made the decision. She had to kill him. Not in a month, not in a week. No, as soon as possible. Knowing Angelus, he probably had some evil plan brewing. If she continued to walk around, not able to come to terms with what she had to do, it could blow up in her face.

God knows what he might do to her friends – well, she thought bitterly, the ones that were left, anyway. Just the thought of doing it made her sick to her stomach. How would she be able to actually do it – not just imagine doing it, threaten him or hurt him badly, no – kill him. Plunge the stake into his chest and watch him dissolve to dust…

She had been ready to do it once, when Acathla had been activated. That time she had felt like she had lost everything, she had nothing left – except for herself. Her being was the only thing she could control, and the least she could to with it was saving the world and ridding it from Angelus. There had been no fear, no doubt in that instant, only stone cold determination.

How would she return to that state of mind? She needed to, and she feared what Angelus could possibly do that would damage her enough to descend into that state of hopelessness.

She thought of her mother. If he had her… what he might have done to her… It made her head hurt and her stomach turn just to think about it. She couldn't even protect her own family. Just some slayer. In just the matter of days, her boyfriend and one of her friends had been murdered.

She had allowed her sister to get attacked and watched over her mother so poorly that Angelus had gotten an opening. She wondered when he had taken her. At work? On the way home, at the hospital? At home, even? There was nothing wrong with Angelus' creativity, and she _knew_ that. She should have been more careful.

She sometimes wondered what would have happened if she hadn't been home that time when Angelus was scaring her mother and telling her about his and Buffy's night together… He was trying to get into the house. He would have. What had come next?

All she knew was that he must have gone straight after Miss Calendar afterwards, taking out his frustration by hunting her and killing her like the brutal predator he was.

The fear of what might have happened to her mom quickly grew larger, clawing at her from the inside. She felt panic rising, she felt warm and cold at the same time and swallowed against the lump in her throat. What was she doing here, sitting on her ass and feeling sorry for herself? She should be out there, searching tirelessly for her mom until she found her! A _strong_ slayer would.

A _strong_ slayer would leap out of the car, track Angelus down, save her mother and put a sharp piece of wood through his chest before he had the time to understand what had happened. Then she would make a good pun out of it and move on.

A _strong_ slayer wouldn't hide behind her ex-watcher, go back to her friends and whine about her innate responsibility and her feelings before she finally did something. She was the Chosen One. One girl picked out from thousands of thousands in her generation because she was supposed to be able to cope and make a difference. It was time to do something to prove that she wasn't just a selfish coward that put everyone around her in danger without doing a damn thing about it.

"Stop the car," she said tonelessly.

"Hmm?" Giles side glanced at her. "What?"

"Stop right here." They were outside the Restfield Cemetery. One of Angelus' favorite haunts. Perfect.

With a frown Giles did as she asked.

"Buffy, what are you doing?" he asked when she stepped out of the car and slammed the door with a determined expression.

"My job," she answered shortly. "Don't worry, go back to the others. I have something that I have to do."

Without waiting for his answer, she turned around and half jobbed towards the cemetery.

Wesley leaned in closer to Giles from his position in the backseat and spoke quietly. "Do you think she will make it?"

"She can take out Angelus if it comes to pure physical combat, certainly," Giles asserted – not quite as confident as he sounded, but hoping that he was right. He was silent for a beat as he watched Buffy when she disappeared inside the cemetery. "But I'm not sure what it will do to her," he said sadly and truthfully.

* * *

Buffy skulked silently through the cemetery. She could feel him somewhere – she wasn't sure where, she couldn't pinpoint his exact location, but he was around. Watching, waiting. Well, he would come to her. In due time, he would come to her. Unwanted, unbidden, but he would stir. He always did.

Buffy stopped and closed her eyes, deeply inhaling the fresh, chilly night air. She had done the same thing many times – just relaxing, honing her senses. If there was a demon nearby, she would feel it. Somehow, and maybe it wasn't so strange, tonight was different. She was distraught, worried and physically feeling sick when she thought about what she had to do. She had killed him once… she had gone through it all once, and now she would have to again.

Still having her eyes closed, she heard a creaking. Someone was coming. Not sure if she hoped that whoever was approaching was a demon waiting to slash her throat and drink from her brainstem or just a lonely person out for a walk, she slowly opened her eyes. She hadn't been sure what she would see, but what she actually did lay eyes upon was the last thing she had expected.

Her Mom.

"Mom?" Her voice was small. Childishly innocent, even, like she was a little girl again. Her mother. Here. Alive and well.

"Oh, hi honey." Her mother smiled.

"Mom, you're okay!" Barely able to fight the tears of relief and joy, Buffy ran up to her mother, embracing her in a hug. It took a few seconds before she realized that she didn't return it. She stood still, stiffly waiting for her to understand. Buffy's cheek touched her mother's neck briefly.

It was cold.

No…

NO.

It couldn't be. It couldn't be happening, it couldn't be true.

"No," she whispered, releasing her mother. Her mother just looked at her. Her face was soft and friendly just like it always was – but those eyes… Her eyes were nothing but pure evil. Empty, dark, soulless. "This can't be happening."

"Oh, but it is," her mother said softly.

"What did he do to you?" Buffy said, her voice breaking up, even though it was a stupid question. She knew exactly what had happened here.

"Don't worry," her mother crooned. "It's all right. I feel so much better now. I'm immortal. I'm free. And I don't have to listen to the whiny voices of the two disgusting creatures that slithered away from my loins anymore."

Buffy knew she shouldn't be, but she was hurt by the words. It was the words of a demon, yes, but the tone of voice was her mother's. The same tone that had greeted her every morning, sung her to sleep when she was little, told her stories, scolded her, lectured her. Told her that she loved her.

"God, what was I thinking during the eighties?" her mom – no, the demon wearing her face, said. "I mean, TWO? One was bad enough, but when the second one came along? I should have taken one and beaten the other one to death with it."

"Shut up," Buffy tried weakly, subtly feeling for a stake in her pocket. There was one there. But how would she be able to use it?

"But there is a way to end it," her mother continued. "You can end it. Join me and Angel, and we will bring sweet death to this sorry town. It's so easy on this side. There's no sickness, no death, no guilt, no remorse. There's only the kill." She moved closer to Buffy. If nothing else, her movement alone should be enough to convince Buffy that this was a creature of pure evil, not her mom. She was moving seductively, predatory like, practically floating through the air.

"You're hurting Buffy," she said calmly. "Let me make it better, dear. Let me kiss that owie of yours."

"Stop it," Buffy almost pleaded.

"Look at yourself, Buffy. You're running, away from your friends, from the world that doesn't understand you. You're lost, and you can't find your way home. Doing this, waging this hopeless war is going to kill you very soon. There is no sense in what you do. You will die, and someone else will take your place, and it starts all over again. You could be so much more. You're falling, Buffy. Don't you want to stop falling?"

It wasn't hard to figure out how so many people got themselves turned into vampires willingly. What her mother said almost made sense, on some level. She felt herself nod slightly. Oh yes, how she wanted to stop falling. How she wanted everything to be simple and obvious. But not like that. Not by becoming a soulless monster.

Joyce advanced at her, switching into gameface. She gently brushed Buffy's hair out of the way and prepared to bite down.

"Say goodbye to everything you knew," she whispered. When Buffy felt sharp fangs against her throat, she snapped out of her trance like state. What the hell was she doing? She was supposed to do something about this, not give up and let herself get killed. Furiously she kicked out, making the demon stagger back.

"Thanks for the offer," she said between clenched teeth. "But I think I'll hang on to the mortal coil for just a bit longer."

Her mother growled, coming at her again, not at all smoothly this time. Buffy was surprised at how well this snarling demon had been able to replicate her mother just a minute ago. And how easily fooled she had been.

Joyce kicked her and tried to smack her over the face, but Buffy was too quick and defended herself easily. Joyce came at her again. They exchanged several blows where Buffy mainly tried to shield herself, not exactly getting in many blows herself. It wasn't because her mother was a stronger fighter than her, obviously. She didn't want to fight and kill her mother. She desperately didn't want to; even though she knew that it was what she had to do. To let this creature roam, to let her go back to Angelus and watch the two of them rain destruction over Sunnydale… That would be even worse.

Buffy grabbed a hold of the stake in her pocket. Joyce swept the feet away from beneath her, sending her to the ground. When she leaned in over Buffy, she kicked her in the stomach, leaping to her feet when her mothe-the demon staggered backwards.

She lunged forward and plunged the stake into her chest, never letting her gaze off of the feral eyes that used to belong to her mother. Those eyes were the only thing that could truly convince her that this was a monster, that her mother was already long dead. She was just doing what had to be done for her mother's soul to find peace.

"Good bye," Buffy said sadly.

Joyce stared at her for a second, and then she crumpled to dust. The stake fell to the ground with a light thump, and her mothers ashes settled around it. Buffy remained where she was, standing, staring at the dust and the stake. The stake she killed her mother with.

She collapsed to her knees in her mother's ashes. Realizing what had just happened. Wanting so badly for all this just to be a bad dream. She wanted to cry. She wanted to cry and scream and mourn so badly, she wanted to curl up in the grass, hugging herself and remaining like that forever. No. She wanted to curl up in her Mom's lap, comforting herself in her warm embrace as she had so many times ever since she was a little girl. But she couldn't do that… because her mother was dead. Slain by her hand.

Buffy swallowed, shoving her hands through her hair, desperately fighting down the urge to cry, scream, puke… She wanted to sink through the ground. Literally, to leave this earth. Even though it was one of her greatest fears, being swallowed by the earth, cold, damp dirt covering her body, seemed like a release.

But she couldn't do that either. She had a sister in the hospital – her only real family now, and she had another vampire to kill.

Getting to her feet on shaking legs, she saw him. He was there, watching her, leering at her. He had doubtlessly seen the whole scene play out and enjoyed it thoroughly. Disgusting creep.

Right now, a_ strong_ slayer would pick up the stake from the ground, attack the vicious beast that killed her mother and fit him into an ashtray instantly. No doubt, no regret, no looking back. But she couldn't be strong anymore. Not now, not tonight. She didn't have the strength to do it now. She turned her back and left the cemetery.

* * *

"So when we got there and found the sorcerer murdered, she decided that it's time to finish this. To kill him," Giles spoke in a low voice.

"Thank God!" Xander exclaimed. The others looked at him, especially Cordelia and Wesley scornfully. Wesley crossed his arms over his chest. "Oh, like we're not all thinking it," Xander continued at the glares he got. "I won't say anything when Buffy's here, but right now she's not, and damn it, I'm not embarrassed to say that yes, I'm glad she's finally gotten around to killing him."

"Well…" Giles took off his glasses. "It sounds very simple, and to some extent I agree with you, but I also know what it did to her the last time. Since I have no idea how we could restore Angel's soul, I'm just hoping that Buffy will get through this, but I think it's wise to be discrete with the joyful exclamations a bit longer." Anya looked at him.

"But last time she killed Angel, right? Not Angelus? Then this will not be as hard for her."

"Well, I…I suppose…" He was really not very sure that it worked like that.

"She killed him once?" Gunn asked. This he hadn't heard anything about. "Then how come he ain't dead?"

"It was this whole thing with a portal to hell and blood and the apocalypse, but she got through it alright," Cordelia dismissed quickly, leaving Gunn none the more informed. Giles didn't say anything, but he didn't agree. Buffy hadn't gotten through it alright, she had been a wreck for months. How would it affect her this time?

"Anyway," Cordelia continued, "I love Angel and everything, but right now I'm just so glad that we're seeing the light at the end of the tunnel." Wesley gave her a silent look.

"If there is no way to bring Angel back," Cordelia said, "then we're only doing what he would have wanted, right? Angel is my friend, my best friend even, but Angelus is the enemy."

"Yes," Wesley agreed. "One just has to hope that the… light at the end of the tunnel isn't a train," he said seriously.

"Well, obviously it is a train," Cordelia mused, continuing the tunnel-analogy. "I mean, if Angel's gonna die…" She bit her lip, unable to finish the sentence. It surprised even Cordelia herself how bad the thought made her feel; the thought of never seeing Angel again. Never bicker with him again. Never work for Angel Investigations again… Never be surprised by the centuries old guy's attempts to be a compassionate and caring man. It wasn't a pleasant notion.

Willow was the only one who sat quiet, in deep thought. She could pull it off and bring Angel back, but she couldn't tell them now. Especially not with Giles here, he would never allow her to proceed, probably not even let her out of his sight long enough for her to do something if he knew about her plans.

The discussion was ended abruptly when Buffy stepped inside. Her face was pale on the side of ash gray and she looked like she was ready to throw up at any moment. Worry immediately stirred when they saw her. Giles lowered his gaze and looked at her hands. He could see the trace of ashes on them. Gray vampire-like dust mixed with water from the damp grass outside. No… she couldn't have done it? It certainly would explain the devastated look on her face.

"Buff, what is it? Did Angel… Is he…" Xander started, hopeful. He noticed her hands too. He felt bad that his friend was obviously in pain, but if it was over and done with… well, his heart made small leaps at the mere thought of no more Angelus.

Giles got up from his chair and motioned for Buffy to take his place. She moved stiffly as she sat down on the edge of the chair.

"Buffy, what is it?" Giles said softly. The girl was clearly in shock. This could only mean one thing… well, they should be glad that she came to them instead of cutting herself off like last time.

"My Mom…" she began silently.

"You found your mother?" Giles and the others were still clueless, it took a while for them to catch on, maybe because they had expected something else entirely when Buffy stepped inside with a gloomy look on her face.

Desperately fighting the burning tears behind her eyelids, she looked up at her former watcher.

"He killed her, Giles," she said in a voice so incredibly small and vulnerable.

He froze. They all froze for a moment. What had she just said, had they heard right? Giles looked at her hands again. That was definitely the remains of a vampire. Had she gone after Angelus and killed him after she found her mother? It was a possibility. The only possibility that was remotely pleasing. The other option… was simply too gruesome to think about.

"And she… she was a vampire." Buffy stared at the table. Followed the grains in the wood with her eyes. There was no nice way to tell them. No fancy words to use that would make reality less horrible.

"Dear god." Giles was the only one actually uttering the words that everyone thought. Xander had pulled Anya close to him where they sat in the couch, taking comfort in their proximity. Willow walked up to Buffy and hugged her. Afraid that any sudden movement would stir up her nausea again Buffy didn't return the hug, but she was thankful for it. Giles pulled Willow's chair close to Buffy and sat down on it.

"Buffy, it there is anything… _anything_ that I can do," he tried, his voice barely holding up. He felt such compassion for the broken Slayer before him. He loved the girl like a daughter, just like the Council had said years ago. Still, in this instant he was at a loss. What could he possibly say or do that would ease her pain? She looked at him.

"Yes. You can bring my mother back alive, make Dawn wake up, and bring back Riley and Tara as well. And then you can make sure that Angel comes back and that Angelus is banished for good."

She stared at him. She knew that he only meant well, but she was so tired, so tired and hurting. And still, her work was far from done. The main event was still left. She still had another vampire to kill. Giles didn't say anything else, as no words seemed appropriate.

"Tomorrow, it happens," Buffy said, trying to turn her devastation to cold determination. She wasn't sure if it worked. "I'm going after Angelus, and he won't get out of it alive." She considered her words. "Maybe I won't either, but tomorrow, he's going down," she said firmly.

Somewhere deep down the thought of bringing down Angelus and dying in the process was comforting. It should scare her – the whole situation should; fighting Angelus to the death, feeling somber about the thought of him taking her with him when he fell… but it didn't.

"I don't want any on you with me. He has hurt my friends and family enough already. I'm going to visit Dawn at the hospital tomorrow afternoon, and then you won't hear from me until he's dead."

* * *

"Xander." A while later, after Buffy had gone home, stating that she would try to sleep for a few hours, Willow pulled Xander's shirt and motioned for him to come with her. He wasn't going to like this, but except for Buffy, he was her closest friend and probably the only one she could trust with her secret.

"What is it, Will?" he asked when they had moved away from Giles and Anya, the only ones that were left in the Magic Box. Cordelia, Gunn and Wesley had gone back to their motel.

Xander leant against the wall, relieving his hurting legs from a little of the pain that standing up caused. His head hurt. His eyes hurt and he felt a pulling in his eyelids that told him that sleep was a high priority on his body's to do list. His stomach was empty and gaping for food, but he wasn't hungry. How could he think about food right now? Buffy's mom was dead. Angel had killed her, and now Buffy was finally determined that he would go next. How would she be able to come back from that?

"I have something to tell you. You have to promise that you won't be wigged out, it's really important." Xander looked suspicious. If this was something she couldn't say in front of Giles, it was probably a magic thing. He didn't like that.

"Promise!" Willow prodded.

"Okay, sure. I won't be wigged," he said amenably, knowing that it was the only way that she would tell him at all.

"I've found a spell that will cure Angel." Xander's eyes widened. Well, he should have seen that one coming.

"Willow!"

"You promised!"

"Yeah, but… Willow! What are you thinking? Buffy's finally okay with what has to be done, and now you're going to give her false hope again." Willow shook her head.

"No. That's why I'm telling you. I'm going to try to do this spell tomorrow when she's at the hospital to see Dawn. If it does work – Angel will be back before she goes after him. If it fails… she doesn't even need to know that we did it. She's not okay Xander, don't you see that? She's broken enough already. What if she doesn't recover from having to kill Angel again? We have to do this for her." Xander held up his hands.

"Whoa. We? What's with the 'we' here? There was never talk of any we here – only a you, a you who _won't_ be doing this, might I add."

"Yes, _we_ are. I may need some help. I was thinking about asking Cordelia as well tomorrow, but apart from you and her, there's no one else that can assist me." Xander shook his head.

"I still don't like that you're putting yourself in danger for_ him_," he persisted, realizing that his attempts to talk her out of this would be of no value.

"It's not for Angel. It's because... he can do much good. For the world… and for Buffy. I mean… Riley's gone, and her mom…" Willow lowered her gaze. "If we brought Angel back, it would help her."

"But, Will, think about this… I mean, you especially. Why would you want to stop Angel from getting killed, after what he…"

The dark hurting look that Willow gave him stopped him from finishing the sentence. That was a low blow, and it was unnecessary. Willow was willing to risk her own life to bring back Angel for Buffy's sake, even after what had happened to Tara. That made her an incredibly big human being. Xander didn't say anything else.

"Resolve face, Xander," she said, looking at him, determination all over her face. Nothing could change her decision. She could see the change in his expression as he gave in.

"Okay. Just… be careful."


	16. HARDER AND HARDER TO BREATHE

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_A/N: Thank you to everyone who's reviewing. Long or short, every review is good encouragement. Keep that in mind if you want to spur me to edit and update quicker. ;-) _

_So, we're closing in on the big finale... or are we? _

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**CHAPTER 16: HARDER AND HARDER TO BREATHE**

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Just twelve hours or so later, Buffy and Giles walked into Sunnydale General. Buffy was planning on visiting her sister and be with her until sunset in a little over an hour, and then she was up for an Angelus hunt. The final Angelus hunt… Well, actually, 'up for it' was the last phrase that came to mind. She was everything but up for it. Even after everything that had happened, she didn't want to kill him. But… so many people, innocent people had died. No one was sure if there was a way to ever bring back Angel. It was her duty to do this. Her duty to her friends… to the world… and to Angel. He wouldn't want this either.

But before she went out and did it, before she went out and put her life on the line for the greater good, she wanted to see her sister. Little Dawn, she was still in a coma – stable at the moment, but still close to death. The doctors had said days ago that she could wake up at any time but still there hadn't been any change. In fact, just recently her vitals had dropped and she had suffered respiratory arrest. After that they had been forced to put her in a respirator to help her breathe and things weren't looking too good.

The doctors had explained that with such substantial blood loss that Dawn had suffered due to her "animal attack", every minute was precious. Those minutes before the ambulance came had been hard on her system. Too hard on her system, Buffy knew that they meant even if they didn't say it. When she came under care she had been given several transfusions and supplements of different kinds, but for some reason it didn't seem to help her.

Buffy stopped outside her sister's room, glancing warily at Giles who had driven her to the hospital. She was pretty sure he felt guilty for putting her through having to kill her own mother and not being there… Giles cared about her, and she was thankful for that. She knew that if… if she fell in the fight against Angelus, he would take care of Dawn.

"Uhm… Do you want to come with me into her room, or…?" Quiet frankly, this was something she wanted to do for herself. She didn't want anyone in there for what might possibly be her last goodbyes to her little sister.

"You go on ahead. I'll go and get me some – coffee," Giles answered, smothering a grimace. What he really wanted was tea, but he doubted that the hospital had any that was drinkable. Besides, if there was ever the time to drink the tension-inducing bitter beverage, this was most definitely it.

"I'll come by later," he offered, understanding that Buffy wanted to be alone for a bit. The girl had lost so much during the last few days. Now she was about to go out and finish off Angel… she would want some time alone to collect herself.

"Great, thanks." Buffy forced herself to smile a little even though it was the last thing she felt like doing. She went in to Dawn's room and closed the door behind her.

The respirator she was hooked up with hummed along with the rhythmic beeps of the heart monitor. Buffy raised her hand to caress Dawn's cheek. Her skin felt cool. She looked pale, small and vulnerable where she lay.

She looked peaceful in a way, but Buffy knew she was fighting a silent battle against her damaged body where she lay. At first doctors had said that she might not even last through the first night, but here she was proving the professionals wrong. Buffy pulled the chair in the corner up to the bed. She held her sisters hand tightly.

She had killed their mother. How was she supposed to tell Dawn that when she woke up? Maybe she wouldn't even be there to tell her, she thought bitterly. Maybe Giles would be the one sitting at her side… trying to keep her calm while he told her that her family had been obliterated while she was sleeping.

However things went with Angelus, someone was going to have to tell her that their mom was dead because she, the Slayer, had slipped and let her get killed… There wasn't even a body, nothing to put in a grave, nothing that made it real.

Giles had called first thing in the morning and reported Joyce as missing to the police – it was practically standard procedure when someone was turned and slain without anyone ever knowing how they died. That had gone as expected. The police had asked a few standard questions and concluded that Joyce's car was missing, there were no signs of violence around the house, she had a daughter in the hospital – which apparently constituted a justifiable reason for a person to go insane and leave town without a trace. Please file a missing person's report and have a nice day, was the automatonic reply.

The atmosphere had been tense the whole day. They all knew what was to come. Xander and Willow had spent a lot of time together during the day talking quietly; Buffy guessed that he had been comforting her and tried not get jealous and hurt even though she felt very lonely and left out.

Cordelia, Wesley and Gunn stayed together. Giles kept busy the whole day taking care of customers, not wanting to think of the recent events.

Anya had been cleaning the store from top to bottom until everyone practically reflected in the bookshelves and the floors were so squeaky-clean that Giles had to tell her to stop mopping when a customer nearly slipped and fell headlong to the floor.

Buffy had gone home early in the morning, but she had gone back to the shop after only an hour or two. She couldn't rest at home. As soon as she sat down she imagined Angelus getting into the Magic Box, knowing what she planned and taking the opportunity to wipe out the last remains of her life. Not even after sunrise could she rest knowing that they might be in danger.

So she had gone back there and spent most of her day alone, sitting in the dark training room, thinking. The others had left her alone, thinking that she was sleeping, but in fact she hadn't rested her eyes for even a minute. How could she, knowing what she was about to do? What was to come?

Maybe it was the severe lack of sleep she had suffered during the past week – or maybe it was the rhythmic humming of the machinery in the room that made Buffy doze off. Whichever it was, in a matter of minutes, she was fast asleep in the chair next to Dawn's bed, still holding her sister's hand firmly in her own.

Buffy sharply jolted out of her sleep. She looked around, alarms setting off in her head when she realized that she had been sleeping. And something had woken her up. Some loud sound had brought her back to consciousness. She drowsily looked up, still trying to get a grip of reality. How long had she been out?

She glanced at the watch right across the room, but she didn't have time to see it before something else caught her attention.

Right across the bed stood a familiar, tall, dark figure.

"Angel?" she said with a smile, still woozy. It took only a few seconds before the past few days came rolling back at her and swept all the emotions back in one painful wave. She quickly got to her feet in a defensive stance.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she hissed, staring coldly into his amused face.

"Oh, well, I decided to have a little fun. Always wanted to visit a Summers girl at the hospital," Angelus smirked at her.

* * *

"And you're sure this will actually work?" Cordelia looked at Willow. She had been happy when the red headed witch had presented her with a way that might very well bring Angel back, but it sounded a little too good to be true. Wesley and Giles both had looked through that book where she had supposedly found the miracle spell that would solve all their problems. She had her doubts.

"Well," Willow began, "as sure as I can get with any new spell without actually trying it. And that is what we should do now. Buffy's at the hospital now and after that she'll go after Angelus. I figure if we do this before she goes after him, either we succeed and Angel is saved…"

"Or we fail miserably, he comes here and rips our heads off for trying?" Xander suggested. He didn't like this. Not at all.

"Or it doesn't work… and then she won't ever have to know. She'll go after Angelus, and…" Willow trailed off.

"Kill him. Hopefully a lot," Xander said. Cordelia shot him an angry look but didn't say anything for once. Instead she turned to Willow.

"Are we ready?" she asked Willow.

"Yeah. Cordelia, you can read from my notes here… when I say a sentence in Romanian, you repeat it in English. Okay?" Cordelia nodded.

"Don't we need one of those Thesulah orbs for this?" Xander inquired, hoping on some level that Willow had forgotten that, and that she would be forced to terminate her project without one.

"No, it's not needed for this version of the spell." Xander simply nodded. Too bad. Willow had been very keen on doing the spell when no one else was there. Wesley and Gunn had gone with Anya, who was picking up a delivery for the Magic Box so they were alone for the time being.

* * *

Without another word Angelus lunged at her, but Buffy was too quick for him even in her current weary state. Ducking his first lash she caught his jaw in a roundhouse kick, sending him flying up into the wall across the room. He slammed into the wall with a bang, sinking to the floor. He chuckled.

"Why are you here?" Buffy asked in an angry voice while staying in her stance. She was trying to buy time, distract him. She wasn't stupid after all – she knew all too well why he was there.

"C'mon Buff. You know why I'm here," Angelus replied through suppressed laughter as he stood shakily to his feet.

"Well, I'm having a blonde moment, so you'll just have to humor me," she spat back at him. He advanced towards her again. Just before he got to her she shot her stake up in a somewhat feeble attempt to stake him without actually aiming to do just that. It could have worked on a slower, less experienced vampire. Angelus stopped instantly, blocking her move and whipping the stake from her hand.

"Well, I thought I would teach you a lesson," Angelus aimed a punch that hit Buffy in the jaw. She arched forward.

"Never stop watching your perimeter," he continued. "It's a simple lesson, really. I mean, come on Buff. Sleeping away the day in a chair like some old hag? Where is your fire, huh? Your energy?"

Buffy recovered, wiping blood from her mouth. She looked up at him, meeting his cocky gaze. Oh, that smile. That arrogant, overconfident smile. It enraged her so thoroughly that she was ready to beat him to death right on the spot.

"I was saving myself for you," she hissed as she jumped and hit him hard in the side of the head. He staggered to the side and she reached for her stake, but he was too quick for her. He kicked it away, and Buffy cursed the fact that she only had one on her. The rest of her weapons were in Giles' car in the parking lot.

She grabbed him by the coat and spun him around, her instincts telling her to bring the fight away from Dawn. The room wasn't so big. If either one of them crashed in to the respirator… she didn't dare to think about the consequences. He was sent smacking into the door and Buffy took the chance to retrieve her stake on the other side of Dawn's bed.

Just then she heard a knock and Giles strode into the room, completely unaware of the danger lurking just inside the door.

"Buffy, can I come…" Angelus grabbed him before he had time to finish his sentence. Holding the watcher firmly in place, his back pressed up against Angelus' chest, he pulled out the pocket knife he knew Giles always carried in his breast pocket.

"Damn it!" Giles cursed under his breath, trying to free himself. It took a second to react, and when she did, it was too late.

As she moved towards Angelus and Giles, she saw caught a glimpse of the evil smile that crept across Angelus' face as he swiftly, with an experienced hand dragged the knife across the watchers' neck. Giles' eyes instantly bugged out of his head as he cupped his hands down on the wound. Satisfied, Angelus let him drop to the floor and moved to the side.

Forgetting the fight for a moment, forgetting that a _strong_ slayer would kill the beast before she tended to her fallen watcher, she acted on instinct and threw herself at Giles' side. Desperately she tried to stop the bleeding with her own hands. Giles had lost consciousness and the bleeding was profuse – his face was alarmingly slack and white. Was he breathing? She couldn't tell in her moment of hysteria. Oh, there was so much blood. On her arms, clothes, on Giles, on the floor...

Angelus saw this moment of utter weakness in the slayer and used it to his advantage. Buffy glanced up to see where their assailant had gone, for a moment jolted back to reality when she realized that Angelus might use her position to bring her down… or something worse.

Something much, much worse.

To Buffy's horror he took a step backwards. Never taking his eyes off Buffy, making sure she saw and grasped everything - every move, every expression - he swiftly reached back, smiling evilly, and grabbed a cord that was plugged into the wall.  
Using the bloody pocket knife he cut it.

Buffy was pretty sure her heart stopped for a second when she understood what he had just done.

The respirator.

There was a deafening beeping sound as Dawn's heart monitor quickened and then began to fall. For a moment the Slayer's world came crashing down on her. Again. She didn't know what to do, or who to help. Dawn and Giles were both dying in front of her, and she could do nothing to save them. Instead of simply killing on of them, as he could have, Angelus had put her in a situation where she found herself desperate, afraid, and completely helpless.

She had to leave the side of her beloved watcher and let him die, or watch her sister fade away into nothingness.

* * *

Xander watched silently as Willow started chanting. She sat cross-legged on the floor in a circle of lit candles, studying the words in her book, concentration deeply to pronounce everything correctly. Oh, how he didn't like this. He didn't like what they were doing, he didn't like that she was putting herself at risk for Angel… frankly, he didn't even like what the outcome would be of the spell succeeded. He was perfectly fine with the prospect of a world without Angel. It would be like… the world without shrimp, only better.

Still, he wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else. If, God forbid, something happened to her while she was doing the spell… he would be there to help her. He wasn't sure what he could do, besides scream like a woman and send Cordy to call 911… but he was glad he was there.

Willow's eyes turned pitch black, and she spoke the words like she was born for it. Cordelia repeated the phrases in English.

"Nici mort, nici al finite."

"Not dead, not of the living."

"O ushalin zhala sar o kam mangela."

"The shadow moves as the sun commands."

Willows voice grew stronger and power seemed to pulsate out of her.

"Te implor, Doamne, nu ignora aceasta rugaminte."

"I implore you, Lord, do not ignore this request."

"May angle sar te merel kadi yag."

"As this fire burns out."

"Reda trupului ce separa omul de animal!"

"Return to the body what distinguishes Man from the beast!"

"Bater!"

"So shall it be!"

"Tski opre! Tshi opre! Tski opre! Tshi opre!"

"Cannot arise! Will not arise! Cannot arise! Will not arise!"

* * *

Buffy didn't know what to do. She didn't know who needed more help, all she knew was that she had to do something, something besides sitting on the floor like an idiot, waiting for things to solve themselves.

She quickly put a towel over Giles' wound and put his limp hand over it. She couldn't do much for him anyway. Angelus remained standing close to Dawn. Buffy leaped to her feet and grabbed the stake she had thrown aside when she headed for Giles. This was it. It had to end here. It occurred to Buffy that an alarm probably had set off the same minute Dawn's respirator went out. Someone would come to her aid soon, and when they did, she couldn't allow them to be greeted by Angelus. She would have to take him out. Now.

She kicked Angelus hard in the chest, sending him reeling backwards. Still smiling he grabbed her with one hand and hit her hard in the face with the other. In any normal case, that punch would have gotten her off balance for a second, but right now she was too furious. She landed a series of hits and kicks on Angelus who didn't get the time do strike back, he simply defended himself – which however, he did well. Buffy didn't hurt him that badly at all.

Angelus kicked her once, but the second time Buffy grabbed his leg and shoved it up, which made him fall hard on his back. This is it, this is really it, Buffy thought as she launched the stake toward his heart. Angelus was harder to kill than that, though. He blocked her move and punched her in the stomach, leaping to his feet.

She struck back, thinking about all those who had died at his hands, all those he had hurt when she went at him again, blocking his moves and giving him a good beating, step by step forcing him backwards against the wall. In a second he would be cornered, unable to get anywhere without going right through her. And that wasn't happening. Not this time.

With a last punch she sent him smacking into the wall, finishing the flurry of kicks with a swift boot between his legs.

A similar scene from years back repeated itself in Buffy's mind. She and Angelus in the mall, she had a chance to take him out and she had backed of. Well, that was then...

This was now.

This evil son – well, sired of a bitch was the reason her mother was dust somewhere in a graveyard instead of alive and well. The reason why Tara lay at the morgue with her neck broken. The reason why Riley was dead. The reason why she heard her sister's heart monitor squealed alarmingly and Giles lay bleeding to death on the floor. The reason that so many families had shattered; her own being one of them this time. Se knew that this is what Angel would want her to do as well. This was what she had to do. As Angelus doubled over in pain, Buffy saw her one chance.

Just as she was about to thrust the stake in to his chest, he gasped and shot his head back in extreme agony. Guess a girl can't understand how it's like to be kickedthere, Buffy thought, bewildered. But the pain didn't stop.

Angelus lurched forward, bracing his hands on the floor, panting heavily. He howled in pain and the action froze for a second. A part of Buffy told her that it was a trick, that Angelus had realized that he was finally screwed, that his chances had run out and that he was playing her – but a part of her screamed to her NOT to go ahead and stake him. Knowing that she might be making a fatal mistake, she backed a step, stake still raised.

Angelus looked up at Buffy and she saw his eyes flash bright for an instant before they returned to dark. His gaze remained on her for a split second before he collapsed on the floor, crying silently – from the pain… or was it from the pain? Buffy just stared down at him, not knowing what to think. He raised himself up and looked her in her eyes. Him? Who, Angel? It wasn't possible. Every inch of her screamed that it was, but it COULDN'T be.

Her whole being was humming in his presence, telling her that this was the right thing, not the sadistic monster but the ensouled champion. It couldn't be true – there was no way. If there had been a way, she wouldn't be standing her, ready to impale him on a wooden stick. He continued to look at her, his gaze soft, confused, hurting.

"Buffy?"

Angel. Unmistakably Angel.


	17. LOST AND RETURNED

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**CHAPTER 17: LOST AND RETURNED**

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Angel lifted his gaze and found Buffy staring back at him. She was shocked, afraid, bleeding, and holding a stake. Why did it hurt so much? He looked down again. He couldn't remember how…

Oh god no. Meeting his other self, fleeing to the Magic Box, and then… He could only imagine what had happened between then and now. All he knew was that it had led him here… sitting on the floor in a hospital room… he smelled blood, so much blood. And Buffy was clearly ready to kill him.

His eyes were heavy with tears and he raised himself slowly to look at her again. What had he done?

"Buffy…" he managed. He wanted to ensure her that the danger was over, that it was okay. Well, maybe not okay. He had the feeling that things would never be okay again.

When he said her name, she relaxed and lowered her stake, letting her arm hang limply at her side. Somehow that single word from him seemed to have ensured her that she was safe.

"Angel?" Her voice was no more than a whisper. He stood to his feet, a bit shaky, sheer will holding him up as he wanted so badly to support her.

When the tension released now that Buffy was sure that the immediate danger was eliminated, she dropped her stake and fell into his arms, sobbing quietly. Angelus was gone, and the still clueless Angel tried to soothe her.

"Shh… don't cry..." he whispered as he wrapped his arms around her and buried his face into her shoulder, taking in her scent, trying to shut out the commotion around him. He knew he was the cause of it. He knew that he had hurt her beyond imagination. The memories were fuzzy, but he knew that this had been worse than last time. Not as long, he was pretty sure, but he knew that he had wronged her worse than word could express. How could she touch him after that, he asked himself, but he didn't pull away. Buffy's legs went slack, and since the weakened Angel couldn't hold them both up, they sank to the floor.

As the Slayer and the vampire sat together, sharing their misery for a few still moments a handful of doctors and nurses ran into the tiny hospital room expecting to revive only a now flat-lining Dawn, but to also find another in need of medical attention. Buffy and Angel watched helplessly as the doctors and nurses tried to bring back Dawn and help Giles, who looked pale and lifeless. A doctor searched for a pulse on his bloody throat, giving one of his colleagues a worried glance as they loaded him onto a stretcher.

"What happened here?" one of the nurses shouted. Buffy swallowed again and again, watching the huge puddle of crimson blood that Giles left, watching the blood drip from his face, watching one doctor give him CPR while another tried to stop the bleeding by replacing the now blood drenched towel she had supplied and putting another one over the wound and applying pressure.

So much blood… how would he live through that? Was he alive at all, or was they just attempting to revive him as their policy said that they had to before they gave up and declared him dead? But, if he was still bleeding he had to be alive, didn't he? She tried to recall her biology lessons. Could a dead body bleed? Not until they disappeared out of the room, probably headed to an operation room, she could muster an answer. She didn't know what do say – all she knew what that she had to protect Angel.

"A-a man came in here rambling something about payback and when he tried to protect us, the man pulled out a knife... and he... he…" Tried to kill them both before he got his soul back and now he's hugging me? What was she going to say? The nurse seemed to interpret her expression as a state of shock – which wasn't wrong at all really. She nodded.

"It's alright. You don't have to finish," the nurse told her in a soft voice as she placed an idle hand on Buffy's shoulder. Angel hugged her tighter and buried his face deeper into her shoulder as all the memories came flooding back to him. Killing Riley, threatening a terrified Tara, snapping her neck... Feeding from Dawn, siring Joyce, and thousands of other pictures that didn't make any sense yet. They would soon. Soon he would remember every laugh, every smell, every emotion – every detail of all of it.

* * *

"So… is that it?" Cordelia asked, looking at Willow for conformation. She looked tired and nodded slightly.

"Let's hope it worked then," Cordelia said. Willow nodded again. Xander snorted. Well, at least all of them were still in one piece, and not loosing bodily fluids of any kind… He would never forgive Angel for this. He just hoped the guy was sensible enough to disappear as quickly as possible, hopefully never to return again.

"Willow? Oh God, are you all right?" Xander was jolted back to reality by Cordelia's worried voice.

He turned to Willow just in time to see the red headed witch cry out in agony and shudder violently as her muscles began to spasm, her head thrashed desperately as she gulped for air until finally, exhausted, her small body went slack and she crumpled to the floor, lifeless, knocking the candles over as she fell.

"Willow! Cordelia, call 911, NOW!" Xander moved quicker than he thought possible from his seat several feet away, he threw himself on the floor next to her, pulling her into his lap. He didn't have the slightest idea what to do. He didn't even think to check for a pulse or if she was breathing, he just patted her cheek, pleading her to hold on. She was cold. How could she be so cold?

"They want to know if she's breathing," he heard Cordelia's voice. His head snapped up.

"What? Just tell them to send the ambulance," he snapped, suddenly angry. "Isn't it their job to check that sort of stuff anyway?"

"The ambulance is on its way," Cordelia said, obviously repeating the operator's words. For a few seconds Xander couldn't remember how to check if she was breathing. Was her chest moving? Realizing that he was going into shock, Cordelia kneeled and held her hand above Willow's nose and mouth.

"She's not breathing," Xander heard her say silently into the phone. "Uh-huh. Okay."

The next few minutes was a blur to Xander. He sat silently, helplessly watching as Cordelia pulled Willow's limp body out of his lap and trying to give her CPR after being instructed on the phone. Xander's pulse increased rapidly as the door opened. Were they coming? To his disappointment it wasn't the paramedics rushing inside, it was Wesley, Anya and Gunn that entered. Wesley immediately laid eyes on Cordelia who was standing over Willow, trying to get her to breathe again.

"Xander!" Anya said, rushing up to him.

"Dear God!" Wesley exclaimed. "Did Angelus…" Something was wrong. Angelus wasn't anywhere to be seen – and why where there candles and books spread out on the floor? He had a bad feeling this wasn't the work of any outside force…

"Willow tried to cure him," Xander said, now passed his state of shock, entering the state of anger and blame. "The spell did this to her. So yeah, in a way, HE did this to her," he said harshly. Wesley got down on his knees next to Cordelia, feeling for a pulse. At first he didn't think there even was one, but after a few seconds he felt a faint beat against his fingers.

"I think I hear the sirens now, I better go," Cordelia said to the operator, hanging up the phone. "How is she?" she asked Wesley.

"She's alive, but barely so." He shook his head. "How could this happen, what is this spell you're talking about?"

"Willow found a spell similar to Angel's curse, but she said it was without the happiness thing, and it called on such powerful Gods that it didn't matter if a sorcerer had extracted it. She wouldn't tell us anything else," Cordelia supplied.

"Dear God," Wesley said again. "Did she use that spell? I've read about it. That spell is so powerful because it feeds on grief, and uses the spell casters body as a vessel instead of an orb. Most likely it drains the person performing it of its life-force."

"You KNEW this would happen?" Xander yelled.

"Of course not! I thought for sure that she wasn't going to use it…"

They were interrupted by the paramedics that came rushing in. Wesley and Cordelia moved to the side as they made a quick examination.

"We have a pulse," one of them said, "but she's not breathing." While he intubated her, the other one turned to the gang who just stood there, perplexed, not sure what to do.

"What happened to her?"

"She just fell," Cordelia said, not sure what else to tell him. The truth wasn't exactly an option. The paramedic nodded shortly as he helped his partner to load Willow onto a stretcher, starting to roll her out of the shop.

"I'm going with her," Xander said, ignoring Anya as he rushed after them and entered the ambulance. "Meet us there," he called to Wesley, Cordelia, Gunn and Anya. They could go after them to the hospital in Gunn's car.

* * *

"Buffy!" Cordelia yelled. She had taken point when they went searching through the hospital in hope of finding the slayer. The slayer, however, was everything but slayer-like at the moment, she looked small, helpless and vulnerable where she stood in the waiting room. She was a broken girl that hat lost so much in so little time. The look on her face made Cordelia fear it was even more than she already knew about. What if she had killed him before the spell had a chance to work? What if… something else had happened? Where did all the blood come from? Her shirt and sleeves were covered in dark blood, and it clearly wasn't her own. She was afraid to utter the words.

"God, what's happened?"

Buffy looked up at the ceiling to keep the tears from trickling down her cheeks. New tears had threatened to spill out ever since she had stopped crying. But hot tears and painful sobs wouldn't help her now. She didn't feel like crying in front of everyone – the unfamiliar people in the waiting room, and Cordelia, Wesley, Gunn and Anya who all gathered around her.

"Cordelia. Um… he...he killed..."

She looked at them. They didn't know. They had no idea what had happened, and she was the one that had to tell them. Why couldn't the ground just open up and swallow her?

"He killed Dawn," she managed, her voice pretty steady. "He pulled her respirator… and it caused her to go into shock," she continued monotonously, recalling what the doctors had told her earlier. She tried to read the reaction on their faces. It was almost like they all had been dulled by the horrible events of the past week. They looked shock and horrified all of them, but it was like neither of them had expected her _not_ to tell them that someone had died.

"Um… they tried to-to bring her back, but… she didn't make it." There was a beat of silence before she continued.

"And then... he slit Giles throat," she said silently. "The doctors... they say that... that he might not make it through the night. They said that it... it's very deep and he has lost a lot of blood. Then he got his soul back. How did you…?"

"It's a long story," Cordelia started vaguely, not sure if Buffy could handle so much information right now. Then again, the question of Willow's whereabouts would show up any time, and they couldn't exactly say that she had gone fishing, could they?

"Xander?" Buffy said, seeming to stare into space. Cordelia furrowed her brow.

"Well, he helped I guess, but it wasn't his idea…"

"No," Buffy interrupted. "He's here."

"Oh." Cordelia and the others turned around in time to see Xander move quickly down the hall with long, determined strides. He looked pale, and not too happy. Then again – who did right now?

"Xander, how is Willow?" Wesley asked, clearly worried about the witch. He felt guilty too, in a way. With Giles away, he felt like he had the responsibility, and that he should have made sure that Willow didn't make any dangerous attempts to bring back Angel.

"They're working on her right now," Xander replied stiffly. He turned to Buffy, looking at her grimly. He didn't know that she had just lost her sister and been put through the shock of not being able to help either her or Giles – if he had, maybe he had been more gentle with her. "Where is the guy? I really hope it worked, cause Willow might _die_ from it," he practically hissed.

Buffy shook her head.

"Die? What do you mean, die? Can someone please explain this to me! Angel got his soul back, and now Willow's dying? What's going on?"

"Willow found a spell," Wesley tried to explain. "A-a version of the curse. A version that would work even though Angel's soul was trapped by the sorcerer's magic." Buffy stared at him, not sure what to think. Had they known about this before, that there was an alternate curse?

"However, it's a dangerous spell," Wesley continued. "It uses the performer as a guide instead of an orb, and calling on those powerful Gods... it often, possibly even always drains the performer's life force. In the 19th century, there would have been no chance to survive it. But Willow…"

"She's alive, for the time being." Xander said shortly, his face grim.

"But… how could you let her do this?" Of course Buffy was glad that the threat was gone and that she didn't have to bring herself to kill Angel – but she was the first one to say that she never wanted Willow to put herself in danger for her.

"I didn't know she was going to do it," Wesley said silently. Cordelia looked down. Xander shook his head, crossed his arms over his chest and looked away. No, looking back he couldn't believe he hadn't put a stop to it himself. Now everything and everyone was a mess, and the guy they did it for wasn't even there.

"Where is Angel?" he asked simply. Buffy looked at him with slight suspicion, not sure why he would ask that.

"H-he went back to the mansion," she answered uncertainly. She remembered the time when Xander had sent Faith after Angel a while after he had returned from hell. He had been prepared to go with her and kill him, even though he hadn't been Angelus for months at the time. He couldn't be planning a similar revenge scenario now, could he?

Xander nodded shortly and walked towards the doors.

"Where are you going?" Buffy yelled after him, suddenly nervous. Should she go after him? She needed to stay here… with Giles, and Willow too apparently. She didn't have the energy to fight off Xander and defend Angel from him, she just didn't.

"To talk to him," Xander said without breaking stride, and frankly he sounded honest. Not that Buffy could understand what he would want to talk to Angel about… but she realized that she would just have to trust him on this. Rushing after him, making sure he didn't try to do anything to Angel would seem ridiculous. She remained standing there, staring at the door for a few moments.

The next person to come through the hospital doors was Spike who walked up to Buffy, Cordelia, Gunn, Anya and Wesley. He almost looked concerned. For who, Buffy wondered silently. Her, Dawn? Why would Spike be concerned at all? He was soulless and egoistic, after all.

"What happened back at the Magic Box? Went for a stroll, place looked like the bloody Chernobyl and smelled even worse." A beat, as Spike thought about it. "Actually, it smelled like the wagon where I ate the Kalderash gypsies back in '98. 1898, that is."

Buffy just stared into space, not focusing on anything. Once more her world had been turned up side down, and Spike wasn't exactly someone she felt like sharing it with.

"Willow performed a spell," Wesley provided when no one else seemed interested in answering Spike. "To restore Angel's soul." His eyes widened slightly – maybe he had counted on them finally doing Angelus in once and for all – but nodded simply.

"Figured as much," he commented. He turned to Buffy.

"You okay, Slayer?" Spike asked. She didn't look at him. She concentrated on the pattern on the boring wallpaper covering the walls of the hospital, following it with her eyes. God, how she hated hospitals. Today's events hadn't exactly made that better.

"He killed Dawn," Cordelia said silently. Spike's expression turned grim.

"He killed the nibblet?" His jaw clenched and he felt anger boil up. He had been upset when he heard about Joyce. But Angelus killing Dawn… He knew he shouldn't feel this way at all. It was disgusting, really. A vampire feeling for the slayer and her family. Well, he had a thing for the Summers women. Couldn't help it.

"Slayer, I'm…" Sorry? Was he sorry? No, he wasn't. He felt for the little bit, and he felt for Buffy, but he wasn't sorry. He wasn't capable of it. The words got stuck in his throat. Buffy looked up, with eyes so hurting and vulnerable. She looked like she expected him to shoot her a snappy comment at any time.

"Don't bother," Buffy snapped, stalking off. Wes, Gunn and Cordelia looked briefly at Spike who looked away – shot down again – before they slowly followed Buffy at a distance. Anya stayed behind for a few seconds, looking at Spike.

"I didn't know what to say either," she provided as consolation, before she followed the others.

* * *

The minute Buffy had stopped crying Angel had fled back to his sanctuary to find some temporary solace. He had spent so much time in the mansion. First as Angelus… and later, after he came back from hell, he had lived there until he moved to Los Angeles. A lot of brooding had been done inside the thick stone walls, and he had experienced a lot of pain, physical and mental while living here. It was perfect. This time it had provided him a comfort zone to go to, and right now he really needed one. Here he felt safe enough to think.

And thinking was what he had to do now.

He sat in front of the roaring fire he had built. The bright orange and yellow flames grew taller. Its rhythmic movement was soothing and hypnotic.

How had this happened? He had tried to do the right thing from the start, but it had failed horribly – multiple times actually, and it had led to the death of many innocent people. This had all begun when he was out hunting for a demon – he hadn't even caught it, just gotten himself into a whole lot of trouble… Trouble that had led to the destruction of Buffy's family. How could he ever face her again, knowing that? How could he face Willow again, knowing what he did to Tara? His own friends and co-workers, knowing that they had seen the worst of him up-close? Maybe he should just disappear. It had been proven to him time and time again that he was dangerous around people. Maybe everyone would be better off if he left.

"What have I done?" he said silently to himself.

"You've just hurt the people who care about you the most. Again." replied an emotionless voice. Angel didn't even have to turn around to hear who it was. Xander. He had entered silently, he had to give him props for that. He hadn't even noticed when he opened the door. So, what might he be doing here. Not knowing what to expect, he turned around and looked up at him with a deep sadness in his eyes.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to get you." He looked Angel straight in the eye. Angel had to give him credit. Not many people would do that. In fact not many demons would do that. But here was a twenty-year-old human without any special powers – or even weapons by the look of it, looking Angel straight in the eyes without even the slightest wince.

"I'm not going anywhere." Angel replied tersely, staring back into the fire. What was he doing anyway? Angel knew how much Xander hated him, why would he be here to get him? Still, he felt sure that it wasn't a trap. His motives were honest. But why?

"I really don't think you're in a position to be making decisions," Xander said seriously.

Angel sighed deeply.

"I hurt her too much this time," he said darkly. "I can't face her now, let alone the others. I can't ever tell them how sorry I am…"

"Sorry doesn't make it better," Xander started but Angel cut him off.

"I know sorry doesn't make it better. So many people have died, and they won't come back just because I say I'm sorry. Some things just can't be forgiven, and some times you just don't have the right to ask for it. All I can do to make things the least bit better is to leave… And I've already done that."

He looked back at Xander. That was probably the most he had spoken to the boy at a single time ever. In fact, it might be about as much as he had said directly to Xander all the previous times they had met combined. Xander looked straightly at him, seeming unaffected by the words.

"You didn't let me finish my sentence. I was going to say, sorry doesn't make it better… but as much as I hate to admit it, _you_ can make it better. You can be there for Buffy. Her whole world is crashing down on her right now. And the one person in the world who can make that better, even if it's the slightest bit, isn't there."

Angel just looked at him. Who was this person, and what had he done to the real Xander Harris?

"You know how I feel about you," he said with a grimace. "But I just realized something. What I feel doesn't matter. Can you understand that Cordelia actually looked like she was about to cry when she realized there was no way to get your soul back?" Angel frowned. "Willow put her life on the line to pull it off. She might die." He looked angry again.

"You know why she did it? Let me tell you, it's not because she has a secret crush on you, and it's not because someone offered her 10 million dollars and a life supply of Twinkies if she did it. She did it because she thought you have the power to do a lot of good, for the world and for Buffy."

"What have I ever offered Buffy, besides pain and ugly death?" Angel said. Xander shrugged.

"My thought exactly, so beats me. Look, I'm not good at the smooth talk, especially not to you. Many people put their lives on the line here; a few lost their lives even. Don't skulk off and leave their deaths meaningless. Cowards run away. Come with me and show me that you are prepared to deal with what you've done. Then, and only then, maybe you will have earned as much respect as I can ever have for a vampire. I'll never trust you, or like you, but I know you're important to Buffy. Maybe somewhere along the line I realized that you actually have done some good for the world."

Angel smiled sadly. "When did you get so smart?"

"When I realized that I had to grow up sometime. Also I think living in the basement for a year with something that occasionally urinated on the hotplate gave me some life experience. Now, get your coat. Dead Boy."

Angel slowly stood up, still not sure how it had happened that Xander of all people had just convinced him to go back to the hospital. He got his signature black duster that he had draped on the couch and slipped into it.

They headed towards the door and into the darkness of the night.

"By the way, don't call me Dead Boy. You know how much I hate that."


	18. A MILLION REASONS TO HATE YOU

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* * *

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**CHAPTER 18: A MILLION REASONS TO HATE YOU**

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* * *

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Buffy played with the straw from her soda in the hospital's cafeteria. She tried to keep her thoughts off of Dawn, Giles, and Angel, and focus her concentration on the straw.

She thought about what the cops had questioned her about. Of course she had lied about everything. She had given them a false composite of the so-called assailant – she couldn't let them know it was Angel. She had to protect him. She would always do that, no matter how much he hurt her. She loved him... and for better and worse, that would never change.

It would be easier if she didn't. She almost wished that she could just hate him for the things he-his demon had done, but she couldn't. At the same second that soul re-entered his body, she loved him with all her heart again, even though she felt as if she shouldn't. He had killed so many, including several people that she loved. Should there really be any going back from there?

Her conflicted thoughts made her head hurt, and she realized that no matter what she tried to keep herself occupied with, it always trailed back to him. What was he doing right now? What was Xander doing right now? He had been gone for almost two hours now.

"Buffy?" Cordelia asked, looking at her from across the table. When she didn't get an answer she called out to Buffy again while waving a hand across her face.

Buffy shook her head and looked up at her. "Cordelia," she said, realizing that she hadn't even noticed when Cordelia sat down right opposite her. Anya sat a few chairs away. "I was just…" she shrugged, hoping that Cordelia wouldn't nag on her for being a little off.

"Maybe you should go home and get some sleep," she suggested, almost looking worried. This certainly wasn't the Cordelia Chase from two years ago, Buffy thought.

"No... No, I can't do that. I have to stay here and watch Giles," she replied, shaking her head a few times, quickly stopping when the headache grew stronger. Her body was tired. She was banged up from the fight with Angelus, and she was mentally exhausted, but she knew she couldn't relax enough to sleep now. "I don't want to leave him, what if something happens when I'm gone," she said silently.

"Well you're down here with us right now. What if something happens to him while you're with us?" Cordelia argued hoping that Buffy would realize that she couldn't be everywhere at once, but that statement seemed to do more bad than good.

"You're right," she said, furrowing her brow. "I better go back up there." She stood up, ready to hurry back upstairs. Gunn and Wesley approached.

"Whoa, Blondie. You have got to learn to stop pushing yourself," Gunn said. "You have been sitting up there for hours, you needed a break. You've been away from him for ten minutes. Nothing's gonna happen to him, he'll be fine. Don't worry. What good is it to get another person out of commission? Sit. Eat. Rest," he ordered gently as he pulled out Buffy's chair for her again.

"You know, he's quite right Buffy. We can't have you getting sick," Wesley replied softly.

"Yes. You should at least _drink_ your soda instead of just playing with it. No one feels better if you walk around dehydrated," Anya cut in, caring in her own way.

Buffy just glared at them all. How old did they think she was? A few hours ago they were willingly handing her the responsibility to bring down Angelus completely on her own. Suddenly she couldn't even decide when she should eat and sleep, where she should sit?

Of course, deep down she knew they were just concerned and caring for her. She should be appreciative. Here was Anya, not known as the most tactful person, and three people that weren't her closest friends – Gunn, who she barely knew, Wesley, who she had never treated very well when he was her watcher, and Cordelia, who she never had gotten along that well with. And still, they cared about her.

"At least eat _something_," Cordelia suggested pushing Buffy's tray back in front of her. She stared at it. It just held a simple eggplant sandwich, still wrapped in plastic. She should be able to eat it. She could even feel hunger clawing at her from within – she hadn't eaten in many hours now, but still, she didn't feel like it.

Before Cordelia had time to say anything else, they were interrupted by Xander and Angel who walked through the doors and came towards the table. Cordelia, Wesley, Gunn and Anya looked at them as they approached.

Anya mostly looked at Xander. Cordelia and Wesley didn't look quiet straightly at Angel. It was hard, and things would be awkward for a while… they knew that. Gunn was the only one that actually looked tense and a little suspicious in Angel's company. It was difficult for him of course, this was the first time he met a newly re-ensouled Angel. He was still in his typical Angelus attire, and even though everyone with healthy eyes should see the difference between Angelus and this guilt ridden persona instantly, Gunn wasn't completely at ease with the situation. Well, he wasn't alone about that. Angel looked like he would be more comfortable in a tub filled with holy water.

Buffy didn't even have to turn around to see who it was. She could feel him there. So Xander had went to get him? Why? She looked up at him. Xander looked deeply into her eyes, his silent gaze telling her that he was sorry all the harsh words he had spoken during the last week. She wasn't sure if she should be angry because he was using Angel as some sort of peace offering… but she realized that she didn't have the strength and energy to be mad him for that. She nodded simply, answering him without any uttered words.

Angel stood at the end of the table and kept his gaze down at the floor.

"You guys can…" Angel started but was quickly cut off by Cordelia.

"Say no more. We'll leave you two alone." Cordelia said as she stood. This prompted the others to stand too. They all slowly walked off.

"Yeah, I want to check on Willow anyway. See if there's any change," Xander said as he took Anya's hand and walked out of the cafeteria.

As Wesley walked by he patted Angel's shoulder. "Good luck." Angel nodded slightly, appreciating the gesture.

Buffy and Angel were now alone at the table. Buffy didn't look at him. Instead she opted to stare at her straw again.

The straw in the bottle reminded her of her relationship with Angel. As long as she kept him at a distance, refusing to let him get to her, or as long as she kept the straw out of the bottle, everything was fine. The soda was safe, as was her heart. But as soon as that straw entered the bottle, it cut through the still liquid, making the carbonic acid react and causing commotion in the bottle. Making it vulnerable, as whoever held the straw could drain it quickly and smoothly. Still, what the straw really was doing was turning it to life, giving it purpose – because what was a bottle that no one drank from? Useless. Boring. Bottled liquid that in time would evaporate, or get old and thrown out.

"Buffy? I know you're mad at me. And… you have every right to be. But I-I need you to talk to me."

He cupped her chin in his hand. She flinched under his touch but didn't pull away. This wasn't _him_, this was Angel. But that hand… that hand had held down her mother when she was murdered. It had snapped Tara's neck and beaten Riley to death… She looked deep into his eyes. His soulful eyes. She had lost herself looking into those eyes so many times before. He pulled out a chair and sat down, somewhat carefully.

"I don't think I can talk to you right now." She replied painfully not pulling her gaze from his.

"Why?" He swallowed. Not the most tactful question, but what else was he supposed to say?

"Because right now, I don't know whether I love you or hate you," she replied in a toneless voice.

Angel sighed deeply. That was all he needed to know. "Then I'll leave you." He made a move to get up, but didn't have time to before she talked again.

"I didn't say I wanted you to go," she said in a loud whisper. Angel looked at her, trying to meet her gaze. There was so much suffering in her face, and it was his fault. He had dogged her, tormented her, killed her family and a few of her friends. Of course she was worn and tired. So she wanted him around, but she didn't want to talk to him? He wasn't sure Buffy really knew what she wanted.

"You're going to have to choose, you know," he said.

"Choose what?" She looked up.

"Whether you want me around for a while or want me out of your life right now. Just say the words… and I'll go."

She shook her head slowly, warily reached over the table and put her hands over his. It had hit her hard, harder than she had realized. She had never had any problems to make the distinction between Angel and Angelus, and she didn't now either… but it was hard. It was hard not to see flashes of the past few days when she looked at him. Flashes of him cutting Giles' throat… holding her sister…the look on his face when he cut the cord to Dawn's respirator… all that hate and evil. Where did all that go when he got his soul back? It had puzzled her last time, and it did now as well.

Then again, she thought, if _she_ was having unpleasant mind flashes, what was he having? How did it feel for him to look at her, remembering perfectly every single detail of tormenting her and _enjoying_ it? She wasn't the only one in pain, she knew that much. Angel had never been the happy-go-lucky type… but judging by the look on his face now, he was really suffering, not sure what to do to make things better.

"I don't want you to go," she said. I never did, she added in thought, but she didn't say it. Surely Angel too had thought of what would have happened if he had stayed in Sunnydale instead of moved to L.A. – she knew she had. At least things couldn't have been worse, could they?

"Then I'll stay. For a little while." They looked at each other in silence, both of them knowing that "a little while" meant just that. He would stay… maybe until things had started going back to normal. Well, that could take months… maybe just for a few days. But he wouldn't stay forever; she knew that, no matter what she wanted. She could tell him about her feelings, that she still loved him, but what would that change? They couldn't be together. Stirring up old feelings… would be bad, for both of them.

They sat there in silence for a long while, just looking at each other, neither of them knowing what to say. They didn't want to talk about everything that had happened, it was way too soon, but it was just that which stopped them from talking about anything else. Meaningless chats about little things just didn't feel right when Willow and Giles were fighting for their lives… when Angelus havoc had just destroyed so many lives.

"How is Willow?" Angel asked finally, breaking the silence. He didn't know much of what had happened to her, just that she was in pretty bad shape and still unconscious. And that she had been hurt bringing his soul back…

"I-I don't know," Buffy admitted. "I mean, I know what happened, but not how… or why… She's not awake yet, and the doctors don't know what to do. They don't understand what's happened to her." Angel shook his head.

"Neither do I." He looked away. "And… what about Giles?"

"They've given him transfusions and tried to repair the damages," Buffy recalled the doctor's words. She swallowed. "But it doesn't look good." She looked at the watch above the door in the cafeteria. "It's been almost forty minutes since I checked on him…" Angel nodded.

"Then we'll go do that."

* * *

As soon as Xander had gone with Angel to the cafeteria and explained to the others in as few words as possible why he had dragged him there, he had gone back to Willow's room. The doctors had been reluctant to let him in – it wasn't exactly visiting hours, and they thought she needed to be alone and rest. Xander had assured them that he just wanted to sit by her side. How could that affect her badly, after all she wasn't even awake?

Before he went back to be at Willow's side, Cordelia and Wesley had told him about Dawn and Giles. That was a little too much for his mind to come to terms with right now.

Buffy's little sister, the happy and willful girl that had a crush on him, was dead. Giles was possibly on his deathbed, his throat gashed and damaged. Angelus certainly had gone out with a bang. Xander felt bad for having yelled at Buffy before. Not only had she just lost her mother and Riley and lived through another horror of murderous ex, she had been forced to watch her sister go into shock and die in front of her eyes. He couldn't imagine what she felt right now.

Xander gently picked up Willow's right hand, the one that didn't have a tub attached to it, which the left one did. He wasn't sure what it was. Maybe some sort of medicine, or just a drip. The doctors had done everything they could for her, given her supplements and a blood transfusion, they had examined her thoroughly in search for inner bleedings and otherwise, but they had found no obvious cause for her condition.

Of course they hadn't, Xander thought. Willow wasn't sick, and she hadn't been in an accident. She'd had her live force drained by an ancient gypsy spell. Maybe not the first thing they taught the doctors to treat at medical school. He squeezed her hand lightly.

"Oh Will… it's a mess. Dawn is dead. Giles is really bad. Guess the plan didn't work so smoothly after all. But Angel's back, so Buffy's gonna be alright. It did something good. But why? Why did you cure him when you knew the price?" Xander bit his lip, holding back emotions he was unwilling to let out.

"You see, I'm not really asking here. You simply have to wake up. The gang's kinda spread thin right now, not many of us left. Guess the LA gang is going back to the big city soon, and Buffy's gonna be a wreck for a while. You can't leave us."

Xander fell silent. Did she even hear him, or was she too far gone? He looked at his watch. It would be sunrise in a few hours.

Was that a twitch? He was sure he saw a twitch. He stared intensively at her face, trying to figure out if he really saw something or if it was just his tired eyes playing tricks on him. After a minute or so he was pretty much convinced that it was just imagination.

Then he saw it again.

"Willow?" he squeezed her hand again as if trying to pull her back. "Will, can you hear me?" He felt a light squeeze.

"Xander?"

Willow's face twitched a little and she squeezed his hand.

"I'm here Will." Willow swallowed, trying to get enough saliva in her dry mouth to be able to utter a few words.

"Xander… is that you?" She mumbled, almost incomprehensively without opening her eyes.

"It's me… Just hang on; I'll go get a doctor."

* * *

Angel stood outside Giles' room, staring in at him lying in his bed, and Buffy, who sat next to him. Giles was hooked up to several machines and had a large bandage around the wound on his neck. He was still unconscious. The damages had been severe, and they didn't know how well it would heal. _If _it would heal. At least he was breathing on his own.

Angel swallowed. He did that. He'd killed Buffy's mother, her sister, her boyfriend, Willow's girlfriend and several other people that had just been food or amusement. And still Buffy cared about him. He was pretty sure she even loved him even if she hadn't said it out loud. She probably wanted to save them both the pain of digging into old emotions. After all they both knew that it could never be.

Was he really doing either of them a favor by sticking around? Sooner or later he would have to leave her and try to go back to his own life again. The pain would be great no matter if he did it now or in a little while… Buffy had other things to take care of, other than worrying about him. Her sister's burial and all the work surrounding it… helping her damaged friends back to their lives. Getting back to her life herself, a life without family and boyfriend.

"You." Angel barely had time to register who came at him from the side before he was shoved into the wall hard. With an instinctive grown he looked up.

"Spike?" He got to his feat. "What are you…?"

Spike lunged at him, hitting him squarely across the face. The second time he swung at him Angel caught his fist, shoving him backwards.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"You killed her, bloody bastard." Spike was seething with anger.

Angel glared at him. Killed who? Oh, of course… Dawn. Spike had a soft spot for Buffy's little sister. Maybe it was just a simple excuse for getting to hit him, but frankly, Spike looked genuinely pissed off. Just as he was about to take another swing at his re-ensouled grandsire, Buffy came out of the room. She had heard the commotion outside.

"Spike, what are you doing?" Buffy said with an edge of annoyance when she saw that Angel was bleeding from Spike's attack.

"What, you're gonna protect him now?" Spike spat. "The right bastard killed your sis. If no one else is willing to execute a little physical punishment for that, sign me up as a volunteer."

"It wasn't him," Buffy said, trying to be patient. Spike was actually angry at Angel for what happened to Dawn. It was fascinating in its own way.

"Yeah, right," Spike scoffed. "So what are we up to now? Blasting home now that the damage is done, or is the beefcake's prone to hang around until we get another appearance of the big swingy, swaggerin' around, barkin' evil schemes…"

"That's enough Spike," Buffy said, shaking her head. "Why don't you do what you do best, go outside and wait for the sunlight like a good creep." Spike shrugged.

"Whatever. Remember what I said." With a final evil glare at Angel, Spike turned and stalked off. Buffy sighed and turned back to Angel.

"Are you hurt?" He shook his head.

"I'm fine."

"Spike can be a real ass sometimes," Buffy muttered. Angel shrugged.

"So how is he?" he nodded in the direction of Giles' room.

"The same. Stable, I guess, but still not awake. But all the machines are beeping and blipping like they're supposed to."

"If I could do anything for him, you know I would."

"I know."

"What are we going to do now?"

"I thought we could go see if there's any change with Willow," Buffy suggested. Angel nodded slightly, and they began walking down the hall.

"He can be right sometimes too, you know," Angel said after a while, fumbling, regretting his words as soon as he had uttered them.

"Who?" Buffy looked at him.

"Spike." Buffy stopped abruptly.

"What do you mean?" she asked suspiciously. Angel didn't meet her demanding gaze.

"I just mean… maybe he has a point." Now there was something he never thought he would say about Spike.

Buffy felt her face flush in anger and frustration. What was he talking about?

"A point… in what?"

"Maybe I should just go home right now." Buffy just stared at him, so he continued.

"Really, Buffy. What good will come out of it if I stayed?"

"Yeah, that's great," Buffy said silently, turning away from him, surprising even herself with how disappointed she sounded. "Be Mr. Killing Spree and then skulk away into the shadows."

"I'm not… I don't… I just mean, if I leave now, at least I won't hurt you anymore. I wouldn't be staying long anyway. We're done, we agreed that… that we have to be over a year ago."

Buffy stared into the wall. "Yeah. I'm sure you're right. So go." She turned to face him. "I have grieving friends to look after, my sister's funeral to arrange and attend." She swept passed him and went back to stand outside Giles' door. With a small sigh Angel followed her.

"Buffy…Sure I _could_ stay for a while, if that's what you really want… but I don't see how that will do any good to either of us. You know I can't stay."

Why? She wanted to ask him, but she didn't. She knew why, there were a number of reasons. God, probably about a thousand of them. She didn't even know why she had expected or thought even for a second that maybe he would hang around for a little longer than a few days. It was foolish or her.

"What about this new curse of yours?" she asked. "I have no idea how it works. You should stay close, in case…"

"_New _curse?" He frowned. Now there was something Xander hadn't told him.

"Yeah, didn't you know? That's why Willow is hurt, because it was some dangerous spell. The usual curse didn't work, didn't you know that?" He nodded. "I don't know how this one works," Buffy continued. "I mean, these things don't come with a guarantee, right?"

"Then that's just another reason why I shouldn't stay," Angel said, trying to adjust to the notion that what had brought his soul for the third time wasn't the same curse as the first two times. What did that mean? "_If_ it doesn't hold up, I can't be anywhere near you."

"Oh, I think you've already demonstrated that if you loose your soul, it doesn't matter where you are. You'd come running anyway," Buffy said bitterly. Angel looked down. What was he supposed to answer to that? She was right.

"But my people have a better chance of controlling it, if it happens," he argued. "I don't want to put you through it again."

"Fine. Do whatever you want. I'm going to see Willow now," she said in an discouraged voice as she darted away without looking at him again. Angel remained standing there, gazing after her as she disappeared alone down the hallway.

"Well. I handled that brilliantly," he muttered to himself before he began walking after her at a considerably slower pace.


	19. GETTING BACK ON TRACK

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* * *

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**CHAPTER 19: GETTING BACK ON TRACK**

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* * *

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Buffy knocked lightly on the door before she entered. She had met Xander and Anya outside, and Xander had told her that Willow was awake. The doctor had been in there to check on her and she seemed fine. The doctor was perplexed, but it was Sunnydale after all. The doctors must all have seen mystical illnesses at one time or another; they just didn't know what it was or what to call it.

When Buffy entered the room Willow sat up in her bed. She looked worn and tired, but her eyes were clear and she had color on her cheeks. No one would guess that it had only been a few hours since she was near death.

"Hey." Buffy managed a smile. "How are you?" she asked softly as she pulled out a chair and sat down next to the bed.

"I'm okay. You know, apart from the continuing exhaustion and the headache, but it's worth the price as long as it helped." She looked at Buffy, noticing that Angel wasn't with her. "I mean – it _did_ help, right?"

"What? Oh, yeah. He's back." Her mind drifted back to their half fight half discussion they'd had just before she stomped off. "Maybe he's already fled town, but he's all with the en-soulment again," she grimaced. Willow frowned.

"Left? Why?"

"Well, you know…" Buffy said, not sure how to explain what she didn't exactly understand herself. "He feels bad about everything that's happened… and I think he's afraid that this new curse won't hold up. Besides, nothing's changed. We can't be together, we came to that conclusion a long time ago."

"See, I never understood that," Willow mused, thinking back at what she personally referred to as the-leaving-for-her-own-good-garbage. "Why can't you? I mean, when it's so obvious that you still have feelings for each other… Okay, I know he wanted you to live a normal life, but – newsflash – you're never gonna have one of those."

"Yeah," Buffy grimaced, not eager to remember the painful discussions she'd had with Angel about this years ago. "But, you know, there are other things too."

"The happiness clause," Willow stated. Buffy looked at her.

"Partly, yeah." She frowned. "Why?"

"What if I told you there was something else about this curse that's different from the old one?"

* * *

Angel wandered slowly through the hallway in the direction of Willow's room. Not that he knew where it was, he simply followed Buffy's scent. She was angry at him, he could practically smell the trace of irritation in the air. Maybe it would be best for both of them if he retreated for the time being to let a little time pass… but he couldn't leave it like this. Despite his good intent he had managed to upset and probably hurt her again. Maybe he should just stop talking? Never open his mouth again? Nothing he said seemed to come out the way it was supposed to anyway.

There they were. Xander and Anya sat together on a bench outside Willow's room, talking quietly.

"Xander," Angel greeted neutrally. He nodded.

"Angel."

"Boy, right now you look worn for a 250 year old," Anya commented. "I'm over 1120 myself, I don't think anyone would guess that. You should take care of yourself better."

Angel tried to smile, but it came out more as a grimace. "I've lived a very eventful life, today sadly not being an exception," he offered as an explanation. She was probably right. He felt stiff and sore, and the leather pants didn't exactly help. At least he should have taken the time to change clothes when he was back at the mansion…

"She's in there," Xander said. "Think it'd be… appropriate, to make an appearance."

"Right," Angel nodded. He glanced at the closed door. "If I come crashing through the wall, you'll know Willow's reaction to seeing me again," he mused as he inhaled a deep unnecessary breath and entered the room.

"Did he just make a joke?" Xander asked frowning.

"Joke. Statement of fact. Sometimes it's hard to make the distinction," Anya shrugged.

"Buffy?" Angel asked as he stepped inside the room. Willow looked up at him. Buffy remained staring into space as if she hadn't even heard him.

"Hey Angel," Willow said with a small smile. Yes, she did flinch slightly when she saw him. After all he looked just like… but he wasn't, and she wasn't angry at Angel. There wasn't any reason for it. No one was or had ever been angry at her for what her pale-evil-dominatrix-vampire self had done, and as far as she was concerned, it was the same difference.

"Hi," he said, taking a few steps closer. "How are you?"

"I'm okay. Okay, so my head hurts a little, but it's nothing. I'll be fine."

"Good," he nodded. At least Willow was recovering. "Buffy?" he said again. Was she really so angry at him that she didn't want to look at him?

"I think she's a little shocked," Willow said, patting Buffy's hand with a slight smirk. Angel looked at her incredulously.

"About what?"

"Right, you don't know either. I guess you know I, um, that I didn't use the original curse." Angel nodded. "Yeah, about that… The two major differences is that, one, it calls on slightly different gods. More powerful. That's why I could use it even though the sorcerer's magic had the soul bound. And, two, the way I see it, this curse doesn't have a happiness clause."

He blinked. What did she just say?

"Um… I – uh…." he began.

"That was kinda how she reacted too," Willow grinned. "Boy, I seem to be shocking and jolting everyone today."

"Are you sure?" Angel managed finally. Wouldn't that be interesting? The biggest problem, the biggest danger in his unlife, lifted away just like that? No more Angelus. Ever. It sounded a little too good to be true.

"As sure as I can be. I found a text in that book that Buffy found in Jenny's uncle's motel room… you know, that time. It told of another curse that someone named 'Gregor' wanted to use…"

"Her father," Angel said silently. "He was the gypsy girl's father."

"That makes sense," Willow nodded. "It said that since he was so full of grief, he should be able to perform the spell, but the elder woman didn't want it to be used, because it would give you the possibility of living and being as happy any human, only – you know – forever."

"That doesn't make any sense," Buffy said her first full sentence since Willow had told her the news. "Why would they _prefer_ to do a spell that might release Angelus again, if there was another way?"

"Actually, it does make sense." Angel said. "They wanted me to suffer for my sins. From their point of view, if the soul ever stopped tormenting me, the curse would be of no use for them any more. The soul was never supposed to be a gift… and they didn't care about the consequences if the curse was ever broken."

"Right," Buffy whispered. It certainly hadn't been the gypsies themselves that had suffered most from their avaricious curse.

"This is incredible news Willow," Angel said, hoping that his voice conveyed how thankful he was. "But why? Why did you do it if you knew how dangerous the spell was?"

"Everything I do is dangerous. I mean, I live in Sunnydale, that should tell you everything you need to know. I did it for the greater good. And for Buffy," she said with emphasis, clearly telling him that now that she had done this for him, he just better put it to use and stay at Buffy's side as long as she needed him. Angel nodded in silent understanding.

"Anyway," Willow continued when neither Angel nor Buffy said anything, "since I'm feeling better, I want to do a healing spell on Giles." Buffy looked at her. Of course it would be a great relief if they could help Giles to recover, but she wasn't exactly comfortable with the fact that Willow seemed to resort to magic so often. Then again, since Willow's magic had helped them multiple times during the last few days, she didn't exactly feel like she was in the position to say anything about it.

"It's not that complicated," Willow added off Buffy's look. "I just need the weapon that hurt him, a little blood from… the attacker, and then I chant a few incantations. It should at least triple his healing rate."

* * *

"Ugh. You know, that's just disgusting."

Xander guarded the door to Giles' hospital room the next evening, when Willow was prepared to do the healing spell. Cordelia, Wesley and Gunn were outside making sure that no one even caught a glimpse of what was going on inside the room. What they were doing wasn't exactly allowed and they wanted to avoid a scene.

Buffy sat at Giles' side while Willow carefully removed the bandages to be able to smear his wound with the potion made from Angel's blood.

Angel stood in the darkest corner, watching silently. The day had passed quickly and the best thing about it was that he had managed to avoid talking a lot to anyone. Everyone was still a little tense, and he knew that he was the cause of it. Maybe not him personally, but at least what he had done.

Buffy had spent a long while at the morgue during the afternoon, discussing with the doctors on how the paperwork surrounding Dawn's death would be taken care of. An agonizing task in its own way. Their mother was the obvious answer, but since she was "missing" and Buffy wasn't considered Dawn's legal guardian, the papers would have to be sent to their father, wherever he was. The last thing Buffy heard was that he had gone to Spain with his secretary.

In any ordinary case Giles would have been there, supported her, made necessary calls and taken care of everything he was allowed to as non-blood kin of Dawn's. Now she had to go through it alone. Because of him, Angel thought.

"Xander," Willow scolded. "It's necessary; otherwise the spell won't work like it's supposed to."

"Yeah, well, it's still disgusting. Smearing blood into the open wound?" Xander shook his head.

"It's not just blood," Willow said calmly. "There are a few herbs mixed in there too… and eye of newt, of course."

"Of course," Xander replied dryly.

Buffy held Giles' hand tightly through the ritual. She winced slightly and looked away when Willow touched the wound. Even though Angelus had looked so casual when he used the little pocketknife to slit his throat, he had done a lot of damage.

The doctors had mentioned damaged nerves, something about the major arteries being missed just by a few millimeters, the trachea being badly messed up… The risk for infection was great, which made it a little ironic that Willow's attempt to heal him included essentially pouring bacteria into the wound. Buffy knew that Willow's spells didn't always work out like they were supposed to, but she seemed to be sure that this one would do its thing and make Giles recover.

"That's it," Willow said after finishing her short chant in Latin. "Hey, look at the wound!"

Right before their eyes the ugly wound seemed to absorb the potion and in the matter of minutes it looked better healed than before.

"I think it worked out like I hoped," Willow mused with a satisfied smile. "This spell is originally meant for human attackers and victims, but I figured it should work just as fine even if one of them was a vampire. Seems like it worked even better than I thought."

"He's healing with the rate of a vampire," Angel stated, watching from his corner. Willow nodded.

"Yeah. Guess vampire blood is pretty powerful stuff."

"Maybe you could bottle it and sell in one of those freaky health food stores?" Xander suggested. "I can see it; 'Angelic Must: All health all the time.' Good addition to the vamp detective business if you ask me. What do you think?"

"I think it's my turn to say 'ugh'," Angel muttered.

Wesley knocked lightly on the door and peeked inside.

"Is everything working out alright?"

"Seems like it worked," Willow replied as she carefully covered the wound with the old bandages. She couldn't leave any sign for the doctors that the bandages had been removed.

"The coast is clear if you want to leave for a moment," Wesley said with a glance at Giles. The formerly pale and pasty face already seemed to have regained some of its color. "Should he wake up, perhaps it would be fair not to let him face everyone at the same time."

"Yeah, you're right. Come on," Willow said, looking at Xander. He nodded and left with Anya and Willow right behind. Finally Angel left the room, not wanting to crowd Giles when he woke up.

It didn't take more than fifteen minutes before Giles started to come out of it. Slowly he opened his eyes, swallowed tryingly and grimaced as pain shot through his throat. Slowly the memory flashes of what had happened before he lost consciousness returned.

Dear lord. Angelus… Buffy… How long had he been out? Turning his head slightly, he saw her. At least she was here… and she looked unharmed. He wanted to talk to her, ask her what had happened, and most importantly, if she was alright.

"You shouldn't try to talk yet," Buffy said, worried that it might harm him. He shook his head, clearly telling her that he had to say whatever it was that he attempted to get out.

"Are you… alright?" Buffy smiled sadly, biting her lip to keep back tears. She was tired of crying, but the tears that her eyes were brimming with now weren't there due to despair and pain, they came from relief – and because she was moved that the first thing Giles asked was if she was okay. She wasn't the one who had gotten her throat ripped out…

"I'm fine," she assured him. He nodded slightly. Okay, so she wasn't really fine, but then again the concept of being fine had changed pretty drastically during the last few days. She was alive and unharmed, that was all Giles needed to know right now. The fact that her sister had lost her life was another agonizing fact that he didn't need to know right now.

"And… Angelus is gone, so we're all safe," she continued. Giles looked up at her with compassion. Buffy realized that he must think that Angelus was gone as in definitely gone – as in dead.

"Um… But he's not… Willow found a way to bring back Angel's soul," she said warily, hoping that her statement wouldn't send him back into comatose. His eyes widened and he opened his mouth to say something, but as pain overcame him he settled for frowning slightly and gesturing towards his throat. Buffy nodded.

"Yeah, we'll talk about that later. Right now I think you should see the doctor."

* * *

For the next five days and five nights, Angel was at her side whenever she needed him, and left her whenever she didn't. Sometimes he stayed with her in her house until she fell asleep but he never stayed the night, never touched her in anything other than a friendly manner, never said a word about what he was going to do – or when he was going to leave. If Buffy hadn't been so thankful for his company, it would have driven her insane.

Giles was released from the hospital the day before Dawn's funeral. Even though his recovery had been remarkably – or as the doctors said, _unnaturally_ quick, if they only knew, they had forced him to stay a few days for observation. Apparently there were tests that had to be done, strong antibiotics that had to be given for a certain number of days… When he was finally released the doctors were deeply perplexed; exactly what had happened that made the man that was close to death six days ago, now walk out of the hospital nearly fully recovered with only a fading scar as the memory of the injury?

So far they had told Giles very little about how Angel had gotten his soul back; they knew what he would think of it – that Willow had performed the spell and nearly died in the process, that Xander and Cordelia had helped her, and the obvious fact that it all had been done behind his back. They were hoping that the fact that it was over and done with, that everyone was fine and that Angel now had his soul permanently would appease him.

It was a simple service in silence, held at night so Angel could be there. Buffy had chosen not to contact any of her family on her mother's side as that would only lead her into a huge amount of questions, condolences, visits, phone calls, letters and people at the funeral. Buffy didn't have energy for any of that. Of course Dawn's death and also Joyce's "disappearance" would get out sooner or later, and when it did, people would be upset with her for not contacting them, but the fact was that Buffy didn't care. With everything that had happened, everything she had been through, she just couldn't bring herself to care.

Spike surprised them all by showing up at the ceremony. He brought a simple bouquet of daisies that might have been stolen or even picked in a garden. Buffy wasn't sure what to think of his company. He and Angel shot each other unappreciative glares for a long while, both of them clearly thinking that the other one had no business there. At least Spike didn't attack Angel again, though Buffy wasn't sure if it was because he was sensible enough not to make a scene at the funeral or if he simply was over the rage.

When the priest began speaking and the coffin was lowered into the ground Angel stopped paying attention to Spike. Buffy stood close to him, slipping her small hand into his.

Angel didn't really understand that Buffy willingly stayed so close to him, even during the ceremony. Technically he was the murderer and she was the mourner. No, he didn't understand it, but he had decided that it was no use thinking more about it. Sometimes feelings couldn't, maybe shouldn't, be analyzed and explained in detail. The fact that Buffy still cared for him despite what his evil alter ego had done to her wasn't more twisted than the fact that he loved her when he had his soul, and hated her with a fiery passion when he didn't.

Angel knew he should be thankful that the one whose feelings he truly cared was one of the people that didn't feel any resentment against him even after everything that had happened. Giles hadn't looked straightly at him a single time during the few moments they had seen each other after his release from the hospital. Angel knew that Giles was working through his feelings silently, and maybe he would come around sooner or later. Or maybe he wouldn't – Angel didn't expect to be forgiven. He never had.

Gunn, Cordelia and Wesley had accepted that he was back, and now the biggest question on their part was when he was going back to Los Angeles. They all wanted to get back; they probably would have already left if it hadn't been for Cordelia, who was determined not to leave him behind. Bad things happen if you leave him and Buffy alone in the same town, she had said. Since the curse supposedly wasn't a problem anymore, Angel guessed that she suspected that he might get a taste of Sunnydale and decide to stay there if they left him.

Well, Angel wasn't more eager to stay on the Hellmouth than anyone else, but he didn't know how he was supposed to be able to leave Buffy. She was still grieving, still dealing with the aftermath of what _he_ had done – he couldn't just pack it in and leave her like that. But then again, if he stayed, the risk of the two of them slipping back into old routine was great. Did they really want that, and what would it mean? When the time was right, he would talk to Buffy about it, he decided. That should end well, with him being so good with the words and all…

After the service was done, they all stayed behind, just standing there, reminiscing and thinking. Spike was the first one to depart. He was probably feeling a little too much like a part of the gang when he shared the moment with them, and when he realized that, he went up and put the flowers on the grave before he disappeared into the night without a word, puffing on a cigarette.

Willow came up to Buffy and hugged her before she left with Xander and Anya. Giles put a hand on her shoulder, trying to convey his deepest sympathies.

A few minutes later, they had all left. Everyone except for Angel and Buffy who still stood there, hand in hand. It was a long while, at least an hour, before they moved. During that time the warmth from Buffy's hand had spread to Angel, making him practically feel alive under her touch. It was so hard to be close to her. For every moment he stayed he knew he was one moment closer to loosing himself in her again. Would he be able to leave if something happened between them?

At last Buffy turned away from the grave and they began walking back to the house in silence. It was only a short walk from the cemetery, so Angel had left his car at Revello Drive.

Buffy entered the porch reluctantly, knowing that every step she took towards her house meant they were one step closer to the point where they would say good bye, and he would leave her. When he did that, it meant that she had to go inside, and deal with what was inside.

Everything was exactly the way it had been left. Her mom's and Dawn's things were scattered over the house. There was probably a list over groceries that needed to be restocked on the fridge. Laundry in the bathroom… Maybe a book that her mother had began reading in the living room. She desperately didn't want to deal with it now. Not alone, and not tonight.

"So…" Buffy began.

"So…" Angel repeated, not making a move to leave.

"Goodnight, I guess?" Buffy asked, hoping that her message would get through. She took a few stepped closer to him.

"Yeah… goodnight," he answered. Buffy frowned slightly in disappointment. Okay, so the guy was from the 18th century, but couldn't he even pick up her anvil-sized hints? Without another thought she embraced him in a tight hug. He was a little hesitant at first, but soon he returned it.

For a few still moments Buffy enjoyed the comfort of being in his arms. His strong body against hers, his arms around her… she had felt safe in his embrace years ago, and she did now. Not even the knowledge that the very same body had been used for significantly more bloodshed and violence than tender signs of devotion could change that. Not even the memory of that he… Angelus had held Dawn in a similar way when he drained the life out of her...

Buffy only took moments to decide that she was tired of subtle – she wanted to take things to another level. Since she was pretty sure Angel wouldn't, she was the one that had to make the first move. Instead of just backing away, she let her hands trace over his neck and kissed him softly.

Before she had time to think about what she should do if he pushed her away, he returned it, heat and attraction stirring in them both as a reaction to the closeness. It had been so long… For a few blessed moments nothing mattered except for their newfound proximity. Taking in each others scent and touch as hands traveled in a search of own, they were able to close out everything around them. What they had done before and what they would have to do later didn't matter. Neither of them had felt like this in a long time.

Finally, much too soon for both of them, Angel broke off the kiss, gently pulling away. What was that for? Was it a sign that they were slipping back into old habits, or was it just simple comfort that they both needed? Maybe he shouldn't read so much into it.

Buffy looked at him, her eyes practically begging him to touch her again. Emotions ran high, as always when they were close. It would be so easy for them to loose themselves in it. He let his gaze remain on her for a moment, before he looked away.

"Well, I guess I better..." Angel trailed off. He was going to leave, go back to the mansion alone – just like he had every day since he got his soul back. Buffy was almost ready to agree with Cordelia, sometimes he could be completely emotionally stunted. What more signs could she have given him?

"Angel, I…" Angel stopped and looked at her. Buffy wasn't sure what to say. Should she say anything? Maybe he didn't even leave every day for her sake; because he felt guilty… maybe he simply didn't want to be with her. Maybe he was only still in town because he felt like he should stick around to help her clean up the mess, nothing else. He would be leaving soon, they both knew it. A little kiss and comfort didn't change that. There were more things to consider than the happiness clause. They were leading completely different lives now; she was a college student – or was supposed to be anyway, he ran a detective agency that had three employees that were eager to get back home and start working again.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Do you want… I mean, what do you think…" she stopped herself. What did she want to say? Did she want to invite him in? Well, she could imagine how tense he would be in that scenario, in her home, around all of her Mom's and Dawn's things.

"Can I come with you?" she said finally. He stared silently at her for a long while before he said anything.

"Buffy, I'm not sure that's…" Angel knew it was probably a bad idea. If one thing led to another, he wasn't sure either of them was clear headed and strong enough to avert it tonight. Even if it didn't mean anything soul wise, if something were to happen… it was more complicated than that. It would stir up feelings that should be kept buried if they wanted this to work. If he wished to go back to his life in a few days.

"I don't want to be alone tonight," she said, looking away. That was completely true. She didn't want to sit alone in the house, and she didn't feel like being with her friends. The subject of her mother and sister would inevitably come up right after Dawn's funeral, she knew that. She wanted to be with Angel. No matter what he thought she should feel, she felt safe around him.

Angel shifted his weight back and forth, obviously not sure what to say. He couldn't deny her. Maybe he should, but he couldn't. At last, he nodded slightly.

"Okay," he said silently, knowing that he probably gave in to something considerably bigger than just allowing Buffy to come back to the mansion with him.

And so the slayer and the vampire walked off into the night, two lonely figures whose broken relationship had just taken a big step towards healing.


	20. DÉJÀ VU ALL OVER AGAIN

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**CHAPTER 20: DÉJÀ VU ALL OVER AGAIN**

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When Angel awoke the next morning, it was to the sound of chirping birds just outside the bedroom window. _A dulcet choir of pretty little birdies_, he thought, shuddering at the memory. Turning his head slightly, he saw her lying there, curled up under the sheets, sleeping soundly. Yes, she actually was sleeping soundly – something as rare as that. She looked relaxed. At peace.

So it had happened. Just as he had predicted, one thing had led to another, and just like he thought, neither of them had the proper strength to avert it. Neither of them had done much at all to avert it, really. It had been… maybe something they both needed. Comfort. Loosening the tension. Something that put them in a very complicated situation…

Yes, it was his dream. Being with the woman he loved without having to worry about his soul – it was an incredible gift that he knew they both would have put to use considerably more eagerly if it had happened a year and a half ago. He couldn't wish for something else. In fact he didn't remember the last time he had felt this free, this relaxed, this human… well, as human as a vampire ever could be, the last time. Still, why couldn't he see anything besides the negative points, the risks?

When he sat up in the bed, he felt a pang of pain in the back of his head. The pain woke him up abruptly, sharpening all his senses. Pain never meant anything good. He moved away from Buffy slowly, careful not to wake her up as he dressed quickly and left the living room.

What could possibly give him a headache?

There were a number of perfectly natural reasons of course, but for some reason, this pain worried him. Maybe he was just overreacting. Maybe it was all the late brooding that had given him a headache… or maybe he had hit his head on some occasion, not remembering it. It felt like a slight hangover, which was strange – he hadn't been drinking at all.

He entered the kitchen, grabbing a plastic container of pig's blood from the fridge. He avoided a grimace as the aroma of it hit his sensitive sense of smell. It wasn't what he wanted, what his body and demon wanted, but he needed the nourishment. Maybe the blood would help with whatever caused the pain. He gulped down the thick liquid cold, trying not to taste it too well. When the cup was drained his demon roared for another type of substance – a more powerful sustenance, and his headache was still there, as splitting as ever.

Angel was seriously worried. Was something wrong with his curse? He could think of several possibilities – one was that he'd had a damned moment of happiness during the night and was about to loose his soul again… which was ridiculous. He _couldn't_, after all, his soul was supposed to be permanent. And besides, the pain when he lost his soul wasn't exactly almost-to-be-mistaken-for-a-hangover-small and timid. He should know, it had happened two times now.

Another possibility was that he should have lost his soul last night, had this clause free curse not been working out like it should. Maybe it was working against the change, and that was why he was in pain. That didn't make any sense though. Exactly what was it working against – this curse wasn't supposed to have any escape clauses. It was the theory, anyway. It wasn't like they'd had a lot of time to research it thoroughly this last week. Angel knew that he should feel guilty for possibly risking a moment of happiness while he still wasn't exactly sure what this new curse involved… but he didn't.

When he heard Buffy's light but hurried footsteps from the main room – she was looking for him – he threw away the empty blood contained, trying to maintain his cool and worry free façade. There was nothing to worry about, there couldn't be. He must have banged his head at one point or another during the night. He wasn't going to tell Buffy about it though, it was just unnecessary to worry her.

She entered the kitchen, her worried expression breaking into a smile when she saw him.

"Angel, there you are." I was worried when you weren't there the second time out of two possible – she didn't say it, but the thought was so obviously there. The day had begun well. He had already managed to frighten her…She walked up to him and hugged him quickly.

"How are you?" he asked just to have something to say, and to keep his mind off the nagging headache.

"I'm – I'm fine." She nodded as she released him. "You?"

"I'm good," he replied neutrally.

"Listen," she began, looking away, evidently mistaking the way he acted for guilt, "if you think I pushed things last night… if I was out of line… I'm sorry. It seemed like you were okay with it." She looked at him, a hint of innocent fear in her eyes. His mocking of their first time together, almost three years ago now, had left their trail.

"No, it's okay," he assured her. "Nothing… bad happened."

"Good." She smiled. There was a beat of silence before she cleared her throat to speak again.

"So… do you have plans today?" she asked, which was a pretty comical question. Had he had plans any other day when she needed him?

"Uh, no, not that I can think of. Why?"

"Well, it was Xander's idea really," she said, excusing her suggestion before she had even made it. "He thought that we should all head over to Giles, you know, just a little 'we're glad you feel better' thing. I mean, we all need to move on… it could be a good way to… mark the ending of all this."

Angel snorted.

"A tea party at Giles'? Is that what it really is, or are you arranging 'Horror of Angelus year 2000: The Reunion'?" Buffy looked at him and furrowed her brow.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm great. How are you yourself? You look a little worn, was it hard to keep up the pace tonight?"

"You-you don't think it's a good idea?" she asked in an unsteady voice, clearly smacked by his words.

"No, it's a great idea! Let's arrange a 'the Angelus war is over'-parade too, and don't forget to put placards on every post and pillar in town," he snapped.

"It's-it's not supposed to be like that," she said silently. "But if you don't want to, we don't have to do it."

"Sure, we'll go there," Angel muttered, rubbing the back of his head. "By the way, you really have improved since our first encounter in bed. Have you just matured, or was it your sleeping around with every college boy you met that gave you the much needed experience? Maybe it was all the training you had with the dearly departed farmboy."

Buffy stared at him, horror-struck, eyes wide open.

"What's wrong with you? Angel?" He stopped rubbing his head.

"Nothing. I'm fine. I'm just gonna go… take a shower."

* * *

What was that all about? Still shocked by his own words Angel closed the bathroom door behind him. What had he just said to her?

What he was planning to do was cover up for his unnecessary outburst about the gathering at Giles' by saying something nice and tasteful about last night. It was actually what he meant – but instead, it had some out like something that Angelus definitely would see fitting to say. Not that his inner demon was usually quiet – it was always in there, always lurking just beneath the surface, trying to affect him. But usually he never allowed any of it to sip through.

A part of Angel told him to go bad and apologize to Buffy, but a part of him simply said - pfft! Look at your power here, you say a few simple, not even mean words really, and she looks like you just beat her up and laughed at her. You're not the one to apologize.

Angel clutched his head. Okay, so that would be his inner Angelus talking, right? Because it simply couldn't be his own thoughts. A horrible thought crossed Angel's mind. What it this was the real him? Now that he was beginning to get over his first few days of dampening grief and guilt, what if the new real him was showing?

He had always had his soul forced on him, suppressing his demon, locking it down under the surface…Maybe his soul in the form of the original curse was covering the demon better than a completely integrated soul that wasn't there because of a hex that could be reversed. Maybe this was who he really was – like Angelus, just not quite as hackety-murdery. No, that couldn't be…

Or couldn't it? As a human, before became a vampire, he hadn't been God's best child. In fact, a few of the traits that made him-Angelus such a horrible creature had been there already when he was human, only in a less demonic way. The egoism, the dangerous charm to get his way, the lack of sympathy for practically anyone or anything, the remorseless use of people – women mostly when he was human – simply for his own amusement…

What if all that was attached just as much to his soul as his demon?

* * *

Worried, angry, upset and confused, Buffy paced around the kitchen. She didn't know what to make of him. Now, he hadn't lost his soul, she was sure of that. Almost sure of that. First of all, how could that happen? The curse was permanent, Willow had been sure.

Secondly, if that was Angelus… he must have mellowed in his old age. In fact, he hadn't exactly said anything that was obviously meant to hurt her… he was just more blunt and irritable than she could ever imagine Angel being.

Maybe nothing was wrong with him at all; maybe he was just in a bad mood. Everyone had those. She couldn't go off worrying about his soul every time they had an argument and he didn't treat her with kid gloves. If it only was that simple, every time the a guy hurt you, he's lost his conscience, Buffy thought. No, feelings were more complicated than that.

Still, Angel wasn't exactly Joe Normal. He was a vampire, whose soul was the only thing separating him from his demonic not-so-pleasant self. They didn't know nearly as much about his new curse as they should. They would have to ask Giles to take a look at it this afternoon.

Buffy exited the kitchen after a quick look in the fridge, where she found herself making the delicate choice between pig's blood and – pig's blood. Maybe she wasn't so hungry after all. Instead she sat down on the couch in the main room, waiting for Angel.

When Angel finally returned from his shower, Buffy was still sitting there not knowing what else to do. She didn't want to leave Angel alone, but there wasn't that much to do for her in the mansion. She could definitely remember why she had wanted to move a few of her things here last spring. Last spring, when they were still a couple. She swallowed. Which they weren't anymore.

When Angel entered the room, Buffy's gaze was instantly drawn downwards, more precisely, to his choice in pants.

"Why are you wearing those?" she asked hesitantly, not sure if she wanted to know the answer. He looked down at his black leather pants.

"What? Oh. I know, but I didn't have anything else clean. He sat down beside Buffy and smiled his usual friendly, soulful smile. A smile that made her melt from the inside out like ice-cream in a hot day, wondering how she could even have thought of Angelus as a possibility a few minutes ago.

"Don't worry. I can assure you that my soul isn't attached to baggy cotton pants." Buffy nodded and smiled back at him. Angel wasn't usually so witty and outspoken, but there was really no question whether it was him. Of course it was.

There were a number of possible reasons to why he was acting a little different than usual. Maybe he was simply relieved that he didn't have to worry about his curse any more. Or maybe it was his way to deal with the guilt – after all she wouldn't know. The last time he had been re-ensouled, she had sent him to hell right away, even before he'd recovered his memories. If he wanted to wear leather pants, who was she to argue? Just because it had been Angelus' trademark… well, like he said, it wasn't like his soul status was determined by his clothes. And he didn't exactly look bad in them either, so hey, what was she complaining about?

"So, how do you feel about meeting all the guys later? I mean, I guess you've met them all after…" she trailed off. "But not, you know, in a socializing tea-drinking-together way." He leaned backwards and put one leg over the other. The pants creaked slightly.

"No problem. Don't forget Buffy, I have done this before."

"Right, I know." She looked at him silently. He was fiddling with something, something that looked like a tiny piece of metal, or maybe it was well polished wood.

"What is that?" He looked up at her.

"What? Oh, it's nothing." He reached for his coat and put the knickknack in his pocket. "Nothing," he assured her. When he fell silent again, Buffy didn't know what to do. Not that he was ever that much of a talker, but this was laughable.

"Do you want me to leave you alone or anything? Maybe you want to brood alone…" Buffy said with a smile, partly joking. Partly not.

"Nah." Angel shook his head. "I'm good. I just don't feel particularly inclined to brood at the moment."

"Oh." She frowned. "Okay." Angel smiled – or was it more of a smirk? God, Buffy thought, she was really more affected than she thought. Next to her sat Angel, soul intact – wearing leather pants and not being his usually brooding self, but still, it was him. She shook of the unpleasant feeling.

"Angel?" He looked at her. "There is something… um… I want to ask you something."

"Go ahead."

"Where do we go from here?" She looked at him, trying to read his expression. So there it was. The question that had lingered for days. Even more so now… after what had happened between them.

"I thought you said we were going over to Giles'," he quipped. She felt her cheeks flush a bright shade of pink.

"Yeah, I mean… you know, about us. You and I."

"Ah." He nodded. "I thought about that too." There was a beat of silence before he continued. "How about, this time around we skip the whole I nag on you, you nag on me part, and cut right to the chase. What do you want? Do you want me to stick around for a while, or leave?"

Buffy stared incredulously at him. She wasn't sure she understood what he had just said. All the worse, he wasn't sure he understood it either.

"Um… I… I'm not sure. I mean, what do you want?" Angel leaned towards her, softly caressing her cheek with his hand. She barely kept from wincing under his touch. What was this? Everything was fine, and still her Slayer senses were on high alert. Was this some sort of delayed reaction to everything that had happened with Angelus?

"You know I never _wanted_ to leave you in the first place," he whispered. "Now that my soul's not a problem anymore… If you want me to stay… see in which direction things are going… then I'm not the one to argue against it." Buffy put her hand over his, his coolness shooting through her, sending chills down her spine. Even though she was confused, she could feel the emotions that had been buried for so long now surge with new life. She was falling, falling headlong under his passionate gaze. She felt herself nod slightly.

"Okay," she whispered.

"Good." They shared a smile, but inwards Buffy was still worried.

This was all very awkward.

* * *

"So, do you think you can check it out?" Buffy glanced at Angel and the others – Xander, Anya, Willow, Cordelia, Wesley and Gunn, who were all sitting in Giles' living room. And Spike, who had showed up just a little while ago. He had blamed the fact that Passions was on tonight and that his TV was broken, but Buffy wasn't sure what to make of him. Why was he hanging around? He didn't even like any of them. Frankly, she didn't have the energy to try to understand him. She already had one vampire whose actions were spinning her head.

When Giles walked off to prepare tea for everyone she had taken the opportunity to talk to him in private. Talk to him – and ask him to research Angel's new curse. Angel seemed to get along well with the others out there. He was actually sitting down, not standing in a dark corner like usual.

"Of course," Giles said, glancing at her. "May I ask, is there any special reason that you want me to do this right now?"

"Not really," she said vaguely. "It's just – I want to be sure. I mean, we _really_ don't want to find out about any escape clauses in the violent and shocking way, if you know what I mean." Again, she added in thought.

"No, I agree," Giles said, turning his gaze back to the tray filled with cups and a plate with cookies. The subject was a sensitive one, and Buffy understood him. Angelus had almost killed Giles both times around, and now the same vampire was sitting comfortably in his couch. It wasn't easy to adjust to.

"Should I carry something?" she said, almost as if wanting to do him something in return after putting him through so much. He smiled a little.

"You can take the teapot, if you don't mind." Buffy picked up the pot, took point and headed into the living room.

She entered just in time to see Angel laugh at one of Xander's jokes. Angel, laughing, at one of Xander's jokes? What was wrong with that picture? She studied the others, trying to see if she could read any doubt or distrust on their faces. Was she just imagining, or was Spike looking at Angel very suspiciously? She'd remember to ask him. She put the pot down on the table and sat down lightly next to Angel. He stretched out and put one arm on the backrest behind her.

Buffy noticed everyone's glances. Was she that easy to read? It was as if everyone in the room already knew that something had happened between her and Angel at some point between now and last night. Something that just might have revived old feelings and habits that most of them would rather see buried. What was it, written in her forhead? In Spike's glance she read something else. He was jealous. Jealous of what, of Angel?

"So, when are you guys going back to L.A.?" Xander asked while keeping his glance on Buffy and Angel. Buffy looked away.

"I'm not sure," Cordelia answered him. "But soon, I hope." She shot Angel a glare.

"Well, actually…" he began.

"What?" Xander frowned. "What's with the actually?" Okay, so he had been the one personally telling Angel to stay as long as Buffy was grieving, but she seemed better now, and he really didn't want him around too long. He couldn't possibly see anything good come out of that.

"Angel is thinking of staying in Sunnydale for a while," Buffy said. Angel smiled at her.

"Really?" Xander asked, interested – but not surprised. He sipped his tea. "And why is that?"

"Well, you know. We have a few things to explore," Angel smiled. "Now that, because of my new and improved curse, our relationship doesn't require that Buffy becomes a nun."

Xander choked on his tea and started to cough.

"Okay, I think my lungs… have tea," he said, still recovering. Buffy looked surprised at Angel's outspokenness, Willow blushed, Cordelia, Spike and Gunn glared at Angel suspiciously, Wesley looked away and took a gulp of hot tea, Giles cleaned his glasses and Anya simply nodded.

"What the hell are you talking about? And what do you mean 'relationship'?" he continued angrily as soon as he could speak properly again.

"Uh-oh." Angel quipped. "I think we need to get a copy of 'The Idiots Guide to Vampiric Sex' so Xander can keep up." Xander glared at him, at a loss for words. Well, this had gone horribly wrong. He had spoken to Angel to help Buffy, yes, but not to help her get laid!

"I understand," Anya cut in. "Relationships without lots of sex are hard. Ask me. One time, Xander and I didn't have sex for two whole nights – I thought I was gonna have to break up with him but then…."

"Anya! You know, we have talked about private conversations? And how they're less private in front of other people?" Xander hissed between clenched teeth.

Angel chuckled, which sent chills down everyone's spines. That wasn't really a sound anyone associated with the souled alterego. Buffy looked at him, seriously worried what was going on.

"Not that I would complain if Buffy became a nun," he said, still smiling. "Really. I like nuns. And while we're on the subject, how did the Flying Nun fly anyway? Was it God, or magic?" Everyone looked at him. "What? You think about these things sometimes," he shrugged.

"Of course," Anya continued, "before Xander got his own place it was even worse." She looked at Angel.

"He was living in his drunken parent's musty basement where something urinated on the hotplate. And every Wednesday his mother washed white clothes and the bleach made me nauseous. It was awful; we couldn't have sex at all on Wednesdays because of that. Since then I've come to the conclusion that peroxide and sexual intercourse just doesn't work out."

Angel chuckled again. "I guess that explains why dear old Spike always has had some problems getting it up," he smirked, bringing his grandchilde into the conversation.

"Hey!" he exclaimed in his 'bloody hell, you just stepped on my manhood'-voice. "This coming from the tall dark and dreary that can't get some without maybe going crazy? That's rich." Angel's face hardened and he clenched his hands into fists. Spike fell silent. Something in his grandsire's gaze told him that maybe it wasn't such a good idea to be too abundant with the smart comments tonight. Angel rubbed the back of his head. Wesley decided to speak up.

"Angel, are you feeling all right?" Angel snapped his head up and looked at Wesley.

"Sure. Why wouldn't I?" Wesley looked at everyone in the room, as if to see if they had noticed it too. They most certainly had, but what were they going to say? He continued, fumbling.

"Well, tonight you've seemed… a little more happy than usual. Not as guilt stricken, one might say. A little less like Angel and more like… uh… like…" Angel looked at Wesley in doubt, shrugging.

"Maybe I just figured out that when you have eternal life, there's no point in wasting it sitting around and brooding all the time. You gotta live a little. Even when you're dead," he punned.

"I think what Wesley is implying is, did you happen do loose your soul, again?" Anya said in her usual blunt way. Angel stared at her, suddenly dead serious, a worried look on his face.

"What? NO. Of course not. And besides, how could I? Willow said that the new curse was permanent." He shrugged, seeming to let the troubled thought slip. "Besides, if it ever happened, you'd know it. If I was Angelus, the half of you would already be dead, just for the fun of it."

They all looked at each other. Something was seriously wrong, but none of them could figure out what it was. Spike looked at him. He still had the soul, he was sure of that, but something was up.

"Could something be wrong with the soul curse thing?" Gunn said simply, asking the question that they all wondered.

"What do you mean, wrong?" Angel snapped. "I'm fine."

"Really not," Cordelia shook her head.

"It doesn't make any sense. The curse isn't supposed to have any loopholes, I checked it," Willow said, looking unhappy. Could she have made a mistake somewhere?

"There's no mistake," Angel denied, obviously trying to convince himself as much as the others.

"Well, say whatever you want peaches, I'd say you're beginning to loose it," Spike said casually, putting his legs on Giles coffee table. "Today we might have the Buffy-whipped Angelus, but as we all now, that tends to change quickly when you two are together."

Before he had time to even consider if he might have been a little too outspoken he found himself being lifted from his chair and pinned to the wall several feet behind it. Angel had gotten up and attacked him without a single warning. No one had even seen him move.

"What the hell are you saying, boy?" he hissed, pressing Spike back against the wall.

"Get your bloody hands off of me!" Spike wriggled aggressively, but he stood no chance against the stronger and larger vampire. He dangled helplessly several inches above ground, trying to get in position to give the bastard a good lick between the legs with his boot, but he was too far down.

"Maybe I should just rip your head off, rip it right off your body," Angel snarled and made a motion to actually do it. "'Cause I don't have anything against that."

"Angel!" Buffy shouted and ran up to him. "Angel, get off him!" Angel's first instinct was to smack Buffy over the head and shove her away so that he could continue attending to his insolent grandchilde, but something stopped him. Instead, his eyes softened and he let Spike go.

Buffy looked at him, both angry and worried. "Sit down!" she ordered, giving him no opportunity to complain. He did as he was told. The predator in him was still roaring, screaming at him to satisfy it by killing something. He was actually worried. What was happening to him? He sat down in the couch.

"Angel, what is going on with you?" Cordelia asked, arms crossed over her chest. She was worried too, he could see it.

"I… I don't know." He clutched his head in pain. Xander gulped.

"Guys… Please tell me that we're NOT witnessing another soul-lossage!"

"I am not loosing my soul!" Angel yelled in frustration and fear, causing Xander to wince and move closer to Anya. "Sorry…" he continued. "I just don't feel right. I've had a headache since this morning and I feel… angry." Angry wasn't the right word for it. How he felt, the type of feral anger and lightheartedness he had felt all day… he couldn't tell them that.

Giles looked at him, a little paler than before. He threw a quick glance at Gunn, who had a crossbow loaded and ready, his healthy hand tightly wrapped around it. He wasn't sure if it was comforting that even one of Angel's own friends was ready to take drastic measures to protect them if things got out of hand, or if it should worry him that a friend and co-worker of Angel's had a lethal weapon ready when he met with the boss. "This pain, how would you, er, describe it?"

"Like…" Yeah, how would he describe it? He had been thinking about that himself the whole day. "I guess it is a little like the times I've lost my soul, only not as strong." No, not as strong. Not at all.

"God, you didn't get groiny already!" Cordelia exclaimed. Buffy turned bright red.

"Is that important?" she said meekly. Cordelia frowned.

"You need to work on your confidence inspiring denials," she declared. "You two are like bunnies." Cordelia shook her head.

"But the curse is permanent," Buffy said. "He CAN'T loose his soul through happiness." Wesley held up the Kalderash book.

"I suppose we need to take a closer look at this new spell," he suggested. "Angel, you're the one that has the greatest knowledge in the Romanian language, could you look through it and save us some time?"

"Yeah, I guess you all wouldn't appreciate if I went for a stroll anyway, would you?" They didn't have to answer him. "Right."

While Angel read, they were all quiet. Spike was the first one to break the silence.

"Slayer, you okay?" This was an unusually friendly question for Spike, and everyone looked at him. Angel stopped reading and glanced intensively at Spike for a moment.

"Fingering on my goods, are you Spike? Guess you never could leave my girls alone." Spike didn't meet his gaze, well aware that another fight with Angel wouldn't do him any good.

"Your goods? That how you look at her now?" he muttered simply. Angel shook his head and continued to read.

"Okay, here it is, a description of the spell," Angel said. He translated the text as he read it.

"As the soul is summoned from the ether by the dark gods, it will be stored in the magician until it can be transferred. The life force of the magician will be used to permanently give the beast its conscience. As the right words are spoken, the soul will pierce the heart of the demon and the life force of the magician will burn out. He will give his life for the vengeance, because this is necessary to ensure that the demon will go on feeling remorse."

It took a few seconds for everyone to process what Angel had just read.

"Let me get this straight," Cordelia said at last. "The spell is not working correctly, because Willow didn't 'die for the vengeance'? That's just lame!"

Everyone was quiet for a few moments.

"Of course," Wesley said silently. "It's very clear. It's not that easy to restore souls. If it was, one could alter the spell and curse every single vampire – there is a price. In the case of Angel's original curse, the price is that the soul isn't permanent. It is a punishment, meant to cause you suffering, not a gift. In this case, it is… that the person that performs the spell… must die." Wesley was quiet for a second before he continued. "Of course, when the Kalderash cursed Angelus, they wanted the alternative that would make sure that he could never stop suffering."

Giles got up and started pacing around the room. "This is bad news. I trust you all understand that. You too Angel. Because Willow didn't die after the ritual, you soul is all else than permanent. In fact, I think it's safe to say that the curse is already collapsing. You are in fact loosing your soul, but it takes some time because the curse is not simply broken. It's reversing."

"What does that mean?" Xander asked.

"I think it means that we will be dealing with Darth Vampire again very soon," Gunn said shaking his head.

Angel looked at Giles. "But I'm still me – when will I change, if what you're saying is true?"

"I suspect you will change gradually. In fact, you ARE changing gradually. The soul is slipping away. I guess we won't be dealing with the true Angelus until it's totally gone, though." Angel stared at him incredulously.

"And when will that be?" Angel felt his frustration growing. That, and his anger. Usually when his demon roared inside, it didn't take too much effort to shut it up and push it down again. It didn't work this time. He felt like someone was ripping him apart inside, the purest essence of Angelus rattling his cage and roaring so loudly that he could hardly concentrate on Giles' words. And he wasn't sure for how long he would be able to keep his behavior in check.

"I don't know. We will have to read the book more thoroughly…"

"No, just forget about this," Angel snapped. He threw the book aside and got up from the couch. Ripping his coat from its hanger, he slipped it on and disappeared outside into the night.

"Angel, wait!" Buffy shouted, ready to run after him. Giles stopped her with a light hand on her shoulder.

"I don't think it's of any danger to leave him be yet, Buffy. I think he might need some time to himself. But, before he becomes more hostile, we will have to contain him better."

"Can't I just curse him again, with the original curse?" Willow asked, feeling guilty for what had happened. She wanted to do something, help to make everything right again.

Giles glanced at the door where Angel had just left. Exactly what all this meant, he didn't know, and still everyone seemed to turn to him for answers. This was only one of the things he feared when Willow started doing spells that she wasn't powerful enough to master. If something went wrong, she didn't have the right knowledge and experience to know what do to make it right again.

"I don't think that will work until his soul is completely missing and in the ether once more," he said finally.

And they all knew what that meant. Unless they found some way to avert it, some way around it…

They would have to face Angelus again.


	21. RAISON D'ÊTRE

_A/N: Thank you for the reviews again. Remember kids, we're not even close to the end yet. I'm currently wrapping up the second part of this story and there will also be a third – and last – one. There will be darkness and angst, and lots of it too, but hopefully it will come out good in the end. Just hang in there…_

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**CHAPTER 21: RAISON D'ÊTRE**

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His demon still screaming inside him, Angel hurried along the streets of Sunnydale. He wasn't sure where he was going or what he was going to do – but he wanted to get away from Buffy. It had been really bad back there, he had been on the verge of loosing control more than one time. A little slip of the self control and he could hurt someone – or worse – and he knew how the demon within would react to that.

Buffy hadn't followed him, which he guessed meant that she trusted him to still be soulful enough not be a danger to the population. Angel wasn't so sure about that. Every person he passed simply screamed _bite me_ to him. The heartbeats of the people he met were like loud drums in his ears, just begging him to take what he wanted and snuff out the sound.

He could feel the inner battle of the demon versus the soul, and he could feel the soul loosing. On top of that, he still suffered from serious withdrawal symptoms. He had been feeding off living humans for several days as Angelus, and since he had gotten his soul back, all he had been drinking was cold pig's blood. The horrible cravings only seemed to make his demon stronger. With every person that passed him on the street were like waving a bleeding bunny in front of a starving wolf…

He stopped in the shadows behind the Espresso Pump. Not many people were out tonight… which was probably lucky for them. Sounds further down the alley got his attention, his sharp senses peeked. He saw a homeless woman pushing a shopping cart. What a worthless life, he caught himself thinking. She would be better off dead. Now, that was a dangerous thought, but somehow, in his current state of mind, he found logic in it. Who cared about that woman? By her looks she was alone and had been living on the street for quiet a while.

Without a sound, he started following the homeless woman. His weakened soul told him to stop, stop and immediately go back to Giles' place and let them chain him up. His strong demon however said "screw that" and encouraged him to continue his covert hunt.

The demon part of him repeated to him that the homeless woman's miserable life barely counted as a living human being. Except for a body that was still breathing and pulsating... hot blood pumping around her system... what was she? A shell of someone that had failed so miserably that she had gotten herself living on the streets.

Besides, what difference would another dead body on his account do? He had killed thousands and thousands of people over the centuries, it was his nature… No, not his, it was the demon's nature. Not him, not Angel.

Then again, if he did feed off her, maybe the cravings would stop… Yeah, they probably would. Of course, that was insane vampire logic. The whole reason to why he had cravings was because he had been drinking fresh human blood very recently – satisfying the demon's blood thirst would calm it for the moment, but in the long run only make it want more. He shouldn't be doing this.

But still… that woman, all that blood pumping away… Angel drew closer. The stupid cow didn't have the slightest idea that he was following her, he couldn't smell any fear on her and her pulse was normal. Normal and... rythmic. Speaking to him. No, _singing_ to him, and what a beautiful sound it was.

She was an idiot that should be better of as food. Besides, if he didn't finish her off, she was one of the types that fledgling vamps usually took out. Alone and weak… To be missed by no one. It would be an honor for her to be killed by _him_ instead of one of_ them_.

Angel was so close now. One leap and he would be able to grab her… No. He really should go back to Buffy, right… now. Yes, right now.

He was just about to turn when the woman bent over and picked up a beer bottle, however, it was broken and she cut her hand on it. The strong, metallic and intoxicating smell of fresh, flowing blood was all that was needed for the demon to get the upper hand. Angel morphed, growled and jumped the woman, spinning her around and smacking her into the brick wall. She shrieked in surprise. When she saw his demonic face she screamed. A terrified cry that hade his whole body hum with satisfaction.

There was only two ways to shut her up – knock her out, or kill her. Angel's demon quickly settled on the latter. He put his left hand over her mouth and held her hard – not very polite to scream your killer right in the ear when he's trying to eat – and bit down.

The woman quickly went limp in his arms. He let her slump to the ground, dead.

Oh, no. What had he done? As soon as the demon was satisfied, for the moment, it resigned slightly and let Angel's fading soul be the more dominant of the two.

What should he do now? He couldn't really go back to Buffy – she would probably chain him up. Even if it would be just to keep her eyes on him in the beginning, Spike would be able to smell the fresh human blood for at least a day, until then, he had to stay hidden. Maybe he could follow her without her knowing it…

Wait, stop. NO, that was the evil stalker talking. Of course he shouldn't follow Buffy. Angel heard a sound. It was a young man that, judging by the reek of fear and racing heartbeat, had witnessed his dinner. He couldn't afford to have any witnesses. He saw the man turn and run, jump starting his predator instinct.

Well, he would just have to take care of that, then.

* * *

"Ah! Here it is." Wesley looked up from the Romanian Kalderash book. "'If the right price is not paid, the vengeance shan't withhold and the demon will walk the earth once more.' In other words, because Willow didn't die, Angel's curse is collapsing. His soul is slowly fading, explaining his ambiguous behavior tonight."

"Yeah, we got that," Buffy said tiredly. "Any word of how long it'll take?" Wesley shook his head.

"I'm afraid not. I suspect we're talking about days at the most, but I don't know…"

"Isn't there a kind of demon that can smell souls or something?" Xander said. "'Cause we could really use one right now."

"Well… Spike, what about you?" Buffy asked. "Can't you smell his soul or something?" The bleached vampire looked at her with a frown.

"Maybe. If I cared to. Which I don't. What'd be in it for me? Still haven't gotten the money for the last time I helped you sorry lot."

"What's in it for you?" Xander stared at him. "Maybe, oh, I don't know… NOT getting your insides ripped out by Angelus?" This was bad. Really, really back. Now they were facing another horror of Angelus, and the only one who might be able to sense his soul status was too pigheaded to help them?

Buffy just shrugged, realizing that if Spike didn't want to help, he wouldn't. She looked at Willow hopefully. She quietly shook her head.

"I don't have that kind of power. Maybe if Tara had…" she trailed off. "But I don't."

"It's okay Will," Buffy said, hoping that she sounded more convincing than she felt. She wasn't angry at Willow – but they had to do something. They couldn't just wait around for Angel to loose it completely… it just wasn't an option.

"So what do we do?" Gunn asked.

"Oh!" Cordelia exclaimed, thinking of something. "Wesley, the Host!" Wesley's face lit up. Why hadn't he thought of that sooner?

"Yes, of course! If we could get him here, he could read Angel."

"The who-do-what?" Buffy said, confused.

"There is a demon karaoke bar in L.A." Wesley explained. "It's owned by an empathic demon. When people, or demons, sing, he can read their auras, sense their futures. He's using his abilities to put people – and other creatures – on their paths."

"Like what, a demon guidance councelor?" Xander asked.. "A shame we blew up the high school, how fitting wouldn't it have been to have a demon councelor in the school that was placed over the Hellmouth?"

"And you know him how?" Buffy asked. Okay, things had been weird before. Now they their best hope was some sort of voodoo-ey demon?

"Angel sang for him once." Cordelia said. Buffy blinked. Hmm.

"Angel? Angel sang?" Xander cackled, trying to picture Angel on stage with a microphone. "Is he good?"

"Well, he does a good job if you HATE Barry Manilow, but…" Cordelia did a gesture with her hands. The gang that didn't know what she was talking about looked at her, bewildered. Wesley however, despite the serious situation smiled at the memory of Angel performing "Mandy".

"I'll call him," Cordelia settled. She took up her cell phone and dialed a number.

"I hope I got it right," she muttered.

"Hello? Is this Caritas?" Cordelia moved the phone away from her ear. They all heard a high pitched wailing, not very human sounding. "Okay, you don't have to scream! Can I talk to the Host? THE HOST. Thank you."

Cordelia looked at the others and tapped her fingers on her temple. "I think it was a demon that answered," she said. "Hello? Hi! It's Cordelia Chase, friend of Angel's… Good, you remember. No, we're not in town at the moment… We're in Sunnydale. Yes, we _are_ helping Buffy actually. There may be a problem with Angel's soul… and we would need someone that could read him… I know it a bit of a drive, but lives depend on it! Please? Thank you! You can meet us in a shop called the Magic Box, we'll be there all night. See ya." She pushed the end button on her phone. "He's coming, in three hours or so."

"What did he say?" Wesley asked.

"Only that it should be a pretty interesting ride," Cordelia shrugged. Wesley frowned.

"Why?"

"He can't drive."

"Ah…"

"Pretending that I didn't hear that last part, how did he know about me, and Sunnydale?" Buffy asked suspiciously. How come a demon she had never met seemed to be pretty familiar with who she was?

"Buffy, he's empathic. He's read Angel. Why would he NOT know about you?" Buffy blushed and looked away. She didn't always think about how much Angel probably really thought about her.

"So what do we do until he shows up?" Xander asked. "Another wild goose chase, or to we sit tight?"

"I should probably go after him, to see that everything's okay, but you need to get to the Magic Box and wait for Cordelia and Wesley's friend… Spike, could you go with them?"

"Play watchdog? Nah. Gotta go get me smokes, 'sides, think you're better qualified to guard your little gang. Myself, not sure if I would protect or sit back and enjoy the show if Angelus made an appearance." Spike smirked. Buffy sighed.

"Fine. Could you keep an eye out for him then, if I go with them?"

"Whatever, guess I won't be able to avoid the bugger if he's organizing an all you can eat buffet in town. Later." Spike disappeared out the door. That was probably the closest thing to a "yes" she would ever get from him, Buffy thought.

"Okay, we better get going," she said, turning to the gang. "Let's hope everything runs smoothly."

"You mean," Xander said, "let's hope we don't get attacked by a certain spike-haired, sadistic bastard?" Buffy gave him a tired look.

* * *

Angel skulked alongside the bushes, watching - no, _stalking_ - the Scooby gang as they departed from Giles' apartment, heading towards the town. He could see them all clearly in the dark. Everyone except Buffy and Willow were armed – not heavily, but obviously, they were prepared for, even if maybe not expecting, a visit from him. Angelus. Him. Wherever the border went…

Angel could smell them, the fear and anxiety coming off them in waves. Buffy wasn't afraid, though. In fact, she was the only one of them that he couldn't read any emotion from at all. She had shut herself off, he realized. With everything that had happened, she didn't bother to care anymore. She was just going through the motions, doing what was expected from her, but her heart wasn't in it. Angel was still too soulful to actually feel happy about that – that he was the one who was the cause of her dark state of mind, but inside, his demon cheered.

Angel stopped dead in his tracks. What was he doing here, anyway? Following, STALKING Buffy and her friends? Was it Angelus breaking out, or was it, as he told himself, simply that he wanted to keep an eye on them without upsetting them?

He turned around and walked away quickly. Best to stay away from them. Besides, they were going into the town by car and his was still parked at the mansion, so it wasn't exactly like he even_ could_ follow them…

Walking along the streets he soon ended up in town again. No knowing exactly how well he could keep his demon contained, he hoped that he wouldn't run in to someone he knew… Which failed miserably, of course.

It didn't take long before he ran into Spike. Literary, that was actually – Spike was hurrying out if a grocery store with two cartons of cigarettes hidden under his coat.

"Bloody hell! Watch it where you're going…" Spike looked up at the tall frame he had run straight into. Demon, his mind registered before he had time to see who it was. Otherwise his chip would have gone off.

"Oh great," he snorted upon looking at his grandsire. "So, which one of the egos are we currently talking to?"

Not taking his gaze off Angel, Spike stuffed his cigarette cartons back under his coat. He raised himself up to look closely into Angel's eyes. Angel grabbed him roughly and slammed him into the cement building.

"Bloody hell! What is it, what do you have against these smokes?" Spike whined and looked at his once again dropped cartons.

He glared. Angel glared back.

"Those eyes are what I would call inconclusive. What is it mate, we creating a new version? Half a soul, what should we call you, then? Angelu? Sounds bit French." Angel tightened his grip.

"Ah, you don't like the French if I recall. Right, the ashamed Scourge of Europe? The fluffy puppy with fangs? Or I know, Angus! Has a nice Irish clang to it as well. Heh heh." Angel snarled at him.

"What are you doing here, Spike?"

"I WAS getting smokes…"

"Stealing smokes?" Spike stared at him.

"Oh, like you never have! Don't give me the righteous nancy boy speech. 'Uh, my hairs sticks up and I'm bloody stupid, and I can't kill anymore 'cause I feel so bad about it.'" Spike imitated Angel with a mocking voice.

"And yeah, I'm EVIL, so why shouldn't I be stealing? Shouldn't you do something more true to character? Brood, read – or stalk, torture, kill? Take your bloody pick, mate." Angel let him go. Even if the peroxided pest was dangerously rude and cocky, he was right. Angel didn't know who he was, what he should do. Spike sniffed and chuckled.

"So! We have killed. I'll be damned. What now, going after one of the slayer's friends?" Angel flinched at his words.

"No! I'm not… I still have my soul. A part of it. And I'm NOT letting go."

"Then, why aren't you checking yourself in at the Scooby gang strong hold?" Angel didn't meet his gaze. What was he supposed to answer to that? He didn't know himself.

"Right. Maybe not that much of a soul left anyway." Spike picked up his cigarettes and disappeared.

* * *

"Here we are, and without any fatalities too. Color me surprised," Xander commented as he turned on the lights in the Magic Box. The gang all gathered inside. Prepared for a long night without much in the way of rest they all sat down where they could find a place. Everyone of course except for Buffy, who paced restlessly back and forth. After a few minutes silence, Xander cleared his throat.

"So, Buff. How's the fosse around the counter coming?" he asked, indicating her resolute wandering. She stopped and looked towards the gang, not really focusing on anyone. She was anxious, it didn't take an expert to see it.

Giles feared that her troubled state of mind might take her edge off when it came to what they were facing during the next few days, but he didn't say anything. The last thing he wanted was to trouble her further.

"There's at least a couple of hours before the demon shows up," Buffy said. Everyone looked at her. She blinked. "Not Angel! I meant the empathic demon. The question is what we should to until then…"

She didn't have time to say anything further before she was interrupter by Spike, who breezed in the front door, clutching two crumpled cartons of cigarettes and a six-pack of beer. They stared at him silently until Xander broke the silence.

"Spike. Just the toxin-carrying demon we wanted to see. What's up with the stomped cancersticks? Don't tell me the funny drunk behind the Espresso Pump jumped you." Spike glared at him.

"I'll tell you who jumped me. No, as the matter of fact, I won't. I'll leave that for you to guess." He gave Buffy a demanding look. She swallowed.

"Angel?" A beat of silence. "Or Angelus?"

"Well, not sure, pet. I'd say that peaches hasn't left the building completely, but there's more to him than meets the eye." Buffy just looked at him. What did that mean? In theory she could guess – he was neither Angel nor Angelus at the moment… But in reality? Spike he might smack even if his soul was in control, the question was how he reacted to other people. Her, his and her friends… Innocent people.

"What did he do?" She dreaded the answer.

"Besides protect the innocent smokes? Shoved me against a wall, the usual swaggering, huff ´n puff routine." Buffy looked down, relieved for the moment. Spike saw it. "He'd been drinking though," he revealed. Buffy's head snapped back up.

"Alcohol?" Willow said hopefully in a small voice.

"No Red, well, of course I don't know if the person he killed had been drinking…"

So he was killing innocents, Buffy thought. The fact that he would do that even when he had something of his soul left was… uncomfortable, but it didn't matter at the moment. What was important was that if he was a danger to the populous, which he obviously was, she would have to put a stop to it. Right now.

"That's it," she settled. "I'll have to bring him in now. I can't have him roaming free any longer. Soul or not. Feel like being useful Spike?" The blonde vampire snorted.

"Oh no, Spike's done his share," he said, lighting a cigarette. Giles glared at him, considering if he should put his none-smoking signs more visible, but realizing that _beings_ like Spike wouldn't care either way.

"Spike's had enough excitement for one day and is going home to bang some bloody sense into the telly," he went on. "Spike's knackered. Ta." Without another word he turned and left.

"Great, the only extra muscle we have is going home to watch soap opera," Buffy said, clearly annoyed. "Sorry guys, but honestly, is anyone else up for Angelus – or whoever he is – hunting?"

"You know Blondie, if I were in a little better shape, I'd go with you," Gunn said. "Don't know if I qualify as help with this arm though."

"No, it's okay. It's not like I haven't gone up against him alone before, and besides, he probably has his soul… or a piece of it left now. I'll be okay. You sit tight."

"Buffy, please be careful. Don't put yourself in any unnecessary danger," Giles spoke up. She gave him a quick, somewhat annoyed look.

"You know me."

Buffy pocketed a stun gun and a stake and left before anyone else had time to tell her how she should do her duty.


	22. GREEN AND NONJUDGMENTAL

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**CHAPTER 22: GREEN AND NONJUDGMENTAL**

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Angel was strolling through the park, looking for interesting things to keep him busy. The meeting with Spike had been unfortunate. 10 to 1 that he'd already been telling Buffy about him… Maybe he should have just staked him on the spot, finally be over and done with his pesky grandchilde.

Or should he? Wasn't it GOOD that Buffy knew what he was doing? Angel groaned. The headache he had been suffering from the whole day had faded, but if he kept this up, it would come back.

He found himself brooding over past sins. He did that a lot, it was nothing new. Walking around in Sunnydale stirred up a lot of memories from '98. He had used those months very effectively, causing as much damage as he could. Usually, it was painful memories that made him feel ashamed. Now, he felt nothing. In fact, some of them were even happy memories.

When he passed the – now burnt out – high school, he'd normally wear a gloomy face when he thought about how he had chased Jenny Calendar through the halls, how he'd scared Willow when he first revealed his identity… How he'd been standing outside, smiling as he listened to the sounds of the police finding Buffy with the dead body of Kendra, that time when his lackeys had ambushed the Scooby gang. Now he didn't. He wasn't thinking completely like his soulless self yet, but he didn't feel guilty anymore. He felt... good. Care-free.

Angel felt himself loosing ground, tapping more and more into the darkness. Maybe it would be easier to let go… Maybe Buffy would kill him if he did. It would be easier, and he would never hurt her again. He almost felt comforted by the thought if finally getting to rest in peace. 247 plus 26 years was a pretty long life, and the last few years of it had been considerably more complicated than ever before. Ending it… maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

He stopped abruptly when he felt the familiar tingle. She was close. He turned around, and there she was. He had a choice here – try to restrain himself, or just let go and see where it took him. He should fight himself. He knew he should, but it seemed so hard. No matter what he did, his soul was loosing, slipping away by the minute. He could feel the demon practically knock down all his defenses, deciding to take over. He leered at Buffy where she stood, tense and watching him warily.

"Hello, Buff…y." Buffy looked somber.

"So, it's Angelus, is it?" Angel didn't even have time to consider fighting the demon anymore. It decided for him as his senses picked up Buffy's scent. All the emotions coming off her, love, worry, discomfort, anger... the smell of her blood and her rush of adrenaline as he took a step towards her. It enraged the furious predator in him, casting the conscience aside for the time being.

"Oh no, not really. I still have a little soul, you see. It's interesting." Buffy raised her stake. "Come one, Buffy. I think we both know you're not going to use that."

"Don't be so sure." She pulled her mouth into a thin line. She desperately didn't want this. Not again. Not _ever_ again.

"Did you deliver the bunch of jerks to the shop safely, hm? Yeah, I saw you. Xander looked pretty scared, why do think that is?" Angel cocked his head, just like Angelus used to do. Buffy didn't fail to notice it.

"Maybe he's just tired of having you lurking in the shadows."

Angel chucked. "Why, when you're escorting him? Xander's female white knight. Hm, seems I said something in reverse to him a few years back. Ah, as I recall, you were in the hospital after a little spat of ours, and he was guarding you like a well trained little pooch."

Buffy clutched her stake harder. "Don't flatter yourself. I wasn't in the hospital because of that little fight. Although, I remember that I managed to knock you flat on your back, even with a serious flu bug. Shall we do a rematch?" Suddenly Angel clutched his head and sank to his knees.

"Buffy…" he croaked.

"Angel!" She forgot his evil remarks for a moment and rushed up to him. "Angel, are you okay?"

He smirked. "I feel just fine."

Getting to his feet quickly he clipped her jaw, which made her stumble back. She recovered quickly and launching herself forward, she grabbed Angel and kicked him in the stomach. She didn't want to hurt him too much… Just disable him so she could take him back to the Magic Box. If he could just hold still long enough for her to hit him with the stun gun… He grabbed one of her arms and swung her around, but she didn't fall, instead she used the extra speed to jump and kick him in the jaw.

She could tell that he wasn't fighting wholehearted. There must be something of Angel left in him, at least. Aiming a kick at his face she took advantage of his temporary reeling; she pulled out the stun gun, quickly moved behind him and attacked. She had to hit him three times before he turned to her, dazed, and slumped to the ground in a heap.

She looked at him sadly. Would this never end? Was this what their lives would be like? No time to think about that now. Buffy grabbed Angel and started hauling him in the direction she'd come from, back towards the Magic Box. Thank god for slayer powers…

* * *

"Give me a hand here!"

Buffy was pulling the now semi-awake Angel into the Magic Box. Giles and Xander rushed to her side. Cordelia and Wesley sat at the table opposite a green demon. The Host, Buffy guessed, after that, she had her hands full with a struggling Angel. Or was it a struggling Angelus? At least the Angel-part of him couldn't really be control when he tried to escape, could it?

"Get the tranqualizer," she said to Giles in a strained voice as she tried to keep Angel on the floor. Using sheer strength he managed to get to his feet when Giles released his grip. He shoved Xander back and writhed out of Buffy's grasp. Preparing to make a quick exit he found himself cornered – he wouldn't be able to get away without fighting all of them. His eyes softened for the moment. Buffy hoped that she'd be able to speak to his soulful side and avoid another big fight scene.

"Angel," she started, "please, if you're in there, fight. I don't want to hurt you, but if that's what it takes, I'm gonna have to." Angel looked at her for a moment, and then turned his attention to the Host.

"You…" he said. "What are you doing here?"

"Take it easy, Angelcakes." The green demon got up from his chair and walked towards Angel. "Your friends called me. I hear you are in need of a reading. By the way, you really look fabulous in those pants!" Angel growled.

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't just rip your head off," he snarled.

"He has a thing for 'rip' and 'head' in the same sentence," Xander muttered.

Buffy took a protecting step forward, but the demon stopped her.

"It's okay. Well, be my guest if you feel that you need to. It wouldn't do much good. You see Angel, my species has decapitation loop hole. Anyway, I don't think it's too polite to threaten someone who's giving cred to your choice in clothing. So come on, we want to know how much of a soul you got left in there, that's all."

Angel turned to the rest of the gang and grinned evilly.

"Aw, come one. We don't need any singing for that. After all, a picture says more than a thousand words…" Giles held up the tranqualizer gun and Gunn pointed a crossbow at him with his healthy arm. Angel supposed that it wouldn't do any harm to let them do a soul checkup now, he could always escape later.

"Just pick a song and sing for Lorne," the green demon said and sat back in the chair.

"Lorne?" Angel snorted. "Your name is Lorne? Well, I guess we know why you don't use it…" Everyone except Giles stared at him with blank expressions. Angel glared at them. "Lorne Greene. Bonanza? 15 years on air mean nothing to you people? You humans and your innate stupidity."

"We're waiting Angel," Wesley said from where he sat. "Pick a song." Angel glared at him. Clearly he didn't want to sing, which Buffy hoped was a good sign. She couldn't imagine Angelus being embarrassed to sing in front of them, but then again, who knew? Maybe it was his Achilles' heel.

Angel shrugged in defeat and cleared his throat.

"_If you go into the woods tonight, you won't believe your eyes_," he sang softly, sending chills down everyone's spines. He locked eyes with Buffy. "_If you go into the woods tonight, you're in for a big surprise…_"

Cordelia studied Lorne. Was he getting greener? Well, she couldn't tell if it was because of the song Angel picked or because of what he read. However, Angel's singing wasn't at all that bad…Although Cordelia wasn't sure that the improved singing voice was such a good thing, soul wise.

"Okay! That's enough, sugar plum," Lorne said a little nervously. "Heh… so, should I wrap the verdict in fluffy lies, or do you want me to sing like a pretty little bird?"

"Spill," Buffy answered shortly. That song could never be a good sign. A twisted version of Teddy Bear Picnic? Definitely more Angelus' style than Angel's…

"Right." Lorne's bright red eyes met Angel's dark. "There's a little soul left in there all right, but it's loosing ground. I'd say maybe a day or two before it's totally cast out. I also sense an internal struggle, not between our smirking leather clad friend and his non murdering version so much as a battle between the pure demon and the essence of the soul. The demon is becoming very strong."

"Great," Xander said with a sigh. "A stronger, improved version of Angelus? Not my idea of a party."

Buffy crossed her arms over her chest. "Stronger? What does that mean, more physical strength or what?"

Lorne shrugged. "Possibly. I'm not an expert in the area, but I think it's safe to say that when Angelus finally breaks free he'll be even more vicious than before. Uh… Does anyone mind if I skedaddle before he does?" Lorne frowned and smiled a little.

"Actually, Lorne, we would need you to stay so that you can read Angel again later. We can't recurse him until the soul is completely gone and we can't just take a wild stab on when to do it. It seems the orb of Thesulah explodes when it isn't able to transfer the soul and they're real hard to come by," Wesley explained. "We've already ordered one, but I'm not sure there are more than a few others in southern California."

Buffy studied Angel. He pulled out a chair and sat down. Right now he seemed calm and normal, but the person snarling at Lorne had definitely been more Angelus. Buffy moved cautiously towards Angel, pulled out the chair opposite him and sat down. A slight risk for sure, but she was the slayer after all and she was surrounded by people that would assist her if he tried something.

"Angel?" she said softly. He raised his head and looked at her. She couldn't interpret his eyes, they were not really either Angel or Angelus. He looked a little bit like that time when he had pretended to be Angelus to fool Faith.

She remembered that time well, and it wasn't a pleasant memory. He had played his evil version so good at even Buffy almost, ALMOST, had been worried that something had went wrong and he really was soulless. Now it wasn't an act, unfortunately. His demon really was seeping through, and she didn't know if his shifting soulfulness could be trusted.

"Are you okay?" she asked him.

"Sure, I'm fine." He looked down at the table again. Buffy didn't know what to think. Was he desperately trying to fight down his demon, or was he simply busy with figuring out how to kill them all? Buffy sighed.

"So, what do we do now?" Xander's voice. Buffy looked at him.

"What?"

"I said, what do we doing now? Not that me and my concussion isn't enjoying standing here, but I would like to go home. Besides, shouldn't we…" He motioned towards Angel. "…chain him up, or something? _Before_ he goes all Feral Boy?"

"Oh… Uh, I don't know…"

"It's okay Buffy." Angel looked at her. "I don't know for how long I can control the demon… we can't risk anything." Buffy held back a smile. At least he was trying. She nodded.

"Yeah, good thinking."

"I could do a protection spell around the mansion," Willow said. "That way he'd be sealed in without us needing to chain him up." Buffy smiled tiredly at her friend. Some other time she might have taken the energy to tell Willow that there were other ways – ways that didn't include magic of any kind, but right now she was too tired. If Willow didn't seal him in magically, she would have to spend all too much time in the mansion locking him up, making sure he couldn't escape. And she really wasn't up for that.

"Good. Thanks, Will."

"Hey, sugarplum, where does a horned demon set up camp?" Lorne asked.

"Well, you could come home with me," Buffy suggested. "I have a big house, and…. it's not really like I use three bedrooms by myself."

Lorne looked at her, understanding. There was a big vibe coming off that girl. He may never have heard her sing, but he wasn't stupid. That girl had lost so much to Angelus… and still she loved Angel. He found it poetic in a tragic sort of way. Selling a story like that to Hollywood would give anyone the big bucks…

"That sounds great, sweetie," he said softly.

Feeling herself sink back into the dark, cold sadness Buffy quickly shook off the thoughts of her mother and sister. No time for this, not now.

"Okay, Angel. I'll drop you off at the mansion first… Could you drive us, Giles?"

"Of course." Giles picked up a pair of heavy chains and looked emphatically at Buffy.

"Oh, um… Angel, do you mind? You know we trust YOU, but we also know that Angelus could pop out whenever he feels like it." She eyed Angel. At least he LOOKED understanding.

"No problem. I… I couldn't live with myself if I wounded anyone else." He looked at her, lip slightly shivering. Buffy took the chains and Angel held up his hands. She met his eyes and cuffed his right hand.

She should have seen the next move coming.

If she hadn't been busy looking into Angel's eyes, she would have. In a second, his soft features turned to a sneer as he morphed into gameface. With a deft twist, he yanked the chain from Buffy's hand and before she knew what had happened, he'd smacked her with it.

Hard.

Buffy fell to the floor, semi-conscious. In her dazed state she saw the whole scene play out before her – more accurately, above her since she was on the floor. Angel – or was it more proper to call him Angelus now? – used his chain as a weapon and swung it around, quickly putting everyone close to him out of commission. She saw Giles, Cordelia and Lorne falling to the ground, rendered harmless.

Gunn dodged and fired his crossbow. Angel moved quickly and the arrow hit him in the shoulder. He roared furiously, pulled the arrow out and threw it back at Gunn. He just barely made it out of the way.

Angel knocked Xander to the ground. Giles got to his feet and fired his tranqualizer gun, but Angel used his enhanced speed and moved out of his line of fire before he kicked the gun from Giles' hand. Buffy realized that Angel wasn't trying to kill anyone, he was fighting his way to the door. She wanted to tell them to get out of the way, just let him go, save themselves the effort. The question wasn't if he was going to defeat them, it was when, she wanted to tell them, but she couldn't make the sounds come out of her mouth. The world was flickering before her eyes.

She heard Willow scream before she lost consciousness.

* * *

"Buffy? She's waking up."

Giles' voice. Good, then at least he wasn't dead… That was Buffy's first thought. Dead. Angel. Angelus. Oh god. She forced her eyes open too quickly and tried to sit up, causing everything to go black again for a second. Giles gently stopped her.

"Take it easy Buffy, we don't want you to faint again." Buffy looked at everyone in the room. They were all there, slightly more bruised than before, but alive and well. Xander was holding his head, Willow held a bloody rag over a gash on her forehead, Lorne tried to pull one of his horns back into place and Cordelia and Wesley had minor bruises.

Anya was the only one in the room that seemed completely unharmed. "There you go, I told you she'd wake up. She's supposed to have super powers, right? I think she would have woken up sooner if you'd poured ice cold water over her though."

"Are you okay?" Giles asked her.

"Fine, I… I don't know how he managed to knock me out like that." Giles smiled a little.

"It was one major smackaroo," Lorne said. "Wasn't much you could do."

"Yes, he took you by surprise, as all of us. I suppose he got in a lucky strike. I think your lack of sleep and hard work the last week could be a contribution as well," Giles commented.

"I guess… Is everyone okay?"

"Well," Xander said, "Someone is clearly viewing my head as a punching bag, but I think I'm fine. I'm tired of being the whipping boy," he muttered.

"Yes," Anya said, "and now he says that we can't have sex when we get home. It's not fair.

Buffy didn't even bother to react to Anya's comment. Before she could say something, Giles spoke.

"I think it would be best if we all got ourselves some rest. We are in no condition to take him on now and it's almost dawn so he… er, Angel, will have to take cover as well. The orb is arriving in a few days, so hopefully... this will all be over soon."

Yeah, right, Buffy thought tiredly. Hopefully. Over. Ended.

Soon.


	23. ABOVE THE LAW

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**CHAPTER 23: ABOVE THE LAW**

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Angel sat in front of the fire place in the mansion, staring into the roaring flames as he had so many times before. He was brooding – or something similar to it. His new, improved brooding sessions included happy day dreams of past murders and diabolical plans. However, just as usual he was deeply absorbed in thoughts. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know where he was standing in the Scooby's eyes, although he was fairly certain that no one would trust him if he went back to them. They shouldn't.

With a slight frown on his face, he looked up from the fire. He sensed something. It started as a faint tingle and quickly grew stronger. Someone was approaching, someone that set off all his senses. His first thought was that it was Buffy taking another swing at him, but it wasn't that type of tingle.

This was more like when a vampire in his line was close to him. Spike? That couldn't be, Captain Peroxide wouldn't be foolish enough to confront him again. Unless he had backup… Angel peeked one of the many windows in the mansion. The front of the house wasn't currently bathing in sunlight so he could look outside without running a risk of bursting into flames.

A car was coming up his driveway at a steady pace. It was definitely not Spike; this car wasn't the worn black DeSoto he usually drove, but a limousine. Angel felt the tingle stronger and stronger. If he didn't know better, he would think that someone he hadn't seen for years, well, with the exception for those dreams before he came to Sunnydale was in that limo… But that couldn't be. That _definitely_ couldn't be.

He opened the front door and stepped outside, as the car stopped within a stone's throw away from the mansion. He was carefully keeping to the shadows, but he felt like this was a situation he should watch from a close distance.

When the driver came out of the limo, he didn't even look at Angel before he opened one of the doors to allow a passenger to step out. A gray-haired, middle-aged smirking man wearing a dark blue suite stepped out. He approached Angel, never dropping his over-confident expression.

"Angel! It's so nice to finally meet you." Angel just stared at him, unsympathetic. He'd never seen this man before. He offered his hand to Angel, who simply continued glaring at him, not making a move to greet him. Who was this figure, and what was he doing outside his house?

"I'm Mr. Holland Manners. I'm with Wolfram and Hart." So that was it. Ah, he should have predicted. The limo, the oily face, the pompous outlook – it practically reeked of Wolfram & Hart.

"A lawyer, isn't that nice," Angel said coldly, his eyes never leaving Manner's. "How's Lindsay, enjoying the one hand look?" He kept staring him straight in the eyes, psyching him.

"I'd take that down if you don't want me to demonstrate what happened to Lindsay the last time I saw him," Angel said, indicating Holland's hand. His smile faded. He swallowed. Angel could smell the slight aroma of sweat coming off him.

"Uh… Of course Lindsay understands that sacrifices are required when you're on the top."

"Your wife told you that, did she?" Angel grinned slightly, slowly ripping away every layer of protection Manner's thought he had against all kinds of mental trials. There was a beat of silence as the stunned lawyer tried to interpret Angel's expression.

"Well, let's not waste time with… pleasantries. I brought someone I want you to meet." He waved at the driver who helped a thin, pale blond out of the left side of limo. Angel could see who it was instantly. Apart from having vampire vision, you usually don't have a hard time recognizing a woman you've spent 150 years with…

"Darla?" Angel stepped forward, still avoiding the deadly sun beams. However, he noticed that Darla was walking in the sunlight without even sizzling.

"How can she… she's human?" He gave Manner's a skeptical look before he turned his gaze back to Darla. Was it Darla? Yes, all his sense told him that it was. Her scent… well, he remembered it pretty well. There was no doubt. This was his sire. Only not… since she wasn't a vampire.

Darla came up to him, her somewhat lifeless eyes gleaming with… what was it, joy? Darla was happy to see him? This was deeply confusing.

"Angelus… My darling boy." Angel stared at her, not knowing how it was appropriate to react when reunited with his long dead, now human sire. A shocking notion to say in the least.

"You see Angel," Holland said. "Darla is very ill. She… came back to us as human, and now the syphilis she was dying from in the 17th century has caught up with her. I don't think it's necessary to tell you what she needs."

The limousine driver screamed in agony and they all turned their heads. He had moved to the right side of the car where another woman was coming out of it, walking straightly into the shielding shadow. And it wasn't just any woman. She was tall, pale, very thin with dark long hair…

"Drusilla?" He stared at her as she walked slowly towards him, her big, dark eyes piercing him. Things were making less and less sense.

"No need to introduce the two of you, I'm sure," Holland commented. He glanced at the now deceased limousine driver that was slumped on the ground before he continued. That was just great. Now who was supposed to drive him away from this place? He would have to call for another driver.

"We brought Drusilla in to… take care of Darla's problem. However, she insisted that you three should meet."

Drusilla circled Angel, studying him with big, round eyes. "Little hamster in my head… quickened his pace in the wheel… and he whispered to me… whispered to me that Daddy isn't soul sick any more…"

She stopped in front of him, staring into his eyes. There was a playful playing over her face as she spoke. "Are we family again?"

At this stimulus intensity, seeing Drusilla again, Angel's demon and soul battled fiercely internally to get the upper hand. One of them struggling to get control, to take what he wanted, the other trying to avert it, to get away from Drusilla.

The latter lost.

"That we are, Dru," he said, turning his gaze to Holland Manners that seemed to shrink before him. This he wasn't prepared for, Angel could tell.

"So," he began, "she's what you brought back in that box." he indicated Darla. He started to pace in his small spot of shadow, it seemed to make Holland nervous. "Now, that's just interesting."

"Er… Yes, Darla is what we brought back. Of course we wanted to… offer you a token of peace and…" Holland was stammering.

Angel chuckled and leered at the sweating man. He had never met him before, but it was obvious that Holland was expecting to meet the goody-goody version that might glare at him evilly, but not do any damage. Well okay – he, Angel, had actually cut off Lindsay's hand, but only because he was about to destroy the scroll containing the words that would remove Vocah's spell and bring back Cordelia. Without it, she would have been in a state if insanity for life – so that was really only to protect her.

Holland Manners didn't strike Angel as the type who would willingly risk his hands, or any other parts.

"That's a good one, Mr. Manners. Really. However, not even _Angel_ is so stupid that he would actually believe that you brought back his old, in fact slain by his own hand, sire from hell as a token of peace." He crept close to Holland and spoke, no, whispered in his ear.

"I think you wanted to see another side of the Dark Avenger, isn't that right, Holland?" The man shuddered. "Guess what? You got your wish." Angel looked at Darla, who was leering. She began to grip what was going on.

"Angelus?" she said expectantly. He smirked.

"Oh yeah baby. I'm back."

Drusilla began to wave her arms and make whimpering noises.

"Now all but one is back in the fold… but one has to be made whole…" she pierced Holland with her dark eyes. "…and we have a bad black sheep in our family." She looked at Angel and smiled broadly. "Should we slaughter the bad sheep?" A beat as Angel seemed to consider it.

"No, I think we should wait until Darla can join us." Holland realized that it was probably best to leave, but it was too late. As soon as he moved Drusilla walked close to him, humming her trademark gruesome lullaby.

"Run and catch, run and catch… the lamb is caught in the blackberry patch…" She grabbed him and moved two sharp nailed fingers up to his eyes.

"Make a wish, naughty lamb," she crooned. Angel grabbed Manner's by the shoulder and spun him around, away from Drusilla.

"No... no! Angel, we can… we can negotiate!"

Angel simply answered by knocking Holland flat on his back, leaving him unconscious. Drusilla smiled at him and started to take dance steps towards the mansions front door. Angel grabbed Holland and motioned for Darla to go inside.

"Home, sweet home, you've come home," Drusilla continued crooning as she went inside. Angel shook his head in amusement.

As soon as they had stepped inside Drusilla started to whimper and fell to the floor. Angel dropped Holland and listened to the satisfying thud as he made contact with the hard concrete floor before he came to Drusilla's aid.

"Dru? What is it?"

Drusilla shook her head and raised her hands, rocking herself back and forth where she sat on the hard stone floor.

"Worry… so much worry. My head… filled with it. Ooh, and so much pain. Helpless, empty pain."

Angel silently shook his head, just a tad annoyed. Drusilla was fine work, but thinking ahead he probably should have left her somewhat saner.

"What do you see?"

"Thick, thick walls could as well be windows… they see it all… they are coming… coming to destroy our new family. She's so empty… a shell..."

"She? Buffy?"

"She's coming for us… ooh, there will be… death."

"Well, of course there will," Angel said matter-of-factly. "I'm not planning to hit them with pillows if they come here."

"The slayer… she sees it all… They see it all."

Angel stared blankly at her for a second before it struck him. Cordelia – of course. She was going to have a vision. He should have killed that annoying whiner sooner.

"Well then If they're coming, I guess we better step up the pace." Angel turned to Darla, who was more than willing to proceed matters. She held away her shirt and exposed her neck. Her human, pulsating neck. Angel shuddered. It wasn't how he wanted to see his former sire. Well, at least he had the power to make her what she was again.

"Just do it, if she's right," Darla nodded towards Drusilla who was still shaking and rocking herself, "we don't have much time. Besides, we can't be sure that I come back tonight if you don't do it before the sun sets." Angel agreed.

"You're right." He switched into his gameface and moved close to Darla, caressing her bared throat. She moaned softly at this long wanted touch from him and moved her head to the side. Her right hand went to feel his face, the familiar ridges of his demonic features. Her work. And now, when she was weak and less than she should be, he was the one to restore her. It was sickenly poetic.

"Do it." Her voice was no more than a whisper. He moved his head to position and let his fangs penetrate her skin. She didn't even whimper. Even if she was currently human, she obviously remembered the feeling of being bitten by him, and the pain didn't of it… well, she didn't even experience it as pain. For a vampire, biting was a high form of sensual pleasure.

He drained her quickly, and just at the right moment, he stopped and he held her semi-conscious body tightly as he bit his own wrist and put it to her mouth. Without hesitation the dying Darla gripped his arm and drank, letting his blood flow into her mouth, down her throat… she felt her drained body slowly shut down, fading away from the worthless life she had led for a few months, but it didn't matter. When she awoke, she would be her again. She would be _Darla_.

* * *

"I'm tired of waiting."

Xander's words jolted them all out of their half-dazed state which they were currently in. They sat together in the Buffy's living room. Since Angel-or-possibly-Angelus had made his escape they had moved from the Magic Box as they wanted to be somewhere that Angel couldn't enter.

"What…" Buffy cleared her throat. "What do you suggest that we do then, Xander?"

"Well, for starters. Maybe we could stop sitting on our butts like stupid rabbits, waiting for the big bad wolf to come get us." Buffy shook her head.

"We're all tired, we don't need a useless confrontation with Angel."

"What about all the people he might murder in the meantime? You're the slayer Buffy, you should worry about them as well," Xander argued. Buffy shot him a look of hurt and anger. How could he even say that to her?

"_Of course_ I worry about them. My God Xander, I've spent the last five years of my life worrying about the people every single big bad might hurt. The Master, Angel, Spike and Drusilla, The Judge, The Mayor, Faith, Adam, Dracula… Not to mention every single lesser vampire, demon and dark force in there between." She calmed down a little and lowered her voice. "I've lost family, and we've all lost friends. I won't put all of you on the line just to pummel Angel some more."

Xander didn't meet her gaze. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. But we have to confront him sooner or later, right? And I'm thinking rather sooner than later, for all we know he might be gathering world sucking hell demons as we speak!"

Buffy considered his words. She didn't want to imagine Angel, especially if he still had a part of his soul, go straight back in to the evil scheming, but at the same time she knew Xander could be right. He had attacked them to get away, and was clearly out of control. Who knew what he might be doing?

Before anyone had time to say anything else their gazes all turned to Cordelia who suddenly looked queasy, cried out in pain and shot her head back. Xander glared at her.

"Did you suddenly remember that Angel has an invitation to your car, or what?" he said mockingly, for the moment not processing the fact that Cordelia didn't actually even have a car of her own anymore. Wesley looked angrily at him.

"No! She's having a vision." Wesley scooted closer to Cordelia and held her as the vision went on.

"Cordelia, what did you see?" he asked her softly. As soon as she came to again, Cordelia looked at everyone in the room. Buffy, Gunn and Willow looked tired and worried, Xander was slightly embarrassed for the inappropriate snide remark, Giles was obviously about to clean his glasses, and Anya didn't even look at her. Wesley released his hold on her shoulders.

"Angel…" she began. Buffy sat up straight in her chair.

"Angel what?" she asked demandingly.

"Angel, he was in this big, dank house… that would be the mansion. There was gray haired man lying on the floor…he held a blond girl…" She looked at Buffy, her face dead serious. "He was turning her. There was another woman there…" She closed her eyes for a second in hope of getting a better image of her. She opened her eyes in horror when it struck her. "Oh God. Drusilla."

Everyone was dead silent for a moment.

"Drusilla?"

"Who's Drusilla?" Gunn asked, feeling left out. Everyone, with the possible exception for Anya who didn't look like she cared much, seemed to know who this Drusilla was.

"A, uh, a childe of Angel's," Wesley said silently. "Driven completely mad and sired by Angelus in the 1860th." Gunn nodded slowly.

"So they have a history together."

"One might say. However I don't see what business she could possibly be having here…"

"Are you really surprised?" Xander bit off, causing everyone to turn to him. "I mean, we all remember how obsessed Drusilla was with Angel the last time… Or, I mean, when he was bad a few years ago. He is her sire and all."

Buffy nodded. "He's right. It's not that surprising that Drusilla would sense what Angel is going through and come here. Doesn't really matter though. We can't save Drusilla, and I won't spare her this time. She's gonna have to die." She looked at Cordelia. "This blonde. Who is she, do you recognize her?"

Cordelia considered it for a moment. There was something with that woman… there was a vibe, a definite vibe between her and Angel. But she couldn't remember to have ever seen her. Who could she be?

"No… Angel has strong feelings for her though." Instinctively Buffy shot her head up.

"What? How do you know?"

"All in the great vision package. You get the skull crushing headaches, blurry pictures from the PTB and their special – you also feel the people in the vision. Sometimes there's smell to." Buffy furrowed her brow.

"Right. This settles it, we'll have to go after Angel in the mansion as soon as possible. We can't leave this any longer. If he's siring someone, it can't be good."

"You see, I was right," Xander said. "He_ is_ recruiting sucking demons, only not exactly like I said."

* * *

She felt such hunger.

It was stronger than any human hunger or craving. She could hear a heartbeat somewhere in her presence. A heartbeat so faint, yet like a loud drum in her ears.

She cracked her eyes open and sat up as she gasped, sucking in an unnecessary breath. The first breath in her un-life. Well, this time around anyway. It had been nearly 400 years since she felt like this the last time… The power flowing through her, all her senses sharpened, the easy and intoxicating feeling of soullessness.

And the hunger. As a human she had felt hunger, occasionally, but this was nothing like it. This was a bloodthirsty predator inside her that lived for the hunt and the kill.

Her Angelus stood only a few feet away from her. She smiled. She didn't even know _how_ her boy had come back yet. She didn't need to know, she didn't care. Her darling boy… She raised a hand to touch him, but her hand froze in the air.

No… This wasn't HER Angelus. It wasn't the whimpering and souled version either. She could se an unwelcome sparkle in his eyes, but it wasn't nearly as strong as it has been when he'd killed her, that night years ago. Well, she would have to get all of those things straightened out later. The important thing was that she was back, and that he was with her. If he still had a little of his soul in him, well, she could fix that.

"Angelus…" she began tryingly. He smiled at her, willingly accepting her calling him by his old name. His _real _name.

"Darla. Finally awake, hm? Hungry?" He bent down, grabbed the now awake but gagged Holland Manners. He pulled of the gag.

"Angel, please, think about this," the man rambled. "Think about the consequences."

"You'll be dead? Seems like a fine consequence," Angel sneered.

"We-we can negotiate. My position in Wolfram & Hart is a strong one. I'm President of the Special Projects Division, if you just let me go…"

"You'll go back to the little law firm on the prairie and make my unlife an unliving hell?" Angel shook his head. "Some fine convincing you have going there, counselor. Gee, and you call yourself a lawyer."

"Angel, please…"

"Shut up." Without a flinch or a second's doubt Angel hit Holland over the face, splitting his lip. A bruise was going to form over his mouth soon – well, at least it would if he wouldn't be dead by then. Darla smiled broadly at the display of ruthlessness. It had been so long…

"Really tired of these suit clad annoyances," he muttered. "Let's just eat and be on our way," Angel said simply and morphed, as did Darla.

Angel bit down on the left side of Holland's neck, Darla on his right. The old man didn't taste that well, but still, his hot blood gave her nice strength, making the demon surge with new life and power. She could feel the foul memories of her short time as a human wash away with every gulp. She was feeling like her old self again.

The meal didn't last long though, as Holland quickly became limp and stopped breathing. Just moments after that they could hear his pulse fade away as his heart started to beat slower, until it stopped completely. Darla pushed the body away and leaped to her feet. She stretched out and circled Angel.

"Well… that was unsatisfying. Let's go find something better," she purred. Angel went past her. She grabbed him hard and whirled him around. He let her. Her move wasn't playful or gentle – but then again, their relationship never had been.

"But not until you tell me why you seem to have a soul, Angelus," she hissed, looking deeply into his eyes. It was deeply confusing. He looked like her boy, but at the same time there was something in his gaze that made her uncomfortable, something that wasn't right. He couldn't have mellowed after a century with the soul pressing down on him? That thought was even more disturbing; that he might really be his true self, that this was as bad she would get him.

Drusilla circled them both.

"Pss…pss…pss…pss… Naughty red head tried to cage daddy with cotton bars… She should know daddy can't be sealed in."

Darla looked at Angel demandingly. "What is she talking about, Angelus? You better explain this to me, right now." He just glared back at her, impatiently.

"Long story. The gist of it is, I have a little of my soul left, but it'll be gone soon." Darla opened her mouth, as if she was about to say something. "We don't have time for that now. That's all you need to know. I'll give you the long version later."

"Well, it works for me." Darla narrowed her eyes. She wouldn't trust him completely as long as she could smell the reek of a soul on him, but she was a strong vampire, she would be able to hold her own if he tried something.

"That," she indicated Manner's, "left a horrible aftertaste. Let's go out and get something fresh."


	24. THEY LURK

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**CHAPTER 24: THEY LURK**

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Buffy and her gang, one might say Buffy and her small and bruised, but well armed army were walking up to the mansion. Actually, they were sneaking close to the mansion in the very dark bushes surrounding it, because if Angel and his gang were still there, they didn't want to be taken by surprise. Buffy left her friends behind and moved close to one of the mansion's windows, knowing that she could be sneaky better by herself. She couldn't see any light coming out of it. Even if vampires had great night vision they would probably have a fire for light and warmth if they were there.

Buffy couldn't hear any voices and most importantly, she couldn't feel Angel – or Angelus, she didn't know what to call him – nearby. Guess they were too late after all, Angel and Drusilla – and whoever the blond newly made vampire was, had left. She sighed and slowly made her way back.

Before she had gotten all the way back to the gang, she felt a strange but familiar tingle. She stopped dead in her tracks. A vampire. Angel? No… She spun around and grabbed the vampire who was standing nearly hidden behind a bush and pulled him out of his hiding place..

"Don't bruise the leather!" He shrugged her hands off. "Not really nice, Slayer."

"Yes, I feel really bad about manhandling the evil dead," she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Don't be hard on yourself. We all got urges," Spike smirked. Buffy sighed and rolled her eyes.

"What are you doing here anyway, lurking in the bushes?"

"Not lurking, I'm standing about. 'Nother thing entirely." Buffy stared at him.

"Uh-huh. Right, do what you will, I don't have time for this. I have an Angel hunt to attend."

"Mm-hmm." Spike lit a cigarette. "Yeah, where's the git at? I don't feel the magnificent poof around here." Buffy sighed.

"Well, that's what I'm wondering too. I was thinking about going after him, but now when he has Drusilla with him…" Spike looked sharply at her.

"Wait a minute. Dru's with him? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Just did." She stared blankly at him.

"Yeah well, thanks, most appreciated." Spike threw his cigarette butt and walked past Buffy to get out of the bushes.

"Where are you going?"

"To track Dru."

"By yourself? Great, I'll remember to find your dust and dance on it."

"Well, you should come on along then. Leave the Scooby's behind. This is a job for the ones with super powers." Spike didn't give her a chance to say anything else before he continued out of the bushes. Buffy quickly grabbed her stake and followed him.

Spike started to walk up the driveway outside the mansion's main entrance. Suddenly, he stopped and sniffed the air. Buffy didn't have his sense of smell, so she stopped and waited for him to share what he was getting.

"Blood." Spike looked around and saw the black limousine further down the drive way. "Over there."

Buffy quickly spotted the neatly dressed man that was lying on the ground outside the limo. She kneeled beside him and turned him around.

"Vampire." she said quietly. "I guess Angel decided to have himself a snack when this guy drove up here. Well, you never want to get the address wrong when you're driving in Sunnydale."

Spike took a look at the driver's neck.

"That's not Angel's bite." Buffy frowned.

"How'd you know? _Please_ don't tell me that vampire guys measure their fangs instead of…"

"It's too small," he cut off. "This is from a female vampire." He looked at it more closely. "It's Drusilla's bite."

* * *

"100 pretty soldiers, all in a row. A shot sounds out, down to 99. 99 pretty soldiers, all in a row. A shot sounds out, down to 98…"

Angel and Darla were walking a few paces behind the currently more rather than less insane Drusilla. Darla simply shook her head at her insanity, Angel smiled a little. A wave of earlier long buried jealousy washed over Darla. Angelus liked Drusilla's insanity. He had made her that way – she was his work of art. Back in the day she knew she was the only one for him no matter what, as his sire and mate over all the years, but she wasn't as sure now.

A lot had happened since Angel had killed her, including a return of her boy for a half a year or so not long ago – about which she knew very little. Drusilla had told her something about a naughty slayer and happy daddy – connecting that do what the rat Holland Manners had said about perfect happiness breaking Angel's curse made her understand perfectly HOW it had happened.

Evidently the little cheerleader tramp had put up not that long after Angel had killed his own sire to impress her. That it was a roll in the sack with the Slayer that had set the soul of running annoyed Darla. It wasn't like she and him hadn't been at it during their brief time together during the Boxer Rebellion… and that hadn't worked. Then again, her boy had always had a taste for young, innocent virgins. The guy had gotten a taste of something fresh, and suddenly he thought he was touching God, apparently. Disgusting.

She also knew that one of Buffy's friends had recursed him, but everything in-between was pretty blurry. She would ask Angelus about it later though. However, she knew that Drusilla and Angelus had been pretty close that time. What Darla didn't know was that Angelus never had any romantic interest in Drusilla – well, he had never had for anyone actually, not even her – the only reason he'd touched her in '98 was to drive the incapacitated Spike insane.

"94 pretty soldiers, all in a row. A shot sounds out, down to 93."

"What is she doing?" Darla asked Angel, clearly annoyed. Angel chuckled.

"I think she's talking about the mess she and Spike made during the Second World War. The way I heard it, he ate a Nazi, took his coat and got hold of a shotgun. Killed a hundred soldiers, one at a time." Angel considered that for a minute. "Really shows you how immature he is, doesn't it? Any self respecting vampire would use their bare hands, not a toy for feeble humans to kill a hundred men. Then again, we are talking about the same guy that just after that was lured in by the Initiative by going to a 'Free Virgin Blood Party'…"

"About Spike, where is he? Let me guess, this slayer became too much for the reckless boy?" Darla snorted. As soon as Spike first became obsesses with Slayers, she had known that one day, sooner or later, one would be his downfall. The boy was much too cocky to last, so it wouldn't surprise him if Buffy had killed him as soon as he arrived in Sunnydale.

Drusilla stopped and turned to them, something that might even be interpreted as sadness in her eyes. "Spike's gone all away. Metal and wires and imagination have made Spike like a kitty-cat. Meow."

Once again Darla turned to Angel for translation. He smiled at her.

"Yeah, that's a great story actually. The same Initiative that put their hands on him in the 40's got him again last year. They implanted him with this chip, he can't kill or even hurt humans anymore."

"So where is he? Is he alive?"

Angel almost laughed out loud at the thought. "William the Bloody, slayer of slayers, has joined the current one, like a good little puppy. He's alive. If you can call it that."

Darla sighed. "What has become of the men from the Master's line? Do all of you have a weak spot for _Buffy_? She killed the Master and she's got both you and Spike…"

Before she could even finish her sentence, Angel growled and grabbed Darla by the neck, hard. Hard enough to bruise a human. He spun her around and pressed her up against his body, lust wrenching in both of them. Darla tried to shake his hands off, but he held her firmly in place, practically grinding her against him.

"She didn't 'get me'," Angel hissed. "What she did was poison this body, the mind of the soul with human emotions. It's disgusting – and she's gonna pay for it." Darla shrugged as well as she could in her position.  
Her Angelus had feelings for the slayer alright. Not love – that, he wasn't capable of, but he was definitely obsessed with her.

She glanced briefly at Drusilla. She knew what his obsessions usually led to.

"Take it easy. Let's do something fun," she said submissively. Their relationship had always been like that – two willful minds taking turns on being the dominant one. Right now he was in charge, but she didn't plan to let him keep that position forever. Just because he had bossed around Drusilla and Spike alone two years ago, it didn't mean that she was going to let him take the place as some sort of dictator.

They stopped walking. They were standing outside Buffy's house at Revello Drive. Angel knew he couldn't get in, but there had to be something fun he could do outside. Drusilla hissed as she saw a gray cat in the bushes. Angel got an idea.

"I think we need to send the Slayer a message. And, you know, it's been really long since I nailed something small and furry to a wall."

Angel, Darla and Drusilla all shared an evil grin.

* * *

A few minutes later Buffy and Spike arrived back at the gang who were still waiting, hidden in the bushes. Buffy thought that she should feel badly for putting them through all this, dragging them into her mess, but she didn't have the energy to. Everything that was going on was hard enough without her blaming herself for it… she just couldn't bring herself to care.

Things, things that she normally considered important didn't seem as important anymore. Buffy herself didn't know it, but Angelus had done the very same thing to many, many people over the years. Breaking them piece by piece mentally… taking away what was important in their lives… and when they had lost everything, when he had taken ultimate control over the person and stripped away the last of their hope and energy, he would end it. Or not. Drusilla, for instance, a good case in point.

"Bad news," Buffy declared tonelessly. "They're gone."

"How exactly is that bad news?" Xander inquired. Buffy gave him a tired look.

"That's unfortunate, but not surprising I'm afraid," Giles said. "What do you suggest we do now Buffy?" She frowned slightly. Was _he_ asking _her_ what to do now? Was he trying to make her feel important, or was he simply sick of being the one that was supposed to be the authority figure?

"Well," she began, "we were inside the mansion. Looks like Cordelia's vision's already taken place. There's a gray hared man lying in there, killed by two vampires, and there's an abandoned limousine down the driveway. The driver's dead too. Spike says Drusilla's the one that killed him…"

"It IS, slayer. Bloody well know my sire's mark anywhere."

"Yeah, yeah. So we figure either Drusilla arrived with the limo, or she was here and simply grabbed the driver when he came up here. Anyway, there are no signs of Angel, Drusilla or his blond friend, so..."

Spike frowned. "Blonde? You never said anything about a blonde."

"Didn't I? Well, feel free to join in on our guessing competition. Do you have any idea why Angel would want to sire an ordinary blond woman?"

Spike silently shook his head. He didn't know any other blondes that Angel had a thing for except for Buffy. Well, of course there had been another one – but _she_ was long dead.

Still, he couldn't quite let go of the feeling. Something inside the mansion had reminded him of her… not that he'd seen her for a long time, it had been almost a hundred years now, but some things just didn't escape his mind. His great-grandsire was definitely one of those things.

"Right. Look, there's only a few hours left till dawn, I say we patrol on our way home and if nothing comes up, let's call it a night," Buffy said, seeing how the tired group in front of her practically sighed in relief.

Half an hour later, the whole gang – Buffy, Willow, Giles, Xander, Wesley, Gunn, Cordelia, Anya and Lorne, and Spike for some reason – walked up the drive way on Revello Drive.

The last few hours had been calm with no sightings of their foes. Buffy wasn't so sure that was a good sign, however, seeing from the populous point of view. If Angel – and or Angelus – wasn't keeping tabs on her and was not in the mansion, one dreaded to think what he kept him and his snappish girls occupied with.

Buffy was tired. She felt a desperate urge to go back to the days when things were easy, simple and clear. Even last year, which hadn't exactly been her best with the heavy Angel-missage, the Initiative, the robot-demon-human-thingy Adam that was running around and making shish kabobs of people… but compared to this year, it was nothing really.

She had lost so much. She didn't have any idea how she was supposed to go on with her life if this madness ever ended. She didn't see much in the way of a bright future. She was supposed to be able to handle both an ordinary life, with house and bills and cooking and cleaning and some sort of lucrative employment… that, and being the Slayer. No way out of that one. As long as she was alive… she would be the Slayer.

How was she supposed to handle all of that?

In other words, it wasn't just the current Angel situation that made Buffy's steps heavy when she entered the porch. With a heavy sigh she pulled the key out of her pocket and put it in the lock.

"That's funny," she muttered, her voice indicating that it was everything but just that.

"What is?" Giles asked.

"It's open."

When she opened the door, she froze. Nailed to the inside of the door was a small cat, pretty similar looking to the one Tara and Willow had had, or what was left of it, anyway. She caught a quick glimpse of it, no more was needed. She slammed the door. Spike had smelled the blood, but the others hadn't even had time to see why Buffy closed the door again.

"What is it?" Willow asked suspiciously.

"You don't need to see it," Buffy said shortly, pulling her mouth into a thin line. She didn't want Willow to see Angel's handiwork with dead animals a third time. First it had been her fish – pretty harmless in the bigger picture, and then Tara's cat that had been tortured as she died.

Giles motioned for the gang to go in through the kitchen door instead. When they had left, he stayed behind for a second and looked at Buffy for an explanation.

"A cat. Nailed to the door. Guess it's a pity you didn't get to finish that story about the puppy that time," Buffy said bitterly, recalling how she had told Giles to skip the parts that included animal torture, sure that she would never have to see any of those sides of Angelus. "Then again, living it says more than a thousand words I guess. Can you, uh… keep them away from the door while I… take it down?"

Giles nodded in understanding.

"Of course," he said quietly and followed the gang. "Do you want me to.."

"I'll do it." He nodded.

Buffy spent the better part of that early morning cleaning up after the cat. It was very neatly done, Angelus – Angel, whoever he was – had some experience in these sort of things, obviously. While she lay there on her knees, scrubbing the bloodstained door, her anger rouse. This wasn't close to the evil that Angel was capable of or interested in – to him the cat was just a token. He had done this to piss her off, and he had succeeded. It made her even angrier that he probably knew that he had succeeded, sitting there in the mansion, complacent about the night's work.

When the door was clean, as clean as it would ever get anyway, she wrapped the remains of a cat in a back and went out and buried it deeply in a concealed place in the garden, silently hoping that this one wouldn't rise from its grave like the last deceased cat buried in her garden had. _Her_ garden. She swallowed. It wasn't her mother's or even hers, her mothers and Dawn's garden anymore, it was _hers_. She was the only one left.

When she came back the gang was spread out in the kitchen and the living room. Buffy sat down in an empty chair. She was so tired that she felt dazed, but she wasn't sleepy. She knew that she wouldn't be able to rest until she had stopped Angelus.

"So… have you guys slept anything?" she said, mostly to break the silence. She could see just by looking at them that none of them had rested for long.

No one seemed alert enough to answer her, so Gunn spoke up. "Nah. Too wired right now, with everything going on. 'Sides, running around in the night screws up your sleeping." She nodded.

"Yeah." She had some experience in that area.

"Not that I'm not used to it. As the matter of fact, I hunt vampires in L.A, have done for years."

Buffy nodded. She remembered that Cordelia had mentioned something about Gunn's demon fighting gang, but she had never had time to ask him anything about it.

"Really. Why?" Somehow it seemed strange to her that people that didn't have to face the dark forces surrounding them did it willingly. If she hadn't had her innate duty, she knew she would have walked away at first chance. And then there were people… her friends, Gunn and his friends, that did it, just because they wanted to or felt that it was the right thing to do. It didn't exactly make her feel like the most heroic of the bunch.

Gunn shrugged. "'Cause somebody has to. Anyway, that's how I met Angel. My crew noticed him because he was jumping from rooftop to rooftop – we saw him threaten some guy. Real scum of course, but I didn't know that at the time. Next day, we almost staked him and chased him through this booby trapped warehouse, filled with stakes and crossbows… But he pulled through and helped me out later." Gunn smiled at the memory. "He just came in, told the gang of vamps that they didn't wanna mess with Angelus and dusted the leader."

Buffy nodded. "That's Angel. Doesn't matter if you try to kill him… or _do_ kill him actually, he's always loyal to his friends." A beat before she continued. "He called himself Angelus?"

"Yeah, I guess it's more widely known in the vamp worlds. Strikes a lot of fear in the fang gang."

They were silent for a while before Gunn spoke again.

"So how'd you meet him?" Buffy remembered, that night when she was new in Sunnydale. She hadn't exactly treated him well, not then or any of the times in the early days. Later it had made her feel a little guilty. After all, if it hadn't been for the cross he gave her, she might very well have been killed by Luke one of her first nights on active duty.

"I kicked him flat on his back and told him I didn't want him as a friend. Basically." Gunn raised his eyebrows.

"Oh."

Buffy got up from her chair.

"We need to do something."

"I'll say," Spike said from the kitchen. "You don't have a single bag of blood in here. And seems you're out of hot sauce." Buffy ignored him.

"I'm gonna go to the mansion and try to see what's happening there," she decided. Giles shot her a worried glance. He knew she was mentally weakened and physically exhausted, and he didn't want her to go there by herself.

"Don't argue with me – it's daylight, so I won't be in any danger," she said. "I can't just sit here and knit, waiting for the big bad to come get us." Gunn nodded appreciatively. At least he seemed to agree with her. "Will, how is that orb of Thesulah coming?"

"It should be delivered today. More like tonight."

"Good. Today, I do recon. Depending on what I see in the mansion, we go in tonight, full scale attack. We can't allow this to go on any longer. Tonight, he's going down."


	25. ENDGAME

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**CHAPTER 25: ENDGAME**

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"I bet the look on Buffy's face when she found the cat was priceless."

Darla glared at Angelus, weary of his talk about Buffy. Buffy this and Buffy that. Buffy will and Buffy did, and Buffy, Buffy, Buffy... It was worse than she had thought. Much worse than before he had killed her over three and a half years ago. This was a full-fledged obsession, and from what she had learned about Angelus events with Buffy, just recently and two years ago, he was well into his plan to break her completely.

He had killed friends, boyfriends, teachers, her family, tortured her watcher… The girl had nothing left except for one thing – her spirit. She still had hope, but as soon as that was broken, Darla was pretty sure what would happen. After all, she had seen it all before, happening up-close.

A similar completed work was currently whirling around the room with jasmine in her hair, doing the impression of – and sounding like – a bee. One more lap and Darla was ready to send her outside for an encounter with Mr. Sunshine.

"I'm sure it was," she said, "but shouldn't we be doing something more… evil? After all, cats are nothing above vermin. We should be killing humans."

"Bzzzz, bzzzz, bzzzzz," Drusilla hummed. She must have felt Darla's growing irritation, because before she had time to say anything, her wool mind floated away into the kitchen.

"Well. Humans aren't much above vermin either," Angelus commented. She glared at him.

"Right. So why waste time with killing little furry little beast when we can go right to the main attraction?" He chuckled, knowing that it would enrage her.

"What's the matter Darla? Death make you even less patient than before?" She got up from her seat, approaching him. His eyes, gleaming with predatory instinct and lust followed her every step as she grabbed him.

"Yes. You'd do well to keep your sire happy," she said, a light growl in the back of her throat.

"Heheh, I believe I play the part of the sire this time," he mocked, spinning her around and pushing her up against the wall. She moaned under his touch, pressing herself against him. Had he longed for her as she had for him?

"But don't worry," he continued. "I have plans – big plans, and I'm telling you. Things are about to get very interesting."

"And when would that be? 'Cause so far I've seen jack," she shot back, trying to conceal her arousal with anger. She should have known better – he had known her so long that it didn't matter if she tried to hide it to him. He knew her every thought, every desire. He grinned at her.

"Oh, I think the excitement has already begun," he whispered huskily. He may be as turned on as she was, but instead of giving her what she wanted right away he whipped her away, sending her reeling back and falling onto the couch.

"Well, if you know so much about how Buffy works, why don't you tell me how things will progress from here," she panted in frustration. Their games was nothing new, they had been playing them for about a 145 years.

"Mmm. I suppose you think that cat was just a random distraction," Angelus said, pacing towards her. "It wasn't. That cat was acting as a trigger. Right now, she's having one of her big talks with her little gang. I bet you can imagine it. 'Angel is a danger to all of us, we can't wait for him to come get us, we need to curse him again, I'm going after him now'… Yak, yak, yak. That's good. Tonight, she'll bring the fight here, and we'll take her out."

Darla looked at him suspiciously. "So you're really ready to finish this?" Pushing him down next to her she straddled him, eager to rediscover the muscular, yet supple body that had been only one of things that made her choose him as her mate. What that body had done with the Slayer disgusted her – not because he'd had another; that she had seen many times before – but because it was a _Slayer_. At least Spike had only killed them. Of course, Darla was sure he wouldn't have had any scruples against _doing_ a Slayer if he had ever found one that would put up.

"Oh yes," he smirked. "I'm ready to focus my… energy… elsewhere."

* * *

Buffy crept closer to the window, holding tightly onto the tree she was climbing, hoping that the branch would hold up. She had a stake and a crossbow with her just in case, but she honestly didn't think she was in any danger, not in daylight. More or less covered with bushes, she peeked inside. She could see Angel, or was it Angelus... and the blonde woman on the couch – luckily still pretty much dressed, making out. She looked away. Now_ that_ was painful in a whole new way. Angel and another woman.

The bitter feeling of jealousy rose in her, tinged with a bit of anger. Suddenly Buffy could imagine how Angel had felt when he heard about her relationship with Riley. Had he heard about the embarrasing occurence with Parker as well? She found herself hoping that at least it was Angelus in there. If it wasn't, what did that mean?

She concentrated to see the face of the blonde, was it someone she recognized? She had a hard time imagining Angel – Angelus – turning a random woman just to _do_ her. For a moment she looked up. Buffy only had a clear view for a split second, but it was enough. She hadn't seen her in many years, but she would remember that face any time.

Darla.

If she hadn't had her superpowers helping her along, she might very well have fallen out of the tree in sheer shock.

But… how? She was dead, Angel had staked her. There was no going back from that, not from a pile of dust. Still, it was clearly Darla that sat on top of Angel, smooching him... tugging at his belt buckle. Well, it certainly explained why Angel had sired her, and it was another argument for it being Angelus and not Angel in there.

Angel had strong feelings for Darla, even if it wasn't love, and he wouldn't want to damn her as she had damned him so long ago. He would view Darla's resurrection as human as a second chance for her to live her life. Angelus however, would definitely not want to see his sire as a mere human.

Okay, so this complicated matters. Angel and Drusilla were bad enough, now she had to deal with Darla as well? They had been the most dangerous group of vampires in the world in the 19th century, raining destruction over Europe. Buffy smiled to herself. Well, then it was a good thing that she at least had one fourth of said group on her side...

* * *

At sunset, Buffy and her gang marched towards the mansion. She would have liked to go sooner, but they had quite a few things to discuss before they could leave. Spike hadn't been as surprised as Buffy expected at the Darla related news. He said he had smelled her in the mansion before, but he hadn't really thought about it since he thought for sure Darla was dead. Luckily he had decided to cooperate this time. Buffy guessed that Drusilla was a pretty big reason as to why.

No matter why he did it, the important thing was that he would fight on their side. The thought that Spike might betray her and switch sides in the middle of the fight had occurred to Buffy… But what could she do? He was valuable since he knew their opponents well, and besides, if he was going to switch sides, it didn't matter if she didn't let him go with them. He would show up anyway.

Willow and Anya stayed in Buffy's house – the orb still hadn't arrived, but since it was delivered personally and not coming by mail, it could at any point.

Lorne had gone with them to the mansion – he wasn't much of a fighter, so the thought was that he should stay in the background and try to read Angel. Since he had heard him sing more than once before, it shouldn't be a problem to it even if he didn't this time. If he couldn't sense a soul anywhere, he would call Willow who would perform the curse as soon as the orb arrived.

Then they would just have to hope that everything worked out the way it should… At least there shouldn't be any problems with using the original curse this time, as soon as Angel's soul left his body completely it would be loose in the ether, not trapped by any magic like last time.

When they came to the driveway outside the mansion, Buffy stopped. She could feel a slight tingle, so she was pretty sure Angel was inside.

"Spike, can you sense Drusilla?"

A beat before he answered. "Yeah, she's in there, for sure."

"Good. Okay, let's be clear about this. Don't take on Angel, he's mine." Spike glared at her. "Or Drusilla, Spike will handle her. I know all of you are more or less capable fighters, but apart from Spike, none of you have any supernatural powers. We're going up against three very strong vampires. Protect yourselves, that's the number one priority. Never lower your weapons."

"No problem on this end, sugarpie," Lorne commented, holding up his crossbow. "If either of the sable-toothed tigers try anything, I know what to do."

Cordelia looked at Buffy. "So what can we do? Should all of us just go for Darla?"

"Something like that. Remember, do play dirty. We don't really have time for honor here. Throw holy water at them, hit them with crosses…" she looked at Wesley who loaded his large shot gun. Not the weapon she would have imagined him carrying, but hey – as long as he could use it.

"Feel free to shoot them, that's fine. Stake if you can, but Angel is a no-kill as you know. Alright? Let's go."

Buffy was ready to swing the door open. She looked at the gang. They were ready. She opened the door.

It was completely quiet inside the mansion. Buffy knew for sure that at least Angel was there, she could feel his presence very clearly, but obviously he had heard them coming. Angel wasn't much for hiding though… As soon as everyone had stepped inside, the door was slammed shut. Behind it, Drusilla revealed herself.

"Oh… Seven little soldiers, all in a row. What should we do with them, daddy?" Drusilla smiled evilly.

"Well…" They all turned their heads. Angel came strolling into the room. "I can think of one or two thing's I'd like to do to them." He smirked. "Why don't we begin with congratulate their gullible asses to coming here, just as I planned."

"You planned? Your plan? "That's _our_ plan for you, mister," Xander hissed. "Well. I bet it was our plan first."

"Heheh. Anyway, I'm… glad you could come. Got my message, hm? Amazing how much blood and guts fits in such a small being, don't you think?" Buffy felt disgusted thinking back at it, realizing what she had already known; he had _enjoyed_ tearing the helpless animal apart.

"You're a pig, Angelus."

"Oh, Angelus now is it? Well, I do prefer that name. Honey? Do you want to come out and play?"

"Oh yeah…" Darla came out from another room. "This should be fun." Buffy stared at the blonde vampire. So here she was again. Here they all were. Again. Darla was reunited with her descendants, and only one of them stood against her. The odds weren't exactly on the good guy's side.

Everything was very quiet and still for a few moments before all hell broke loose. Or more accurately, before the big fight started. Xander, Giles, Gunn, Cordelia and Wesley moved towards Darla, weapons raised, and Spike motioned Drusilla away from the door, while Lorne backed into a corner where he couldn't be surrounded, gripping his weapon tightly.

Buffy and Angelus focused on each other. Buffy looked into his eyes. There couldn't be anything of Angel left in there, she was sure. She threw a quick glance at Lorne for confirmation. He shook his head. No. No soul in there.

Good. Then she could really let on.

Drusilla hissed and scratched Spike in the face with her sharp nails. Giles held a big cross at Darla who growled as she circled the group. Gunn loaded his crossbow and Xander simply threw a bottle of holy water on her. She hissed at him and kicked him in the stomach, which made him fall to the floor groaning.

When Buffy took her focus off of Angelus for a second to look at Lorne, he hit her in the face so hard that she thought her head would explode. She felt her mouth. The lip was broken and bleeding profusely. She was slightly dizzy from the blow and saw black spots and twinkling stars in front of her left eye – it had been a hard impact. Maybe Lorne had been right about what he said. The struggle between the demon and the soul had made the winning part stronger. Angelus smirked as he realized she was momentarily off focus. He moved to her left where she could hardly see him.

She swung at him, trying to hit him, but he dodged it easily and kicked her in the side. He moved quickly and kicked her in the middle of the chest, making her completely loose her breath for a second. As she gasped desperately for air and Angelus laughed at her, her fury grew. Screw the tiny punches.

Now it was time to dance.

"What's wrong, Buff, hm? Look at you! When push comes to shove… you can't even breathe," he sneered at her.

As soon as she could draw breath again she attacked Angelus with fists of such fury, not giving him the opportunity to shield himself she kicked him and managed to send him crashing into the wall. He didn't even stop smiling.

"Like a little kitty-cat. Meow." Drusilla said. "The metal and the wires and the imagination has taken my Spike all away. His princess misses him."

"Well, you know pet, it was you who left me first, for a bloody chaos demon no less."

Gunn shot Darla in the back with his crossbow. For a moment he thought that he had actually hit the heart, but soon she roared as she pulled out the arrow. Darla hit Giles and he sank to the floor dazed, slipping into unconsciousness. As usual.

Wesley decided that it was time to play unfair. He aimed his shot gun and shot Darla, she was hit in the right leg and it definitely slowed her down. She tried to get to him, but when he quickly moved to her right side, she couldn't turn very fast and he shot her one more time, this time in the stomach.

Of course it wouldn't kill her – but it hurt like hell, which was a good thing. While Darla was down Wesley looked over at Angelus and Buffy. She had the upper hand just minutes ago, but now, he was holding her by the neck and throwing her into the wall, definitely the dominant of the two. They really matched each other well today.

Wesley feared that this time Angel would prove to be the stronger one, especially if what Lorne had said about the demon getting more powerful was correct. He considered shooting Angelus as well, but he didn't get the time to expand on those thoughts as Darla hit him over the head. He fell to the ground. Cordelia and Gunn both attacked Darla and managed to get the weakened vampire to fall over.

"Sorry baby, time to sleep." Spike grabbed Drusilla resolutely and slammed her head into the stone wall, and she slumped to the floor unconscious.

Giles got to his feet, having regained consciousness pretty quickly. He saw Angelus holding Buffy by the throat, she whimpered as she tried to wriggle out of his grip. If Angelus applied more pressure, he would break her neck. There was no time to think about it. Giles grabbed his crossbow, aimed and shot. The arrow hit Angelus in the shoulder, he growled and lost his focus for a second which was enough time for Buffy to twist his arm and get loose. She looked thankfully in Giles' direction before she kicked Angelus in the back of his knees and grabbed the arrow. She pulled it out roughly, Angelus hissed in pain and kicked her away.

"Giles, watch out!" Wesley shouted as Darla who had gotten away again advanced towards him. Giles didn't get the chance to load his crossbow again before Darla kicked it out of his hand with her healthy leg. Giles saw his opportunity in her wounds – he lunged forward, kicked the knee where she was shot, grabbed her and spun her around and because of her injuries he managed to send her to the floor.

"NOW!" he screamed, and Gunn and Cordelia fired their crossbows. Both arrows hit her in the chest. Instinctively she tried to grab them and pull them out, but it was too late. Her wounds had slowed her down too much, and it caused her fall.

"Angel!" she called out before she exploded in a cloud of dust.

Angelus was distracted in his fight against Buffy when he saw his sire – and childe, this time around – die. That gave Buffy an opportunity to kick him hard in the jaw one time.

"What's wrong, you distracted?" Buffy mocked, trying to pay him back for all the times he had derided her. "You know what they say. Easy come, easy go."

Unfortunately for Buffy, Angelus wasn't nearly as thrown by her comments as she was by his. Instead of loosing his edge he used the seconds when she mocked him to estimate his and her next move. When it came, when she kicked out at him, he was prepared. He moved swiftly out of the way, grabbed her leg and pulled it harshly. Buffy didn't even have time to register what was happening. Angelus laughed when he heard the ligament in the knee snap audibly.

"Ahh!" Buffy shouted in pain and surprise when her knee was twisted around. First she heard the sound of something rupturing, tearing apart inside with a disgusting sound, and then the pain washed over her. When her foot connected with the ground again, she thought she would pass out from the pain as the world flickered before her eyes, but the anger and rush of adrenaline kept her on her feet. Barely.

She was off balance though and Angelus took advantage of it by kicking her in the chest and weakened, she fell to her back. Angelus stopped for a minute – he wouldn't have if it hadn't been for Buffy's friends, all armed and with their weapons aimed against him.

He had several crossbows and a shotgun aimed at him, and the owners didn't look like they would be pulling any punches. In fact the only thing they were going to pull if necessary, were their triggers. No, this wasn't the time or place to finish Buffy. He leered at the gang and leaped to the nearest window and disappeared in the night, barely escaping the arrows and weapons that were thrown after him.


	26. HER DESTINY

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**CHAPTER 26: HER DESTINY  
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"How do you think they are doing?" Anya asked Willow. She and Willow sat in the living room, waiting nervously either to hear from the rest of the gang or the guy that was supposed to deliver the orb. Anya had been considering her words carefully. She wasn't sure what was appropriate to say and do – she rarely did when it came to situations of crisis. Just as she hadn't known what to say at Dawn's funeral, or when they first learned that Angel and Angelus were in Sunnydale. Mostly she just joked it away, which was almost what was expected of her, but sometimes the fact that she lacked knowledge in what was considered proper human emotions made her feel left out, like someone that didn't belong.

"I don't know," Willow said, deep in thought. "I just don't know…" She sighed. "I know I should have faith in Buffy's ability to take Angelus out without anyone getting hurt. I do, on some level, but I know what he's capable of. Buffy is so good at all demony things, but Angel is her weak spot."

"Yes, so I've noticed," Anya commented.

"I mean, it's just so… it's always been like that, you know? All the way back to when they first met, even though Buffy wouldn't admit it until much later."

"Angel is large and glowery and very manly. I can see why a girl would get attracted to him," Anya mused. "Of course I have Xander, who is smaller, not at all glowery and less manly, but I like him anyway." She smiled. "He told me that he stood up to Angel more than once when he was evil a few years back."

Willow shrugged. "Well, yeah. I guess he did. He stood up to him mentally once or twice, but still, he only got out of those situations alive because Angel _allowed_ him to. He can take all of us out without breaking a sweat; it's only Buffy who is a match for him at all. I... I just hope the orb arrives soon."

Luckily, just when she'd said that, they heard a distinct knock on the door. Willow practically jolted up from the couch and hurried to the door. Not that she was in much of a hurry, really, but somehow she had a gnawing feeling that Angel should be re-cursed sooner rather than later.

She opened the door. Outside stood a large, gum chewing man with a baseball cap on his head.

"Hi. How ya doin'?"

"Do you have the orb?" she prodded, not wanting to waste any time.

"Take it easy little lady. Yeah, I have the shiny bobble right here."

* * *

Buffy slowly got to her feet. Or it was foot, really. When she touched the ground with her right foot she felt a stabbing pain in her knee and the world flickered dark before her eyes for a few seconds. She did her best to hide it as the others came up to her. 

"Buffy, are you okay?" Giles approached her. He had a worried frown on his face.

"Yeah, I'm okay… I... I just lost my breath," she said, trying not to grit her teeth.

"How is your leg?"

"It's okay… It hurts, but I'm fine. You go home, I need to follow him."

"No, Buffy, you're hurt." She glared at him, angry that he would try to decide her actions for her, even though she knew deep down that he was just concerned about her.

"I'll go with you," Xander offered bravely, even though he knew he wouldn't be much help in a fight. Buffy shook her head.

"No, I'll do this on my own. I may be hurt, but so is he. I got in a few lucky strikes. I'll be fine, I promise. Go home and make sure Willow can perform the spell as soon as possible. Take Drusilla…" she fell silent, glancing around the room. "Where is Spike?"

They all looked at the spot where Spike and Drusilla had been a few minutes earlier.

"So Willie-wanna-bite made with the bolting. Great," Xander muttered.

"I wouldn't worry about that. We've faced them before, and now Spike has his chip. Now go, I'll have to follow him while the trail is still hot."

"Good luck, and for goodness sake – be careful," Giles said.

"You know me," Buffy repeated her words from a few nights back with such indifference, it made chills run down Giles' spine. It almost sounded like she didn't much care how her encounter with Angelus would turn out, which was definitely worrying.

Before he had time to express his concerns she made her way out the front door, struggling not to limp too badly. The pain filled her eyes with tears of pain and frustration. She knew it wasn't such a good idea to go after Angelus with an incapacitating wound, but she didn't have much of a choice. She could only hope that Angelus' wounds were enough to slow him down just as much.

When she came outside, she wasn't sure if she should laugh or cry. He had taken his car, she could see the taillights heading down the hill. Why? Knowing Angelus, he might be hurt so badly that he wanted the advantage of a vehicle – or he might simply know that follow him in his car would tire her wounded body more than if he went by foot. Well, it wasn't much she could do. She had to follow him, especially if he was driving since it meant that he would be able to wreak even more havoc in a short amount of time.

He wasn't driving very quickly – he must want her to follow him. She had to struggle with every step, but taking shortcuts she kept up the pace pretty good.

He let her follow him at a pretty close distance. It was obvious that he was leading her somewhere, but she had no choice but to go with him. She was too slow to catch up with him, and she couldn't turn and go home now.

She saw him stop the car and enter an alley. It was probably a trap, but what could she do? Stand outside and wait, possibly as he found another way out and left? She followed him. As she expected, she couldn't see him anywhere when she entered the alley, but he was there all right.

"Okay. You can come out now, hide and seek really isn't my favourite game," she said, trying to keep her voice steady. She heard a soft thud behind her as he jumped down from the roof. She turned to face him.

"Not my favourite game either. I'm more of a hands on kind of a guy," he said, grinning.

"Really? I would have guessed tag as your favourite game. You definitely have the running away thing down." He moved closer to her.

"Buffy, Buffy. Manners! It's not very mature to insult people like that. If I'd had a soul I might have cared. Lucky I don't."

"You're right. Lucky you don't. She took a step forward, using her wounded leg more than she should. She closed her eyes for a second as pain washed over her. Angelus noticed it.

"This is a nice little standoff we're having here. Mm, I'm feeling the cold. Was this how you and the consolatory beefstick spent your nights?" he sneered, knowing exactly which buttons to push to puss her off.

Buffy lunged forward and attacked him, for a moment forgetting her pain. He managed to catch her fist before she could hit him. He grabbed her shoulder and spun her around. She whimpered, not wanting to think about what the numbing pain meant for her knee – fighting with a snapped ligament couldn't be good, could it? Quickly recovering from the pain she aimed to kick him, when…

"You know, Willow screamed nicely when I killed her," said with a smirk. It was a lie, but it just might throw her off balance. It did. Buffy froze for a second. Could he have? Could he have had time? It certainly was his style, and if he knew that they were about to curse him again…

"You're lying," she said, strained. He chuckled.

"Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not. The important thing is that you think I just might not be." He was right. She let his comments get to her, let herself believe that maybe it was true, and that made her very vulnerable.

When Buffy was still reeling from the mental punch he gave it all and grabbed her, once again twisting her knee as he spun her and threw her into the brick wall.

She was dazed, and he used it to his advantage. She tried to fight him, but his strong arms pinned hers to the wall without much trouble and he pushed her down, forcing her to the ground, and using only one leg, she was too weak to stop him.

She remembered that time in the cemetery when she had the flu and tried to fight him. He had almost managed to bite her that time, but her friends had been there to save her. In her mind, she saw Angelus go limp and fall to the ground as her friends came to her aid and rescued her at the last minute… She saw Giles say that he'd had a bad feeling… saw them help her up and drag Angelus with them back to her house… She saw everything sort itself out for the best.

But no one came. No friends. She was alone.

She did what she could, wriggling and writhing. Pinning her down he had her functioning leg caught under one of his knees, she tried to use the wounded knee but nearly fainted from the pain only when she moved it. She was completely broken, her injured body just wanting her to let go, to slip into unconsciousness, and she had to fight it every second.

Her head still hurt from Angelus' blow earlier, and the vision on the left eye wasn't completely what it should be. Her energy was draining; her arms were throbbing with pain from being held so hard, grinded against the cold ground. When she fought him he lifted her and smacked her back down furiously, whipping her head back against the pavement. She was pretty sure she heard a crack, but it could just be imagination.

She felt the taste of blood in her mouth – had she just bit her tongue, or was she breaking up inside? She wasn't sure. She tried, just as she always had tried… but she knew was loosing… and no one was there for her.

And then she realized...

She really did live in the action of death, the blood cry, the penetrating wound. She existed only for the kill. Absolute… alone. Maybe the Slayer wasn't supposed to walk in this world after all. Didn't belong. Didn't fit in. Only a lonely fighter, doing what she was chosen for until she fell in her duty. Sooner or later… every Slayer had a death wish. And sooner or later… probably sooner, it would be fulfilled. The Slayer had one gift… and it was death.

One moment.

It was one moment that damned her. One perfectly clear moment of pure despair. She had lost so much, been through so many horrors, and now her body was shutting down, preparing for the final blow, the one that would be fatal. In this one moment, she realized that no matter how hard she tried, no matter for how long she fought, how much she suffered and how many she sacrificed on the way… This was the way it _would_ end. Sooner or later. It was her destiny.

And in this moment, when the Slayer had lost all her hope, all her sparkle…

She decided that she didn't mind if it was sooner.

The same moment he felt her surrender, felt her muscles stop flexing desperately for a second as she gave up, he morphed into his demonic features, exposed her neck and sank his fangs into the old scar he once had done himself.

* * *

"Te implor, Doamne, nu ignora aceasta rugaminte. Nici mort, nici de-al fiintei, Te invoc, spirit al trecerii. Reda trupului ce separa omul de animal!"

* * *

Angelus felt a numbing headache as he drained Buffy. The damn bitch must be about to summon the soul, again, and there was nothing he could do about it. Well, at least he could do the ultimate deed before being locked behind Angel again… Boy, was he in for a surprise when he came back. 

She had felt it before, felt him drink her. This was different. He held her so hard, her body pressing against his, drinking deeply. This time he had no intention to stop.

Her whole body was aching, but slowly, for every ounce of blood that was taken from her, the pain lessened. It was comforting, like a warm blanket on a cold day. Death was coming, and when she realized that, she felt such peace, a kind of peace she had never felt before.

When he felt Buffy's heart start to slow down, he stopped drinking. She wasn't even trying to fight him anymore. But when she saw through dazed eyes that he didn't just sit back and watch her die, but that he bit his own wrist… she started to squirm.

He could see the raw fear in her eyes. She had accepted death; in fact, she welcomed it at this point. But dying didn't mean coming back as a vampire, and she didn't want that.

She thrashed her head desperately, trying to get away, her life slipping for every second. If she could just hold on for a few seconds, a few mere moments… She couldn't even feel her legs anymore, didn't realize that her attempts were in vain.Angelus was still pinning her down, and her weakened, dying body had no chance against him. He was stronger than ever and filled with her powerful blood, and she was weaker than she had ever been. But still she fought, to the last breath.

* * *

"Lasa orbita sa fie vasul care-i va transporta, sufletul la el. Utrespur aceastui."

* * *

When he realized that he was loosing precious seconds when Buffy struggled, Angelus stopped playing. He enjoyed her frantic death struggle, enjoyed the way her body convulsed, but he couldn't risk her dying – not yet. 

Gripping firmly around her throat he pressed her head up, back against the brick wall. She struggled. If he pressed any harder he would crush her windpipe.

She couldn't breathe. The world started fading in front of her eyes. She hoped that it was death that came to take her away, but it wasn't, not yet. Her weakened system didn't have the strength to fight the lack of air too – and it caused her to loose consciousness.

It was only for a second, as soon as Angelus released his grip she started coming to again, but it was too late. She could barely see anything, but she felt the taste of blood in her mouth again, she felt it trickle down her throat, and she knew that this time it wasn't her own.

* * *

"Asa sa fie! Asa sa fie! Acum!"

* * *

The pain was numbing, but familiar. After all, this was the fourth time he got his soul back. His body shuddered when he struggled to keep still long enough to be sure Buffy had gotten enough blood. 

This was priceless. The mighty Slayer, killed and turned by the 'love of her life', all while her friends were huddling in the safety of her house, unaware of what was going on, certain that the little heroine could catch the big bad without their help.

Pulling away from her, he laughed as he felt the soul penetrate his mind and body. So it was over, for this time. But considering the payoff, it might just be worth it.

"Until next time, lover," he managed with a sneer before he sank to the ground, the demon beaten back by the conscience.

And as the soul once more was put in control over Angelus' body, Buffy's straining heart finally gave up the hopeless struggle to keep her body alive. She closed her eyes... and drifted away.

* * *

"Is that it? Did it work?" Xander asked, trying to conceal his nervousness. "Is he all soul-disguised again?" 

Willow swallowed, taking a few deep breaths to gather herself. Everything had worked out like it should this time, the soul had been summoned and the orb of Thesulah had transferred it. It should be alright. Everything should be alright.

"It worked," she said. "I felt the force go through me."

"So Angel's back then," Cordelia said hopefully.

"Hopefully for a bit longer this time," Xander commented dryly.

"As if he could help that the other spell-thingy didn't hold up," Cordelia shot back protectively. "_He_'s not the one to blame for this."

"No?" Xander stared at her.

"No!"

"Alright, alright, let's... keep our calm," Wesley suggested, holding up a hand. "Bickering won't help. To the best of our knowledge Angel is back, so let's focus on that."

"Fine by me as long as you take the boss with you and leave ASAP," Xander muttered.

Wesley gave him a silent look. Xander's words might sound captious, and to some extent they probably were, but deep down Wesley could see that he held a great concern for the people that were close to him. Even if his old jealousy of Angel evidently held some of the reason to why the boy was so eager to get him away from _his_ town and _his_ friends, he was truly worried for their safety. A bit ironic considering the town they lived in.

"I'm sure everything is fine," Giles said, hoping that he was right. "Buffy and, ah, Angel... they should be here soon."

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A/N: So much destruction. Delightful, isn't it? Is all lost? Just wait and see, I will be right back with the next chapter. _  



	27. HARVESTER OF SORROW

_A/N: Thank you for the reviews. Again. I like reviews, you know. Marcus Lazarus, well, as long as you don't kill me, I'm cool with it. :-) 'Cause you know, if you do, it'll be kinda hard to post new chapters... _

_ Come with me now, if you will, gentle readers. Join me on a new voyage of the mind. A little tale I like to call: chapter 27_**

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**CHAPTER 27: HARVESTER OF SORROW**

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He just wanted to cease existing.

He had done some suffering in his time. A lot. He deserved it, and he knew that he deserved it. But this… it was beyond suffering. His mind hadn't even gotten to the pain yet. He sat there, with her limp, light body in his arms, and he knew that she was dead and that he was the cause of it… but his mind didn't even connect. He was in shock, of course. It was funny really. The murderer in shock, as if it was a surprise to him, after 247 years, that draining a person would kill them.

She should have killed him. WHY hadn't she killed him? Why had she put it on him to be the one to go on with the knowledge that he had killed her? She had always been the one to talk about strength, how strength meant going on, enduring the day, continuing the fight. And yet _he_ was the one going on, while _she_ had given up. His emotions turned to anger for a moment, before he regretted it.

She had given up. He had felt it. If she had gathered all her strength, if she had felt as if she had something important to fight for, she could have made it the last few minutes until he got his soul back. But she didn't. She had stopped fighthing, because she didn't care if she lived or died anymore. Right now he didn't care if he lived or died either. Death would be comforting. It would release him from… everything. It would be nice.

He glanced at Buffy's stake which lay on the ground a few feet away. He would just have to stretch out… he could reach it without even moving Buffy from his lap. It would be so easy. He reached for the stake and grabbed it. Held it in his hand, felt the weight of the massive wood carefully, idly testing the sharpness against his finger. It was a good stake, sure to do its job without any fuss. It might just be the one Buffy called Mr. Pointy.

No._ Used_ to call Mr. Pointy.

Of course, before he could do that, he would have to destroy Buffy. If he didn't, she would arise a soulless monster in a day, and he couldn't leave her friends alone dealing with that horror. And how would he be able to bring himself to kill her _again _before he took himself out?

Was he even worth death? No. Where would he go if he died? If there was a heaven and hell, he certainty wasn't going to the former, and when it came to hell dimensions, he had already lived through one of those for a hundred years. It was pain and suffering, yes, but not the right kind. No. What he deserved, the pain he deserved, was staying right where he was. Dealing with every moment of the excruciating pain he felt right now. He deserved to suffer for eternity – literally.

He put the stake back on the ground. He wanted to use it. He wanted to be a coward and escape the pain… it was just too hard. But he couldn't.

What he was going to have to do now was face yet another stage of pain and shame. He would bring Buffy back to her friends. Well, the friends she had left anyway. Then again, maybe he wouldn't even have time to be ashamed. There was a chance, a big chance that they would turn into an angry mob and kill him horribly as soon as they understood what had happened. Angel smiled bitterly. After everything Buffy had been through, everything that she had sacrificed to bring him back… No, he couldn't give up. And even if it felt eerily comforting, he couldn't let them kill him. He didn't deserve to give up, not on himself and not on her.

Ever so gently he moved her broken and bloody body from his lap – she was so light – lifted her and slowly got up. His body was aching, but he knew that whatever wounds he had would be gone within a few hours. _Her _blood was in his system, and it would heal his body instantly. His body. But not his mind.

He wrapped her small body in a blanket and put her in the backseat of his car. She just lay there. The blanket covered the wound on her throat, but it was still clearly visible that her body had been severely damaged. She was so pale… and bleeding. Angel wasn't sure how much had been damaged except for her leg, but she wasn't in good condition. Not at all.

Of course she wasn't. She was _dead_. And when she awoke again, any wounds retained from her mortal life wouldn't matter. Once the demon came to life, her body would heal up quickly.

He sat down in the driver's seat, stopping himself for a second before he started the engine. Should he put the top up? Why was he asking himself such stupid questions in a situation like this?

He put the top up. He started the engine and silently wondered about the odds of him getting involved in a serious car accident that would explode the car and end all his problems before he arrived at Buffy's house.

The streets were emptier than ever. The ride to Buffy's house were quicker than ever. He tried to drag it out but realized he would have to speed up when a stray dog outran the car without any trouble.

He even considered leaving town, just take off. One way or another he would deal with the horror that would rise in a day alone. It would be difficult, maybe impossible, but it might just be better than facing all of her friends. His friends. Did they even consider him a friend anymore?

If he left, no one would ever know what happened. Frustrating and painful in itself, but was it worse than actually knowing what had happened? Knowing what had happened to Buffy… what he had done to Buffy. There was nothing more that could be done for her.

Or wasn't there? What if… there was something that could be done for her? A small idea appeared in Angel's mind. It was farfetched and ridiculous and probably impossible, not to say fatal for him, but it didn't matter. When his battered mind found something to focus on, it didn't matter how small the hope was. If there was a chance in the world that it could be done, he would do it, and gladly give up his own life in the process.

Of course, that meant he would have to go back to the gang and not cut himself off. This plan couldn't be set in motion without a little help.

Without another thought he continued to Revello Drive. Holding down the gas pedal was physically hard. He couldn't begin to imagine how they would react. Well, actually, he could. He had seen people in grief so many, many times. Almost every time when he hadn't killed an entire family at once, he had stayed around to await the reaction of the closest relatives. He had known all about anguish and mental suffering long before he got a soul and experienced it himself. But still… it was hard to imagine those emotions on the people he knew. He had seen a few of them in grief before. Giles. Willow. But this… it would be different.

He considered parking a bit further down the street, far enough away for the car not to be seen from the house, but he realized it could be interpreted the wrong way. Why would he want to sneak up on them? Besides… top up or not, he didn't want to leave Buffy too far away. And he certainly couldn't bring her… her body to the house. Not now.

As soon as he got out of the car he could see most of the gang standing at the living room window, observing him. The room had been blacked out – they didn't want to be discovered, but they didn't fool him. He could see their shades move back and forth, hear their heartbeats speed up as they saw him. He could hear their voices, higher pitched than usual. They were nervous. Well, when he was around, maybe they should be.

"Does he look evil?" he heard Anya's voice. As a reply he could only hear muffled voices.

"Where is Buffy?" Xander's voice. He was concerned for her as usual. "Do you see her?"

"My god, do you think that she… that he…" Angel shook his head, trying to get his peeked senses off the conversation inside. He didn't want to hear it. He didn't need to hear it. He knew them, and he knew their love for the girl he had just murdered. He already knew what they felt.

As soon as he stepped onto the porch the door opened. Angel seriously considered turning and walking away before he slowly raised his head to look up at Giles, standing in front of the rest of the gang. He eyed the vampire before him carefully, suspiciously even. Angel understood. They didn't trust that he had his soul again. More accurately, they couldn't afford to simply assume it.

Giles look held something beyond grave suspicion and somberness. It was just a little vulnerable gleam in his eyes that told Angel that somewhere, deep down, perhaps so deep down that he wasn't even thinking about it himself yet… he knew. His subconscious had already realized that when Buffy left and went after him, she was leaving for her final fight. Angel swallowed. Maybe Buffy had known it too.

"I'd say it's all right," Giles said finally. He looked at Angel. The vampire looked… devastated. He was bloodied, even though it didn't look like he was seriously wounded, tired and just as deeply ashamed as he used to when he had his soul. No, he realized. Worse.

Lorne stepped forward.

"Oh yeah, the aura is totally changed. Welcome back, Angelwings." Angel looked away. He was afraid that looking the psychic demon in the eyes would reveal to him the obvious. His whole body screamed with the shame, then his aura must as well.

"Hello Angel," Giles said flatly. "I'm afraid we can't let you in since only Buffy has the authority to invite you." Angel swallowed. Somewhere he could hear the fear and doubt in Giles' voice, the fear of the fact that Angel's invitation to the Summers residence might not be an issue anymore.

Angel nodded. "Could you, maybe… uh, step outside?"

Angel noticed that Xander was watching him carefully as he stepped outside. He made no effort to hide the stake he held in his hand.

"So where is she?" Xander asked, looking demandingly at Angel who didn't meet his gaze. He could feel everyone staring at him, their gazes burning like crosses on him. They all feared it. On some level, maybe they already knew it, what he had done. Why wouldn't Buffy be with him otherwise?

How would they react? Would Xander lunge at him with his stake in blind fury, and if he did, would anyone lift a finger to stop him? Angel himself wasn't completely sure that he would.

How was he supposed to utter the words? It was too hard. Maybe he should have just brought the body.

No. No, that was the innate coward talking. He had to suppress him now.

"She's… um. I mean, it was too late. I…" Angel stopped himself. "There was nothing I could do when… when the curse worked." They stared at, no one knowing what to say. Even if he hadn't technically said it, said she was dead, everyone understood perfectly.

"When the curse started to kick in…"

"You killed her."

So he didn't need to actually say the words. Xander had done it for him. He looked up. What he saw in Xander's eyes wasn't quite the raw hatred and anger he had expected. Xander thoroughly wished that he was wrong. Angel wished it too.

But he really wasn't.

"It's worse." He heard himself say the words, even though he almost wasn't even aware that he had actually uttered them. He knew this was the point where horrible just turned to beyond the imagination of horrible. But he had to lay it all out to them. Especially if he wanted to work his plan. Time was running short.

"Worse? How could it possibly get _worse_?" Xander said with heat, his voice unsteady.

Angel silently counted the seconds it would take for it to dawn on him. On all of them.

Three...

Two...

One.

"Oh no. NO, you didn't!" Angel looked at them. No one knew how to react. Everyone handled their grief in their own way, or would if they weren't so shocked, and trapped in each other's midst. Grief is something very personal, something that makes a person very vulnerable. And right now no one felt like giving enough of themselves to mourn openly.

Giles had turned so pale. His eyes were empty, his hands hung slack against his sides. No one could understand what was going on in his mind at the moment. This was the father coming to terms with loosing his daughter – or as close to it as one could ever get. At the same time, it was the Watcher that got the message that he knew, had always known subconsciously would happen. Sooner or later. He was _destined_ to get that message, just as the Slayer was destined to die in her line of duty.

Somehow he managed to keep his voice steady when he spoke, despite his heartbreak, and despite the hatred and disgust he felt for the vampire before him.

"What did you do to her? Where is she?"

"In the car," he said so silently that it was hard for human ears to even hear him.

Giles held it together. Even though his conflicted mind was anything but calm – he wanted to scream, weep, beat Angel to death... but he had to keep it together for her. If this had happened, there was another horrifying event that awaited them, if Angel hadn't already taken care of that. That was to ensure that the demonic creation made from Buffy's body and Angelus evil never manifested. That she never rose in the first place. Because THAT… it was something he didn't even want to begin to imagine.

"You have not stopped her from rising?" His voice was cold. Dead cold.

"No." Angel raised his gaze and looked at the group before him warily. "I didn't. If there is a way… any way to save her, I'm gonna try that first." A beat of silence. "I _have to_ try that first." Giles silently shook his head. What was he saying?

"Couldn't you just give her a soul too?" Anya asked unusually silently. "You two could be like the eternal 'vampire vampire slayers'". It sounded like a joke, but she was dead serious. Angel shook his head.

"I don't know how that could be. My curse… it's written for me, and I don't know if it's possible to alter it for someone else. Besides, I'm not thinking about just giving her back just her soul… I want to give her back her life."

"I don't find that suggestion particularly amusing," Giles said, angry that he even presented it as an option, still not comprehending that he was actually discussing with Angel how to treat Buffy's dead body, because that was what it was in the harsh reality.

Buffy as they knew her was dead, her body just a host for a conscienceless demon. It was one of the first things he had ever learned as a watcher. When a person is turned vampire, there is no going back. There is only one humane thing to do.

"There's no record of vampirism ever being cured, or… reversed."

"Actually, it has happened once." Angel said and raised his gaze to look directly at Giles. "There is a cure."

There was a beat of utter silence before anyone said anything. Giles stared at Angel as if he was insane. Maybe he had heard wrong. Finally Cordelia understood what he was hinting at.

"Oh. Oh yeah!"

"Oh what?" Xander asked. "How do _you_ know? Did he chow down on you during another relapse, maybe?" Xander hadn't said anything for the last few minutes. He was too busy trying to avoid regurgitation. Just the thought of Angel turning Buffy… drinking from her… forcing his dying friend to drink from him… damning her forever. He couldn't think of a word strong enough to express what he felt for the vampire in front of him. The only thing keeping him check was the mental image of him offering Angel not so sweet pain and death.

Angel looked at Xander with hurt and anger, but he didn't comment his words. Xander had all right to be angry. He, on the other hand had no right whatsoever to be offended by their emotions.

"There is a type of demon, the Mohra demon, which can turn a vampire back into mortals if you mix their blood," he said slowly, knowing that the revelation inevitably would lead him into explaining how he knew that… which meant stirring up the memories of the day… that day – the Day that never happened, during Thanksgiving last year.

"How do you know that Angel? Many demons exaggerate their powers, and even if it does work we don't know the side affects…" Giles began.

"Like I said, it's happened once," Angel interrupted harshly, immediately regretting his tone. "I know that it works… because it has happened to me."

Everyone was very quiet.

Very, very quiet and staring at him like he had gone insane. Maybe that shaman had extracted something more than the soul, because none of what he said to them made any sense. Not at all. Cordelia was the only one who knew perfectly well what he was talking about.

"I guess you remember last year, around Thanksgiving, when Buffy came to see me in L.A.," he began. "We fought a demon…"

"Oh yeah," Willow remembered, speaking for the first time, pushing back the tears that filled her eyes as soon as she opened her mouth. She bit her tongue, trying to keep her emotions in check. This wasn't the time for a tearful outburst. "Buffy told me, but you two didn't fight it, Buffy said you smacked it with something and it disappeared."

"No… not the first time."

"First time?"

"The first time, the Mohra escaped from my office. We tracked it down, and I killed it, but not before some of its blood mixed with mine, and… it made me human." He smiled faintly at the memory for a second before his expression darkened again as he remembered what had happened and how it had ended.

"Buffy and I were together a whole day and night, but the Mohra demon regenerated itself, bigger and stronger. Because I was human, it almost killed me when I tried to fight it. Buffy saved me. After that, I went to the Oracles…"

"Oracles? I've read about them. A, uh, a sort of… spiritual guides, yes? They don't live in our plane of existence." Giles said, still not sure was Angel was hinting at. He knew that the Oracles weren't beings known for their desire to help mankind with their petty wants and needs. If that was Angel's plan… Why would they help bring Buffy back?

"Right. They told me that the slayer would die if I stayed human. They didn't say what would happen to her if I didn't…" He swallowed painfully. "Guess they found it amusing to leave that part out. So I asked them to turn me back. They swallowed the day… and only I remember it." That decision seemed so worthless right now. So stupid. Of course, no one knew what would have happened if they had continued from that day, but he couldn't imagine it turning out worse than this reality.

"But why?" Xander was the first one to ask. "You had the chance to be not with the Dead Boy of it anymore, and be with Buffy without the risk of becoming psycho killer vamp again. Why did you change back?"

"Because I wanted to save her… I couldn't let her die. I gave my life back for hers." He was silent for a moment.

"Or so I thought," he whispered.

"This is much… unexpected news." Giles said finally. He wasn't sure what to say, and he didn't exactly like it since they knew practically nothing about the demon… but if there was a way, any way, to bring Buffy back to life… he was as willing as Angel to try.

"A bit… shocking… for all of us. I presume you understand that." Angel simply nodded. What was he supposed to say, that he didn't understand that they were shocked? During the time span of a few minutes he had told them that Buffy had been turned, that he wanted to make her human again and the means he was going to use was a kind of demon that had turned _him_ human once.

It wasn't strange that they were shocked. He was surprised no one had gone completely cuckoo's nest yet.

"We researched it that day… and found an entrance about it in a book; it said that the veins of a Mohra runs with the blood of eternity."

"This book, do you still have it?" A very small, very faint hope had appeared in Giles' mind. What if there really was a way to bring her back…

"No… No, it was one of the volumes that were destroyed when my offices blew up a few months ago."

"That's too bad. I think it would be in order to know more about this demon's origin and abilities."

"All I know is that it has the power to regenerate itself unless you kill it by 'bringing darkness to a thousand eyes', which means smash the jewel it has in its forehead. It's very strong and needs a lot of salt to live."

"I've heard about Mohra demons," Lorne cut in. "I've only met one, that was last year… come to think of it, it was in November, so it was probably the one you killed. I read it, and what I do know is that it doesn't live around L.A. at all. It wants someplace with more salt water. They live in big packs and are very hard to kill when they're together. To be honest, I don't see how you'll be able to kill just the one and collect its blood without being made mincemeat by one of the others first."

Angel glared at him, clearly annoyed. "Well, I'll just have to find a way, won't I?" He knew where the bad temper came from. From the same thing that had healed his wounds in no time at all, that made him feel almost as high as the time he was on drugs… Buffy's blood. Slayer's blood was a very potent substance. And his demon wasn't exactly easier to smother when he was on it.

"Just wait for a moment," Wesley interrupted. "Why don't we try to research this demon first and worry about killing it later. First off, what do we do with Buffy?" A little bit of his old, distant Watcher mentality shone through when he asked the question that no one wanted to utter. They would have to do something to her, they all knew it. She couldn't stay in the car for however long it would take them to find something…

_If_ they found something.

Angel looked towards his car. "She won't rise until tomorrow night," he said very quietly. Wesley nodded. He wasn't going to question whether Angel was sure of that.

"Then we have some time to make appropriate accommodations." he declared. "When Buffy rises, she will be as vicious as any vampire. We should have to make sure that she won't get the chance to hurt anyone."

* * *

Spike spun Drusilla around, kissing her softly. She tasted just like he remembered. How would he ever forget the scent of his sire? His sire, his salvation… his destiny. 

Or at least so he had thought, once upon a time.

She had woken up quickly – he hadn't slammed her head very hard. He just needed her to be quiet when he took her away from the mansion. She was looking at him, smiling at him. Oh, how he remembered how it felt to be hers. He felt whole again.

No, actually, he didn't. Nothing felt like it used to. In fact, it all felt horribly wrong. He had his chip. He could never be what he had been with that piece of dynamite in his head. Still, in her presence, he felt forced to try.

"Now we can be together, my beautiful," he said, wishing that his words were true, deep down knowing that she knew he was lying to himself and her. She stroke his cheek with her pale, thin hand, cold fingers running over his cheekbone, sharp nails scratching the white skin just a little bit.

"No, no," she said soothingly. "Can't. No…. you're not the one. When he is ready. _He_ is the one. My sweet Spike… sons and daddies. Daddies and sons… have to keep all that apart, or chaos will take the world… take it, and bleed it, my pretty William."

"Sons and daddies? Yeah, that's nice. Main course _and_ dessert," Spike smirked, uncertain what Drusilla was going on about.

"Ooh, no…" she smiled. "Destruction, and oh, so much of it… Can't stand in the way. And you don't belong in this puzzling puzzle." Spike blinked. Maybe he was out of training in Dru-lingo, because he didn't understand much of what she said.

"Right. Out of the way. But I can be out of the way with you, pet."

"No, no, no…" she whirled around, smiling. "Pretty puzzle, falling to place. Can't be in the way. Can't interfere. Must watch out for the mighty blonde. She will fit. She will play her part. I will play my part… and he will play his. But you don't belong. Not for long, not for long…" Spike frowned.

"Mighty blonde? Darla's dead, remember? Again. Bird's got a thing about wooden things through the pump, suppose. What could you possibly mean with mighty blo…" He cut himself off. There was another possibility, only one that he could think of. And if _that_ had happened…

He walked up to Drusilla, gripping her shoulders, shaking her slightly. His hard grip hurt her, but she didn't mind. She liked it. She moaned playfully under his touch.

"Hurt me again," she gasped, pressing herself against him. But just as she had expected, he backed up a step. He wasn't hers anymore. His move wasn't a conscious one, but he knew, just like she knew, that he wasn't hers anymore.

"Tell me," he said harshly. "What do you know? Did you have a vision? Is she…" Drusilla smiled, shaking her head sadly.

"Your head… still so filled with her, my pretty William." She lowered her voice, practically whispering. "You'll see."

And with that she pulled away from his grip and slipped into the shadows gracefully, leaving Spike to his own destiny yet another time.


	28. SPIRITUAL STRUGGLE

_ A/N: Feels like I've said this before, but thank you, and keep the reviews coming! Especially thanks to MysticWolf1. Look, someone said I'm a very talented writer! Especially nice to hear, this being my first fic and all. _

_Okay. I'm good now. Let's move on with the next chapter, shall we._**

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**CHAPTER 28: SPIRITUAL STRUGGLE**

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Later that day, Angel was sitting in Buffy's dark room. She was lying on her bed. He had put a blanket over her that covered the wound on her neck. A clean blanket, smelling of detergent instead of blood. He had cleaned her, wiping the blood away from her face and hands. Removed that of her clothing which was bloody and ruined. And despite everything, she looked beautiful as always.

If he ignored the fact that she was very pale and didn't breathe, she could as well be asleep, he thought. She wasn't, though… Right now she was a dead body, but tonight a vicious demon, spawned by him, would come to life and rise in her body… a demon that would gladly wreak havoc for eternity, desecrating Buffy's memory, unless they did something about it.

Gunn, Cordelia and Xander were in the basement, building a cage to put Buffy in when she woke up. Willow, Anya, Wesley, Giles and Lorne were downstairs in the living room, rummaging through all reference material they had – Giles had collected several books from his home and the Magic Box that might be of help. Angel knew he should help either them of the cage building gang, but he felt as if he was in the way. They all became very tense as soon as he stepped into the room. No, for now he was best off hiding in a dark room. Sitting there and brooding… it was where he belonged.

His head snapped up when he heard a faint knock on the door.

"Angel?" Wesley's voice. "Angel, I think you should come down." Angel sighed and gave Buffy a last look before he left her side to open the door. He didn't feel like talking to anyone, but at least Wesley was the best one to have conversation with. He held something of a professional distance to what was going on. It might seem cold, but considering how dangerously close Angel was to drowning in his own emotions, he needed that. Besides, Wesley, apart from Buffy's friends, didn't look like he wanted to come at him with a sharp object as soon as he looked upon him.

"What is it, Wesley?" he said tiredly, looking at the man in front of him. He made sure to stand in the way so that Buffy couldn't be seen from the door. He wanted to protect her. He wasn't sure if he just didn't want them to see her body if it wasn't necessary, or if it was his demon, instinctively watching over his soon-to-be childe.

"News. Just… come down, please."

Reluctantly Angel followed Wesley downstairs. He avoided the streams of sunlight from the window as he remained standing in the far corner, close to the door, feeling like an animal trapped in a cage. They had all gathered in the living room. Giles looked at him uncomfortably. Well, he wasn't the only one. Angel wasn't more comfortably being there.

"Angel," he acknowledged. "We have both good and bad news as it seems," he continued, cutting right to the point.

"Let's start with the bad ones… I'm afraid the Mohra demon won't help Buffy in the state she is in, or will be when she… when she rises. The demon turns a vampire back to mortal through regenerating it just as it regenerates itself, but it has nothing to do with souls. You were turned human because you already had your soul, but if we tried it on Buffy… she would be a mortal creature without a soul, as far as we can decipher. A shell." Angel looked down. Was all lost?

"However," Giles continued. "We have found very interesting news about your curse. It is made only for you all right, but the gypsies also made an amulet, a sort of… medallion, fittingly enough called 'the amulet of Thesulah'. If you put it around the neck of a vampire and perform the curse close to it, the curse is supposed work on it. I'm afraid it's exactly the same curse that has given you your soul back, including the clause, but it's a start."

Angel furrowed his brow. "It doesn't make sense. What do you know about this amulet?"

"There is only one," Wesley cut in. "It was originally made to give the soul back to an elder of the Kalderash clan… according to the book, you turned one of their leaders, and they planned to re-ensoul him so that he could help them in the fight against… well, you, Darla, Drusilla and Spike before they killed him. It didn't work though, he became too much of a danger and they couldn't control him, so they had to kill him before they ever had time to try the curse."

"Right." Angel said silently. "Their leader. I remember him." They were all silent for a moment.

"That means that the amulet should still exist, but we have no idea where. It's possible that the Kalderash clan still has it…" Giles trailed off. Angel gave him a look.

"And how are we supposed to find any of them? I'm not even sure how much of their clan is left today. I – I mean, they were wiped out after I got my soul back. Spike and Darla made sure of that."

"Well, at least we're sure they did still exist a few years ago, wouldn't you agree?" Giles said bitterly, his voice tinged with old but never completely buried anger and hatred. Angel looked away.

"Yeah," he agreed silently. "But as far as we know, no one from their clan is residing in the country… anymore. Which means we would have to go to Romania, and I have no idea where they might be nowadays. Besides, even if we find them and they have the amulet. Why would they give it up? To _me_?"

"He's right," Xander spoke up. "There are a lot of ifs here. We don't like ifs."

"So of course it's a good idea in theory," Angel continued, "but I don't se how it would… Oh, God."

"What?"

"What does the amulet look like?"

Willow held up a book with a picture of it. "Like this. Sort of crystal-y, almost like a big diamond, only it's not. It's the same material as the orbs, in other words pretty fragile, so unfortunately I guess there's a big chance that it has been destroyed some time over the last 100 years."

"No, no, it's not destroyed," Angel said smiling. "I have it."

"What?"

"That gypsy man in 98… I saw a piece of jewelry in his room."

"You mean the man you murdered and splashed over the wall," Xander pointed out. Angel stared at him.

"Xander, let him continue," Giles scolded.

"I don't know why I took it, but I did," Angel said. "Maybe I planned to give it to Drusilla, I honestly don't remember. It looks exactly like the amulet in the book."

"So, where is it now?" Giles said expectantly.

"In L.A., at the hotel."

"That's great news," Wesley said, smiling a little. "If one of us leave for Los Angeles now, perhaps we could even perform the curse tonight. Provided that it is the right amulet, of course."

"Good." Angel nodded. "Anyone volunteering? I mean, I would, but…" he made a gesture towards the window. Yes, there was the matter of the sun. And more importantly, he had no intention of leaving Buffy for so long, even though she technically wouldn't know whether he was at her side or not.

"I'll go." Cordelia got up from her seat. As Angel gave her a look, Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Don't worry, I won't rummage through your things more than necessary. Don't forget I helped you pack when we left the burnt out office. The amulet should be in one of the jewelry or miscellaneous boxes."

Angel nodded. Cordelia gave him a look. "What is it that I hear? 'Thank you Cordelia for packing so wisely and marking all the boxes so that this won't take forever'?"

"Good. And… thank you." Cordelia smiled.

"Don't mention it."

* * *

And they waited. And waited. And when they were sick and tired of it… they waited a little more. Angel wasn't sure what to do with himself. While the others kept busy and carefully stayed out of his way, he stalked back and forth between Buffy's room and the living room downstairs. 

It had been three hours since Cordelia left and she hadn't called in yet. Angel estimated that the trip to L.A. would take her about 1,5 hours in his car, if she really pushed the speed limits, so she should be there. The question was whether she was still looking or already heading back.

When dusk came, he moved Buffy to the cage. It pained him deeply, but it was the only way to be safe. He wasn't sure when she would rise, and if it happened before Cordelia came back, they couldn't risk her hurting anyone. Couldn't risk anyone seeing her demonic self at all, in fact. Angel ordered them out of the way when me moved her and specifically told them not to go into the basement. He realized that they would probably have to see her when they performed the curse… but he wanted to keep her from them for as long as possible.

Angel put a blanket over her, leaving only her head visible. He slipped a pillow under her neck. It was ridiculous, really. She was a body – she couldn't be uncomfortable. But still... He locked the cage, just in case, and forced himself to walk away. His phone was still upstairs, and he had to be there if Cordelia called.

He had hoped not to meet anyone – he was pretty sure they were all in the living room, but it failed as soon as he stepped out of the basement. The smell of cigarette smoke caught his attention and he followed its trail into the kitchen.

"Spike."

The bleached vampire turned his head to look at his grandsire. He looked strangely worn and tired, but was sure to wipe the expression off his face as soon as he saw Angel.

"What are you doing here?" Angel hissed. "Shouldn't you be off somewhere groveling before Drusilla?"

"Don't get your knickers in a twist, cutie," he sneered, flicking the cigarette butt into the sink. "Dru left." Angel moved closer to him slowly, not sure what to do.

"She was going on about some mighty blonde coming, and then she took off. Thought she was talking about Darla at first... till I came hear and heard about…" he trailed off, almost looking sad for a moment there, before he cheered up as usual.

"I'll be damned. Honestly didn't think you'd do it, gotta give you that. Guess ol' Angelus finally learned from his mistakes – just do the damage, don't stop and gloat for too long."

"I guess so." Angel sat down opposite Spike. It was strange to meet someone that didn't react with shock and disgust. Of course, Spike had a whole different perspective. He was a vampire, had been for a very long time, and he liked it. He didn't view Buffy's turning as a death, but as a transformation. Maybe even ascension, Angel thought.

"Also heard you're trying to bring her back. Just wanted to say… best of luck." Angel gave him a look.

Spike realized that he almost had sounded nice, which was something that had to be nipped in the bud. "'Course, I honestly hope you'll fail and Buffy'll agree to become my new eternal bride, but hey…"

Angel just glared at him.

"A fella can hope, eh?"

"You being a pain in my ass is just genetic, isn't it," Angel muttered.

"Well, it's just that you provide so many opportunities for practice," Spike replied.

Before Angel could come up with a crushing reply to that, they were interrupted by the loud, painfully cheerful chirping of his cell phone. It was Cordelia.

"Hello, Cordy? You found it? Great. When will you be here? Yeah, okay. No, she hasn't… not yet. Yeah. I'll see you then. Bye."

Angel turned to Giles, Xander and Willow that had come into the kitchen when they heard he was on the phone.

"She found it. She'll be here in an hour."

* * *

One hour and seven minutes later Cordelia arrived back at Revello Drive. 

Buffy still hadn't risen, but she would soon, Angel could tell. She had started to feel less like a human and more like a vampire from his line – an uncomfortable notion to say in the least. It was good though, since it mean that they could go on an curse her immediately without waiting for her to rise first. That was a horror they wanted to spare themselves and her if they could.

"Here it is," Cordelia said, handing Angel the amulet. "Let's just hope it's the real thing." He glared at her.

"What do you mean?"

"Well you know, that they didn't make fake ones. Never know with those wacky gypsies, right?"

Angel shrugged. He hadn't even thought of that. Well, there was really only one way to find out. If it failed… they could consider their next action then_ if_ it did.

They were all standing there, huddled in a corner of the basement. Giles, Xander, Anya, Cordelia, Gunn, Lorne and Wesley. Not Spike, he had left for the time being, afraid that the soul spell would be contagious.

Willow made her way into the cage where Angel was, putting the necklace around Buffy's neck. Willow gave her a look. It was the first time she saw the body. Buffy. It was really uncomfortable to think that it – the body, would soon get up and walk around like nothing had happened. She shot Angel looks once in a while when she set up the ingredients for the curse. He didn't look back at her. He just sat there, holding Buffy, avoiding all contact with the outside world.

He took her cold hand – it was just like his now. He was fighting total breakdown. The thought that her hand might never be hot against his skin again… it was devastating. It was so silent. There was no steady thumping coming from her, no sound of her soothing breath. And if he didn't succeed, there wouldn't ever be again. He tried to push those dark thoughts away. It wouldn't do him any good to be negative.

"Are you staying in here?" Willow asked. He looked up at her for a second. Such a dumb question.

"Yeah."

"I mean… the curse and all. I don't think so, but what if it disturbs your curse?"

"Why would it?" Angel snapped, harsher than he needed to be. Willow looked hurt. "I just mean… we can't risk her waking up in the middle of the ritual without someone in here to restrain her," he continued. And also, he couldn't imagine leaving her.

"Right. Good thinking," Willow said shortly. She tried to avoid looking at Buffy… her still face, completely slack and resting. She tried not to imagine what would happen if the curse failed. If Buffy woke up, without a soul…

No, there was no time for this. If she didn't hurry up Buffy _would_ be waking up without her soul before they even had time to try the curse.

"Quod perditum est, invenietur."

"Not dead nor not of the living. Spirits of the interregnum I call. Let her know the pain of humanity, gods. Reach your wizened hands to me. Give me the sword. Gods, bind her. Cast her heart from the evil realm. I call on you gods… Te implor, Doamne, nu ignora aceasta rugaminte. Nici mort, nici de-al fiintei, Te invoc, spirit al trecerii. Reda trupului ce separa omul de animal!"

As she spoke the Romanian words, the amulet around Buffy's neck started to glow bright, just as the orb usually did.

"Lasa orbita sa fie vasul care-i va transporta, sufletul la el. Utrespur aceastui."

Angel could feel Buffy's small body shiver – she wasn't awake yet, it was just the demon's reaction to being suppressed by the human soul. It was really working. It should make Angel happy that they seemed to be taking one step closed to making her human again, but he couldn't bring himself to any form of positive feelings. Even if Buffy had never lived through the horror of being soulless – she would still wake up as a demon with a soul. She had accepted him for what he was a long time ago. But would she ever be able to accept herself?

"Asa sa fie! Asa sa fie! Acum!"

The necklace went back to dark. Buffy convulsed a last time before her body was still again. Her head fell backwards slightly, resting heavily on his arm. She wasn't awake, or even about to wake up yet. But if had worked – Angel was sure it had. His whole body was humming in her presence, telling him that Buffy's soul was back. He wondered if she used to feel the same way with him?

No one said anything. The basement was very quiet. It was a long while before Anya broke the silence.

"So, did it work?"

"She doesn't look different," Xander commented.

"I suppose we won't know for certain until she wakes up," Giles spoke. Angel looked at him.

"It worked," he said. "I'm sure of it."

"Yes, yes. All is good and well then," Giles said, just a bit dryly, a bit bitterly. Angel looked down. No. No, of course it wasn't.

"Good. The last thing we want is a little female Angelus running around." Anya declared, saying what everyone was thinking.

"When do you think she'll wake up," Willow asked in a small voice, studying Angel.

"I don't know," he replied shortly. "You should leave, all of you. She's not gonna have to face everyone when she comes to."

"Angel," Giles began.

"It's not up for discussion. You'll get to see her, when she's ready. Not before that." Angel stared Giles straight in the eyes, his gaze never budging, never giving him the single hint that there was room for any discussion. Finally Giles shrugged, defeated.

"Alright then. Let's leave for the time being," he said, motioning for them to go upstairs. Angel watched them go, all of them. He could hear Xander make a snotty comment about the 'Angel, bossy the basement guy', but he didn't care. He didn't care what either of them thought. What was coming next would be a horrifying experience for both him and Buffy. They weren't an amusement show. No one would be allowed to stand outside and stare at them.

It took a good while before anything happened. He must have been sitting there for hours with her body in his arms before there was the tiniest sign that she was about to wake up. Maybe the demon was repelled by being ensouled and therefore took its time to wake up.

It was after midnight when Buffy opened her eyes.


	29. BITTERSWEET SPELL

_A/N: And again I say... thank you for reviewing. Special thanks to Yummi Sushi for her long review! It's greatly appreciated. I feel it's very important not to just shove Spike to the side and neglect his character, B/A fan or not. I like Spike a lot, just not in a romantic Spuffy way. Also yeah, I'm aware of the grammatical errors here and there - English is not my first language, and being my own beta a few things slip through. Thank you for your patience. :-)_

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**CHAPTER 29: BITTERSWEET SPELL**

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The first thing she became aware of was her sharp senses.

She could hear Giles' voice loud and clear, even though she couldn't feel him close to her. She heard a car pass on the street outside. The ache in her knee was gone… and she was so hungry. Was she in a hospital? It didn't smell like a hospital – more like her own basement. But why… how had she come here?

She opened her eyes. Angel. Her Angel? Yes, he was worried and held her closely – it was him. But, he felt so warm… How did they get here? The last thing she remembered was… Fighting Angelus in an alley. He slammed her against the wall, and…

"Angel?" she said, voice unsteady. She couldn't understand why he suddenly felt so warm – his skin felt like it was just the same temperature as hers.

"Buffy." He brushed of a few stray hairs from her face. She slowly sat up, still in his arms. Could it all have been a dream? Her knee didn't hurt anymore and Angel obviously had his soul… maybe it had all been a bad dream. Maybe this was the day after Dawn's funeral and she and Angel had just woken up. But… if it had been a dream they should have been in the mansion now, shouldn't they? So – probably not a dream, but… what then?

"You're back," she said with a drowsy smile.

"Yeah. So are you."

"Have I been… sick?" she asked, still disoriented.

"No… not sick."

"Then, what…" In that instant, she realized that her heart wasn't beating. People usually don't really feel their hearts unless they're beating really fast, but when its rhythmic thump wasn't there anymore… There was a big difference. Slowly it dawned on her. Angel wasn't warm.

She was cold.

"No," she whimpered, feeling hysteria claw at her from the inside. "No." Her whole mind screamed, it screamed so loudly that she was sure her hearing would be damaged. But the desperate sound only existed in her mind. It was her consciousness that became aware of what had happened. She wasn't okay. She was dead! A walking corpse, regenerated by a demon.

A demon that was doomed to walk this earth for eternity.

"I'm so beyond sorry for this, Buffy. I-I couldn't do anything. When I got my soul back, it was too late…"

"You killed me." Her voice was so small, so desperate and vulnerable. And what she said… was a raw fact which he couldn't deny. She was right. God, she was right. How was he supposed to go on knowing what he had done?

How was_ she_ supposed to go on after what he had done?

"Yes." His voice was nothing more than a whisper, a whisper so faint that she wouldn't have heard it without her improved hearing.

"So I'm gonna be the monster now? That's really ironic when you think about it, we've switched places." Was this how it felt to be soulless? Then it wasn't like she had imagined it. Not at all, in fact.

"No, we haven't." he said softly. "You have your soul, we found a way to restore it before you woke up."

Buffy didn't really know how to respond to that. Good? Thank you?

Why didn't you just kill me, you sadistic piece of shit?

She remained silent. She felt very close to Angel – well, she always did, but now it was even more intense. It must be that weird sire-childe bond that Angel had been talking about sometimes. It frustrated her. He had killed her. He had broken her down completely and taken the last thing she had left – her life. Her whole self. Shouldn't she hate him? Shouldn't she hate him now?

"We're working on a way to make you human again. It... it might not work, but we're trying. Until then, I'll be here. I'm not going anywhere."

Buffy nodded. Her confused mind barely registered his words, let alone understood what he was saying. In any other situation, of course she would have asked him how he was thinking of turning her back, there wasn't supposed to be a way to do that. If curing vampire-ness had been easy as pie, there wouldn't be a Slayer. And no girls would have been forced to die for a cause they had been mystically chosen to fight for.

"Hungry," she said silently, embarrassed since she understood it wasn't exactly meatloaf she was craving. Then she felt stupid for being embarrassed. Angel was an expert on the subject after all.

"I know," he whispered. He wasn't sure if there was any animal blood around. Probably not, why would there be a stock of that in Buffy's house? Besides he was more than a little doubtful that she would actually stomach drinking pig's blood from a glass. Not now, not yet. There was only one way to give her the nourishment she needed, and it was giving her back a little of what he had stolen from her a day earlier.

Undoing the uppermost button in his shirt, he tugged at the collar, inviting her. Buffy looked at him for a second, in doubt. It occurred to Angel that even if she had been the Slayer for years, Buffy probably knew very little about the exchanging of blood activities that the undead occupied themselves with on occasion. It was a demonic behavior, one that could hold high sexual value, and one that was often used with newly risen fledglings and wounded vampires in need of immediate sustenance.

"Drink." His voice wasn't more than a whisper. The situation reminded them both eerily of that time one and a half years ago… Graduation Day. That time he had been the one in need of her blood. Now she needed his.

Swallowing hard she closed her eyes for a second. When she opened them again they flashed amber and demonic ridges disrupted her beautiful face. Not that Angel thought of her as less beautiful in her gameface, quite the opposite. The demon inside him screamed with lust at the sight of his childe and lover in her true appearance.

He pushed it down. This was temporary. The only reason to why he had put her through this, yet another nightmare, was because he wanted to buy some time to turn her back.

Gripping his neck and shoulder with her small hands – hands that used to physically warm every inch of him that they touched – she bit down, slowly, tryingly at first before her instincts took over. She growled slightly, jerking her head back and forth a little to get a better bite. Angel held steady. He felt the sting when she bit into him, but the pain that came after… it held no negative meaning to him.

After a while, when Buffy had taken as much blood as she needed for her demon to resign a bit, she flinched and pulled away from him, realizing what she had done.

Angel was quick to grab her, keeping her close, ensuring her that it was nothing disgusting or beastly about what she had just done. It was completely normal for what she was now, and he didn't have anything against it. He was glad no one else had been there to see it, though. Humans more than often viewed the exchange of blood between vampires as something very gross, and Buffy definitely didn't need that.

"Do you feel better?" Her face had switched back by now, and she nodded.

"Yeah… I do." She was glad he hadn't chosen to ask if she was okay, because that, she wasn't. She felt better physically. Stronger. More focused, less affected by the demon. But that was it. Mentally… she had no idea how she would ever go on, ever move away from her position and leave this basement. Seeing her friends again… it seemed so impossible.

Did they even view her as a friend anymore? _Was_ she their friend anymore? She wasn't sure what she was herself.

"Good." Angel caressed her face. She put one of her hands over his. Her feelings were so confusing. Angel looked so helpless, so lost. He was clearly devastated and not sure how to deal with the situation anymore than she was.

She still loved him, despite the fact that he had technically taken everything from her – including her life… but at the same time she felt as if she should get away from him. Sort things out by herself. Her demon and body told her something else, though. She felt so close to him – and was too, since they were bound by blood now – that she wasn't sure how she would be able to exist without having him close.

"I'm sure your friends would like to see you." He must have seen how she thought about that suggestion – or maybe he just understood what she felt. He had always been good at knowing what she felt. "When you feel ready," he added.

"I don't know if I can face them. What will they think?"

Would they hate her? Buffy tried to imagine their emotions. Xander hated vampires; he had never made any attempts to hide that. Even though he had his special reasons for hating Angel even more… what if he would feel the same way about her? She didn't think she would be able to handle harsh words or loathing glances from him. Would they behave awkward? Of course they would. Things _were_ awkward.

Why couldn't they just stay right where they were, she and Angel?

"They already know what's happened, and Buffy, believe me. They don't hate you. They might hate me, but that's nothing new. They'll be glad to see you… to see that you're still you. That you're still Buffy."

"Am I?" she asked simply, and the question was completely honest. Right now she had no idea what she was.

Hadn't the Slayer called Buffy died in an alley yesterday, gone out fighting, just like she was destined to? And if she had… how could whatever she was not still be _her_?

"Of course you are," Angel said with emphasis. He couldn't stress that enough. Everything that made Buffy the beautiful person she had always been was still intact, and he couldn't allow her to think anything else. "You have a demon inside, just like me, but you have the same human soul as yesterday. You're _you_, Buffy." She didn't answer him, much as he had expected. "Okay?"

"Okay." Not okay. Nothing was okay. Nothing would ever be okay again…

Angel got up from his seat, still with Buffy tightly wrapped in his embrace and carefully put her down on the floor. Her knees buckled at first, her body unused to the pressure of standing up right. She felt her right leg tryingly. It was fine, it didn't hurt the least bit.

In fact, apart from the fact that her legs were a little shaky from lying down for so long, she was feeling good. Physically, that was. When she leaned against Angel as they slowly made their way up the stairs, it wasn't so much because she needed the physical support as much as the mental. It felt good… to be close to him.

Angel felt the same way. He knew that she wasn't hurt anymore, that it was only her emotional bond that kept her firmly against him. Well, he was certainly not going to push her away.

"You ready?" he asked softly before he opened the door. Buffy forced herself to nod. No, she wanted to scream, no, she wasn't ready! She would never be ready to face her friends, showing them what she had become. What she had let herself become.

As soon as Angel pushed the basement door open, he could hear hurried footsteps coming from the living room and upstairs. He should have remembered to tell them to take it easy when they met her the first time, he thought silently to himself. He could only hope that this would end well.

Or maybe 'not in catastrophe' was a more reasonable hope… Okay. He could settle for anything that didn't involve Buffy's fragile mind breaking even further, a big fight and snotty comments from either of the people heading down to see them.

"Buffy!" Willow and Xander called out almost simultaneously. Giles stopped dead in his tracks when he saw her. She looked so much like herself… but she wasn't. So much was different.

Everything was different.

When she became forced to face everything – everything that was real, her friends, her house, the bright light, Buffy almost panicked. She liked it in the basement, and she wanted to go back there. Angel could feel her small body tense and tremble slightly. If he released his grip on her he was fairly sure that she would escape. Well, she had to face them sooner or later. The memory of this would never fade, not even after they turned her back into a human. She had to go through it even though it was hard and painful for her.

Xander looked disapprovingly at Angel. He hadn't known what to expect. Had he thought that Buffy would come skipping out of the basement in her usual positive way? No. No, especially since Buffy hadn't been either skipping or very positive even before she was murdered… turned, whatever. Still, he hadn't expected this. Buffy looked like a wild animal that had been thrown right into a circus arena. She screwed up her eyes against the sudden light, and it looked like Angel was holding her there with sheer force. What was going on?

"What's wrong with her?" he asked, harsher than he needed to be. He didn't mean it, really, but he was confused, and as usual when he spoke to Angel, he sounded angrier than he was.

"Xander!" Giles barked out. Buffy flinched slightly at his loud voice.

Willow elbowed him in the side, frowning. That was unnecessary. But she couldn't deny that she was shocked as well, shocked at the sight of what Buffy had been reduced to. Except for being pale – which was pretty much expected after all – she just looked so… small. Vulnerable. Where was the vicious predator now? Buffy was afraid, and ashamed, and disgusted with herself, all at once, and anyone could see it.

Angel glared back at Xander, a grim gleam in his eyes. He looked like… Willow remember seeing a female bear with cubs at a zoo once. If anyone made too much noise outside their pen, she had looked like that. Protective. Ready to defend with whatever means was necessary. That was what Angel looked like. Like someone protecting their young. Willow swallowed. He didn't just look like it. He _was_ protecting his young.

"Nothing is wrong," Angel snapped sharply. "She is just a little confused. It's like this for everyone." Of course he meant "every vampire" but it wasn't necessary to point it out.

"Can agree to that," Spike said, emerging from the group. "How are you, pet?"

Was he worried? He sounded like he was worried. Buffy looked up at him but quickly lowered her gaze again. She didn't answer him. How could she? She didn't know what to say. She was felt so embarrassed. Her whole being was a living – no, dead – proof that she had failed, that she had given up. She had let herself get killed. At least the Slayers Spike had killed had stayed dead. Had anyone ever screwed up as badly as she? She couldn't remember ever hearing about a turned Slayer, so probably not.

"I think maybe it's a little too crowded in here," Angel said. "We're going for a walk," he declared, and Buffy breathed a sigh of relief. Yes, get away. Get out, and away from everyone's piercing glances. Did they have to come back at all?

As soon as they stepped outside, Buffy understood better than ever why vampires were called "creatures of the night". The fresh air, the silence, the dark – in which she could see perfectly… it made her feel exhilarated and happy. Carefree, like some of her heavy burdens had just been lifted off of her shoulders. She released her desperate clutch around Angel's arm and simply held his hand. The sadness from before was gone. At least for the time being.

"You know what? When you turn me back, I think this experience is gonna make me a better slayer than ever. Even if I have… um, have had, certain slayer powers, this is amazing."

"Hmm." Unfortunately, Angel knew that there was a downside to the amazing. Of course Buffy liked it right now. The feeling of being outside at night with her sire, it had a calming influence. Her demon was pleased and therefore, right now, so was she.

She was even stronger than before, had better reflexes, better senses and wouldn't suffer from any human weaknesses any more. Yeah, it didn't sound like such a bad deal right now. But it was in the day she would really comprehend how limited she was. She couldn't go outside in the sunlight, wouldn't reflect in mirrors, wouldn't taste any human food even if she tried to eat it… And then there was the fact of the demon that definitely wouldn't sit inside her quiet and timid. Not for long, anyway.

They were walking slowly down the street. A man was sitting on a park bench, and when he saw them he got up and walked away quickly. He looked like he was homeless, which would explain why he seemed to sense the danger – which two vampires definitely constituted as. It was how he survived. A person living outside in Sunnydale wouldn't survive for long if he didn't have his senses on high alert at all times. Angel felt Buffy stiffen in his grip as she followed the man with her eyes. The fleeing man, the scent of his fear – it awoke the demon with a start.

"Buffy… Buffy, look at me. Buffy!" He turned her around so she faced him instead of the fleeing man. He shook her a few times, jolting her out of the predatory instinct that had nearly taken over. She understood what had happened and looked regretful.

"Uh-oh," she said "I guess that would be the bloodlust."

"Yeah. I'm afraid it's attached to the demon, even if you have your soul. The only difference is, the soul is gonna make you feel guilty afterwards if you give in."

Buffy nodded slowly, looking uncomfortable again. The feeling of being wild and free came with something very dangerous, something she wasn't sure if she could have controlled if Angel hadn't been there. She felt very depressed again. Why couldn't things be like they used to?

Why couldn't she be dead, like she had wanted to?

"Come on," Angel said. "Let's go in that direction instead."

He removed his coat and but it over her shoulders, even though she technically didn't need it. She didn't have a body temperature after all. Always the gentleman, Buffy thought.

"Maybe I can start a collection of these things," she murmured, pulling the leather coat around her more tightly. Even if she didn't need it for warmth, the jacket was full of his scent, and she smelled it like she never had before.

Angel smiled sadly, his heart breaking all over again. Even now, even after everything he had done to her, she was still her, still Buffy. He put one arm around her, keeping her close. Right where she wanted to be.

"So what happens next?" she spoke again after a while. What she really wanted was getting away. Away from Sunnydale, her friends, everything that reminded of what had been… _before_. But if Angel really had a plan to turning her back into a human…

"About… um. Turning me back." She frowned. "How would that work?"

"Well, it's a long story…"

And during a good part of that night, Angel told her about it all.


	30. LIVING NIGHTMARES

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**CHAPTER 30: LIVING NIGHTMARES**

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"The Council has ordered the kill."

"Rumor has it that they restored its soul before it even rose."

"Weatherby, that's none of our concern. Soul or no soul, the Council can't have a failure such as a turned slayer roaming the world, especially not with Angelus as its mate. We already know that she never did obey orders and she doesn't like the Council. Imagine what she and Angelus could do if they decided to… try and harm it."

"You're right. As soon as possible, we will take them both out. What about the human allies?"

"Those people, among them two ex watchers, have perverted everything the Council stands for. We have no orders to aim at them, but if need be we take them all out and destroy the evidence."

* * *

Angel studied Buffy in her sleep. She lay curled up, just a few inches away from him. Usually, lying this close to her, he would feel the warmth from her body. When things were as they were supposed to. Now there was nothing. She was breathing, but simply because her body was used to it, not because she needed to. Even in her sleep, which was sound and calm for once, she had a slight worried scowl on her face. She was troubled. 

Of course she was.

That night three days ago, her first night… he had told her about the day that never happened. She had taken it well considering. Angel suspected that maybe her brain had been shocked and jolted too many times during the last few weeks – the fact that he had been briefly human and they had been happy together, it just couldn't surprise her anymore.

The gang downstairs was still researching. Angel wasn't sure if they had discovered anything groundbreaking since he honestly hadn't participated much during the last few days, but he hoped that they would inform him if they did. The sooner they could move on, the better. He could see Buffy's hope slowly fading for each day that passed.

She had pointed out to him that if catching a Mohra and using its blood as a part of a salvage mission for those who had gotten themselves turned – her phrasing, not his, it would have been used before. And there was no record of it ever happening, except for him of course. Angel knew she was right. Maybe it was farfetched. But he had to try. He could see a part of her slowly dying all over again when she realized that maybe; just maybe she would remain like she was. Forever.

A vampire, almost 20 years of age for all eternity. That she would watch all her friends grow old and die… that she would never get to go out in the sunlight again, or brush her hair in front of the mirror, or feel the taste of Cookie-dough-fudge-mint-chip ice cream. It was hard to imagine it.

At the same time she had to battle her inner demon – which wasn't non-existent just because she had her soul, come to terms with facing her friend who she had avoided pretty much the whole time since she rose, and deal with her conflicted feelings towards Angel.

He hadn't said a word about anything concerning their relationship. Say they did clear this up… and she was turned human again. What would he do, leap into his Angel-mobile and breeze back to LA? And… if they didn't clear it up? Now there wasn't just one curse to consider, but two. Not that Buffy could even imagine feeling close to perfectly happy. Ever.

Buffy had asked Angel, if they managed to get blood from a Mohra – would he turn himself human as well? He had no answer to that question. He wanted more than anything to spend a human life with Buffy, but things hadn't changed since Thanksgiving last year.

If they were both turned human, he would still be the ordinary guy – well, as ordinary as a 247 year old ex vampire would ever be – and she would be the Slayer. He would still be the burden.

Buffy had argued that her friends were "just" ordinary humans. They didn't get her killed. That might be true, but apart from them, Angel would never accept having to give up the fighting to stay behind and be the bookworm or the doughnut getting guy.

He had a horrible vision of himself and Xander driving to the supermarket to shop for "chocolatey goodness" – again, not his expression, while Buffy and Spike went to avert the apocalypse.

Angel stretched out a hand and tucked a few stray blonde hairs behind her ear. She was so beautiful. Usually, lying close to her, just studying her, taking in her presence like this would make him happy – well, at least so happy he would let himself be. Now, he could only think about the fact that he should be listening to her steady heartbeat, and her cheeks should be rosy – healthy and alive. At least the danger of perfect happiness wouldn't be a problem for a long time. How could he ever feel truly happy, knowing that he had done this to the woman he loved?

He let his fingers run softly over her face, feeling guilt overwhelm him again when he discovered the tear tracks on her cheeks. She had been crying herself to sleep, and cried while she slept. She rarely cried when she knew that he saw it. Angel felt his soul practically scream out, asking him how he could do this to her. Would her torment never get to end?

She opened her eyes slowly, waking up. She smiled faintly at the sight of him, trying to focus on his face instead of everything else. She had been dreaming again. Having been the Slayer, she was used to strange dreams – but these were something else.

She was having killing dreams. She saw herself and Angel, together, killing. There was so much pain and violence and brutality that she spontaneously wiped her hands against her clothes when she woke up to remove imaginary blood.

She was a monster. Maybe she had her soul to keep her from acting it out, but she was a beast. The fact that she had a beast inside her that would love to make her dreams reality was the only reason she was alive at all.

"Morning," Angel said, smiling, trying to cover his sad expression. It didn't work. Buffy could see that his smile never quite reached his eyes. He felt so bad, so sad and disgusted with himself. At least they were a perfectly matched couple, what with the ongoing synchronized depressions and all.

"Is it morning?" She tried to see her clock radio, but Angel was lying in the way.

"It's noon," he provided. "But still." She nodded.

"Yeah."

"How… um. How are you?" It was hard for him to ask the question. It seemed so ridiculous. Buffy understood. It was hard to answer it, too. Whatever she said seemed silly.

"I'm… I'm not sure," she managed finally, distracted by a very vivid vision of herself smacking Willow until she bled, drinking happily from her savaged throat.

She had started to learn it now. It was the demon, and the brutal visions were getting worse when it was hungry. Or was it when _she_ was hungry? When she was, she could barely be close to a person without going insane.

Their heartbeat would be like a drum in her ears. She could barely carry on a conversation because of it. The smell of their skin, of their blood… Angel had gone out for a few minutes without thinking about letting her feed from him first yesterday, and during that time she had tried to talk to Giles. Her first one-on-one conversation.

It had ended with her having to run outside, taking out her feral aggressions on a tree outside her house. She had been so violent and blinded that she hadn't even noticed that she had slammed and ripped large chunks from it.

When she saw what she had done she had been so terrified by herself – by the fact that her demon wanted that to be Giles she ripped apart, not a tree, that she had escaped upstairs and locked herself in her room. Angel had found her there, lying on the bed in fetal position, shaking and crying.

And he had made it all better. He had cleaned off her bloody knuckles, and he had let her feed. That was the point where she understood that she would have to learn to drink animal blood straightly from a glass like Angel. He was with her most of the time, but sometimes he had to go away, and she was too much of a danger to have around if she couldn't soothe her raging demon by herself.

"I'm… I guess I'm…"

"Hungry?" he filled in. Buffy nodded silently. Her cheeks would have flushed – if they could have. He knew it. Of course he did. He had been through it all – becoming a vampire, getting a soul. Trying to adjust to living as a man with a demon inside. Or was it the other way around?

"Do you want to…" he made a move to let her drink from him, but she stopped him.

"No… I mean, I must learn to drink… you know, straight from…. Like you do. Sooner or later, right?" Angel looked at her. No, he wanted to tell her. He didn't want her to have to learn that. He wanted to clear this up, not ever having to put her through adjusting to the life as a vampire. But she was right of course. Sensible. It would be simpler if she learned to feed that way. Even though he was pretty sure both of them would miss the intimacy of her drinking from him.

"Okay," he whispered, getting up from the bed. Silently hoping that they wouldn't run into the whole gang as soon as they came downstairs, he took point out of the bedroom.

As soon as Giles, who was in the living room, heard steps coming town the stairs, he got up from his seat and quickly closed the shutters, banishing the blistering sunlight from the room.

"It's all right, you can come down!" he assured them, hoping that Buffy would be with Angel. Usually he came down himself to get blood, but at least there had been a tiny step forward yesterday, when she made the move to carry a conversation with him. He just hoped that she wouldn't feel embarrassed for running outside when she felt the demon taking over.

He didn't know what do to – what to say and how to act, to ensure her that he wasn't feeling uncomfortable in her presence. He wasn't used to what she was, but he wasn't uncomfortable and disgusted. Those were her own feelings towards herself. He saw them enter the room. Yes, she was with him.

"So where is everybody?" Angel asked, just to have something to say. He held Buffy's hand. She seemed to physically press herself against him for comfort, like she was afraid to move around by herself, in her own home. It was heartbreaking to watch.

"Oh, ah. Wesley, and, uh, Cordelia and Gunn are in the dining room. Willow took her books outside, and, um, Anya and, er, Xander are working. Spike took off just recently. Last I saw, he was sprinting down the street with a blanket over his head," Giles said, never taking his gaze off Buffy.

"What about Lorne?" Angel asked. Giles frowned slightly.

"Ah, yes. He went back to Los Angeles yesterday."

"Oh." Angel felt a small pang of guilt when he realized that he hadn't been paying attention to his surroundings at all. He hadn't had the least idea that Lorne had left.

"Spike really should give up those morning jogs," Buffy commented silently, not looking at Giles as she spoke – but still, at least she was talking. "One of these days he's gonna find himself fitting in an ashtray." Giles studied her. She seemed so much and so little like herself, all at once. Dreadfully awkward.

A visible change was that she was even more bound to Angel than usual, which wasn't at all surprising since he now wasn't only her loved one but also her sire. Their proximity was of course not at all less worrying than usual, Giles thought bitterly. Now it wasn't just Angel's curse to worry about, but also Buffy's. He could only hope that they were both sensible and careful enough not to... risk anything. Of course the curses might not be an issue right now. Giles honestly didn't think that there was any danger of either of them experiencing a moment of true happiness right now. But still…

Giles tried to push away the feelings of loathing and disgust he had for Angel. For her sake, if nothing else. Perhaps for his own as well. He realized that no matter what happened, Angel would be around for a while. He might as well accept it, even though it was hard to ignore everything that he had done. Especially now, when Buffy was a living manifestation of Angelus work.

On some level, he knew that Angel and Angelus were very different. No one needed to tell him that, but it was hard to view them as two completely different entities. They weren't, after all, not even Angel himself had ever claimed that. His demon was inside of him at all times, soul or no soul.

But his feelings didn't matter now. If he wanted what was best for Buffy, and by God, how he wanted that, he would have to set his own feelings aside. Buffy was very fragile right now, and she needed Angel at her side. Giles knew that if Buffy was forced to choose right now, she would certainly choose in Angel's favor.

And Angel… he knew were he stood, and he accepted it.

He cared for them all as friends – more or less, Giles thought, considering the evil glares he and Xander exchanged even when Angel had his soul intact. Buffy was the only one he loved deeply and therefore she was the only one who needed to love him back. She did, and he wasn't the one to stand in her way.

"So, how are you… feeling?" Giles asked Buffy, cursing inwards for not being able to come up with a better question. She shrugged, still not quite meeting his gaze. She looked at his hands, his shoes, at Angel, at the empty teacup on the table and the potted plant in which Spike apparently had left one or two cigarette butts, but not in his eyes.

"I'm… um. You know. Okay. Weird." Giles nodded understandingly, even though he knew that he could never understand, and that she certainly was everything but okay. She wasn't ready to talk about it, and that was alright.

"I mean…" she began, straining with every word. She wanted to get away, get out, hide. She desperately tried to imagine nice things; cute little bunnies in a warm field, puppies, flowers and cotton candy, everything to stop the demon's furious struggle inside her. As soon as she let her concentration drop the puppies turned into bloodthirsty wolves that ripped the bunnies to threads, and the cotton candy became dark clouds that smothered the sun and made the flowers wither and die.

"I guess I know... recognize... some things," she attempted. "I guess the slayer powers and vampire strength is pretty similar." Apart from the fact that the Slayer strength rarely tells you to kill everyone horribly and dine on their blood, the added in thought.

Giles nodded. "Yes, I should expect so."

"Think the biggest difference is that drinking blood doesn't gross me out anymore," she went on, concentrating on forming words to keep the visions away. It seemed to work for the moment. "But, you know, I figure I might as well put this vampire thing to use as long as I have it. I'm 98 percent more invincible than before… and hey, big ixnay on the hangovers."

Giles frowned. He could tell that Buffy wasn't keeping her rant up because she suddenly felt so much like making small talk. She looked slightly queasy. When he raised his hand to scratch himself on the side of the neck, she stiffened suddenly, staring at him almost pleadingly.

Ah. Of course.

"Willow… ah, Willow went to the butcher's shop earlier this morning," Giles said slowly, taking his hand down again, making no sudden movements. "There should be fresh animal blood in the refrigerator."

"Good, that's… good." Angel nudged Buffy in the side a little jolting her out of her trance like state. Looking ashamed and disgusted, again, she followed him silently into the kitchen.

Angel pulled out a chair for Buffy, encouraging her to sit down while he prepared the blood. Fetching two cups he got the large plastic container or blood from the fridge. He glanced quickly at Buffy. She looked painfully depressed again.

She stared down at a napkin that she was working on ripping to little pieces, arranging the leftovers in a small pile. Angel knew the frustration. The demon wanted to destroy, to take what it wanted and drink deeply to fulfill its bloodlust, and even though Buffy's good soul kept it back, it was hard.

Angel had slipped and let the demon win just a little too much ground as late as more than 70 years after he got his soul back the first time. The demon never stopped trying, the fight against it never ended, but he wasn't going to tell Buffy that. She didn't need to know it, after all, since her demon wasn't supposed to get an eternity to torment her.

Filling the cups to the brim he put them in the microwave. As soon as the blood started to warm up, the scent caught Buffy's attention. To her the smell was intoxicating. It was blood, and by now her demon was prepared to settle for any kind of blood it could get.

To Angel, the smell was repulsive. His demon on the other hand, was still suffering from withdrawal symptoms from drinking human blood… from drinking Slayer blood. But it didn't matter. He was used to forcing his inner demon down; to ignore its furious screams after the kind of nourishment it wanted.

Buffy got up from her chair, studying the mugs in the microwave.

"What kind of blood is it?" she asked.

"Pig," he replied.

"How do you know?"

"The smell... it's… greasy," he practically choked out, turning off the microwave. The blood had reached normal body temperature, which was where it had the most taste. And smell. The stench of the crap was really horrible when compared with human blood.

He held out a cup for her, and she grabbed it, seeming fascinated by its content. Her demon was too hungry to allow her to even think about what she was doing. Feeling like he should set a good example, Angel forced himself to take a sip and keep his cool. Buffy followed his example.


	31. SO LONG HOUSE OF DEATH

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**CHAPTER 31: SO LONG HOUSE OF DEATH**

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A few hours later when everyone had scheduled to meet up and discuss the current situation, Buffy had decided that she wanted to participate. Strengthened by several mugs of hot pig's blood and the realization that things just might go quicker if she, and therefore also Angel, took part in the research party she had decided to take the big step towards being part of the gang again. She could handle it. At least she hoped so...

She sat down in the couch in the living room. She and Angel were there first. The room was blacked out but still warmed by the sunlight outside. Buffy felt at least remotely safe – then again, she and Angel were the only ones there at the moment. When she heard footsteps outside and someone turned the doorknob she grabbed a random book from the pile on the table and opened it, pretending to read, almost hiding behind it.

Willow came into the room, glancing first at Angel, then quickly at Buffy. The tension in the room was palpable.

"Hi," she said to neither of them in particular. Angel nodded. Buffy almost covered her face with the book.

"The others should be here any moment," Willow said, studying her friend. Well, whatever it was that her friend had been reduced to. It was so hard to see her as Buffy, even though she looked the same. She just acted so differently.

Of course, Willow didn't consider the fact that Buffy might act differently because everyone else acted differently around her.

The awkward situation was interrupted when the door opened again, revealing Xander and Anya in the middle of a rather lively conversation.

"And then he said; 'the conjuring powder can't possibly be that much. With this price I'll have to buy a little to use for conjuring_ more_ conjuring powder'," Anya said. Xander stared at her.

"That's ridiculous. And hi. Everyone." Willow nodded, sitting down on the edge of a chair. It made Angel angry that everyone acted so tensely around Buffy, but he didn't say anything. What was he supposed to say?

"But he's right. And I told him so." Giles entered the room, giving Anya a quick look before he put down a few books on the table in front of Buffy.

"Did you hear?" Anya said. "You conjuring powder is grotesquely over-priced." Giles blinked, frowning and crossing his arms over his chest.

"And you… told this opinion to the customers?"

"Just the one. But don't worry, I charged him your stomach-turning and avaricious price."

"Well, that stuff doesn't come cheap," Giles argued, for the first time realizing that Buffy was in the room, looking deeply uncomfortable.

"Then you're getting ripped off," Anya continued. "I could hook you up with the troll that sheds it."

"Good, good," Giles said absently, his thoughts already off the conversation.

"Buffy, I'm truly glad to see that you've decided to join us," he said softly. She put down the book slowly, looking at the people in the room. She looked down.

"Right. Guess you gotta start sometime, right," she muttered.

"How are you, Buff?" Xander said, for the first time speaking directly to her and sitting down in a chair close to the couch. She looked at him almost shyly, which confused Xander. He wasn't sure how to be around her, now that she was so different around all of them. He had never seen Buffy shy. Withdrawn and sad and lost in deep serious thoughts, sure, but never shy.

Things were very awkward.

"Well. I'm…"

Before she had the chance to answer Cordelia, Wesley and Gunn entered the room, and she looked away again. Glaring accusingly at them, Angel sat down next to Buffy.

"Buffy,"' Wesley noted. "It's good to see you." He gave Angel a look. "Both of you." Angel shrugged, knowing that Wesley was commenting the fact that Angel hadn't helped them at all during the last few days.

"How are you?" he continued, turned to Buffy.

"Not any more certain how to answer that no matter how many people ask me," she said. Wesley nodded, accepting her answer, more accurately her lack of answer.

"Yes, well. Shall we cut straight to business?" Buffy looked at him while he sat down, spreading out research material over the table. Apart from Giles and her friends, even Angel, he didn't make such a big deal out of her, and that might just be what she needed. If she wanted to get back into the gang they had to treat her like a part of it, not like some intruding alien.

"We have a few matters to discuss," Wesley said. "First of all, as far as I can see, what we need to do is find someone that can tell us where Mohra demons usually reside. We already know that they prefer locations near salt water, but we have to narrow it down further. Pinpoint exact locations if possible.

"And how do we do that?" Angel asked.

"I have actually already located a source. While I'm not sure it will prove to pay off, it might just give us what we want."

"We're meeting him later," Cordelia cut in. Angel nodded.

"Good."

"There is, however, something else we need to bring up," Wesley continued. "Giles and I have been discussing it, and we have come to the conclusion that it is of greatest value that we try to find out whether the Council has learned about Buffy's… current condition yet."

"What do you mean the Council?" Xander said. "Didn't she quit them a long time ago?"

"Certainly, however I'm not so sure they care about that. A… a turned Slayer, working for the Council or not, could stir up some trouble, I'm afraid." He looked at Buffy. "If we're unlucky, they have already learned what has happened."

"What does that mean?" she asked. On some level she already knew it.

"I'm afraid… it might mean that they would want to – eliminate you."

Buffy looked away. "Oh." Of course it made perfect sense. The Council was ruthless when it came to projects or tools – which were what they considered the Slayers to be – that went awry. None the less, it was just another thing she didn't need right now.

"Wesley, tell me what you think," Angel said. "Is it likely that they know?" Wesley looked at him for a moment before he nodded sadly.

"Yes."

Angel looked away, anger clawing at him. He didn't want to deal with this. Not at all. And he definitely didn't feel like facing the Council's special ops team again. Those guys didn't play fair and might very well come at them from behind, attacking when they least expected it. They would have to watch their backs at all time.

"In other words," Wesley continued after a few moments silence, "there are chores for everyone. As I said, Cordelia and I will go and meet with the source, and hopefully he can provide us with some useful information."

"I'm going go get a few books that should be delivered by mail today," Giles cut in.

"Yes. Xander, I was hoping you and Anya could use any contacts you have in town to see if there is any talk concerning Buffy, and… the Council," Wesley said."

"We're on it," Xander nodded.

"You could, um." Buffy stopped when everyone's heads turned to her, but she regained her speech pretty quickly. "Try Willy's place," she suggested. Xander nodded.

"Good thinking."

"Good," Wesley said. "That leaves Gunn, Buffy and Angel." He looked at them. "Any idea how you can contribute?" Buffy was actually glad that Wesley didn't even stop to ask her whether she wanted to participate. The fact that he simply assumed it, acting as if it was the most natural thing in the world, made her feel a little less like the sideshow freak.

"Actually, there is one thing," Buffy said warily. Wesley nodded and waited for her to continue. "I don't want to stay here. I mean… in the house." She swallowed. There it was. She had said it. The house was filled with so many painful memories, and she had no desire to stick around.

"Have you considered selling it?" Giles asked. Buffy looked at him. Yeah, somewhere between the blood drinking and the trying to cope with being a vampire, I thought about selling the house, she thought, but she refrained from saying it out loud.

"I, um, I guess. Later. But right now…" she shrugged, looking down at her hands. "I just don't want to be here."

"Perhaps we could deal with it later? With everything going on…"

"Actually I agree," Angel came to her aid. "Especially if the Council is out for us, it's not safe here. Too many windows, and they know that this is her house. The mansion's safer against any form of attacks, and it's located further away from the road."

"Well, it doesn't have to be," Willow said. "I mean, there are spells. I could always make a shield around the house, or…"

"I think it seems simpler just to move to a location that is safer in the first place," Angel argued. Willow shrugged.

"Very well then," Giles said stiffly, even though they could all see that he wasn't comfortable with it.

"I guess there are some things that need to be moved," Angel said. "Which fits perfectly since Gunn…"

"…have a truck," Gunn finished for him. "Fine, fine. But it's only because you two become crispy fries if you step outside before dark."

"Thank you," Buffy said, not realizing until a few seconds later that this might be the first time when she didn't physically flinch when someone mentioned the vampire-thing. She swallowed, feeling sadness wash over her again. Was she just too wrapped up in thoughts to react?

Or was she starting to adjust?

* * *

Two hours later Angel carried the last box down the stairs and put it next to the door.

"Who would have thought that your wardrobes up there would contain this much?" he muttered, taking a seat in the stairs, waiting for Gunn to come and pick up the last two boxes.

"I don't have _that_ much clothes," Buffy said defensively. He gave her a look. "Okay, maybe I do. Well, that's just it. Not everyone can get around with a few pairs of identical jeans and shirts." Angel shrugged.

"I'll have you know, I do have other clothes at home," he murmured.

"Oh yeah? I've never seen that. I can't even remember seeing wardrobes in the mansion."

"I meant… in LA."

"Oh."

Buffy fell silent. It didn't always occur to her that Angel considered LA his home nowadays. It was silly of her, really. Of course he did. He had built himself an entire life there during the 18 months since he left Sunnydale. So why would he want to stay here now, no matter how things turned out?

Before neither of them could say anything else, Gunn came through the door, panting and leaning against the doorframe. "Do you have_ any…_ idea how heavy that cupboard was?"

"We carried it down the stairs, so yeah," she answered, surprised how easy it was talking to Gunn. It wasn't so strange, really. Unlike her friends, he didn't act strangely around her. She couldn't smell the resentment coming off him; he didn't sweat and act nervously when he was close to her.

"You too tired to take the last things?" Angel said, his voice slightly mocking. Gunn glared at him.

"You know, it's my manhood you're steppin' on here." he said and grabbed the box closest to him.

Buffy and Angel moved into the living room and watcher from a patch of shadow how Gunn loaded everything onto his truck and drove off.

"So. What do we do now?" Buffy asked, sitting down in the couch, hoping that Angel would come and sit next to her. He didn't, instead he paced slowly back and forth, something of a worried frown on his face.

"We can't do much right now. It's still about two hours until sundown."

"I don't know why I feel so restless," Buffy continued. "Shouldn't this be naptime for creatures of the night?"

"Well, it doesn't really work that way."

"Hmm."

Buffy fiddled uncomfortably with a ballpoint pen that someone had left on the table.

Ballpoint pens were so tricky. As long as everything was working the way it was supposed to inside it, the point could be extracted and pulled back in so simply by pressing the button on top… Kind of like a little fang. But if the pen was disrupted inside somehow, if the spring was wound wrong or if the pieces weren't put together like they were supposed to, that same push could make the pen explode into dozens of little plastic pieces.

Buffy snapped the point back and forth a few times, accomplishing nothing further than pushing the point back and forth. Then she screwed the pen a few times and did the same thing again, causing the two halves to shoot in opposite directions, leaving her with only the inside of the pen and the spring that fell into her lap. That was how easy it was for the pen to go all awry, she thought. That was kind of how she felt, too. If someone pushed her too hard, she wasn't sure whether she would just snap back and forth, or loose control and explode. And if she did… if she let her demon loose, bigger things than pens would be destroyed.

Angel gave her a look, eyeing the parts of the pen on the floor.

"Oops," Buffy muttered, putting the pen back on the table. Angel didn't comment the destruction, even though he was pretty sure that was Wesley's favorite pen that had just been reduced to countless pieces of plastic scattered over the carpet. He was silent for a few minutes, but suddenly he snapped his head up, listening to something. Or someone.

"Do you hear that?" he whispered to Buffy, trying to discern from where the sounds came. Footsteps, some sort of scraping sound.

At first Buffy couldn't hear anything – well, she could hear the car that drove by in the street outside, the chirping of a little bird in a tree outside the window, even the loud noise of the neighbor playing painfully cheerful music. But not what Angel was hearing. It wasn't until she really honed her senses, put her mind to it, to putting out all the unnecessary sounds, that she heard it. Footsteps from one… two… three people.

People that were trying to sneak around he house.

"I hear it," she whispered. Angel motioned for her to follow and stalked into the kitchen without a sound. Luckily someone had been sensible enough to close the shutters in there as well.

"They're outside," Angel said. Buffy nodded. She could hear it clearly. There was a scraping on the kitchen door – someone was out there.

Listening hard, she could hear heartbeats, three of them, like thunder in her ears. The scene reminded her of something that would fit into a horror movie. But this wasn't a movie. Someone was really out there – in the blistering sunlight – trying to get into the house.

"Shouldn't we do something?" she said, but neither of them had the time to consider their next action.

The door swung open and two arrows came cutting through the air, aiming right at them.

* * *

Reacting on instinct Angel backpedaled from the scorching sunlight, swooping the arrow aiming at Buffy out of the way, and catching the one aiming at his own heart.

"Angel," Buffy gasped out to him and he turned to her, realizing that she had been hit. But not by an arrow.

By two tranquilizer darts. It wasn't until then he noticed that a window had been broken and someone, carrying a rifle, had shot Buffy from over there while their focus had been on the kitchen door. Angel caught Buffy as she sank to the floor, unconscious. There was nothing he could do for her now – no matter what, she would be out of commission for a while.

Looking up from his position crouching next to Buffy, he saw his attackers. One of them was loading his tranquilizer gun and one was on his knees preparing something – probably a weapon of some kind.

Angel recognized two of them as the men that had been in Los Angeles earlier that year. The Council's assassins who tried to kill Faith. Really a "stake now, ask questions later" kind of bunch.

Before the men could fire at him again he lunged forward, into the sunlight, and slammed the door, buying himself a few seconds to get back to Buffy. He lifted her and considered the safest location for her – coming to the conclusion that there really was no safe spot in the house.

Of course he could take her upstairs or into the basement, but then again, they might have to make a quick exit. He put her on the living room couch where she wouldn't be visible from the front door, grabbing a blanket in case he would have to go into the sunlight again to defend himself and Buffy.

He could smell fire but didn't have any chance to locate where it came from before the kitchen window shattered and two bottles with burning rags stuck in them came flying inside. When the bottles shattered against the kitchen floor and furniture the fire made contact with the alcohol inside the bottles and huge, roaring flames shot up, quickly destroying most of the kitchen's interior.

The men couldn't know for certain that only he and Buffy were left in the house. They were prepared to kill anyone that stood in their way just to get to them, he realized.

Angel could hear Gunn's angry voice outside, but when the front door opened, it wasn't his friend that entered.

The assassin, carrying a heavy crossbow, grinned when he saw Angel. Of course he did – he enjoyed his work. He fired at Angel who threw himself out of the way, striking back when the man reloaded his weapon. Angel kicked the crossbow out of his hands and sent the assassin crashing into the wall, leaving him stunned for the minute.

Turning around, he saw Gunn who came rushing inside. His face was bloody and he looked more than a little pissed off. Judging by the amount of blood coming from his nose – he had gotten smacked pretty good when trying to stop the assassin from getting inside.

"Okay!" he yelled. "Where is he, and how hard can I kill him?"

"Don't worry about him," Angel said loudly be heard over the roaring flames that were spreading quickly and currently making their way through the dining room. The large amounts of wooden furniture in there was aiding the ravages of the flames.

"I'll take care of them, you get Buffy to safety! Take her to the mansion, I'll get there later." Angel handed Gunn the blanket and quickly turned as another one of the assassins attacked him from behind, punching him squarely in the face. Gunn hesitated for a moment, not happy about the thought of leaving Angel alone with three assassins out to – downsize him, a house that was on fire, with no good escape route since the sun was still shining outside.

"Just go, I'll be fine!" With a light shrug Gunn did as he was told, wrapping Buffy in the blanked and quickly carrying her to his truck outside.

Maybe it was a bad idea to stay behind, Angel thought as he heard the third assassin break in through a window upstairs. The fire would soon force him to move, but still, he couldn't risk them coming after to the mansion. No, this had to end here.

Staying really quiet and close to the stairway – where he knew he couldn't be seen from upstairs, Angel waited, listening carefully for the approach of the third assassin. The other two had retreated outside where they knew he couldn't follow him for the time being, probably stacking up on weapon they thought to be more effective than simple crossbows.

Angel could hear his footsteps on in the top of the stairs, and the flicking of a lighter. He was preparing another bottle. It was a good move, really. If he threw it in the right direction he might cut off all of Angel's escape routes, locking him in the living room. The only way out would be through the living room windows, and with the other two men outside, there was no way that was going to end well.

Thinking quickly Angel sprung forth, jumped over the banister and caught the assassin mid-stairs. He grabbed his arm and after just a second's struggle he forced the Englishman to throw it back against the dining room, which was already on fire. The assassin produced a stake from his pocket, thinking in vain that maybe he could take Angel the old fashioned way.

The man and the vampire struggled for a few moments, and somewhere behind him Angel heard the other two opening the front door, trying to enter without touching the flames that were finding their way out into the hallway. Realizing that he would be forced to reduce their numbers if he wanted to get away alive Angel sank to his knees, using his position to flip his opponent over his shoulder and sending him into his own fire just below the stairs.

It wasn't pretty. Having some alcohol on his own clothes the man caught on fire instantly and caught between the stairway and the front door he didn't have enough room to roll and smother the flames. Angel watched, just as the dying man's two colleagues watched as he fought desperately for his life. His partners didn't let go of their weapons or even make a move to help him. Of course they didn't – to them the mission was more important than all of them getting out alive.

It didn't take long before the burning man stopped wriggling and screaming. He was unconscious, his body sent into shock from the extensive damages. He would be dead soon, Angel thought, probably even if someone tried to help him now.

He turned his focus back to the remaining opponents. They were standing in the living room just inside the door, effectively blocking the way. Angel's only way, except for upstairs, was through the room between the living room and the kitchen and into the kitchen. He could only hope that the fire didn't cover the basement access – his best chance of getting away.

Both of the remaining assassins fired their weapons – one had a crossbow, the other was still carrying the tranquilizer gun. He dodged the darts and caught the arrows. No, there was no way they were going to get him like that, not when he was on high alert like this. They seemed to realize it too.

"This is of no use," Angel could hear one of the men say. "Pull the trigger and fall back."

The trigger? What trigger? Angel feared that whatever they were going to do, he wouldn't like it. He could only watch as they exited the house, and as soon as they had closed the door he moved from his position in the stair, jumping over the banister again. He heard the living room window shatter as something was thrown inside. Angel could hear a faint beeping over the sound of the flames. He didn't even need to approach it – it was pretty clear what it was.

A bomb.

Not that Angel was much for running away, but still – he would rather let up than blow up. Having no plans to stick around and explore up close how powerful the impact would be, Angel made his way to the basement. The door was scorched pretty badly, but still he could enter the basement without much trouble.

It didn't take more than a few seconds until he heard, and felt, the bomb detonate upstairs. Even from down in the basement he could feel the heat. Smoke and flames was coming through the basement door and by the sound of it, the whole stairway was collapsing. Dust and debris came pouring over him – maybe the whole house would go. Angel quickly decided not to stay and find out.

He couldn't spot any suitable blankets in the basement – he would have to run with only his coat over his head to the manhole further down the street. How big of him to lend Cordelia and Wesley his car right now. Well, it shouldn't hurt as much as staying where he was, waiting to be fried by the fires that were completely consuming the house by now.

Hopefully.


	32. PREPARATION, PREPARATION, PREPARATION

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**CHAPTER 32: PREPARATION, PREPARATION, PREPARATION  
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Pacing back and forth, Gunn put down his cell phone after calling Wesley and giving him the heads-up on what had happened. Well, not that he was completely sure himself yet, but he did understand that the guys invading Buffy's house must have been the Council's wet work team, or whatever Angel had called them. Such a lovely bunch. Hopefully Angel would show up soon and fill in the blanks for him.

Gunn went over to Buffy, whom he had put on the couch to recover. She was slightly burned from the trip in his car, but she would be alright in time. It must have been a pretty powerful tranquilizer though since she was still knocked out. She would probably recover quicker if she got some fresh blood in her system, but that was something he would rather leave for Angel to take care of. When he showed up.

Before he had time to consider what he should do if Angel _didn't_ show up, he came bursting through the front door, smoking and bleeding – but at least he was still alive. Well, okay, still on his feet…

"How is she?" Angel asked as soon as the smoke around him cleared. Not waiting for an answer he kneeled next to Buffy, inspecting her wounds carefully.

"She's alright, man," Gunn said. "She's not hurt badly. Which is a little more than I can say for you. Look at yourself."

Angel shrugged, getting up and wiping a little blood from his face. None of his wounds were serious; they should be healed up in a day or so, tops.

"The house kinda – fell over me," he tried to explain, leaving Gunn more confused than before.

"Have you called the others?" he continued.

"Yeah, I called Wes and he said he'd tell the others. They're coming here. Really, what happened back there? You look like death." Angel glared at him. "Pardon the pun."

"They blew up the house. Having to run pretty quickly to avoid bursting into flames I didn't see much from the outside, but I think the damage was pretty bad."

"A bomb? Why a bomb? Not exactly covert."

"I think it was a last resort, the only way they could get me. Or so they thought. Wouldn't surprise me though if they were hoping to wipe us all out and leave nothing for the police to track back to them."

"Why would they kill _us_?" Gunn asked, confused. "Not everyone here got a set of fangs."

"You're working with us. That makes you the enemy, I suppose, fangs or not," Angel shrugged.

"That's very nice," Gunn muttered.

When Buffy groaned and started to move, Angel was immediately back at her side.

"Buffy?" he asked, taking her hand and squeezing it lightly. "Can you hear me?"

"Uh… Angel?" She opened her eyes slowly, looking at him. He smiled at her.

"What happened?" She groaned again when she felt the back of her head. "Why do I feel like someone has been using my head as a baseball?"

"The Council," Angel said silently. He had been hunted many times by a lot of different people - vampire hunters, blood thirsty mobs, pissed off relatives to people he had killed, angry Slayers on occasion; both when he was with and without his soul. As a vampire it was expected. But this was the first time Buffy would have to deal with it. She had always been the hunter, the one to track down and kill. Not the other way around. He wasn't sure how she was going to handle that too, on top of everything else.

Buffy nodded slowly. "Figured as much. What with the back-shooting and all, definitely up their alley."

"And bombs too, apparently," Gunn cut in. Buffy frowned, sitting up in the couch.

"Bombs? What do you mean bombs?" She looked at Angel. "What does he mean, bombs?"

"Well, I'm afraid I have bad news about your house…"

Before he had time to say anything else, Giles Willow, Xander, Anya, Wesley and Cordelia all came rushing inside. Buffy got up from her seat, immediately tense again when everyone surrounded her.

"Thank God you are alright," Giles said, a shade of worry over his face. He came up to Buffy, catching her in an uncharacteristic hug. Her first instinct was to pull away, but something made her stay put. She could smell the worry on him. He had been afraid for her, afraid that she had gotten hurt or killed – which must mean that he still cared about her, despite what she had let herself become. And that felt good to know.

"Yeah, I'm okay," she said when he released her. "Angel got us out." Giles nodded, giving Angel a quick look. There was only a short not and a thankful smile ever so faint, but Angel saw it, the appreciation.

"Will you be alright?" Giles asked, eyeing him.

"I'm fine. No serious injuries."

"I'm afraid you can't say the same thing about the house," Wesley said. "We drove past it on the way here." He shook his head. "If you had still been inside…"

"Is it still standing?" Angel asked.

"Barely. The roof was collapsing when we were there, and with all the fire… I can't imagine much being left when the firemen are done."

Buffy looked away, a little sadness in her eyes. So she hadn't been comfortable in that house of late, and so much badness had happened there. But still, now everything having to do with her family the last five years was wiped out… and she was dead. The situation was depressing.

"Not to anyone's surprise I guess, but it was the Council that attacked us," Angel informed everyone. "Seems they're willing to do whatever they have to, to take us out."

"I was afraid of this," Giles said, pacing around the room, beginning to clean his glasses. At least he had taken most of the important books with him when I left the house – but it was a poor consolation at the time.

"The special ops team is… they're brutal. They have no scruples against killing humans when they are on a mission. We can only be glad that the bomb wasn't so powerful considering."

"If they had really wanted to, they could have taken the whole block out, eliminating all possible witnesses," Wesley agreed. "But still, they are definitely dangerous. To all of us. I mean – such a powerful slayer turned vampire, working with two ex-watchers and, and Angelus?" He shook his head.

"Don't forget the +1000 year old ex-demon," Anya pointed out. "I could be on their list as well, even though I'm a useful member of society these days." Wesley smiled faintly.

"Yes, well, I don't think the Council much care about our background. We are an annoyance, all of us, and they obviously have their mind set on… eliminating the irritation."

"What should we do now?" Willow asked in a small voice. "I mean, will they be back?"

"I think hiding is a highly underestimated way of life when the Council's in town," Xander said. "I mean, they almost killed Buffy when she was in Faith's body, right?"

"And they almost killed Angel in LA," Cordelia cut in.

"Yeah, that's… bad, too," Xander said. Angel rolled his eyes.

"So we can establish that they're very fond of almost killing people," he said. Xander nodded.

"And non-people," he pointed out. Buffy looked down, and Xander actually regretted his words when he saw the hurt look on her face. Making fun of the non-person thing was okay when it only was about Angel. He didn't want Buffy to feel stepped on.

"Anyway," Angel continued, "Wesley, tell me what you think. Do you think they're likely to strike again?"

"Unfortunately I think it's safe to say that yes, sooner or later they will be back. Buffy, Angel, did either of you see where they went?"

"I killed one of them," Angel said, "and the others must have left. I didn't see them when I got out."

"Yes, well. It's anyone's guess when they will come at us again, really. It could be right now, in an hour…or maybe they'll go back to England and come back with backup in two weeks? There is no way of knowing."

"At least we're pretty safe here for the time being," Angel said. "We can board up all the windows and all of the outer walls are made of stone so there's not much that can burn if they try to pull that again. Buffy or I will hear any cars coming up the driveway."

"Yes, I imagine you'll be remotely safe here for the time being," Giles agreed. "This cheerful subject aside, perhaps we should, ah, try and continue with what we were actually doing before the... the attack occurred. I'm afraid I don't have any news, none of the books I was hoping for proved to be of any help."

"No luck at Willy's," Xander provided. "Okay, so I know the people and… otherwise… crawling around there usually doesn't say anything until you beat them up… and I might be lacking in that area, but at least we couldn't get anything out of anyone."

"I punched one of the demons while trying to acquire information," Anya supplied. "It was a Glurgg who I met back in the forties the first time," she continued, smiling at the memory. "Well, he wasn't actually a Glurgg then… apparently he just came back from his 60 year visit in the world with nothing but shrimp." She frowned. "He wasn't too happy about me sending him there."

"Don't we know it," Xander muttered. "We had to dodge, jump and skip to get away from there without getting hit of any of the yak urine shots he threw after us." Anya nodded.

"Yes. It was repulsive."

"Uh-huh," Angel frowned. "Anyone… else?"

"I'm pleased to say we had better luck," Wesley said. "While our source did nothing as thrilling as, uh, chase us with…"

"Yak urine shots," Anya supplied.

"Yes… he did however provide us with some information about the Mohra demon's preferred habitation. Having studied the demon for some time he could in fact give us three locations where packs of Mohra's have been known to reside. There is supposed to be a nest somewhere around the Caspian Sea, one in a spot in Africa and one close to the Great Salt Lake."

"That's close to Salt Lake City," Angel said. "It's not that far, around 550 miles or so… as far as I know."

Wesley nodded. "Yes, it is by far the closest."

"Salt Lake City?" Gunn said. "Cool. I have a friend there, he owns a big place that I'm sure he'd be willing to let you crash in if you're going to stay there for a few days."

Angel nodded. "That'd be great. What do you think Buffy?"

"We should try it," she nodded.

"Hold on," Giles said, holding up a hand. "Are you thinking of going there by yourselves? Do you really think that's wise?"

"Well, especially now that the Council is after us, I think it'd be good to split up," Buffy said. "I mean, I don't think they'd come after you alone, right?"

"But being only the two of you – you will be a much easier target," Giles argued, genuinely worried.

"Being only the two of us makes it easier to hide, easier to use the stealthy methods they're so fond of themselves," Angel said. Giles frowned.

"Perhaps so, but still…"

"If staying here means that we don't get killed by the brutal Englishmen, I vote for it," Anya said.

"Angel, are you sure you can do it by yourselves?" Cordelia asked. He shot her a somewhat annoyed look.

"We'll be fine," he said, hoping that he was right.

"There is another matter to keep in mind," Wesley cut in. "Mohra demons are very strong, having met one you know that, Angel. And if this group of demons is big enough to be known as a nest, I presume they are at least two-digits. Possibly more."

"We don't have to kill all of them, right?" Buffy said. "We could just be like, get in, get blood, get out?" Presto Mohra-visit."

"I suppose, in theory, but…"

"Well, good then. Angel and I'll go to the Great Salt Cake…"

"Lake," Angel cut in, hiding a smile.

"The Great Salt _Lake_… and we'll do what needs to be done. And we'll be fine."

Angel was happy to see Buffy have hope again. The mere thought of getting to leave Sunnydale for a while, in search for the thing that would make her human again no less brought a little of the old sparkle back to her eyes. Maybe she was right.

They would be fine.

* * *

The following afternoon, the preparations surrounding Buffy and Angel's journey to Great Salt Lake were almost complete. Gunn had called his friend, and as it turned out, he had actually been running a motel in one of the more deserted parts of the land surrounding Salt Lake City. Business hadn't been exactly blooming though, and now he was about to sell the place. Until then, Angel and Buffy were welcome to stay in the currently empty building.

Deciding that it wasn't much more they could do in Sunnydale, Cordelia, Wesley and Gunn went back to Los Angeles. Cordelia reminded Angel that they expected him back soon so they could start up the firm again, and that she would personally rip off his privates if he forgot where he belonged, or if he – lost something on the way.

They headed out just after sunset. The trip would take at least 8 hours and they wanted to get there well before sunrise. Angel caught a glimpse of Giles' face when he waved them off. He looked so tired. So aged and tired, like the last few weeks had made him 10 years older. Angel knew he was worried – worried about him and Buffy leaving, alone and together, worried about Buffy's wellbeing, about their coming fight with the Mohra demons… about the fact that he could do nothing to help.

Angel was silent until they had passed the 'Now leaving Sunnydale, welcome back' sign on their way out of town. He glanced at Buffy. She stared into the dark desert, not focusing on anything in particular. She was so silent nowadays. So silent and withdrawn, like she had lost a part of herself. Well, of course. She _had_ lost a part of herself – to him, he thought darkly.

Buffy had always been a person that felt like she had to fight her battles alone and it hadn't changed after she became a vampire. In silence she fought her demon, the waves of desperation that overcame her day and night, and the knowledge that, no matter how their trip turned out, things would never be the same again. Never.

She would never have her mom or her sister back. She would never live in the house that had been her home for five years again. At the moment the question was whether she would even live again, physically or mentally.

Just thinking about what he had done to her, all that he had taken from her made Angel want to step into the sunlight and feel the fire consume him – but he couldn't do that either. He couldn't leave her alone in this world, not now.

"So Giles will take care of everything while you're gone?" Angel said to break the silence. Buffy flinched at the sudden sound and turned her head to look at him.

"Uh… yeah. Um, he said he'd… talk to the police and contact the insurance company, stuff like that."

"Insurance company?"

"Um, yeah. According to Giles, apparently houses often come with insurances and stuff. I'm not sure how it works, but I might get some money out of the fact that the Council blew it up."

"That's good."

"Yeah, I should have a pretty penny to get from there, that is barring the fact that they might think it's some kind of insurance fraud." She fell silent for a moment. "Well, maybe not a pretty penny. More like… a _cute_ penny, I guess? Houses in Sunnydale tend to be worth about a third of any other town in the country."

"Hmm." They were silent for a while. A long while. Angel stared at the dark road ahead and Buffy fiddled with a string in her sweater, shooting Angel side glances once in a while.

When she got tired of it she resorted to tinkering with the car stereo, finding nothing that she could stomach listening to. The packing they had brought was in the trunk, everything except for a small cooler with two large plastic containers of pig's blood. She wasn't hungry, and besides, she really wanted to put off drinking cold blood through a straw for as long as possible.

When Angel packed the blood she had been close to suggesting that they could buy something to eat on the way instead, stopping herself when she realized that no, they really couldn't. Where would that be, at McPlasmas? And oh, how that was so much less funny than when she had first said it. And considering how somber the mood had been then, just before her Prom... just after Angel had broken up with her... it was up against some pretty heavy competition.

She was completely out of things to do. She glanced at Angel again. Well, not completely. They could always talk. If would keep her occupied, and besides, Angel really needed to practice having a normal conversation which included him saying more than three words.

"So..." she began.

Angel kept his eyes on the road. "So, what?"

"So, this is it. Do you think we'll make it?"

"To be honest, I'm not sure we'll be able to collect the blood. They're tough demons Buffy, we had some problems with just one earlier and…"

"I didn't mean the demons," Buffy said. "I meant us."

Angel didn't look at her. "Oh." The answer was merely audible. Hadn't they had this discussion before? Over, and over, and over…

"Do you really think this is the time to talk about that?" Angel asked darkly. For all they knew they could be heading towards their horrible and painful deaths at the moment.

"Why not?" Buffy argued.

"Buffy, there's so much… can't we talk about this later?" Yeah. Later, as in when you're human again, Angel thought.

"No, I think this is just the time. I want to know. Assuming that we get away from Salt Lake City alive – or undead, whatever, what will you do? Dump me in Sunnydale and continue to L.A.?"

"I think…" Angel paused to try and decide how to express himself. He wasn't really good with this talking, sharing his feelings kind of thing. And he wasn't even sure what he wanted to say.

Of course he wanted to be with her, he always had. But things were more complicated than that, and no matter what he did, it always seemed to come out wrong. Every big decision he had taken in their relationship, it had always ended in disaster, one way or another.

"Think what? Angel, if the us-thing is going to work, you have to learn to talk to me."

"I think that… I think I'm very tired of making choices and decisions that end up in hell. Literally even, on occasion." He frowned. "I've taken everything from you, Buffy. Ruined your life. I wouldn't blame you if you never wanted to see me again, but… I can't decide over your life. If you still want to be with me, it's up to you. Maybe… _maybe_ we could work it out."

Buffy felt a tingle, a chill go down her spine when she realized that he was actually leaving the last word to her. Could it be happening? Could it really be true?

"And what do you want?" she said, trying to keep a lid on the odd, these days uncommon, exhilaration she felt. Angel continued staring at the road when he answered.

"You already know what I want."


	33. THAT COMMUNICATION THING

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**CHAPTER 33: THAT COMMUNICATION THING**

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"You already know what I want."

He had said it, he had definitely said it. It had been the perfect opportunity for her to continue the conversation, maybe even flip the advantage to her. All the years they had known each other, he had always been the one to make the big decisions, act as the one who should have the final say – maybe because he was older, maybe because he was a brooding vampire guy, or maybe because he simply was so hardheaded that he couldn't allow her to have the upper hand. Now he had given her a chance.

And she hadn't taken it.

It was almost seven hours later, and since they had been able to drive at a good pace, they were only minutes from reaching the Motel outside Salt Lake City. Both of them had been completely silent the whole trip. Well, since he had said those words, anyway.

Why had she panicked? It was like, when she finally heard him say what she had always wished for him to say, she couldn't deal with it. Was she having second thoughts? Didn't she want to be with Angel after all? Yes, she really did. Only the thought of him leaving her again, driving off to his own town made her feel… empty. Like it would take away everything she had to live for.

She side glanced at him. He stared at the road ahead, making no move to look back at her. Was he angry? He didn't look angry. He didn't look happy either. Then again, how often did that happen…

Maybe he had known that she would get tongue-tied – maybe that was even why he had said it. Or maybe he had finally taken the big step towards a relationship where he viewed both of them as equals instead of seeing himself as the older, visor party that should make every big decision. And if that was it, she had blown her chance.

"Here we are," Angel said, nodding slightly ahead. He must have seen the jump she made in her seat from the sudden sound. Quickly regaining her cool she looked in the direction he indicated. There it was – the Motel. In the dark predawn hours she couldn't see much even with her enhanced night vision. It was a building – plain, dark, quiet. And sitting completely lonely out here in the desert. No wonder business hadn't been doing so well.

"Um… yeah." She looked at him. He gave her a quick side glance without even turning his head. Was it a silent question? Was he wondering why she had replied his attempt at being open and talkative with… absolutely nothing? Should she say something?

"Uh. Angel?" He gave her another look.

"What?"

"I… I, um. Nothing." She sighed and shook her head. "So this is the place, huh?"

"Apparently."

"It looks… um, it looks… so, hey, how do we get in?"

"Hidden key. The place has almost been emptied, there's only a little furniture left in the basement. The place doesn't exactly need top security to avoid getting raided."

"Guess not."

Angel parked the car under roof in case they would need to leave the motel while the sun was still up. Buffy got out of the car to stretch her legs. It felt good to get out.

Buffy gazed out over the open landscape. It was beautiful – at least she was pretty sure it was. It wasn't always easy to tell at night… without any light. But bathing in sunlight… she was sure the view was magnificent. She could se the horizon slowly turning colors, being just a little lighter than the rest of the sky. In an hour the sun would be up. In two it's warming… deadly beams would lick every part of the motel and the large fields surrounding it. Forcing her inside. She swallowed and turned around. There was no time to think about that now. After all, they were here to change that. It was the idea, anyway.

Inside the motel they found sixteen empty rooms, a huge dining hall, a kitchen and a large room for social activities. Upstairs, that was – and every room had large windows which would make it pretty dangerous for them to stay there. Instead they found their way into the basement, which was still filled with furniture. Buffy put her bag down and sat down on a bed, feeling safe at last now that she was in a confined, small and dark space.

"So this friend of Gunn's… Does he know that we're… um, that we're…"

"He knows," Angel took over. "He wasn't too happy about it at first, apparently. He knew Gunn and his gang, helped them out back in L.A. I guess before he moved here."

"But he… he's okay with it, right? He's not gonna come here in the middle of the… well, day, to shower us with holy water or anything?" Angel smiled faintly.

"No. We're okay."

Buffy had to physically stop herself from snorting. Okay? In what way were they okay? They were out here, in the middle of nowhere, preparing to fight demons that were very likely to kill them when they found out what the intruders were there for… and it all was because of some crazy goose chase to get her humanity back. She had failed, she had let herself get killed and turned, just like hundreds of thousands of people through all times. Why should_ she_ get something that no one else ever had, a second chance? No one had helped Angel, 250 years or so ago... no one had helped that girl Teresa that Angelus turned... or Xander's friend Jesse... or that guy Eddie she had met on UC Sunnydale campus last year... or her Mom. Why_ she_ and no one else?

"So when do we strike?" she asked, not looking at him.

"Not until tonight. The Mohra's nest is in the woods somewhere, but we can't be sure that the trees will give us shelter from the sunlight."

"Right." She got up from the bed. "So. What do we do until then? What do you do in Salt Lake City for fun?" She realized the bitter irony of her words. After all, they couldn't really leave the motel as long as the sun was up.

"I haven't actually been here before," Angel said.

"No?" she asked, hoping for more information. Anything to get her mind off her own thoughts right now.

"Yeah. I lived in America for… 94 years before I came to Sunnydale. Visited a lot of places, a lot of towns. But never Salt Lake City."

"Huh. So you're not a Utah-fan?" He smiled faintly.

"I just never got around to it. The only thing I know is that the city was founded by Mormons. We could always visit their big temple and see how long we last before they figure out what we are," Angel said with a slight grin, obviously hoping to cheer Buffy up – even if it meant using bad ironic comedy. Still, thankful for his attempt, Buffy returned the smile.

"No matter how exciting that sounds, we are here to fight demons after all."

"You're right. I guess we should study the maps, try to come up with some sort of plan to make this work. Quickly, cunningly, and with… only green bloodshed." Angel grimaced. This cheerful positive thinking really didn't suit him.

"Angel…" Buffy began. He turned to look at her. Was it imagination, or was there something hopeful in his gaze?

"Yeah?"

"Um… nothing. Let's just… Do you have the maps in your bag?"

* * *

Ten hours later, late in the afternoon, only an hour or so before dusk, Buffy woke up. Panicked for a second when her peeked senses didn't register where she was, she rolled over and saw Angel. 

Right. Basement. Motel. Great Salt Lake…

Slowly, carefully she raised her body and propped herself on her hands. Angel had gone to sleep much later than her, he had been planning, studying the maps and gathered weapons. Of course he was tired. Not to mention the fact that he had been driving the whole night, while she only had stared into the passing landscape. There was no point in waking him yet.

Ever so quietly she slid down from the bed, watching Angel's sleeping form as she backed away against the stairs. He didn't wake up. At least, she was pretty sure he didn't, it wasn't always easy to tell.

Her steps were heavy when her feet made their way through the hallway, heading to the kitchen. She needed blood, and Angel had put the containers in the fridge.

She needed blood. That statement alone was enough to depress her. She was walking here, carefully avoiding all streams of sunlight coming from the windows, heading to the kitchen to drink thick, dark, greasy blood from a pig.

And now, in an attempt to end the blood drinking parts of her life, she was here in some desert she didn't know – didn't care to know – with Angel, risking his and her lives… no, not _lives_. Not really. Existences.

She wasn't alive. Her body didn't need light, in fact, it would crumble and dissolve to dust in daylight. She didn't need to breathe, and her heart didn't pump blood around her system. She didn't need food, or water… she was a walking corpse, regenerated by a demon. It was funny really – she didn't view Angel as a dead body like that, only herself.

She stopped at the fridge, opened it and pulled the container out. She could see Angel's point. It did smell greasy. Like someone had put a bowel with frying fat or something in it in the sunlight and left it there for a few hours. It smelled like that.

Plus the blood-ish smell, of course, kind of metallic. She had smelled her share of blood over the years, but never like this. Nowadays the thick smell shot up in front of her like a wall, invading her senses, awakening her demon with a start. She had to seize her breathing to avoid inhaling the scent too deeply, which would make the demon even angrier. So she had learned.

The sight of the blood disgusted her, but not her demon – it thrashed and screamed inside her, just as usual. The delicious choice she had to make every time she held a cup of blood in her hand was whether to ignore the repulsion and drink it – thus quieting the demon, or let it go down the drain, and spend the next few hours in fetal position in a dark room somewhere, rocking herself back and forth while she tried to get the demon under control again. She had done it a few times, especially the first days. The visions… the horrifyingly graphic visions of murdering her friends… she would never get them out of her mind. Not even if she ever became human again.

IF. That was the featured word here. _If _she ever became human again. Only one of those demons had been close to killing Angel a year ago. Now they would face dozes, possibly hundreds – that part wasn't exactly clear. What was to say that they wouldn't be dust within two seconds?

Sure, they could get a lucky break. Maybe they would find a sick or weak demon… if they ever were sick or weak, after all, they could regenerate themselves even if they got cut to little pieces… or maybe they would find only one and be able to overpower it. But what were the odds of that, really? If Mohra blood was such an easy thing to acquire, it would have been done more often.

More often than never.

Buffy put the dirty cup in the sink. There was no microwave here, so she had drunk the blood cold. She could feel the vicious fluid stick to her throat, slowly going down into her stomach. Her demon would be soothed; everything was fine for the moment.

So why did she feel like falling down and dying on the spot?

Slowly she walked back towards the basement. The steps were as heavy in this direction. She couldn't even explain the sudden lash of depression. Of course she was feeling a little down, she had a lot on her mind after all. But why like this? They were getting closer to the goal, she should be upbeat and fit for fight. But she wasn't.

She had realized that facing the Mohra's came with a risk, a big risk of not walking away from it – human or vampire. Not only her. Herself… she felt comfortable with the notion of death. But what if she lost Angel? He would do everything to protect her, sacrifice his own life in a second. He might even sacrifice himself just to get the blood for her. But if going on living came with the price of loosing Angel… she wasn't at all sure that it was worth it. Maybe it was better if they just went back home. At least both of them would still be in one piece. In one piece… and safe.

Well. At least until the Council struck the next time. And they had no idea when that would be, or what they were prepared to do to take them out. Who knew what their next move might be? Poisoned arrows, explosions, ruthless assassins… They had already been through a lot over the years.

It was just too much. Buffy stopped at the entrance to the basement. She didn't feel like going down there. Going down there would probably wake Angel, which meant that he would see how depressed she was, and she didn't want that. Instead she opened the door to another room, entering as soon as she had made sure that no sunlight was currently streaming into it.

The room was big – empty and unfurnished. So very fitting.

She closed the door behind her, walking a few steps into the room. What was she supposed to do in here? She had no idea. Then again, that was pretty much the regular theme with her these days – the having no idea part, that was.

She sank to her knees. And she cried. When the former Slayer couldn't bear her dark thoughts anymore, when they threatened to consume her completely, she could only choose between try – and fail – to swallow them and go on, and to let the tensions out. She did, and it felt good. It felt good not trying to be strong for a few minutes.

Sobbing and whimpering quietly Buffy cried for everything that had been destroyed, just shattered and swept away during the last month. She cried for the fact that she would never hear her mothers soothing voice again, for never getting to bicker with her sister again… she cried for not being able to do her duty and protect Tara and Riley… and for giving up, letting herself become… whatever she was now.

She cried for the fact that her friends didn't seem to want much to do with her anymore, and that the same person… the same being that had made all this mess was willing to risk his existence to try to make things right. He loved her so much, and despite everything… despite the conflicting feeling she had and everything that had happened, she loved him too, so much that she hurt inside.

She cried for not having the slightest idea what tomorrow would hold, and for blowing her chance and treating Angel with the warmth of a cold fish when he finally gave her a say in the future of their relationship. To avoid screaming out loud she bit her lip until she could taste blood, clenched her fists and tried to focus on keeping herself upright.

She cried for minutes without stopping. If she had been human the lack of air would have given her a headache. IF she had been human.

The only thing that kept the minutes from turning to hours was the knowledge that Angel could wake up at any moment, that he could come through that door at any time, and she didn't want him to see her like this. She wiped the blood away from her lip and dried her tears off on the sleeve of her shirt. On shaking legs she got up and stalked quietly into the bathroom that belonged to the empty room and washed herself off before she returned to the basement.

Be brave, she thought to herself. You have to be strong. Just like always.

* * *

Two hours later Buffy and Angel headed out into the woods. They had no desire to drag this out, and for all they knew, they could have the Council hot on their heels, which would without any doubt make it harder to fight the Mohra's. _Even_ harder. 

Angel had driven as far as he could with the car, but they still had to walk when the small and dark paths in the woods became too narrow for the Plymouth. They were both heavily armed and carried both swords and different kinds of throwing weapons, meant to smash the Mohra's foreheads in case they became too many. If they encountered a group they wanted to kill all but one – more demons meant more chances at getting a little blood, but the risk of getting beheaded or staked was also considerably larger.

Angel glanced at Buffy. He was worried about her. She might keep a brave face and tell him that everything was fine, that she looked forward to… "kicking ninja turtle ass", but he knew her better than that. When he had woken up, she hadn't been at his side, and when she had gotten back, he could smell the tears as soon as she entered the basement. Still she denied it, denied that she was feeling painfully low and depressed.

He just wanted to make things right. Most things he had done… most of the destruction that he had caused in his time he couldn't do anything about, couldn't ever redeem. This time, he had a shot, and he wanted so badly to succeed, even if it meant dying himself. If he could give Buffy her life back, as a living, happy human, it was worth it.

But that was just it. Even if she became human again… would she be happy? Everything that had happened to her… everything that he had done to her was bound to leave scares even if they could reverse the vampire part of it. She would never forget. Her friends would never forget. He would never forget.

He shook his head, trying to get rid of the unpleasant feeling. First thing's first. There would be no humanity at all unless they came through the Mohra meeting successfully.

"Okay, so remember, we're not here to do as much damage as we can, just to collect some blood," Angel said in a quiet voice. Buffy nodded. She froze, stopping dead in her tracks as she heard a sound. Angel heard it too. Just 20 feet or so ahead a large, green ninja like demon passed before them. Luckily they were well hidden behind some bushes and the demon simply walked passed them.

"Is that…?" Buffy whispered.

"Yeah."

They followed the demon quietly. Just when they were pretty sure it was alone three more stepped out of the shadows and Buffy and Angel quickly rethought attacking it right there. Instead they followed the demons back to a cave – presumably their nest. The Mohra's went inside.

Buffy and Angel waited for a few moments before they peeked inside the cave. They could see roughly 50 or so Mohra's – and quickly forgot the idea of storming the cave.

"What do you think?" Buffy asked.

"They're too many to take on at once." As he heard a sound behind him he turned. "But that won't really be a problem since a few of them seems to be out on a nice evening stroll." Buffy turned around and realized that they stood face to face with another five Mohra's, all very angry looking and with their weapons raised.

"Okay fellas," Angel said with a smirk. "We're not here to slaughter your entire race, we just want to get a small blood sample. So you could either give it up willingly…" he raised his large battle axe. "Or we do it the hard way."

The demons didn't bother to answer before they attacked.

"It's always the hard way," Angel muttered before he had to dodge out of the way. Buffy jumped and kicked two of the demons and they were taken aback, but they didn't even fall down. Angel quickly decided it was a good idea to reduce their numbers and swinging his mace, he managed to kill one of the Mohra's by smashing its jewel. It screamed and disappeared in a beaconing light.

Now Angel and Buffy were fighting two demons each. They both held on, barely, but they could feel that just a split second off focus would give the demons the upper hand. And that would mean instant death.

Buffy cut one badly, but it was very keen to keep its wound from her and held a protective hand over it. The creatures obviously weren't so keen to share their blood. One of the demons fighting Angel grabbed him and threw him into a tree. He was stunned for a second but quickly got back to his feet. Buffy was about to smash one of her demons when it swept away her feet, and she fell to the ground.

Angel was distracted when the demon raised its weapon to drive through her and it was enough for one of the Mohra's to get an opening. It lunged forward and drove its sword into Angel's side. He roared in pain and was pretty dazed for a few seconds. Not that a metal sword through the torso would kill him, of course.

It just hurt like hell.

"I hate being impaled!" he yelled furiously as he pulled the sword out. The now unarmed Mohra didn't even have time to move before Angel smacked it and it died. Buffy was on her feet again, but she was bleeding badly from her right leg and she couldn't move very quickly sideways because of it. Just when Angel thought they were winning the fight, he was hit in the back of the head very hard and could feel the taste of blood in his mouth. He turned around and saw another ten demons – reinforcement from the cave that had heard the sounds from the fight.

Uh-oh.

"Buffy, they're too many, we better… Ahh!" Three of the demons fired crossbows at him and he staggered backwards when they hit their mark. He held his breath for a moment, prepared to realize that it was over – but he didn't have to. One of the arrows was dangerously close to the heart – maybe the tip had even grazed it, but he wouldn't die. From that, anyway.

He looked in Buffy's direction and saw that she had a gash above her eye – obviously she had been hit in the head too. She was fighting three demons now and didn't have the time to see a fourth one that was coming at her from behind. It raised its sword and Angel realized that he wouldn't make it over there in time to help her.

All he could do was watch from a distance as the demon stabbed Buffy in the back. She screamed for him, but she wasn't just yelling out of pain. She screamed because another few demons were attacking him and she wanted to get his attention of her and onto them.

"Angel, look out!" He turned around in the last second and moved away from the demon that was aiming to behead him. This was of no use. They were too many, too strong, and too well armed. And they were both badly hurt. If the arrow close to his heart was moved just a few millimeters to the left, he would be dead.

He used his inhuman speed that these creatures luckily didn't have and moved towards Buffy, who was bleeding badly and barely holding up, the sword still stuck in her back, dangerously close to her spine. He helped her to her feet and they ran through the forest as quickly as they could manage, only hoping that the Mohra's wouldn't follow them.


	34. WHEN ALL IS SAID, AND DONE, AND DEAD

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_A/N: We're closing in on the end. Chapter 35 will probably be the last one... of this part, anyway. Remember that there's more to it. Much more to it, actually. Just keep reading... _

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CHAPTER 34: WHEN ALL IS SAID, AND DONE, AND DEAD**

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Angel hurried inside the motel with Buffy's small body in his arms, taking her down into the basement.

After they had pulled the sword out of her back, she had collapsed in the car on the way back. It wasn't hard to figure out why – she had lost a lot of blood and she had two major things working against her healing; she was a very newly sired vampire and she hadn't ever fed on human blood. Angel on the other hand had, and was much older which was in his favor. His wounds had already closed up nicely.

Angel put Buffy down on the bed and examined her wounds. She was loosing blood from three major wounds, one in her thigh, one on the throat and the one in the back, where the Mohra had stabbed her. It wouldn't kill her… but she might take a very long time to recover. She would need blood to recover, and not pig's blood. _Real_ blood. There was really only one thing he could do… if he wanted her to get better. He thought about it for a few seconds while he broke the arrows in his chest and pulled them out, wincing from the pain. Wounds caused by wooden weapons were always more painful.

Angel made a quick decision. It was a dark one… a serious one, one that should be considered, thought through and dismissed as unethical, insane and straight up evil. Buffy wouldn't like it if she knew, but she didn't, and there was no telling how she would do if he didn't help her. With a last look at her still form – she had even seized her breathing by now – he hurried to his car and drove into the city.

He parked the car in a dark corner in a park. Immediately slipping into stealthy stalker mode, Angel repressed his feelings for the unlucky person that would be in the wrong place at the wrong time tonight. He had done this hundreds of times. Thousands of times. It was as common and well known to him as tying a shoe, or writing his name. He couldn't let anything stand in the way for what he had to do now, not even his soul.

He surveyed the park. He saw a young man with a dog. He couldn't afford the risk of the dog barking and drawing attention to them. An old man was asleep on a park bench. Angel could smell the stench of old alcohol on him and moved on.

He stopped when he saw a tall, well built man in jogging dress walk through the park. Judging by the man's calm pulse and lack of bodily odour, he was on his way to the jogging trails that went into a small forest. Angel followed. The man was young, well trained and probably healthy. And probably strong, for a human, but it wouldn't help him tonight. As the man started jogging, Angel quickly moved to cut his way off.

The man held a steady pace as he jogged through the woods. He didn't even know anyone was following him - he had headphones on, Angel could hear the cheerful, loud disco music playing even from a long distance. He decided to strike before he could get out into the open once more. He waited for the right second and leaped onto the small path. The man stopped dead in his tracks and stared at Angel, but he didn't look afraid, more like annoyed that someone has ruined the rhythm in his jogging round.

"Get out of the way you idiot," he said and made a move to go around Angel. Angel swallowed. There was no time to drag this out. He blocked his way and morphed into his gameface. _Now_ the man looked terrified. He threw up his fists in front of him and obviously tried to look intimidating. Angel punched him resolutely in the face, knocking him out. He slumped to the ground in an unconscious heap. Inside Angel, the demon rejoiced, almost blinding him with its feral fury and bloodlust. And Angel knew that giving it exactly what it wanted might calm it for the moment... but not in the long run.

Angel kneeled beside the man and bit in to his throat. The demon continued to cheer him on. He drank as much as he knew that he could before endangering the man's recovery. He was young and in good shape – he should do fine.

Fighting hard to suppress the demon from draining the man completely, Angel shook himself and hurried back to his car without looking back. Even with his soul safely intact, his demon took great pleasure in hurting humans. And the bad thing was... he did too. It was in him, in his nature. The soul might make him feel guilty about his thoughts and actions, but that was it. It didn't change who and what he was.

And besides, he didn't allow himself to feel any guilt about this particular human. Buffy was more important, and after all, he would be alright.

* * *

Buffy was still in the position that he left her when he got back. She hadn't moved at all, but she was still bleeding profusely. The sheets were soaked with dark blood and Buffy herself, she was paler than he had ever seen her. Pale and so light, looking so helpless. He sat down on the bed and pulled her into his embrace. He bit his wrist and put her mouth to the wound. Even if she was wounded and weak, the demon was woken up by the smell of blood and she began to drink. Soon she was feeding strongly and Angel could see that the gash on her forehead was closing up. She would be alright. Buffy opened her eyes. 

"Angel?" she groaned painfully.

"Yeah. How do you feel?"

"Like I've been beaten and stabbed…" she said in a raspy voice. "Which might have something to do with the fact that I _have_ been beaten and stabbed," she continued with a grimace. She sat up beside him. Angel was relieved. She'd pulled through and would probably be totally healed up in the morning.

"How did you… How long was I out?"

"For a while. When you got a little fresh blood in your system you came to quick though." Yeah. Fresh blood from an innocent person that I almost killed for you.

"Mm. How about you?"

"I'm fine. Older vampire constitution," he offered as an explanation. He was actually completely healed up by now, both thanks to his age and strength and the young man's blood. Buffy nodded.

"Guess it didn't go too well, huh?" Angel didn't answer her. "What do you think we should do now?"

"Rest," he said quietly, putting his arm around her as she leaned against him. "Until you're healed up again. Then we'll… we'll try one more time." Buffy didn't say anything, but she nodded. Her small hand caressed his larger, gripping it, begging for comfort so badly. She turned her head and looked at him, her green eyes filled with so much pain and confusion.

Their lips met in a soft kiss, a kiss begging for mutual forgiveness, hoping for comfort and relieve of pain in a dark, difficult world. It must have been minutes before they broke it off.

"You almost left me today," Buffy whispered.

"Not just me," he said. "But we're here, and we're okay." Buffy felt tears burn behind her eyelids, burn and threatening to well over at any moment. She wanted to fight them back, to stay strong. But she couldn't.

"Angel, I felt like… I lost you. Again. When he stabbed me and the other two attacked you, I thought…" she sobbed quietly, not caring if he saw her cry. He had already witnessed her ultimate surrender first hand. She didn't need to keep her stiff upper-lip in front of him. He caressed her face softly, wiping her tears away, understanding her feelings.

"Shh… We're fine. We pulled through."

"We can't ever be sure of anything. Not ever." Buffy touched Angel's face with one hand. She kissed him again, and if felt so familiar, so comforting. They were both room temperature – and still he seemed to warm every part of her that he touched. He was her home. Her other hand slowly made its way to unbutton his shirt, and immediately, he tensed.

"Buffy, we shouldn't…" Angel said weakly. The situation and his own words sent a cold chill down his spine. This scene had played out before, almost three years ago. Him hesitating, Buffy for it – the "it" that could possibly lead to much needed comfort and beautiful memories – or horrifying destruction.

"Shh. You said it was up to me… You said that I could choose. Guess what? I'm choosing."

A part of his mind screamed out to him to walk away, always stay on the safe side, never take risks… Yet something told him that maybe they needed this. Comfort, solace in a world that had done nothing but toying with them for the last few months. Hell, the world, the mighty Powers That Be had NEVER done anything else than screwing with them, had they? His head filled with conflicting thoughts, he felt himself give in.

* * *

The next morning, Angel awoke early from the sun shining in through one of the small basement windows. He turned his head and looked at Buffy, who was still asleep peacefully in his arms. 

Angel felt sad and happy at the same time. This was the first morning after with Buffy that hadn't been a disaster, and the only reason to why it wouldn't be a disaster this time was because through the whole night he'd been telling himself that the small, perfect figure that was with him should have been alive and warm with a steady strong pulse. Just thinking about that… thinking about why she wasn't alive made it easy to keep the happiness well within the "perfect" marginal.

He didn't know what the future would hold. He rarely did, but even less so now. Either Buffy would become human again… and if she did, he didn't know how he would put a stop to the happiness. The other alternative was that she would stay as a vampire and then there was her curse to consider as well. Would they ever going to be able to be together without worrying about one of them, or both, turning evil? He sighed. It was too early for brooding.

Suddenly his head snapped up as he heard something upstairs. A little early for visitors, he thought as he gently released himself from Buffy's grip. She didn't even stir in her sleep. It had been a long night and her body was still busy with healing its wounds. He put his pants on and headed upstairs soundlessly.

He stopped as soon as he came up the stairs. He could see a man, more precisely one of the Council's assassins, searching through the cabinets and bags in the kitchen. The kitchen door was open, the guy must have broke in. Moving ever so quietly Angel moved inside the kitchen, carefully avoiding the blistering sunlight coming from the open door..

"Looking for something?" he said. The assassin flinched visibly, gripped his weapon and spun around.

"Don't move!" he said commandingly, holding up a crossbow, as if thinking that Angel would actually follow his orders. "I will fire." Not even giving Angel the chance to answer he did just that, but the vampire was ready. He caught the arrow dangerously close to his chest and smelled the tip.

"Poison. Killer of the dead. Humming an old tune, are we?" Angel shook his head and threw the arrow to the side. "Been there, done that. Or didn't you get the memo?" The guy grinned.

"Perhaps so, but this time you don't have any perverted Slayers around that can cure you. You killed one and the other is safely locked away in prison where she belongs." Angel sighed.

"So. Why are you here? 'Cause you know, feels like I have the right to know since you were rummaging through my things."

"Why should I establish a conversation with a vampire? It's sick," the guy said and pursed his lips. "The reason I'm here…" the guy inched closer to the window. Angel didn't fail to notice it. "…is to kill two vampires!" The man yanked the rope, pulling away the blinds, letting the warm morning sun stream through the window. The kitchen was bathing in sunlight and Angel was in the middle of it.

The guy probably expected Angel to burst into flames immediately like the common fledgling vampire that probably constituted his entire experience with actual vampires, but being 250 years old – he didn't. Instead Angel lunged at the guy with a growl and pinned him against the wall, practically shivering with predatory rage, his demon cheering and trying to push itself to the surface even further. The pain from his sizzling bare back only spurred his anger.

"Maybe you think you're dealing with Angelus here," Angel snarled between clenched teeth. "Would make things nice and clear, wouldn't it, hm? Well, you're not. But if you do anything to Buffy… I will give each – and – every – member – of the Watcher's Council a private tour through every file they have on me, complete with demonstration. That's a promise. And trust me. If it comes to that, you'll _wish_ that you were dealing with Angelus."

Angel wanted to end it, his demon longed for it, and that was exactly why he couldn't do it. If he killed the guy here, the demon would become even more infuriated and frustrated, and he wasn't sure that he could control it. Not now, when fresh human blood was still coursing through his veins. It might become too much.

Instead Angel pushed the guy out the kitchen door roughly, rejoicing inwardly as he fell and slammed into the concrete outside. He caught a glimpse of his terrified face before he slammed it shut. Angel took his black overcoat that he'd left in the kitchen and put it on to be able to move through the sunlight again without putting his body through any more scorching heat.

* * *

It was the loud thumping upstairs that woke Buffy up. She stretched out and smiled to herself. As soon as she awoke she felt the claw of her demon from inside, felt its anger and its hunger, but not even that could spoil her surprisingly good mood. Last night had been… well, special to say in the least. Not perfect. How could things ever be perfect now? Or at all? But it had been nice, and she had felt… safe. It was funny, really. The same thing that had caused the return of Angelus – twice, in a way, had made her feel safe tonight. She wondered if Angel had felt safe too. She rolled over, expecting to see him. 

Only he wasn't there.

She didn't even notice that her hands started trembling. It spread to her arms, and her leg… she clenched her teeth and almost felt as if the room had started spinning. Hysteria and panic was threatening to overwhelm her. It couldn't have… He couldn't have. He just _couldn't_. She couldn't handle it again. Not ever.

In her dazed state of mind she could see herself call Giles to get her friends to safety… she imagined that she would have to steal a car that she couldn't actually even drive… then the wild hunt to catch up with him before he reached Sunnydale would follow. She could even feel the shame it would cause her to make that call to Giles… What would he say? She got up from the bed and started dressing herself, her hands still shaking.

What would he think of her?

Her thoughts were stopped abruptly when Angel came striding down the stairs. She froze and stared at him. As soulful as ever. She blinked once. Twice. Was her really there? He really was. Her body was still shaking, but now because the tension was relieved, the shock lifted from her shoulders. She couldn't hide her relief when she hurried towards him, meeting him halfway from the stairs and embracing him in a tight hug.

"Thank god you're here." Her words were choked and so silent that he wasn't sure that he had heard right.

"Hey." He let his hand run over her face, giving her a worried look. "Are you alright?" She swatted him in the arm. He flinched, not because of the pain, but because it wasn't quite the reaction he had expected.

"No, you idiot!" She exploded, throwing her hands up. "Do you have _any_ idea what I thought when you weren't here?" His expression was confused for a second, before realization dawned on him and it turned to shame.

"Oh. Buffy, no… You thought… No. I'm so sorry."

"You better be," Buffy murmured, not really angry at him. She was just so thankful that he was alright and… intact.

"I didn't mean to frighten you," he said softly. "But I heard something upstairs… it was one of the Council guys." Immediately Buffy turned serious, fear clawing at her again.

"Oh no."

"It's okay, I scared him off for now. I guess it's likely to say that we haven't seen the last of them…" Buffy gave him a worried look and he tried to keep the calm in his voice. "Don't worry. We can handle them."

"Yeah." Buffy started pacing around the room. "Yeah, I know we can handle them in a fair fight, but these guys aren't very honorable, remember. If they are out to kill us they will do whatever it takes to get the job done. I mean, we are talking about guys that were totally fine with murdering Faith in cold blood, and she was _human_." And we're not, she added bitterly in thought. She stopped and looked at him.

"You're right. We'll have to be careful." Angel agreed. Buffy nodded, crossing her arms over her chest, standing somewhat uncomfortably.

"Are you really okay?" Angel asked, kicking himself mentally for asking such a stupid question. Of course she wasn't okay, he could see it from a mile away. _Spike_ would be sensitive enough to see that she wasn't okay. Their first encounter with the Mohra's had failed, they had nearly been killed… and to top that off, he had started this day by scaring her half to death. Well, more to death…

"I'm… I mean, I feel…" She looked at him. "I'm okay. Really."

"Really."

"Really. I'm tired. Pissed at the turtle-thingies. But I'm okay." Angel nodded. "Tonight was… well, it was… intense. Um… nice." She glanced warily at him and he smiled faintly.

"Don't… don't you think so?" Her voice was uncertain, wary… scared, even. He looked sadly at her. Oh, how much of her he had destroyed. She was insecure, unsure of herself, completely lacking the self esteem she should have. She looked like the morning after their first time together, the first time she had gotten smacked back by his words. And the second time, the last time… things hadn't been a whole lot nicer, when he had been slowly loosing his soul piece by piece.

"Of course," he said quickly. "It was amazing. Uh… a new experience." She frowned slightly. "You know, with the… waking up and lacking a headache." She nodded knowingly, looking down.

"So you're okay too?" she asked, hiding a small, satisfied smile.

"I am." She looked up at him.

"So if you're fine, and sure that we can take the Council, what's with the pensive face? You have pensive face." Angel shrugged.

"I always have pensive face," he murmured.

"Yeah, well, pensive-er face."

"There's just so much going on," he sighed. "Not just the Council." No, he added in thought. Also the fact that I have no idea what we're going to do about the Mohra's… that I don't know how to make things better for you… not to mention that I can barely control my bloodlust after feeding off an innocent man for you yesterday. Some things were just better left unspoken.

"It's a mess. Don't I know it," Buffy muttered. "Um… maybe I could call Giles… before we try again." She looked at him. "We _are_ trying again, right?"

"Of course."

"Maybe he's found some new weaknesses. You never know."

"No… I guess you never do."

* * *

A few hours later, as soon as it was late enough to contact Sunnydale, Buffy called Giles to give him an update and quiz him about the Mohra's weaknesses. Unfortunately he didn't have any good news. They were known to be very hard to kill, it was a certain fact. It was pretty logical – if they weren't, their race would be extinct. They would be constantly followed by bounty hunters and their blood would be priceless on the black market. 

However, according to Giles they were as sensitive to fire as many other demon species…

"We blow them up," Angel suggested.

"What?" Buffy stared at him as if he had grown a third eye. Blow them up?

"We blow them up. A bomb, or several of them if need be, of suitable size – light it, throw it into the cave and watch the Mohra's become tiny pieces."

"Are you… serious?" She frowned. "Or did someone put whiskey in your blood?"

"No, no, think about it. It could work. We don't need them alive, we only need their blood. Blowing them up won't extinguish them since they will be blown to pieces, leaving their jewels unharmed, so we can still collect the blood."

"Won't they regenerate themselves, in a new very pissed of variety?" Buffy asked.

"Probably, but we have some time. Last time it took the demon several hours to regenerate itself and I only stabbed it that time. We could kill them all before they have time to get back from little pieces. Or just take a little blood and run like hell." Buffy thought about it for a second. As crazy as it sounded, it might actually work.

"Let's do it," she said, looking at him. "Nothing ventured, nothing won, right?" He smiled at her.

"That's right. As soon as we have all supplies, we'll go blast ourselves some Mohra's."

Outside the motel in she shadows, a green creature listened to the two vampires talking inside. Together they might be powerful, those bloodsuckers, but there was one pivotal thing they didn't have – the ability to be outside at daytime, in the sunlight.

Not that it mattered, not that any of it mattered really. The end of days had begun, and not even the righteous vampire couple would be able to stop it. Not like this, and not now. And there was a way to make sure that they never would.

With the great darkness coming…

For anyone of us that falls, ten shall rise.


	35. LIFE IS BUT A DREAM

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* * *

**_ A/N: Mm'kay, actually the last chapter turned into two. But here it is. The two last parts of the first story in this trilogy-to-be._**

* * *

**

**CHAPTER 35: LIFE IS BUT A DREAM**

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* * *

**

"You failed in your attempt to kill Angelus?" Quentin Travers was weary of the Council loosing its battles against the ones that were actually meant to serve them – and those who _they_ were meant to kill. Not that he was actually surprised, not this time. He had sent Weatherby alone, and his mission was first and foremost to do recon. He hadn't expected him to actually bring news of Angelus' death.

"Well, sir, I attempted to shoot him with the poisonous arrow, but he grabbed it out of the air…" Excuses, excuses, Quentin thought. Always making excuses. He waved his hand as if to chase away an annoying fly.

"You failed, yes or no?" he cut off. Weatherby looked down.

"Yes, I failed."

"I trust you see how serious this is. Not just your failure; this whole operation has been most shameful to the Council. These two vampires make us seem inferior, which is something we cannot afford after all that's happened during these last few years."

"I agree, sir."

"Not one, but two active watchers have had to be fired. An obstinate Slayer that both has had a close relationship with Angelus and has let him feed from her has disclaimed her responsibility and turned her back on us. The next from the line, killed by a descendant of Angelus because Ms. Summers didn't do what she had to by terminating him. Yet another failing Slayer that… perverted everything the Council used to stand for by using her powers for the other side…"

"We should have had her killed a long time ago," Weatherby snorted, reminiscing the embarrassing failure concerning the dark-haired bitch going by the name of Faith, first in Sunnydale, then in Los Angeles. Quentin stared at him.

"We interrupt?" he said callously. Weatherby looked down again.

"I apologize, sir."

"Very well. Now Angelus has turned the only active Slayer, and we can't really say it's a surprise to us. It has led up to this for years. It's about time we put a permanent stop to this. The Watcher's Council of Britain has to get its honor and glory back."

"I agree completely, sir."

"Now, please tell me you at least got the thing you were there for?"

"Yes sir, Angelus didn't even see me take it."

Quentin gave the slightest hint of a satisfied smile. "Good. Now, prepare the men. We should have everything ready within a few weeks. If we can't beat the vampires the old fashioned way, we shall have to do it by other means."

* * *

"Okay, so this time we run like hell if we see a large group of them, right?" Buffy asked. Angel smiled and nodded. 

"Yeah, I think that's the best thing to do for now. Not that I _don't_ want to kick their asses, it's just, I want to keep us in one piece while doing it."

"Liking that plan."

They were moving quietly through the forest where the Mohra's lived once more, but this time it was strictly recon, they didn't intend to confront any of the demons. They hadn't found all the supplies they needed to make bombs yet, and besides, they needed to plan their moves better this time.

Buffy had asked Angel how the hell he planned to turn the stuff from the hardware store into bombs – bombs that would actually explode and do some damage, and he had just looked at her. After several minutes of trying to pull it out of him, he had dismissed her by telling her that he had learned a little of everything over the years. Realizing that he wouldn't tell her unless he wanted to, she had left it at that, even though she was pretty curious.

Angel didn't think it'd be wise to throw bombs just from one direction – as for example into the entrance they had found the night before, since they didn't know if there were any more ways in and out of the cave. If there were more entrances many demons would probably be able to escape before they were harmed. Some of them would still die of course, but if they left survivors they would surely be facing a full out war with the Mohra's – and that wasn't really an appealing thought. And a sure way to get killed, no less.

They stood quiet in the shadows. A bright light appeared somewhere for just an instant. Buffy almost thought it had been just a trick of the eye, but Angel had seen it too.

"There. It must be an entrance."

They slowly and carefully made there way towards the spot where the light had appeared. It was an entrance alright, and it was pitch dark inside. Buffy's senses were on high alert – her hearing and sight peeked, but still she couldn't feel the demons inside. She felt worry clawing at her. Were the Mohra's expecting them? Currently ambushing them and preparing to take them out? It would explain the silence. She glanced at Angel, trying to discern whether he was worried as well. He had a thoughtful scowl on his face. Then again, when didn't he?

"Stay here," Angel said, and before she could even open her mouth to argue with him, he was gone. He went close to the entrance and peeked inside the cave. Buffy would have expected him to get a quick lay of the land and turn back, but instead he went inside, still very careful. She wanted to yell at him to stop, or run after him, but she didn't. Her heart told her to stop him from going in there, but her instincts realized that if the Mohra's were really around, it would do more damage than just staying quiet.

"What the hell?" she heard his voice from inside the pitch black cave. Okay, screw instincts. Now she couldn't just stay passive, what if he had been jumped, or trapped, or who knew what else? Getting up from her hiding spot she ran after him. When she came inside the cave, she stopped in her tracks.

What?

The cave was empty. And not as in "only a few demons left". The cave was completely deserted, no one there. Not a single Mohra.

They made a quick sweep around the cave to make sure that it was really empty. It didn't take lone – courtesy of their good night vision. The only thing Angel found was a small note that had been put up close to what seemed to be the main entrance.

"Did you really think we would wait for you to come and slaughter us?" Angel read out loud from the note, shaking his head. "So, gee, they can write too. That's nifty," he muttered.

"So what does that mean?" Buffy frowned. "They ran?" Angel shook his head.

"No, I can't see the type of warrior demon like the Mohra run. It wasn't like we made a very intimidating impression the last time we faced them." Angel picked up a large rock from the ground for demonstration. "And I don't remember all of these big rocks from yesterday. See, the ground in here is covered with them."

Buffy didn't get it at first. "So?" She stared at him. Angel shook his head, anger clawing at him from the inside. The recent addition of human blood didn't help him with the predatory instinct management either.

"So – they killed themselves. When they realized that we may have found a way to get their blood, they… killed themselves," he said quietly.

"But… why?" It seemed ridiculous to Buffy that such strong demons would just kill themselves in a way that would make sure that they couldn't regenerate themselves. Angel shot her a dark look.

"Isn't it obvious? Just like we thought they're really keen on their blood staying within the family, so to speak. Simple life and death doesn't matter to them."

"But they killed themselves, they can't regenerate themselves if they smash the jewels, right?"

"No, but, remember what I told you, for every one of these things that die, ten will rise instead." Buffy stared at him.

"When? Where?" He looked at her angrily.

"Hell if I know!" Buffy flinched visibly and he softened.

"Buffy, I'm sorry. Look, the point is, since every single one of them will come back, multiplying their numbers ten times, there's really no worry for the species either. Maybe one or two has escaped to come back and start it all over again, or maybe they will send someone from some of the other groups. Or maybe the new ones will just rise her. I don't know how it works."

Buffy turned away from Angel, staring out in space, trying to take in what had just happened, trying to come to terms with the obvious and maybe even expected, but still tragic and numbing fact...

It was over.

They couldn't do anything else here. Their chance had passed. Her shot at humanity was lost, gone forever. Their attempts and struggle… it was all for nothing. The Mohra's were all gone and they couldn't change that with a brilliant plan or a dangerous fight to the death… they were just helpless.

And no one was there to help the helpless.

* * *

"So that's it, huh?" Buffy said, finally uttering the obvious statement. They were on their way back to the motel. Angel hadn't said a single word during the car ride or the walk from the cave to the car. He was silent, staring ahead without looking at her.

"What?" he asked without taking his eyes off the road.

"That's… it. No more Mohra's, no more blood." No more humanity she added in her head, but she didn't say it out loud. As if they weren't aware of it already.

There was a certain pained hopelessness in her voice, but also a certain form of acceptance, which scared Angel more than the pain. Buffy was giving up. Maybe she even had given up already. And if she had… if she didn't think there was a chance of her ever regaining her humanity, how would he be able to persuade her? If her heart wasn't in it… figuratively speaking… there was no way that it would work.

Angel was quiet a while before he answered. "I've thought about it. It doesn't have to be the end. I mean… Africa isn't that far away, we can try there as well. Or we could go to the Caspian Sea. Maybe we can even find someone else that knows of more Mohra nests in America…"

"No," Buffy interrupted. "No, I don't want that." He turned his head and looked at her. "I... I don't want to put you in any more danger because of this." She sighed. Angel shook his head.

"Buffy... I've been in danger for so many different things, for friends, for strangers… just for the kick of being in danger. I can't think of a better cause than giving you your life back. If taking my own life would give you another shot at humanity… I would do it right now." Buffy gave him an angry look.

"That's very knightly of you," she said dryly. "I don't want you to die for me, don't you understand that? I can't loose you. Not again. Life isn't important if I have to exchange you for it." Buffy maintained a persistent glance out the car window when he turned his head to look at her.

She had pulled her mouth into a tight line and her gaze was hard, but yet vulnerable. He remained silent. Not anymore anyway, he thought. Buffy truly didn't feel like she had anything else to live for than him anymore, which was ironic and tragic in its own way.

"It's not like we're in a hurry." Buffy continued, her voice a little softer. "We have eternity to find another Mohra. Until then, I'm…" she faltered. "I'm… fine with the way things are now."

Fine. Yeah, right. He could hear it in her voice that it was physically hard to get the words out. She wasn't fine – she was dead. A walking corpse. A demon with a soul, doomed to walk the earth and try to make up for centuries of evil… no, that was _him_. Not her. And he desperately didn't want to put her through the same horror, not more than he already had, anyway. He wanted to end it. _Now._

But he couldn't.

He had already lost a part of her – she had been forced to come to terms with the possibility of never being human again, and he understood what she felt. Twice during the last year he had been put through basically the same thing – first when he was human for a day before having it taken away, and then when he first learned of the Shanshu prophecy.

For a while there, he had lost himself in the thought of getting to be human again some day, and it had made him loose his focus. And when he realized that it might never be… that the prophecy might mean something else, or that he might get himself killed long before it was due to happen, or that it was a lie even to begin with… the feeling of being pulled back down into his dead state of mind was devastating.

So yes, he could imagine and understand what she felt, but still, it was different for her. A few weeks ago she had been a living, happy human with family and friends… heading towards a good life despite the fact of being the Slayer. Now she was a vampire. Dead, with no family and only a few friends left – friends that didn't seem to be able to come to term with what their friend had become.

"I guess I better call Giles when we get back to the motel, tell him that we're coming back," Buffy said silently.

"Hmm." Angel wanted to find something to say, something nice and tasteful – something that would brighten things, if only ever so slightly. But he wasn't good with the words. That gift belonged to his soulless alterego. If he could only say as many nice things when he had his soul as mind-tripping and hurting when he was evil…

"And tell him that we won't be staying, just picking up my things…"

"Hmm." Angel frowned, turned his head and looked at her. "What?"

"Well, you know. I don't have anything left in Sunnydale, not the house, or…" Buffy was about to mention her family, but she stopped herself. Therein lied a lot of pain for both of them, and there was no need to bring that up now.

"Um… and well, I don't really know what I would to in Sunnydale anymore." She swallowed. "I mean… you have your… responsibilities and I… I don't have anything."

"Sure you do," he said almost automatically, not considering exactly what he was referring to until after he had said it.

"Like what? What should I do? I'm not the Slayer anymore. I mean, not really." Angel lowered his gaze, not saying a word.

"I want something to do," Buffy continued. "Maybe a job or something, now that... college is out, and I can tell you – I will _not _spend a good part of my unlife swinging hamburgers at the Doublemeat Palace during the night shift."

"What about your friends?" Buffy smiled sadly, looking down at her hands.

"What friends? I'm not even sure they consider me that anymore."

"Of course they do," Angel argued.

"Yeah? Where were you when they gave me the chilly reception back in Sunnydale? I mean, you could practically hear the ice creaking when Willow moved around."

"They're just… It's just hard for them," Angel said.

"It's hard for me too," she said somberly, falling silent for a moment. Angel considered her words, and he understood. It would have helped if her friends had been more understanding. Of course it was awkward for them, but they had looked at Buffy as if she had grown a second head, and that wasn't okay.

_They_ were not the ones that had lost their life, that had to come to term with never going outside, and living on blood, and fighting down a never silent demon that only wanted to destroy and kill.

"I thought he meant that time when Spike split us up… when we fought Adam," Buffy mused. Angel looked at her, at a complete loss. What was she talking about?

"What?"

"You know…" She stopped herself for a moment. "No, I guess you really don't… Last Halloween, we met this demon. A very small little fear demon."

"Gachnar?" Angel asked. Buffy frowned and looked at him.

"How do you know?"

"Gachnar's Irish. Even if I haven't lived there for a while, still know a few things about my home country, you know," he said, giving her a friendly look. Buffy nodded.

"Right. Anyway… he told me… 'they were all going to abandon me'." She swallowed hard. "I didn't think much about it, but then I just assumed that he meant… that time with Adam. I guess now… I know what he _really _meant." She looked away, trying to hide the pained look on her face.

"Buffy…" Angel began, but she held up a stopping hand. She didn't want to hear it, hear his soothing words and attempts at trying to get her to think that she wasn't right. She hadn't taken those words of Gachnar seriously. After all, she had just lived through an entire evening of his pranks and was about to crush him under her shoe… but he had proven to be just right. Everyone that had been with her at that time was gone. Maybe not literally, but still. They had all abandoned her. Or at least so it felt.

"Friends or not… I'm not close to them anymore. Or, right now," Buffy said finally, and Angel nodded. She was right. He truly hoped that she would find her way back to her friends eventually, because he knew how much they had always meant for each other, but right now, maybe they needed a little time away from Buffy to adjust to – certain facts.

"So what do you want to do?" Angel wasn't sure what to say. Of course that old broken record in him told him to say the usual lines – we shouldn't be together, there is too much if a risk, I'm not good for you… but on some level, he was sick of it. Sick of the excuses.

He had killed her, what more damage could he possibly do to her? Did he even have a say here? Last time they were in this situation – in the car, trying to have a deep and meaningful conversation – he had told her that it was up to her. That he was sick of making all the hard decisions and getting nothing good out of it. If Buffy actually wanted to stay with him, what right did he have to deny her that?

"Silly, don't you think Cordelia told me? I know Angel Investigations has moved to a giant hotel, and I'm sure you could use some help from me to start it up again."

Angel glanced at her. A part of him had wished for her to say that. Another part dreaded for it. But no matter which way he looked at it, he couldn't find it in himself to think of it as en entirely bad idea.

What would happen to Buffy alone in Sunnydale? She would be an outsider. Maybe she would even – God forbid – socialize with Spike when no one else was there for her. Both of them were cursed this time, none of them allowed any moments of perfect happiness. Maybe being together… being remotely happy would be nice. Nice... and world-endangering. Insane. But still…

"You'd want that?" She nodded firmly. This was well thought through, and no one – Angel or anyone else, would stand in her way.

"Yes. You know, I've been slaying demons for a good 5 years now, but I've never gotten paid for it. Slaying and money's been, like, contradiction in terms. Could be a nice change."


	36. A PLACE CALLED HOME

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**CHAPTER 36: A PLACE CALLED HOME**

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Two weeks later Buffy and Angel opened the doors and walked into the Hyperion together for the first time.

It had been two hectic weeks, to say in the least. At first, Giles, Xander and Willow had been more than a little displeased with the thought of Buffy leaving – to live with Angel no less, but they were sensible enough not to speak much of their concern.

They understood how miserable Buffy would be in Sunnydale. She would inevitably become the female version of Angel – ensouled vampire living in the mansion, not able to participate in any daytime activities, cut off from her friends.

In vain they had all tried to come up with things for her to do when she told them that she didn't think there was much left for her in Sunnydale. Willow had offered to tutor Buffy, allowing her to continue the college classes she wanted to from home. Buffy had asked her for what purpose, something the witch couldn't really answer.

Xander har said that he was sure he could come up with some work for her at his construction site. He could tell his foreman that she was freakish and unsociable and only wanted to work at night. Of course, that had led to Anya commenting, saying that Buffy actually _was_ unsociable and freakish, and the discussion had ended somewhere around there.

Giles had even offered her to stay with him and help out at the Magic Box. After that Buffy had simply tired of it; the "it" that she called the "Prying Buffy off of Angel and making her unhappy"-campaign. Maybe that wasn't how her friends wanted her to take it, but it was how it felt.

She had already explained that this was how it was going to be, at least right now. Angel was going back to his life in Los Angeles. She was going with him. End of story.

Xander had even presented her with the old "the Slayer can't leave Sunnydale"-monologue that she had tired of years ago. She wasn't the Slayer anymore, not officially. The only official Slayer was currently residing at Stockton; Northern California's Women Facility. Besides, if things really got tough... if the apocalypse came, again, she and Angel could always drive to Sunnydale in less than two hours.

The Council had yet to make another appearance. Angel didn't dare to hope that his little threat had actually held them at bay this long, so he suspected that they were planning something. Unfortunately there was no way of knowing, but Angel guessed that when the Council made their move, they would be painfully aware of it.

"It's huge!" Buffy said as she walked down the stairs into the lobby. Angel smiled at her almost childlike fascination.

"Well, if you think this is huge… There are four more floors with rooms, a basement, an enormous garage and at least a few wings that I haven't even had time to visit. Plenty of things to do if you want to stay inside all day, but it has sewer access as well so you can get around in the daytime. Buffy nodded, turning as she walked down the stairs.

"How could you afford this? I know your agency has done pretty good, but…"

"Well, I haven't actually bought it yet. For now we're leasing it for 6 months with an opportunity to buy," Angel said.

"Don't ask him why he doesn't buy it, because he won't answer it," Cordelia said as she came walking from Angel's office. "He could afford it, he has money," she continued. "He helped a bank robber to hide her haul here back in the 50s. When he came back here the money was still there."

Buffy frowned and looked at Angel.

"You took the money? The stolen money?" Cordelia frowned.

"Oh please. I believe the nickname was Scourge of Europe, not Moralizer of America. Right?" Angel glared at her.

"It's a long story, and Cordelia only knows a small part of it, so don't listen to what she's saying. I'll tell you the whole story later."

"Why later? Maybe I want to hear it too?" Cordelia said. Angel glared at her. "Oh bliss, Mr. Broody Pants is back," she sighed. "Hark, all! Hail to the black hole of boring despair."

"Cordelia, don't you have some – filing to take care of?" Angel said, holding back a sigh, just to get her out of there.

"Filing? We haven't had any cases for like, ever, and even if we did, I do my work at my own pace." She put her hands on her hips defiantly. Buffy watched the bickering between the two with almost amused fascination.

"You know, there are several boss versus employer no-no's," Angel said, a slight smirk tugging at his lips. "Deciding for yourself when you should work without permission to do so is one of them." Cordelia snorted. "So how about we pretend that _I'm _still _your_ boss?"

"Aren't there a few boss-no-no's too? Like not trying to eat your employees, in fact not trying to kill them horribly in any way for instance?" Cordelia sneered.

"And then how about we pretend that you no longer have a boss?" Angel smirked. Cordelia glared at him for a second.

"Yeah? Let's see the big fat hero get his redemption going without the vision-girl. How are you gonna solve that, huh?"

Angel didn't actually smile, but Cordelia could see that he was at least a little amused.

Buffy studied Angel and Cordelia interact. It was amazing, such a big difference from when they were both living in Sunnydale. At first Cordelia had been interested in Angel simply because she thought he was a good looking older guy – but that had kind of got nipped in the bud when she realized that he only had eyes for Buffy. And there was the vampire thing too, of course…

When hehad lost his soul the first time, Cordelia had been as worried for her own life just like anybody else. Perhaps she expressed it a little bit differently though. Buffy remembered how fixated she had been on Angel having an invitation to her car… She actually drove around with garlic and crosses in it for months.

When Angel had come back from hell, Cordelia hadn't been having much contact with him at all. They had met in the library a few times and probably seen each other at the prom, sure, but definitely no one-on-one time. Cordelia, just as all of Buffy's friends had been afraid that one thing would lead to another and that Angel would loose his soul again. Then they had both left and obviously they had grown very close to each other after they met up in L.A.

Buffy almost felt a little jealous. Angel had obviously grown so much since he lived in Sunnydale, and she hadn't been there to see it. Cordelia was the one that had witnessed it closest. Buffy just hoped that, now that she was here, she would grow into the group without too much trouble. Surely her friends back in Sunnydale were not the only ones to have doubts concerning her and Angel and the fact that she was going to be living with him now. She couldn't see anything less than a lobotomy cure Cordelia of all her Angel-and-Buffy-together-worry.

"What are you thinking about?" Angel asked softly. She smiled at him.

"Oh, nothing. I was just thinking about what it is going to be like to live here with you. Having this big place, all to ourselves…"

"Don't forget that Wesley, Gunn and I work here too. Working here means that we're here _a lot_. I can assure you that you will be monitored. If things progress towards groining, we will step in with a cold shower and possibly violence," Cordelia warned from her desk. "Otherwise our agency might have to change its name to 'All Fangy and Grr' and I _have_ said it before – the last thing I want is to show up at the office and find out I'm working for a homicidal monster." Angel and Buffy simply smiled at each other.

"Come on," Angel said. "I'll show you our room." When their footsteps had disappeared up the stairs, Cordelia shook her head.

"Why do I even bother? Why do I speak when no one listens? 'Forbidden love of all time'; yeah, this is gonna go well."

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"Are we actually going to pay Buffy? 'Cause honestly, has she done _anything_ else than distracting the boss lately?" Cordelia complained. 

Buffy had been living in the hotel for just over two weeks, and between jobs and slaying sprees in town, she and Angel were spending dangerously much time together upstairs, in _their_ room. While Cordelia didn't actually _know_ what they were doing, she could imagine. Why couldn't they at least get separate rooms? On separate floors? For the good of the world. And her nerves. Not like there wasn't more than enough rooms to go around.

"You should leave them alone, Cordelia. They have been through so much, they deserve a little time to themselves." Wesley said calmly from his desk.

"No. Oh no. Those two plus time alone equals badness, as in world in peril badness." Wesley looked at her, frowning.

"You're worried about the curse?"

"Duh! But, Smarty Pants, it's curs-ES now, remember?"

"Cordelia, I have the utmost confidence that neither Buffy nor Angel would do anything to risk the curse, or curses for that matter, being broken."

"You can 'utmost confidence' me all you want. You weren't around the first time this happened – and you didn't see how lingering and close they were afterwards. They don't learn their lesson easily, I tell you." Cordelia insisted.

"No matter what you say, I have faith in Angel." Wesley stated.

"That's cute," Cordelia snorted. "Well, if Angelus comes strolling down those stairs and rips your head off, don't come running to me."

"It's a deal," Wesley replied dryly.

"You're like a dead fish, do you know that? It's like 'flop, flop, floppy-flop, gently down the stream. Merely, merely, merely, merely - life as a trout is a dream," Cordelia mocked. Wesley glared at her.

"This coming from _you_?"

"What's that supposed to mean? I'll have you know, I've _always_ been independent and self-confident."

"Oh, is that right? I think you've gotten one word wrong there; it's not self-confident as much as self-centred." Cordelia crossed her arms over her chest.

"This is rich, coming from Mr. Council-whipped-drooling-all-over-your-face-kisser," Cordelia said triumphantly. She smirked at Wesley's expression. "Yeah, didn't think I'd remembered that, did ya?"

"What are you two doing?" Angel asked from his position next to Buffy, coming down the stairs. The vampire was clearly annoyed. Cordelia realized that he and Buffy had probably heard her and Wesley from upstairs. They tended to get a little on the loud side – plus the acoustics were great in the lobby. Well, she couldn't help it that Angel and Buffy had ears like bats.

"Angel, hi! We were just… having a nice discussion." Angel glared at them.

"No, you weren't."

"Well, our discussions tend to go on for about five seconds. After that it's strictly name calling and hair pulling," Wesley cut in.

"Right," Angel said with a short nod. He obviously didn't have the energy do discuss Cordelia and Wesley's debate methods. He went through the lobby and got his coat from his office.

"We're going out," he stated as he and Buffy walked towards the door.

Cordelia watched them, feeling a sting of annoyance in the back of her head. Fine, Mr. and Mrs. Broody Immortal, go out all night and leave us with all the paperwork.

But the sting grew stronger... bigger... numbing her whole head. The room was starting to spin around, and she saw herself drop the folder she was holding in her hands when she fell to her knees, letting out a painful scream.

"Angel, wait!" Wesley shouted as he kneeled beside Cordelia, supporting her. "Vision!" Angel quickly turned and came back down the stairs. Their recent spat forgotten, Wesley held Cordelia steady, supporting her throughout the vision.

"Cordy, what do you see?"

Through the pain that Cordelia was sure must physically rupture something in her head, she saw a tall and skinny creature with stubby legs and finlike arms. She saw a sewer tunnel… Exactly the same sewer tunnel Angel had been in when he got hit by Toth. It was months ago now, but she wouldn't forget that in the first place.

"It's the Bucah," Cordelia panted, her hands shaking when she reached them up to massage her temples. "The same one as last time... and it's in the same place." Wesley helped Cordelia to the couch and disappeared to fetch her some water and aspirin.

"The sewer tunnel? Or the motel?"

"Yeah, it's in the..." She winced as another wave of pain shot through her head and a few more pictures became clear. "Oh god, it's gonna get someone. A girl. Hurry!"

Angel and Buffy quickly made their way to the door, and Cordelia sat still for a few seconds before Wesley came back with the pain killers.

"Here," he offered. She smiled faintly as she swallowed the pills with a gulp of water, already knowing that simple aspirin wouldn't help against the pain. She closed her eyes and winced as a few more images from the vision became clear.

"Ahh... Oh, no, Wesley."

"Cordy, what is it?"

"Something's gonna happen down there, in the tunnel."

"What? Are they going to be too late to save the girl?"

"No… there is something else down there in the sewers." Wesley frowned.

"What is it? Can you see it?" Cordelia tried to shake her head but quickly ceased the movement when it caused the pain to overwhelm her again.

"No... I can't see it... but it's... it's bad." Wesley nodded gravely.

"I'll try to reach them," he said, disappearing into the office to try and call Angel. When Cordelia was sure he was gone and couldn't see what she was doing, she walked slowly over to the counter and pulled her handbag out of a drawer.

She reached into it and pulled out her bottle of Seltrax. It wasn't anything she had any intention of telling anyone, but if she wanted to be able to function the hours after a vision, she needed her sweet migraine medicine.

* * *

Angel had an eerie feeling of déjà vu when he sped up; driving down the same road he had when he was chasing the Bucah the last time. This time he wouldn't go to the motel last like time though, Cordelia had seen the Bucah in the sewers so that's where they were heading. He frowned. She _had_ said it was in the sewer, hadn't she? 

"Didn't Cordelia say that the demon was in sewers?" Angel said, suddenly uncertain what she had actually answered to that question.

"I think..." Buffy fell silent. "She didn't really answer that, I think. Is she always that out of it when she has a vision?" Angel looked away, painfully aware that the visions - the visions she was enduring for _his_ sake, his mission and redemption - was probably doing more damage to his friend than she would really let on. But she wouldn't talk about it - and quite frankly, he hadn't exactly been there for her a lot the last few months, now had he?

"They're hard on her," he murmured. Buffy nodded quickly, understanding that the subject was a sensitive one. She realized that she knew very little about everything that had been going on in Angel's life during his first year in Los Angeles. All she had ever cared about was yelling at him and blaming him when he did something that she didn't like. Like when he saved her from the pissed of Indian-guys... and Faith.

Things she_ should_ have cared about, when she was claiming to care about him so much, she had only heard recently from Cordelia and Wesley when they were in Sunnydale. Like when Angel's good friend Doyle died and gave Cordelia the visions for instance.

"Maybe you should call them and ask, just to be sure," she said softly. He glanced at her.

"I didn't bring my phone." Buffy shook her head.

"Great. Well, we'll just have to guess then, won't we."

"Hmm."

Angel stopped the car, getting out and taking in the surroundings. This was where it all started... all the madness that was the fall of year 2000. Would he ever stop thinking about what would have happened if he hadn't followed the Bucah into the sewer? What if he had gone home instead...

"So this is the place... where it happened? Where Toth shot you?" Buffy wondered, interrupting his thoughts.

"Yeah, down in the tunnels. Here's the manhole where I went down."

When they were down in the sewer tunnel, they had no idea how to continue. Angel couldn't pick up the Bucah's scent and there was no visible trail of it in the reeking, thick much that covered the tunnels.

"This was hard enough when I was hot on its trail," Angel muttered. "It has finlike arms and moves through these tunnels very smoothly and easily." Buffy nodded.

"We'll split up," Buffy stated firmly.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Angel asked, uncertain.

"Angel, you heard what Cordelia said. It's going to get someone, so we need to find it quickly. Splitting up is the best way. Don't worry about me. Don't forget that I've been tracking big scaries through miles and miles of sewer for years."

"Yeah, okay. Just… yell if you need me."

"Oh please. Slayer turned vampire – they don't come stronger than me. I can take on one little fishy creature," she smirked.

"Buffy, please."

Buffy smiled. "Will do."

Buffy and Angel went in opposite directions. Buffy skulked silently through the tunnels for several minutes before she could see anything of interest at all. Suddenly, a movement further down the tunnel made her stop. She concentrated on whatever was moving in front of her. It looked like what Angel had described. Kind of a short, stubby thing. She followed it. Well, this wasn't so hard. Maybe Angel had exaggerated.

Unfortunately the creature soon realized it was being followed and broke into a run. Now Buffy understood what Angel had meant about it being really fast in the tunnels. Its arms allowed it to almost swim through the muck. Buffy could only splash on at a slow walking pace.

She was becoming really frustrated when she saw that the Bucah took a left into another tunnel with almost no muck, there she would have the upper hand. However, when she turned left, it was no one there. The tunnel was empty. She stopped and looked around, seizing her own breathing to hear better.

Where did it go?

Suddenly, something approached Buffy from behind. Her senses had time to catch the fact that something was sneaking up on her, but she didn't have time to react. Before she could even turn to defend herself she felt a jolt, like an electric shock. She was sent crashing into the tunnel wall, feeling really dazed, the world flickering dark before her eyes.

Had she hit her head? Realizing that she would be mightily screwed if the thing that attacked her tried to finish her off while she was down, she decided this just may be a good time to take Angel up on that "yell if you need me" proposal.

"Angel!" she croaked, her voice weak and strained. When she could focus her gaze enough to see straight, whatever gave her the shock had already left. Buffy heard splashing as Angel came running through the tunnel.

"Buffy? Are you okay?" He kneeled down beside her, worry clear in his eyes. She attempted a reassuring smile, but it came out more as a pained grimace.

"Yeah… ooh, maybe not… I don't know. Something slammed me into the wall."

"Who? What happened?"

"It was like a jolt or something. More like getting struck by lightening," she muttered.

"The Bucah did it?"

"I don't know. I guess so, it went in here and when I got here it was gone." Buffy slowly raised herself from the ground with Angel's help.

"Well, we don't know that much about them," he mused, hoping that it was onlt the Bucah that had presented them with a few hidden powers. Because if it wasn't... what did that mean? That they had another enemy out there, somewhere. "Maybe it has some other power than swimming quickly through muck."

"Yeah. Anyway, it's gone now…" Buffy said, clearly disappointed.

"I'm afraid so, yeah. We can follow this tunnel to the end, see if we can pick up its scent. Don't think there's any other choice really." Buffy made a grimace.

"Right." Buffy and Angel walked down the tunnel, him supporting her slightly.

A good while after they had left, a figure appeared just where Buffy had been lying. A figure that looked just like her… right down to the last lock of blonde hair. She stirred, felt the back of her head and opened her eyes. Her green, cold and piercing eyes.

Buffy sat up and cocked her head, adjusting to the surroundings.

"Well, this is... interesting," she said to herself, smirking evilly.

**TO BE CONTINUED**

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A/N: That's it, good folks. Well, actually it's not. I will begin to post the second part shortly. Don't forget to review if you want me to hurry up. :-)  
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